Some memories of Rhonda
I first met Rhonda in late '89 when I answered an ad while looking for a place to live. She was the first person I called that allowed cats (which I had 2 of). Turns out Rhonda was a big ol' 'cat person' like me, so we already had that in common when I moved in in Jan '90.
One month later, the book store chain she was working for, transferred her to the South Shore of Boston. She moved out of the house a month later, as did I (not wanting to find roommates for the house, and deciding it was too far west of where I worked), but a new bond had already been formed, so we stayed friends despite the move. Thank God our paths overlapped for that first month!
I thought she was so cool to have the wild life she had had up until then (especially given my goody two shoes whitebread Chicago suburbs upbringing LOL). When she was 12 she saw Janis Joplin in concert and proceeded to get high along with the rest of the audience, when she was done with high school (which was tumultuous) she moved to NYC for 10 years. She had a relationship with an African American woman named Linda. She also was at Studio 54 on its opening night! I marveled at the wild adventures she had already had by 30 compared to my dull life up to that point.
She became close friends with a woman named Nancy who was a ballet dancer and worked at the same retail store Rhonda worked at in NY. They became fast and furious friends and would take cooking classes together in addition to romping around Manhattan. Rhonda got an associates degree in interior design while in NYC.
Then in the 80's Rhonda decided to move to Brazil to live for 4 years, just to do something different! She made a living as an English tutor and quickly became fluent in Portuguese. She had many wild times and made many friends down there which I loved to hear her tales of. She managed to stay in the country illegally long after her visa expired, until after 4 years, the immigration folks caught up with her, got her passport revoked, and deported her back to the U.S.
She went back to retail and was working in a mall west of Boston when I answered the housemate ad.
Rhonda had a tough exterior, but was really quite fragile inside, she was always touchy about the fact that she never got a bachelor's degree, and that she smoked too much, and that she felt kind of rejected as the 'rebel' in her family.
She had a hilarious dry sense of humor ("well when I die", she'd say matter-of-factly, "just put my ashes in the cats' litter box."). And I'll always be grateful to her for teaching me how to cook (more than just hot dogs and boxed pasta which was my repertoire up til then). She used to love hanging out on the deck of her apartment with her planted flower boxes on the railing. After she had to move to Maryland for work, I took over her pad. She came back for a visit and I was so excited to tell her that the flowers in the flower box were growing rapidly, and I hadn't even been watering them! She took one look outside and said "Bill! These are weeds!!" 'Bill's Weed Garden' became a running joke between us.
She had an amazing eye for design. Her apartments over the years always reflected her eclectic yet impeccable sense of style and taste. She was one of those people who truly could turn a living space into a direct reflection of who she was.
She included me in outings even when she was dating, like with her artist boyfriend Eric in the early 90's. She & I became inseparable friends after they broke up, when I moved into the apartment below hers in Beverly. Those were wonderful years. We loved the same music (Portishead, Bjork, Annie Lennox, Sheryl Crow, etc.) and would do little day trips together around New England, when we weren't cooking each other dinner or hanging out in each other's apartments, or eating at the local restaurants (Casa de Luca in Beverly and 7 Central Pub in Manchester-by-the-Sea).
We established a walking route along the coast in Beverly that ended at a coast guard lighthouse, which she & I still walked up to in recent years. She was an avid reader (working at a book store suited her well), and she turned me on to many modern fiction novels.
She began working for Bed, Bath & Beyond about 5 years ago first as a store manager, for which she worked crazy long hours, and then as a regional manager trainer, for which she had to drive all over the New England/New York/New Jersey region. Rhonda always had a strong sense of responsibility, and held herself to high standards in terms of doing well in her job, and keeping her home well-organized and clean (which she would prioritize over getting together with me sometimes - a notion that was quite foreign to me). Sometimes when her employees didn't live up to her high standards, she would let them know, reducing a few to tears. I was thankful I never had to have her as my boss, she could be tough! LOL. But everywhere she worked, management recognized her exceptional dedication and hard work, and she was well-loved by her bosses.
