It's Not All Sunshine and Rainbows
Title: It's Not All Sunshine and Rainbows
Author: _saeko
Pairing: Mostly and mainly Dooseob.
Rating: Pg-13
Genre: Angst, Drama, Romance
Summary: Fights happen. So when they happen, they happen. And then trouble ensues.
Chapters: Chapter 1; Chapter 2; Chapter 3; Chapter 4; Chapter 5; Chapter 6; Chapter 7; Chapter 8
OKAY. SO. I'm really, really sorry my update is like... super super late... again. ROFL.
Honestly, it's getting harder for me to write this... just cause I seriously can't put myself in the right mood to write it... ;0; it's so sad.
But I hope you enjoy this chapter!! CHAPTER 9! WOOT.
Chapter 9: The Eleventh Hour
Silence.
Nothing but silence.
He couldn’t hear anything, he wouldn’t hear anything. Not even when someone would try to talk to him, to try to get him to do something- to talk, to cry, to move; they would try to get him to do something, anything, but to no avail. Everything and everyone was blocked out, zoned out and all his emotions and thoughts were kept bottled in, held up prisoner is his own psyche. He was like an unresponsive doll, like a crashed computer unable to reboot itself; limp, broken, and lifeless. It was such a depressing sight, everyone was so use to his usual happy self that it almost feels abnormal to see him like this, as if Yoseob wasn’t allowed to place a simple frown upon his face.
Yoseob had been warily staring at the double doors that lead to the emergency room where Doojoon had been taken. He’s been staring at it, unmoving for almost an hour now and it looks like he wasn’t backing down even though it was evident that he was exhausted and tired.
Kikwang solemnly glanced at his friend who was sitting at the far end of the room and then looked at everyone else. The atmosphere in the room was so dense full of grief and sorrow that it could probably put someone into permanent depression. Hyunseung was seated across from him; he was stooped over in his chair with his face buried into his hands. The slight shaking and quiet sniffling caused Junhyung to quickly reach for Hyunseung and start moving his hand up and down his back in an attempt to sooth the pain away. Dongwoon was standing near the entrance with Mir. His head hung low as he clutched the paper bag that was given to him. Kikwang watched as Mir placed a hand on Dongwoon’s shoulder reassuringly and then they exchanged short goodbyes.
“What’s in there?” Kikwang asked quietly as he pointed to the paper bag.
Dongwoon took a seat next to Kikwang and showed him the contents. “I asked Mir to bring over some stuff, just in case.” He murmured.
Kikwang glanced inside and there were just provisional stuff in it; snacks, water, tissues and it looks like there were some extra clothing too, probably for Yoseob. He looked at his sad, lifeless friend and almost grimaced at his appearance; it wasn’t a pretty sight. His face was dirtied and tear streaked, and his clothes and hands were blotched with dried blood - Doojoon’s blood. The sight alone was enough to make anyone wail in sorrow.
Kikwang almost felt like crying himself as he recalled what he had seen. Him and G.O. had already checked their area and had gone back to the van, it seemed like everyone was already back at the van waiting for Junhyung, Joon, Doojoon and of course Yoseob. When they had received the message from Junhyung that they found Yoseob, everyone was cheering, glad to have gotten their friend back. Their loud cheerfulness, however, was no match for the thunderous sound of the gunshot that was heard. Immediately, Seungho started the engine and drove like a madman towards the threatening echo. Eventually, the police stopped them from going any further so they had to get out of the van to explain themselves. That’s when Kikwang saw it. Once he stepped out of the van, he looked behind the authorities and saw Yoseob crouched over crying on the ground with an unconscious Doojoon in his arms. The most horrifying part of it all was the barely noticeable small pool of blood forming right under them. He swore he could have fainted right then and there, but he didn’t.
After that, everything else just seemed like a blur to him. He watched Junhyung and Yoseob leave with the ambulance as the rest of them were left behind to answer questions from the police. He didn’t remember how long they had stayed, but eventually the police let them go and they all rushed to the hospital; finding Yoseob and Junhyung already seated in the waiting room. The Mblaq boys had to leave because their manager eventually found out that they took his van and was yelling at them through the phone. They wanted to stay and support, but they couldn’t, so they sent their condolences and left. And now here they are - just waiting.
“We should probably call someone…” Dongwoon said to no one in particular, but he said it loud enough for everyone to hear. They’ve been waiting a bit over an hour now, and they have yet to call their manager, the company, or anyone at all about the situation. The only people who know about the current situation are the police, the doctors, and Mblaq. Dongwoon figured that they should probably inform the company PR’s before anyone decided to leak this info to some annoying reporter.
