A rewarding moment of sorts, at work.
I often can be heard complaining about working a thankless job, where my work often goes unacknowledged (Then again, I suppose a lot of people do), and there is a quite a bit of truth to that incessant whine. That, along with my being an easy pushover who can't say no (as professionally diagnosed by my former boss back in ME), I usually end up taking up more work than comfortable, and often pick up the slack for the rest of the team. So, in my tiny me-centric universe, I suppose I feel validated in complaining about it occasionally.
(I'm not exaggerating. I once spent two whole months of overtime at work, collecting and uploading some very important document with very little help, and in the end, I got a mail saying "Thank you for your co-operation" in response.)
In any case, today, we had a casual graduating party for the graduate students of the VLSI Design course in the college, with a tiny class of 16 - A course I had never handled, but I had guided a few projects for the students, so I wasn't completely out of touch with the bunch. In any case, I wasn't exactly their teacher, and I'd managed to make a few of them hate me during project reviews - all for a good cause.
The valedictorian today, came up on stage, did the thanking of the Department Chair, the faculties, and their friends, and towards the end, he turned to me, and said something that made me feel all the hard work I put in, was worth it.
He said (and I'm paraphrasing, of course)
"I would like to acknowledge Mr. Ravikiran (yep, that's me) and say he has inspired me. I was talking to the Department Chair the other day after the National Conference, and mentioned this - he does a lot of work behind the scenes, and after everything is done, he just walks away, and does not stick around for compliments. When I start work, and say, in ten years, I would like to emulate his attitude, and be humble and work my butt off. Thank you, sir"
I'm sure he hasn't heard my complaining, I suppose.. Though he probably has seen me running around frantically, trying to get work, and shouting at people in frustration (as I'm likely to do often. heh).
Those of you who have known me for long, know that I'm not really comfortable with compliments (but I'd like my work to be acknowledged - sounds ironic, I know), and I'm not exactly the poster boy for a self-confident individual. I've battled my self-consciousness and self-loathing issues for a long time, and I've come to a point where I've accepted myself as being a good (mostly) and hard-working nice guy who deserves the occasional compliment. And I've learned to accept a compliment with a thank you (often genuine), rather than dismissing them abruptly. It's still not something I'm completely comfortable with, but I'm getting there.
I don't see myself as a leader or someone people would look up to, most of the time. It's a chronic issue, and while I *know* and agree when people tell me I deserve to treat myself better, I often lack the conviction in accepting it. I'm a decent writer, I'm reasonably smart, well educated, and I can be funny (assuming you enjoy terrible puns and corny jokes)
I'm not sure I'm making much sense, and a healthy introspection isn't my strong suit.
I guess I'm trying to say I know I ought to see myself the way some other people see me, but I don't. Freud would probably blame it on my mother (then again, he blames everything on the mother, I suppose).
So, yeah. Receiving a heartfelt (I assume) compliment from a student I've never taught, and hearing that, addressed to the rest of my colleagues, did make me smile, and for a while, I see myself in a better light. I guess I can enjoy moments like these, being reminded that I am making a positive impact on people around me (even if it is in a tiny way), and rely less on compliments to make me respect myself more (that didn't really make much sense in my mind, but it might later, so I'll leave it here).
It has been a good day. And I feel light hearted now. I don't hate my job today. And I'm okay with the Universe right now.
(I'm not exaggerating. I once spent two whole months of overtime at work, collecting and uploading some very important document with very little help, and in the end, I got a mail saying "Thank you for your co-operation" in response.)
In any case, today, we had a casual graduating party for the graduate students of the VLSI Design course in the college, with a tiny class of 16 - A course I had never handled, but I had guided a few projects for the students, so I wasn't completely out of touch with the bunch. In any case, I wasn't exactly their teacher, and I'd managed to make a few of them hate me during project reviews - all for a good cause.
The valedictorian today, came up on stage, did the thanking of the Department Chair, the faculties, and their friends, and towards the end, he turned to me, and said something that made me feel all the hard work I put in, was worth it.
He said (and I'm paraphrasing, of course)
"I would like to acknowledge Mr. Ravikiran (yep, that's me) and say he has inspired me. I was talking to the Department Chair the other day after the National Conference, and mentioned this - he does a lot of work behind the scenes, and after everything is done, he just walks away, and does not stick around for compliments. When I start work, and say, in ten years, I would like to emulate his attitude, and be humble and work my butt off. Thank you, sir"
I'm sure he hasn't heard my complaining, I suppose.. Though he probably has seen me running around frantically, trying to get work, and shouting at people in frustration (as I'm likely to do often. heh).
Those of you who have known me for long, know that I'm not really comfortable with compliments (but I'd like my work to be acknowledged - sounds ironic, I know), and I'm not exactly the poster boy for a self-confident individual. I've battled my self-consciousness and self-loathing issues for a long time, and I've come to a point where I've accepted myself as being a good (mostly) and hard-working nice guy who deserves the occasional compliment. And I've learned to accept a compliment with a thank you (often genuine), rather than dismissing them abruptly. It's still not something I'm completely comfortable with, but I'm getting there.
I don't see myself as a leader or someone people would look up to, most of the time. It's a chronic issue, and while I *know* and agree when people tell me I deserve to treat myself better, I often lack the conviction in accepting it. I'm a decent writer, I'm reasonably smart, well educated, and I can be funny (assuming you enjoy terrible puns and corny jokes)
I'm not sure I'm making much sense, and a healthy introspection isn't my strong suit.
I guess I'm trying to say I know I ought to see myself the way some other people see me, but I don't. Freud would probably blame it on my mother (then again, he blames everything on the mother, I suppose).
So, yeah. Receiving a heartfelt (I assume) compliment from a student I've never taught, and hearing that, addressed to the rest of my colleagues, did make me smile, and for a while, I see myself in a better light. I guess I can enjoy moments like these, being reminded that I am making a positive impact on people around me (even if it is in a tiny way), and rely less on compliments to make me respect myself more (that didn't really make much sense in my mind, but it might later, so I'll leave it here).
It has been a good day. And I feel light hearted now. I don't hate my job today. And I'm okay with the Universe right now.