She saw me through some bad relationships, so she was thrilled when I introduced her to Joe for the first time. Not only was he Italian and reminded her of her father who had passed away, but he also loved to cook and eat, just like she did, so they immediately hit it off.
She loved to indulge my silly side (we developed a certain kind of British child-speak between us to get each other laughing, like "mummy, may we go get some ice cream now?"). She was so loyal to her friends, and loved to see her best friends become friends in their own right, which is what happened with me and Rhonda's friend Nancy. She would proudly extol all of her friends' virtues to others (she loved that I was involved in theater and singing and writing music and playing in a band).
After a few bad relationships with men, she basically resigned herself to single-hood. Which I think she actually preferred anyway.
Rhonda & I took a trip to the Greek Isles together in '95 which was a trip I'll never forget. We met our friends Scott & Mark who live in Atlanta there, and she also joined Joe & I when we went to Italy in 2002. It was so great to travel with her. We got to experience all the beautiful sights, sounds and tastes together and "weep at ze beauty" as she would say.
I would go with her and her friend Nancy up to Nancy's husband Ken's family cabin in Maine over the past few summers and also down to visit Nancy and her husband Ken in Connecticut, and make trips into NYC together. Nancy, who had become a private chef, even made Joe's & my wedding cake - which Rhonda paid for as her gift to us. Best damn cake I ever tasted.
Rhonda & I used to go see indie films at the local small theatre in Beverly (The Cabot), even trudging up there from our apartment building during snowstorms - so many films over the years that I've lost count, but I remember seeing "Emma", "Cold Comfort Farm" ('there's something nasty in the wood shed!'), and more recently "Volver" and "The Diving Bell and the Butterfly". She got pissed off at me when I convinced her to go see "Seven", telling her it was an "action-adventure-thriller" movie. She walked out during the scene with the emaciated guy in the bed, and never forgave me for that.
We were avid lovers of all things artistic, and were frequent visitors of art exhibits at the Museum of Fine Arts in Boston, sharing a membership subscription this past year.
When Joe & I bought our house 10 years ago, Rhonda would come over to help plan the garden and to help us choose our paint and decor. We never really felt sure in our design choices until we got Rhonda's approval.
She fought breast cancer three years ago, had to have a partial mastectomy and do chemo treatment. But she looked at it all matter-of-factly with her "life sucks but I have to do it" attitude. After she had been in remission for a year, she bought her first condo, which had a cottagey feel to it, and was still in Beverly, the town she & I both loved. This place was so Rhonda, and she quickly made it even more so with her 'ob jets d'art', furnishings, and books. It has only been two years since she moved in there, and she was slowly making improvements to both the condo and the garden out back, where she planned to put more plants and decor. She got to be friends with Heidi and John who lived upstairs, and treated their dogs as if they were her own pets. Rhonda loved animals.
After my beloved cat Gus died, and I was still feeling a tad lost, Rhonda said "why don't you come over and help me put together these IKEA book shelves?" I did, and it was so therapeutic and cathartic to be doing something constructive and sharing the experience with her.
In recent years, she & Joe & I would get together for dinner at least once or twice a month or do some day trip together, and I would often go up to Beverly to walk with her by the ocean, and visit her and her two beloved cats Sammy & Pretinha. We would chat at least once a week if not more often. She & Joe & I would always do a Christmas gift exchange, and she was always at our house for holiday meals, most recently New Year's Eve and Easter.
Since beating breast cancer, Rhonda had gotten more into her Buddhist faith, participating in group meditation, going to lectures, and planning a meditation retreat for this June. She gave me a yoga and t'ai chi lesson recently (I'm not quite as flexible as she is, it was comic, to say the least). She had finally quit smoking, and was actively trying to better herself by mending some personal fences in her own family, and striving to be a more compassionate person.
I had had dinner with her a week before she passed away, and she was excited about the upcoming summer and our plans for visiting Nancy & Ken's cabin in August, and her plans for fixing up her backyard so she could have cocktail parties with us and other friends this summer. For Mem Day weekend she was planning on visiting Nancy in CT, going into NY to see a play with her, and then taking this week off to work on her condo and gardens.
