(no subject)
Not to come off as weird and hokey, but life is full of stages/phases, yeah?
Well, I think that I'm ending one stage of my life and moving on to another, and I'm not sure I'm okay with that. I don't want to lose the things associated with the last stage, but at the same time I really want the things that are associated with this next stage. There's no way I can stay in that middle ground, though. Already it's proving to be impossible.
What do I do?
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On another note, school fucking sucks ass. I wish I could just go to school for my extracurrics and not actually have to go to class and shit. I mean, don't get me wrong, I love my class topics and what my classes are about, I really do. But sometimes...it just feels like a chore. I love it when I do go, but I have so much fun not going and doing other stuff that I really don't go that often. And that's bad. I don't want to have to deal with the guilt--that's what I really dislike about classes, the fact that I feel guilty for skipping them.
But that's preposterous, because it's my fault I feel guilty in the first place. If I just went to class I wouldn't feel guilty. So really it's completely asshat-ish of me to even feel this way because I'm the one making myself miserable. And on top of that, I'm doing it in such a way that if I just made small changes to my life, I would be okay. Stupid Tracey.
Starting tomorrow, though, I'm going to class. All of them. There's no way I can keep doing this and expect to do well. I've been to something like 15 classes in this whole quarter so far, and that's fucked up. I can't honestly expect to do well, or perform to my potential in school, if I do this to myself. I just can't. I need to force myself to change: this has always been my problem, and it's fucked me over before. I'm not going to let it fuck me over again.
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Last point: To Do List for tomorrow.
FOR CALPIRG:
-Write a rap for requesting donations
-Go to Gottschalks, GAP, EAC, UCD Bookstore, Studio 66 and talk to them about donating clothes for the event next week.
-Talk to admin and maintenence folk about putting the clothes across campus: is it okay? Particularly talk to James Schwab about doing it in the Coho, and Sodexho about doing it in the Silo.
-Set up times where peeps can actually do the event each day: putting clothes on campus and taking them off.
-Indie meeting with Ramneek at 4:10
FOR SCHOOL:
-Class from 12-2, 4:40-6
-Read Plato's Republic [Goal: Book 2 done]
-Read SOC [Henslin book: Ch 1, 5, 2, 7, 8, 14, 15; Schwalbe book: Ch 1, 3; Reader: "Capitalism, Class, and the Matrix of Domination"]
-Read PHI [Ch 8, 9, exercises]; figure out what the hw was for the class
-Do FRS homework
-Start SOC Research Paper
-Start POL Paper
-Go to Classical Notes & buy notes for PHI and POL [POL will be split w/Steven]. Ask Henok for past notes for SOC.
OTHER [aka I probably won't do these]:
-Senate Meeting?
Well, I think that I'm ending one stage of my life and moving on to another, and I'm not sure I'm okay with that. I don't want to lose the things associated with the last stage, but at the same time I really want the things that are associated with this next stage. There's no way I can stay in that middle ground, though. Already it's proving to be impossible.
What do I do?
--------------------------
On another note, school fucking sucks ass. I wish I could just go to school for my extracurrics and not actually have to go to class and shit. I mean, don't get me wrong, I love my class topics and what my classes are about, I really do. But sometimes...it just feels like a chore. I love it when I do go, but I have so much fun not going and doing other stuff that I really don't go that often. And that's bad. I don't want to have to deal with the guilt--that's what I really dislike about classes, the fact that I feel guilty for skipping them.
But that's preposterous, because it's my fault I feel guilty in the first place. If I just went to class I wouldn't feel guilty. So really it's completely asshat-ish of me to even feel this way because I'm the one making myself miserable. And on top of that, I'm doing it in such a way that if I just made small changes to my life, I would be okay. Stupid Tracey.
Starting tomorrow, though, I'm going to class. All of them. There's no way I can keep doing this and expect to do well. I've been to something like 15 classes in this whole quarter so far, and that's fucked up. I can't honestly expect to do well, or perform to my potential in school, if I do this to myself. I just can't. I need to force myself to change: this has always been my problem, and it's fucked me over before. I'm not going to let it fuck me over again.
-----------------------
Last point: To Do List for tomorrow.
FOR CALPIRG:
-Write a rap for requesting donations
-Go to Gottschalks, GAP, EAC, UCD Bookstore, Studio 66 and talk to them about donating clothes for the event next week.
-Talk to admin and maintenence folk about putting the clothes across campus: is it okay? Particularly talk to James Schwab about doing it in the Coho, and Sodexho about doing it in the Silo.
-Set up times where peeps can actually do the event each day: putting clothes on campus and taking them off.
-Indie meeting with Ramneek at 4:10
FOR SCHOOL:
-Class from 12-2, 4:40-6
-Read Plato's Republic [Goal: Book 2 done]
-Read SOC [Henslin book: Ch 1, 5, 2, 7, 8, 14, 15; Schwalbe book: Ch 1, 3; Reader: "Capitalism, Class, and the Matrix of Domination"]
-Read PHI [Ch 8, 9, exercises]; figure out what the hw was for the class
-Do FRS homework
-Start SOC Research Paper
-Start POL Paper
-Go to Classical Notes & buy notes for PHI and POL [POL will be split w/Steven]. Ask Henok for past notes for SOC.
OTHER [aka I probably won't do these]:
-Senate Meeting?