(no subject)
"living in a world of naive fucks, overachievers, and elitists who won't ever realize how little the general populace cares about them, or how little they're actually accomplishing. In the end, you're just bending over and taking it in the ass from everyone who ever directed you down that path."
Remember when you wrote this and you meant me?[yeah, I figured it out, you passive aggressive fuckwad] Thinking back on that day when we ALMOST ended it, I find it so fucking ironic that instead of not being able to coexist well like you said then, we just ended up getting complacent, bored, and growing apart. What the hell happened to the talks we used to have?? What happened to 'looking forward to being with you every step of the way'? I'm SICK of never being able to contact you, and I'm SICK of feeling like this is one-sided.
I miss you, but at the same time I feel like I don't need you anymore {and you don't need me}, and I'd be better off without you. This feels like a fucking sham. I don't even know what to say about it anymore. It's just...WEKJFEL. I'm tired of your fucking excuses and the way that I somehow ALWAYS end up fucking believing them even though they probably aren't fucking true. I hate not knowing what to say around you anymore and the feeling that you were just using me earlier anyway, and now that you can't use me, you don't want to have anything to do with me. I hate how you used to make an effort to make me feel happy and now you don't really seem to give a shit. This entire thing is just BULL. I hate that every single time that I'm ABOUT to be over it, something happens and I'm NOT. I hate that the fact that I'm writing this here means that a) I can't fucking get in touch with you AGAIN, and b) I'm being a passive aggressive fuckwad too.
Fuck. It's not like you're ever going to read this anyway. I just HATE that I know what I should do but I don't want to do it. And I hate that if you DO read this, and you confront me about it, I'll probably feel like a fucking tool and apologize and shit. And I HATE HATE HATE HATE the fact that I believed some of the shit you said. Sometimes I think this whole thing was a fucking mistake. I'm tired of making believe that this is working out in any way whatsoever. Your problems are too much for me to handle, and as much as I would love to be there with you to help you through them, I FUCKING CAN'T, okay?? Try to remember that you might have turned 20 this year but I'm still fucking 17 years old and fuck, I'm trying to figure MYSELF out right now. It's like your problem has consumed you and it's completely morphed you into this dark, pessimistic, morbid THING that doesn't care about anything else, and I don't want to be the stereotypical one who drops you because of that but it's just impossible! You need HELP, but you're not listening when I tell you that! I CAN'T HELP YOU WHEN YOU'RE 1000+ MILES AWAY AT COLLEGE AND ARE NEVER REACHABLE! FUCK! AGH! DLFJWEKGJWKBJWEFKLFEW!!!
On another completely unrelated yet worth-mentioning note, I'm not going to be online much because I'm packing and getting ready to move into UCD. So that explains why I haven't been updating/on AIM/etc etc etc. There's just too much to deal with. So...yeah, to those of you who would care about that, sorry. And to my flist in general, sorry that I just put you through that rant but...yes. It's public because I'm a freaking passive aggressive loser who thinks that MAYBE the person who this is directed to will read this and actually get that it's about them...and things can be done.
Remember when you wrote this and you meant me?[yeah, I figured it out, you passive aggressive fuckwad] Thinking back on that day when we ALMOST ended it, I find it so fucking ironic that instead of not being able to coexist well like you said then, we just ended up getting complacent, bored, and growing apart. What the hell happened to the talks we used to have?? What happened to 'looking forward to being with you every step of the way'? I'm SICK of never being able to contact you, and I'm SICK of feeling like this is one-sided.
I miss you, but at the same time I feel like I don't need you anymore {and you don't need me}, and I'd be better off without you. This feels like a fucking sham. I don't even know what to say about it anymore. It's just...WEKJFEL. I'm tired of your fucking excuses and the way that I somehow ALWAYS end up fucking believing them even though they probably aren't fucking true. I hate not knowing what to say around you anymore and the feeling that you were just using me earlier anyway, and now that you can't use me, you don't want to have anything to do with me. I hate how you used to make an effort to make me feel happy and now you don't really seem to give a shit. This entire thing is just BULL. I hate that every single time that I'm ABOUT to be over it, something happens and I'm NOT. I hate that the fact that I'm writing this here means that a) I can't fucking get in touch with you AGAIN, and b) I'm being a passive aggressive fuckwad too.
Fuck. It's not like you're ever going to read this anyway. I just HATE that I know what I should do but I don't want to do it. And I hate that if you DO read this, and you confront me about it, I'll probably feel like a fucking tool and apologize and shit. And I HATE HATE HATE HATE the fact that I believed some of the shit you said. Sometimes I think this whole thing was a fucking mistake. I'm tired of making believe that this is working out in any way whatsoever. Your problems are too much for me to handle, and as much as I would love to be there with you to help you through them, I FUCKING CAN'T, okay?? Try to remember that you might have turned 20 this year but I'm still fucking 17 years old and fuck, I'm trying to figure MYSELF out right now. It's like your problem has consumed you and it's completely morphed you into this dark, pessimistic, morbid THING that doesn't care about anything else, and I don't want to be the stereotypical one who drops you because of that but it's just impossible! You need HELP, but you're not listening when I tell you that! I CAN'T HELP YOU WHEN YOU'RE 1000+ MILES AWAY AT COLLEGE AND ARE NEVER REACHABLE! FUCK! AGH! DLFJWEKGJWKBJWEFKLFEW!!!
On another completely unrelated yet worth-mentioning note, I'm not going to be online much because I'm packing and getting ready to move into UCD. So that explains why I haven't been updating/on AIM/etc etc etc. There's just too much to deal with. So...yeah, to those of you who would care about that, sorry. And to my flist in general, sorry that I just put you through that rant but...yes. It's public because I'm a freaking passive aggressive loser who thinks that MAYBE the person who this is directed to will read this and actually get that it's about them...and things can be done.