a small philosophical burble

[bearpaw9]

Going through my mom's photos and mememtos, I found some tiny books of sayings about motherhood, and stopped to read them, as I am still looking for (secular) inspiration for her memorial service

Comments

[zoomama]

I've been to memorial services where the widow/other family member couldn't bear to stand and speak, but instead wrote something for a trusted friend to read. It's a good compromise. And I'd bet you'd have half a dozen friends volunteering to read something for you. I'd be one. :-)

It strikes me that we all want/need to be able to be different, intensely different, and yet still feel deeply loved and understood. But sometimes differences create chasms that aren't easy to bridge with understanding. How do we get there?

A good question, one I struggled with for many years and still wrestle with to some extent. A good deal of my coping mechanisms come from my religion; I'm not sure how well, or if, I can translate this into secular ideas, but I'll try.

First, understand that you are unique: others may share some of your gifts and talents, but none share all. Because of this simple fact, there exists, somewhere in the world, at least one problem or situation that you are uniquely adapted to solve. You are needed. (It's hard to translate "You were put on Earth at this particular time for a reason" to secular-speak, but maybe you can do that?)

Second, understand that your weaknesses are an integral part of you. Though we're meant to try to overcome these character flaws, and hopefully will in the long run, your weaknesses are important to helping you become who you were meant to be. We don't fully understand sweetness until we have also tasted bitterness; our flaws teach us humility, help us to connect more fully to the suffering of others, and often serve as the trigger which starts us on the road to self-improvement.

Third, we have the potential to become far more than we can possibly imagine. Yes, I am an annoying excuse for a human right now, but I will not always be that way. And this principle applies to everyone.

Once you understand these three principles, you can start to apply them to others. Of course other people are different: they, too, have a unique combination of gifts, talents, and flaws which suit them for a task (dharma?) different from yours. And that is okay.

We can't all be the same. If everyone was a logical scientist like me, there would be no beautiful art for me to look at, no music to stir my soul, no films which move me to tears. But if everyone was an artist, there would be no life-saving medicines, no cool new technology, no discoveries of extra-solar planets.

It is good for us to be different. Each of us is unique, each of us has a special destiny to fulfill. And when we accept this simple fact, we start seeing others in a different light. A narrow-minded person may have the extreme focus necessary for making a great discovery. An insecure person may be frustrated by not understanding his/her role in the world. Whatever their flaws may be, those flaws are necessary to make them into the people they were meant to be. They have amazing potential too. We can't see it, but it's there. Remembering that others have the seeds of greatness within them tends to change our perceptions of them.

My brother feels a pull toward conformity that I don't, and sometimes tries to corral me and drag me back towards the conventional. How do I tell him how negated and oppressed I feel by his statements?

"Thank you for your concern, but I find that I need to travel a different path than you." Repeat ad infinitum.

For some people, the knowledge that certain actions make you feel negated or oppressed is of little consequence. And for others, that knowledge is used as leverage. I would only entrust that information to someone I could trust to use it responsibly.

Sorry for writing a sermon as long as yours.