Junhyung, after making sure Hyunseung was okay, announced that he would do it and whipped out his cell phone as he stalked off into the hallway. He’s going to be having one long conversation with their manager, Yongbok. He’ll probably regret going on that one-week vacation after hearing Junhyung’s story. In fact, he doubts the company is ever going to leave them alone without a manager ever again. Well, that sucks.
Hyunseung took a deep breath and sat up straight, his head leaning against the wall behind him and his eyes faced upwards, trying to prevent silent tears from escaping. His eyes were all red and puffy, evident that he was one of the most sensitive members in the group. He sniffled a little and took one big breath before looking back down only to find Dongwoon and Kikwang looking at him worriedly. He sighed and made his way across the room to take a seat next to them.
“How’re you holding up, Seunggie?” Kikwang asked him, attempting to make some kind of small talk; he thought anything would be better than this dead silence. But he didn’t really expect an answer, I mean, he could probably guess how all of them were feeling right now. Even though Kikwang hasn’t shown that much reaction to the whole situation physically, inside, he’s slowly on the verge of breaking down. Anyone would, especially since it was one of his close friends that’s in there and it sucks that he couldn’t help him at all besides just believing that he’ll be okay. But will he? Will he really be okay?
Hyunseung sighed and shrugged. “I’ll calm down soon… It’s just…” He trailed off. He could feel his eyes starting to get watery. He was never really good with controlling his emotions despite what other people thought. “It’s just… you know...” He tried to elaborate, but found he couldn’t do it. He sighed. “Anyways, it’s not me who you guys should be worrying about.” He quietly said as he glanced towards their blond friend who was still just staring in suspense at the double doors of where a doctor might come out at any moment to reveal good news, hopefully, and not bad news.
At the mention of Yoseob, Dongwoon nudged Kikwang and handed him the extra clothing that was in the bag. Earlier, Dongwoon had tried to get Yoseob to drink some water, but he refused to listen to anything the maknae had to say, so this time it was Kikwang’s turn. Kikwang sighed and took the clothes from Dongwoon. If he didn’t listen to anyone else, then what made them think that he would listen to him? But whatever, now was not a good time to argue; it didn’t hurt to try anyways.
Kikwang made to get up from his seat and walked over to his blond friend. He didn’t know if he was imagining things or something, but he swore he could feel the tension and atmosphere become heavier and denser as he got closer to Yoseob. Was that even possible? He questioned himself. It was kind of scary, really. “Hey” He said, but he didn’t get a response. “Yoseob ah,” He softly said again as he knelt down in front of him, but there was still no reaction. Yoseob just continued staring at those double doors, it didn’t even look like he saw Kikwang there. “Yah…” Kikwang tried again, except this time he gently grabbed Yoseob’s chin and turned his head so he was looking at him. “Yang Yoseob.” He said sternly. “You can’t be like this forever.” He didn’t want to be the one to set Yoseob straight, but this boy needs to snap out of it.
“Yoseob.” He said again, looking straight into his eyes; those dead, cold eyes that were once filled with so much mirth and warmth. He’d really wish that he could see them again soon. “Why don’t you go change and rest for a bit, hm?” He suggested gently, knowing that the boy would never agree to do anything if he was forced to.
Slowly, but surely, Yoseob shook his head in disagreement like a stubborn, pitiful little kid. Although Kikwang didn’t get the answer that he wanted, he was relieved to at least get some kind of response. Looking at Yoseob, he could see all the worried feelings swimming in those dark chocolate brown orbs. He could practically read every question popping up into his mind. Things like, what if the doctor comes out and he isn’t there? What if the doctor says something bad? What if the doctor never comes out? All these ridiculous questions; Kikwang could see all of them.
Kikwang sighed and handed the clean set of clothing to Yoseob, hoping that he would take them. “Here, take it.” He said as softly as he could. When the blonde didn’t make any move to try to acquire the items, Kikwang gently pushed the neatly folded clothes to Yoseob’s chest, forcing the blonde to wrap his arms around them. “Good,” Kikwang insisted, “now go change.”
Yoseob solemnly looked down at the clothing and then back at Kikwang. “But…” He quietly protested; his broken voice was barely above a whisper. How could Kikwang expect him to leave this spot? He couldn’t, he shouldn’t, he wouldn’t; not without knowing that Doojoon was going to be okay, at least. He was going to be okay, right? He has to be. He couldn’t imagine what kind of stupid mental breakdown he would have if the doctors came out and announced a time of death; no doubt he would feel ten times more worse than he is feeling right now. Just thinking about it made his stomach swirl in sickness.
