staplegun + brain = all better?
so i think i'm finally starting to find some order in the madness
my head has been quite a jumble of incoherent thoughts for the past couple of months and i've been fighting to find some semblance of normalcy
obviously there's been some absolutely horrible things that have happened lately that have contributed to my mental state - and i'm sure people reading this would quite possibly feel quite similar
i don't think i deal very well with grief, usually i do my absolute best to try and completely suppress such intense emotions. i suppose i think it's just much easier to hide these things than confront them
though in saying that, lately i guess i haven't been hiding things as well as i thought
other than my stupidly, horribly, far drunker than i should have been incident after the funeral (and thanks to Ivy for looking out for my pathetic self that night) i thought i'd managed to keep up the facade quite well
evidently not, as i've had a few situations where people have clearly seen right through me and blatantly asked how i was handling things because i really don't seem too good
damn you sneaky peoplez >_<
but i think now i've managed to get a bit of perspective
i'm no longer analyzing every little thing that i could have said or done to change what has happened
hindsight's a bitch, but i'm kinda realising that there's no point in letting it fuck with your head
no matter how desperately i'd want to go back and change the past, i can't
so while things are not perfect - at least i'm sorting my shit out
i don't have as big an urge to run away and disappear for a while
i was seriously considering just going AWOL from work for like a week and not telling anyone and just fuck off somewhere - anywhere really
perhaps i just need some solitude?
anyway enough of trying to analyse my cognitive processes - on to other news!
not that there is any really... um...
.
.
.
.
wow.... what a fucking exciting life i lead...
oh well, screw this
/end rant
my head has been quite a jumble of incoherent thoughts for the past couple of months and i've been fighting to find some semblance of normalcy
obviously there's been some absolutely horrible things that have happened lately that have contributed to my mental state - and i'm sure people reading this would quite possibly feel quite similar
i don't think i deal very well with grief, usually i do my absolute best to try and completely suppress such intense emotions. i suppose i think it's just much easier to hide these things than confront them
though in saying that, lately i guess i haven't been hiding things as well as i thought
other than my stupidly, horribly, far drunker than i should have been incident after the funeral (and thanks to Ivy for looking out for my pathetic self that night) i thought i'd managed to keep up the facade quite well
evidently not, as i've had a few situations where people have clearly seen right through me and blatantly asked how i was handling things because i really don't seem too good
damn you sneaky peoplez >_<
but i think now i've managed to get a bit of perspective
i'm no longer analyzing every little thing that i could have said or done to change what has happened
hindsight's a bitch, but i'm kinda realising that there's no point in letting it fuck with your head
no matter how desperately i'd want to go back and change the past, i can't
so while things are not perfect - at least i'm sorting my shit out
i don't have as big an urge to run away and disappear for a while
i was seriously considering just going AWOL from work for like a week and not telling anyone and just fuck off somewhere - anywhere really
perhaps i just need some solitude?
anyway enough of trying to analyse my cognitive processes - on to other news!
not that there is any really... um...
.
.
.
.
wow.... what a fucking exciting life i lead...
oh well, screw this
/end rant