He was about to space out again, but was soon pulled back into the harsh reality when he heard Kikwang say his name. “Seob?” He heard him say. He knows what Kikwang wants, but he couldn’t bring himself to do it. “No… I-” Yoseob’s refusal was disrupted yet again by Kikwang. “Yoseob.” He heard his friend sternly say his name. “Just go change really quickly and then come back. Nothing bad will happen while you’re gone. If the doctor comes out when you’re not here, we’ll wait until you get back to see what he has to say, okay? You’ll feel better once you go and freshen up a bit. Trust me on this.” He urged. Yoseob could hear the faint desperation in his friend’s voice, the desperation for him to listen, the desperation for him to go take a little rest, the desperation for everything to be normal again, but how could life be normal after this? It was just simply too much to hope for.
The blonde looked away from Kikwang and was about to refuse again when he saw his other friends situated on the other side of the room. For a moment, he saw the pain reflected in their eyes before he glanced away and turned to look down at the scuffed up, white linoleum floor. He hadn’t realized that he was sitting so far from them, but that wasn’t the point. He realized that they were having a hard time too, it wasn’t just him who was suffering; everyone was. He was being selfish and he knew it; he was only being a burden to everyone else by just closing up and pushing them away. He inwardly sighed. He would probably be better off seeking help and comfort from them too, after all, what were friends for?
Slowly, Yoseob nodded his head. “Okay…” He agreed quietly to which Kikwang was happy to hear. He saw a small satisfied smile linger on Kikwang’s features before he stood up, clothing in hand, to make his way to the restrooms to change out of these god awful blood stained and dirtied clothes. However, just when he was about to walk off, he felt Kikwang place a hand on his shoulder to stop him. They exchanged meaningful glances before Kikwang’s gaze turned into a more serious note. “Don’t worry Seob, everything will be okay. You’ll see.” Kikwang said reassuringly and patted Yoseob’s shoulder as if signaling he was done talking and that Yoseob could go peacefully now.
Yoseob merely nodded and turned around towards the door. On his way out, he saw Hyunseung and Dongwoon eyeing him worriedly. He couldn’t blame them, he would be worried about himself too if he wasn’t already worried about someone else. Weakly, Yoseob gave them a tiny smile to let them know that he was doing okay, even though he wasn’t really, before he exited the waiting room. He was surprised to find that once he had stepped out of there, the atmosphere and the air about him seemed to have lightened up quite a bit. The mood was definitely different outside of that gloomy, stuffy, room; no one would ever be able to find any sort of comfort in there.
Taking in the view from where he was standing, he tried to locate the restrooms, but instead he saw Junhyung standing near the large glass windows. His head was hung low as he quietly talked into his cell phone. Yoseob watched him for a few moments and saw that every now and then, Junhyung would flinch and pull the phone away from his ear for a split second before regaining his composure and then apologizing to the person on the other line. He couldn’t hear what Junhyung was saying about from where he was, but he probably had a really good idea what he was talking about. Quietly, Yoseob slipped past Junhyung without him noticing since his back was faced towards him; he would have been too immersed into the conversation to have noticed anything anyways.
As quickly as he could, he made his way to the restrooms, trying to ignore all the weird and horrid looks he was getting from people. I mean, even though it was a hospital, seeing someone walking around with dried blood on his shirt and hands wasn’t cool. He was glad though that these people didn’t seem to know who he was. As swiftly as he could, which isn’t that much swift, he tugged on the door handle and right when Yoseob had entered the restroom, he found himself stopping dead in his tracks and staring at his own reflection in the mirrors. Boy, did he look awful. He found that his eyes were still a bit puffy and red and his face seemed so pale and dirty. It was sickening to see himself like this. He found his own reflection frowning back at him, a look of disappointment seemed to have lingered its way into his mirror image, but he didn’t know why. Why would he be disappointed?
Suddenly, he dropped the clean clothing onto the floor and slowly approached the mirror. He placed his hands on the sides of the sink as he stared long and hard at himself. His face scrunched up in confusion as tried to think of a reason why he was disappointed. Thinking about it now, he was actually disappointed at a lot of things. He was disappointed that he had to start this whole thing, disappointed that he had to go and get himself kidnapped, disappointed that he somehow got Doojoon shot, disappointed that he can’t seem to hold himself together; but those weren’t the main reasons. He couldn’t help but think that he wasn’t disappointed at himself. No, actually, he was disappointed in… Disappointed in Doojoon? His emotional self couldn’t contain itself any longer as he started to shake at the realization. He was disappointed because… because… “He didn’t keep his promise…” He whispered out loud to his reflection. He could feel himself breaking down again, but he didn’t care. He just didn’t care anymore. He dropped to his knees and started to sob uncontrollably. “Doojoon ah,” He cried. “You broke your promise.” He said in between sobs, as if Doojoon would be able to hear him.
Somehow, he found his way to one of the corners and he sat there, legs pulled up to his chest as he cried silently to himself. This was the first promise that Doojoon broke. He still remembered when they made it through the phone… Doojoon promised him that no one would get hurt and he believed him so much, but look at the situation now. It’s taken a turn for the worse. For a while, Yoseob just stayed in that little corner of his, just crying. He completely forgot that he was supposed to just change and then go right back to that dreaded waiting room until he heard someone open the door.
“Yoseob-” Hyunseung called out his friend’s name as he opened the door to the restroom, but he abruptly stopped when he saw him huddled into a corner, crying his eyes out. Yoseob looked up at the mention of his name, he couldn’t stop crying this time; he just couldn’t stop. “Hyunseung…” He sobbed desperately. Hyunseung’s first reaction was to go straight to the blonde and wrap his arms around him. “Hey, it’s okay.” Hyunseung tried to comfort him. “Shhh, it’s okay.” He honestly didn’t know if he was doing anything to actually comfort him, but this was all he could do right now. He ran his hand up and down Yoseob’s back as he let him sob into chest, making his t-shirt wet.
“H-Hyunseung,” Yoseob started again, trying to talk in between sobs. “He can’t-He can’t-” It was uncontrollable, as if all the feelings that he kept bottled up when he was in the waiting room were just spilling out of him. “Doojoon can’t die, right?” He asked, desperate for some kind of honest response, but he knew he wasn’t going to get a solid answer. “He can’t leave me here like this.” He continued on with a flow of tears running down his face. “What are we going to do without him? What am I going to do without him?” His voice cracked at the thought as he cried harder into his friend’s shirt.
The only thing Hyunseung could do was hold Yoseob tighter. He honestly didn’t know what to say to him. He couldn’t say everything was going to be okay, he couldn’t say that Doojoon is going to live; he couldn’t say any of that because he didn’t want to give the blonde false hope. For a minute, the pair just kind of sat there, wallowing in grief and sorrow, but then Hyunseung remembered why he even came looking for him. Knowing some of the other members, they were probably impatiently waiting. He took a deep breath and sighed, at least it seemed like Yoseob had calmed down a little.
“Hey,” Hyunseung said softly. “You should probably get changed now, okay?” He told Yoseob as he eyed the clean clothing on the ground. He frowned when all he got in response was a simple headshake. “Come on, Yoseob. We can’t stay in here forever…” He tried to reason with him. Yoseob mumbled some sort of rejection into Hyunseung’s chest which only caused him to pry Yoseob off of him so he could hear better. “Seobbie,” He said as he stood up to get the clothes lying near the door. “The doctor already came out, we can’t keep him waiting forever. What if he has something good to say?” He encouraged as he handed the clothes to Yoseob hoping that he would take them.
“What if he has something bad to say?” Yoseob retorted quietly as he stood up to face his friend eye to eye. Hyunseung was a bit taken aback, but it was nothing he couldn’t handle. “Well, we won’t know unless we go out there, right?” It seemed like he won Yoseob over as he watched him nod in agreement and grabbed the clothes out of his hand.
A moment later, Yoseob came out and was now walking down to the waiting room with Hyunseung. He didn’t know why, but he was getting nervous with every step he took. Call it intuition, but he felt like whatever he’s about to hear from the doctor, it wasn’t going to be good news. He feels it, he could feel his heart clench in pain and fear. He can’t take this anymore, he just can’t. Together, the pair entered the waiting room, all eyes were on them as they quietly made their way to the group who were already standing around the doctor.
“Well doc…” Junhyung started. He could see Yoseob nervously wring has hands together from the corner of his eye. “We’re all here. What’s the news?” He asked, looking the doctor straight in the eye, but then he glanced down to the floor. “Did he make it?” He asked quietly.
Yoseob could see it. He could see the deep frown on the doctor’s face, he could see the ‘I’m sorry’ already ready to escape his lips, he could see the distress in his eyes, distress of having to deliver not good news, but bad; he could see it, feel it.
The doctor glanced at all their worried faces and prepared to tell them what could possibly change their lives forever. “I’m afraid your friend…”
Yoseob felt his heart stop at the doctor’s words.
And then it shattered.
/end
OHNOOo. Cliffhanger! Aw.
you'd probably have to wait another month to find out what happens +___+ kekeke. I will seriously TRY to update faster though >.< Don't kill me!! <33 ILU.
Author: _saeko
Pairing: Mostly and mainly Dooseob.
Rating: Pg-13
Genre: Angst, Drama, Romance
Summary: Fights happen. So when they happen, they happen. And then trouble ensues.
Chapters: Chapter 1; Chapter 2; Chapter 3; Chapter 4; Chapter 5; Chapter 6; Chapter 7; Chapter 8
OKAY. SO. I'm really, really sorry my update is like... super super late... again. ROFL.
Honestly, it's getting harder for me to write this... just cause I seriously can't put myself in the right mood to write it... ;0; it's so sad.
But I hope you enjoy this chapter!! CHAPTER 9! WOOT.
Chapter 9: The Eleventh Hour
Silence.
Nothing but silence.
He couldn’t hear anything, he wouldn’t hear anything. Not even when someone would try to talk to him, to try to get him to do something- to talk, to cry, to move; they would try to get him to do something, anything, but to no avail. Everything and everyone was blocked out, zoned out and all his emotions and thoughts were kept bottled in, held up prisoner is his own psyche. He was like an unresponsive doll, like a crashed computer unable to reboot itself; limp, broken, and lifeless. It was such a depressing sight, everyone was so use to his usual happy self that it almost feels abnormal to see him like this, as if Yoseob wasn’t allowed to place a simple frown upon his face.
Yoseob had been warily staring at the double doors that lead to the emergency room where Doojoon had been taken. He’s been staring at it, unmoving for almost an hour now and it looks like he wasn’t backing down even though it was evident that he was exhausted and tired.
Kikwang solemnly glanced at his friend who was sitting at the far end of the room and then looked at everyone else. The atmosphere in the room was so dense full of grief and sorrow that it could probably put someone into permanent depression. Hyunseung was seated across from him; he was stooped over in his chair with his face buried into his hands. The slight shaking and quiet sniffling caused Junhyung to quickly reach for Hyunseung and start moving his hand up and down his back in an attempt to sooth the pain away. Dongwoon was standing near the entrance with Mir. His head hung low as he clutched the paper bag that was given to him. Kikwang watched as Mir placed a hand on Dongwoon’s shoulder reassuringly and then they exchanged short goodbyes.
“What’s in there?” Kikwang asked quietly as he pointed to the paper bag.
Dongwoon took a seat next to Kikwang and showed him the contents. “I asked Mir to bring over some stuff, just in case.” He murmured.
Kikwang glanced inside and there were just provisional stuff in it; snacks, water, tissues and it looks like there were some extra clothing too, probably for Yoseob. He looked at his sad, lifeless friend and almost grimaced at his appearance; it wasn’t a pretty sight. His face was dirtied and tear streaked, and his clothes and hands were blotched with dried blood - Doojoon’s blood. The sight alone was enough to make anyone wail in sorrow.
Kikwang almost felt like crying himself as he recalled what he had seen. Him and G.O. had already checked their area and had gone back to the van, it seemed like everyone was already back at the van waiting for Junhyung, Joon, Doojoon and of course Yoseob. When they had received the message from Junhyung that they found Yoseob, everyone was cheering, glad to have gotten their friend back. Their loud cheerfulness, however, was no match for the thunderous sound of the gunshot that was heard. Immediately, Seungho started the engine and drove like a madman towards the threatening echo. Eventually, the police stopped them from going any further so they had to get out of the van to explain themselves. That’s when Kikwang saw it. Once he stepped out of the van, he looked behind the authorities and saw Yoseob crouched over crying on the ground with an unconscious Doojoon in his arms. The most horrifying part of it all was the barely noticeable small pool of blood forming right under them. He swore he could have fainted right then and there, but he didn’t.
After that, everything else just seemed like a blur to him. He watched Junhyung and Yoseob leave with the ambulance as the rest of them were left behind to answer questions from the police. He didn’t remember how long they had stayed, but eventually the police let them go and they all rushed to the hospital; finding Yoseob and Junhyung already seated in the waiting room. The Mblaq boys had to leave because their manager eventually found out that they took his van and was yelling at them through the phone. They wanted to stay and support, but they couldn’t, so they sent their condolences and left. And now here they are - just waiting.
“We should probably call someone…” Dongwoon said to no one in particular, but he said it loud enough for everyone to hear. They’ve been waiting a bit over an hour now, and they have yet to call their manager, the company, or anyone at all about the situation. The only people who know about the current situation are the police, the doctors, and Mblaq. Dongwoon figured that they should probably inform the company PR’s before anyone decided to leak this info to some annoying reporter.
Junhyung, after making sure Hyunseung was okay, announced that he would do it and whipped out his cell phone as he stalked off into the hallway. He’s going to be having one long conversation with their manager, Yongbok. He’ll probably regret going on that one-week vacation after hearing Junhyung’s story. In fact, he doubts the company is ever going to leave them alone without a manager ever again. Well, that sucks.
Hyunseung took a deep breath and sat up straight, his head leaning against the wall behind him and his eyes faced upwards, trying to prevent silent tears from escaping. His eyes were all red and puffy, evident that he was one of the most sensitive members in the group. He sniffled a little and took one big breath before looking back down only to find Dongwoon and Kikwang looking at him worriedly. He sighed and made his way across the room to take a seat next to them.
“How’re you holding up, Seunggie?” Kikwang asked him, attempting to make some kind of small talk; he thought anything would be better than this dead silence. But he didn’t really expect an answer, I mean, he could probably guess how all of them were feeling right now. Even though Kikwang hasn’t shown that much reaction to the whole situation physically, inside, he’s slowly on the verge of breaking down. Anyone would, especially since it was one of his close friends that’s in there and it sucks that he couldn’t help him at all besides just believing that he’ll be okay. But will he? Will he really be okay?
Hyunseung sighed and shrugged. “I’ll calm down soon… It’s just…” He trailed off. He could feel his eyes starting to get watery. He was never really good with controlling his emotions despite what other people thought. “It’s just… you know...” He tried to elaborate, but found he couldn’t do it. He sighed. “Anyways, it’s not me who you guys should be worrying about.” He quietly said as he glanced towards their blond friend who was still just staring in suspense at the double doors of where a doctor might come out at any moment to reveal good news, hopefully, and not bad news.
At the mention of Yoseob, Dongwoon nudged Kikwang and handed him the extra clothing that was in the bag. Earlier, Dongwoon had tried to get Yoseob to drink some water, but he refused to listen to anything the maknae had to say, so this time it was Kikwang’s turn. Kikwang sighed and took the clothes from Dongwoon. If he didn’t listen to anyone else, then what made them think that he would listen to him? But whatever, now was not a good time to argue; it didn’t hurt to try anyways.
Kikwang made to get up from his seat and walked over to his blond friend. He didn’t know if he was imagining things or something, but he swore he could feel the tension and atmosphere become heavier and denser as he got closer to Yoseob. Was that even possible? He questioned himself. It was kind of scary, really. “Hey” He said, but he didn’t get a response. “Yoseob ah,” He softly said again as he knelt down in front of him, but there was still no reaction. Yoseob just continued staring at those double doors, it didn’t even look like he saw Kikwang there. “Yah…” Kikwang tried again, except this time he gently grabbed Yoseob’s chin and turned his head so he was looking at him. “Yang Yoseob.” He said sternly. “You can’t be like this forever.” He didn’t want to be the one to set Yoseob straight, but this boy needs to snap out of it.
“Yoseob.” He said again, looking straight into his eyes; those dead, cold eyes that were once filled with so much mirth and warmth. He’d really wish that he could see them again soon. “Why don’t you go change and rest for a bit, hm?” He suggested gently, knowing that the boy would never agree to do anything if he was forced to.
Slowly, but surely, Yoseob shook his head in disagreement like a stubborn, pitiful little kid. Although Kikwang didn’t get the answer that he wanted, he was relieved to at least get some kind of response. Looking at Yoseob, he could see all the worried feelings swimming in those dark chocolate brown orbs. He could practically read every question popping up into his mind. Things like, what if the doctor comes out and he isn’t there? What if the doctor says something bad? What if the doctor never comes out? All these ridiculous questions; Kikwang could see all of them.
Kikwang sighed and handed the clean set of clothing to Yoseob, hoping that he would take them. “Here, take it.” He said as softly as he could. When the blonde didn’t make any move to try to acquire the items, Kikwang gently pushed the neatly folded clothes to Yoseob’s chest, forcing the blonde to wrap his arms around them. “Good,” Kikwang insisted, “now go change.”
Yoseob solemnly looked down at the clothing and then back at Kikwang. “But…” He quietly protested; his broken voice was barely above a whisper. How could Kikwang expect him to leave this spot? He couldn’t, he shouldn’t, he wouldn’t; not without knowing that Doojoon was going to be okay, at least. He was going to be okay, right? He has to be. He couldn’t imagine what kind of stupid mental breakdown he would have if the doctors came out and announced a time of death; no doubt he would feel ten times more worse than he is feeling right now. Just thinking about it made his stomach swirl in sickness.
He was about to space out again, but was soon pulled back into the harsh reality when he heard Kikwang say his name. “Seob?” He heard him say. He knows what Kikwang wants, but he couldn’t bring himself to do it. “No… I-” Yoseob’s refusal was disrupted yet again by Kikwang. “Yoseob.” He heard his friend sternly say his name. “Just go change really quickly and then come back. Nothing bad will happen while you’re gone. If the doctor comes out when you’re not here, we’ll wait until you get back to see what he has to say, okay? You’ll feel better once you go and freshen up a bit. Trust me on this.” He urged. Yoseob could hear the faint desperation in his friend’s voice, the desperation for him to listen, the desperation for him to go take a little rest, the desperation for everything to be normal again, but how could life be normal after this? It was just simply too much to hope for.
The blonde looked away from Kikwang and was about to refuse again when he saw his other friends situated on the other side of the room. For a moment, he saw the pain reflected in their eyes before he glanced away and turned to look down at the scuffed up, white linoleum floor. He hadn’t realized that he was sitting so far from them, but that wasn’t the point. He realized that they were having a hard time too, it wasn’t just him who was suffering; everyone was. He was being selfish and he knew it; he was only being a burden to everyone else by just closing up and pushing them away. He inwardly sighed. He would probably be better off seeking help and comfort from them too, after all, what were friends for?
Slowly, Yoseob nodded his head. “Okay…” He agreed quietly to which Kikwang was happy to hear. He saw a small satisfied smile linger on Kikwang’s features before he stood up, clothing in hand, to make his way to the restrooms to change out of these god awful blood stained and dirtied clothes. However, just when he was about to walk off, he felt Kikwang place a hand on his shoulder to stop him. They exchanged meaningful glances before Kikwang’s gaze turned into a more serious note. “Don’t worry Seob, everything will be okay. You’ll see.” Kikwang said reassuringly and patted Yoseob’s shoulder as if signaling he was done talking and that Yoseob could go peacefully now.
Yoseob merely nodded and turned around towards the door. On his way out, he saw Hyunseung and Dongwoon eyeing him worriedly. He couldn’t blame them, he would be worried about himself too if he wasn’t already worried about someone else. Weakly, Yoseob gave them a tiny smile to let them know that he was doing okay, even though he wasn’t really, before he exited the waiting room. He was surprised to find that once he had stepped out of there, the atmosphere and the air about him seemed to have lightened up quite a bit. The mood was definitely different outside of that gloomy, stuffy, room; no one would ever be able to find any sort of comfort in there.
Taking in the view from where he was standing, he tried to locate the restrooms, but instead he saw Junhyung standing near the large glass windows. His head was hung low as he quietly talked into his cell phone. Yoseob watched him for a few moments and saw that every now and then, Junhyung would flinch and pull the phone away from his ear for a split second before regaining his composure and then apologizing to the person on the other line. He couldn’t hear what Junhyung was saying about from where he was, but he probably had a really good idea what he was talking about. Quietly, Yoseob slipped past Junhyung without him noticing since his back was faced towards him; he would have been too immersed into the conversation to have noticed anything anyways.
As quickly as he could, he made his way to the restrooms, trying to ignore all the weird and horrid looks he was getting from people. I mean, even though it was a hospital, seeing someone walking around with dried blood on his shirt and hands wasn’t cool. He was glad though that these people didn’t seem to know who he was. As swiftly as he could, which isn’t that much swift, he tugged on the door handle and right when Yoseob had entered the restroom, he found himself stopping dead in his tracks and staring at his own reflection in the mirrors. Boy, did he look awful. He found that his eyes were still a bit puffy and red and his face seemed so pale and dirty. It was sickening to see himself like this. He found his own reflection frowning back at him, a look of disappointment seemed to have lingered its way into his mirror image, but he didn’t know why. Why would he be disappointed?
Suddenly, he dropped the clean clothing onto the floor and slowly approached the mirror. He placed his hands on the sides of the sink as he stared long and hard at himself. His face scrunched up in confusion as tried to think of a reason why he was disappointed. Thinking about it now, he was actually disappointed at a lot of things. He was disappointed that he had to start this whole thing, disappointed that he had to go and get himself kidnapped, disappointed that he somehow got Doojoon shot, disappointed that he can’t seem to hold himself together; but those weren’t the main reasons. He couldn’t help but think that he wasn’t disappointed at himself. No, actually, he was disappointed in… Disappointed in Doojoon? His emotional self couldn’t contain itself any longer as he started to shake at the realization. He was disappointed because… because… “He didn’t keep his promise…” He whispered out loud to his reflection. He could feel himself breaking down again, but he didn’t care. He just didn’t care anymore. He dropped to his knees and started to sob uncontrollably. “Doojoon ah,” He cried. “You broke your promise.” He said in between sobs, as if Doojoon would be able to hear him.
Somehow, he found his way to one of the corners and he sat there, legs pulled up to his chest as he cried silently to himself. This was the first promise that Doojoon broke. He still remembered when they made it through the phone… Doojoon promised him that no one would get hurt and he believed him so much, but look at the situation now. It’s taken a turn for the worse. For a while, Yoseob just stayed in that little corner of his, just crying. He completely forgot that he was supposed to just change and then go right back to that dreaded waiting room until he heard someone open the door.
“Yoseob-” Hyunseung called out his friend’s name as he opened the door to the restroom, but he abruptly stopped when he saw him huddled into a corner, crying his eyes out. Yoseob looked up at the mention of his name, he couldn’t stop crying this time; he just couldn’t stop. “Hyunseung…” He sobbed desperately. Hyunseung’s first reaction was to go straight to the blonde and wrap his arms around him. “Hey, it’s okay.” Hyunseung tried to comfort him. “Shhh, it’s okay.” He honestly didn’t know if he was doing anything to actually comfort him, but this was all he could do right now. He ran his hand up and down Yoseob’s back as he let him sob into chest, making his t-shirt wet.
“H-Hyunseung,” Yoseob started again, trying to talk in between sobs. “He can’t-He can’t-” It was uncontrollable, as if all the feelings that he kept bottled up when he was in the waiting room were just spilling out of him. “Doojoon can’t die, right?” He asked, desperate for some kind of honest response, but he knew he wasn’t going to get a solid answer. “He can’t leave me here like this.” He continued on with a flow of tears running down his face. “What are we going to do without him? What am I going to do without him?” His voice cracked at the thought as he cried harder into his friend’s shirt.
The only thing Hyunseung could do was hold Yoseob tighter. He honestly didn’t know what to say to him. He couldn’t say everything was going to be okay, he couldn’t say that Doojoon is going to live; he couldn’t say any of that because he didn’t want to give the blonde false hope. For a minute, the pair just kind of sat there, wallowing in grief and sorrow, but then Hyunseung remembered why he even came looking for him. Knowing some of the other members, they were probably impatiently waiting. He took a deep breath and sighed, at least it seemed like Yoseob had calmed down a little.
“Hey,” Hyunseung said softly. “You should probably get changed now, okay?” He told Yoseob as he eyed the clean clothing on the ground. He frowned when all he got in response was a simple headshake. “Come on, Yoseob. We can’t stay in here forever…” He tried to reason with him. Yoseob mumbled some sort of rejection into Hyunseung’s chest which only caused him to pry Yoseob off of him so he could hear better. “Seobbie,” He said as he stood up to get the clothes lying near the door. “The doctor already came out, we can’t keep him waiting forever. What if he has something good to say?” He encouraged as he handed the clothes to Yoseob hoping that he would take them.
“What if he has something bad to say?” Yoseob retorted quietly as he stood up to face his friend eye to eye. Hyunseung was a bit taken aback, but it was nothing he couldn’t handle. “Well, we won’t know unless we go out there, right?” It seemed like he won Yoseob over as he watched him nod in agreement and grabbed the clothes out of his hand.
A moment later, Yoseob came out and was now walking down to the waiting room with Hyunseung. He didn’t know why, but he was getting nervous with every step he took. Call it intuition, but he felt like whatever he’s about to hear from the doctor, it wasn’t going to be good news. He feels it, he could feel his heart clench in pain and fear. He can’t take this anymore, he just can’t. Together, the pair entered the waiting room, all eyes were on them as they quietly made their way to the group who were already standing around the doctor.
“Well doc…” Junhyung started. He could see Yoseob nervously wring has hands together from the corner of his eye. “We’re all here. What’s the news?” He asked, looking the doctor straight in the eye, but then he glanced down to the floor. “Did he make it?” He asked quietly.
Yoseob could see it. He could see the deep frown on the doctor’s face, he could see the ‘I’m sorry’ already ready to escape his lips, he could see the distress in his eyes, distress of having to deliver not good news, but bad; he could see it, feel it.
The doctor glanced at all their worried faces and prepared to tell them what could possibly change their lives forever. “I’m afraid your friend…”
Yoseob felt his heart stop at the doctor’s words.
And then it shattered.
/end
OHNOOo. Cliffhanger! Aw.
you'd probably have to wait another month to find out what happens +___+ kekeke. I will seriously TRY to update faster though >.< Don't kill me!! <33 ILU.