Anyway, her sudden death two weeks ago seemed so unreal when it happened, and continued to seem unreal last week while we were away on vacation, but I think now that we're back home the reality is finally sinking in. There's suddenly a big hole in our lives.
We've agreed to take Rhonda's cats, so we're picking them up this weekend. I'm also helping her sister plan the memorial service which is scheduled for Sat. June 7th. It's definitely starting to seem both real and final, and I just think how lucky I was to have her as my best friend for all of these years. I still wish I could have her for at least 50 more, though. Sigh.
One month later, the book store chain she was working for, transferred her to the South Shore of Boston. She moved out of the house a month later, as did I (not wanting to find roommates for the house, and deciding it was too far west of where I worked), but a new bond had already been formed, so we stayed friends despite the move. Thank God our paths overlapped for that first month!
I thought she was so cool to have the wild life she had had up until then (especially given my goody two shoes whitebread Chicago suburbs upbringing LOL). When she was 12 she saw Janis Joplin in concert and proceeded to get high along with the rest of the audience, when she was done with high school (which was tumultuous) she moved to NYC for 10 years. She had a relationship with an African American woman named Linda. She also was at Studio 54 on its opening night! I marveled at the wild adventures she had already had by 30 compared to my dull life up to that point.
She became close friends with a woman named Nancy who was a ballet dancer and worked at the same retail store Rhonda worked at in NY. They became fast and furious friends and would take cooking classes together in addition to romping around Manhattan. Rhonda got an associates degree in interior design while in NYC.
Then in the 80's Rhonda decided to move to Brazil to live for 4 years, just to do something different! She made a living as an English tutor and quickly became fluent in Portuguese. She had many wild times and made many friends down there which I loved to hear her tales of. She managed to stay in the country illegally long after her visa expired, until after 4 years, the immigration folks caught up with her, got her passport revoked, and deported her back to the U.S.
She went back to retail and was working in a mall west of Boston when I answered the housemate ad.
Rhonda had a tough exterior, but was really quite fragile inside, she was always touchy about the fact that she never got a bachelor's degree, and that she smoked too much, and that she felt kind of rejected as the 'rebel' in her family.
She had a hilarious dry sense of humor ("well when I die", she'd say matter-of-factly, "just put my ashes in the cats' litter box."). And I'll always be grateful to her for teaching me how to cook (more than just hot dogs and boxed pasta which was my repertoire up til then). She used to love hanging out on the deck of her apartment with her planted flower boxes on the railing. After she had to move to Maryland for work, I took over her pad. She came back for a visit and I was so excited to tell her that the flowers in the flower box were growing rapidly, and I hadn't even been watering them! She took one look outside and said "Bill! These are weeds!!" 'Bill's Weed Garden' became a running joke between us.
She had an amazing eye for design. Her apartments over the years always reflected her eclectic yet impeccable sense of style and taste. She was one of those people who truly could turn a living space into a direct reflection of who she was.
She included me in outings even when she was dating, like with her artist boyfriend Eric in the early 90's. She & I became inseparable friends after they broke up, when I moved into the apartment below hers in Beverly. Those were wonderful years. We loved the same music (Portishead, Bjork, Annie Lennox, Sheryl Crow, etc.) and would do little day trips together around New England, when we weren't cooking each other dinner or hanging out in each other's apartments, or eating at the local restaurants (Casa de Luca in Beverly and 7 Central Pub in Manchester-by-the-Sea).
We established a walking route along the coast in Beverly that ended at a coast guard lighthouse, which she & I still walked up to in recent years. She was an avid reader (working at a book store suited her well), and she turned me on to many modern fiction novels.
She began working for Bed, Bath & Beyond about 5 years ago first as a store manager, for which she worked crazy long hours, and then as a regional manager trainer, for which she had to drive all over the New England/New York/New Jersey region. Rhonda always had a strong sense of responsibility, and held herself to high standards in terms of doing well in her job, and keeping her home well-organized and clean (which she would prioritize over getting together with me sometimes - a notion that was quite foreign to me). Sometimes when her employees didn't live up to her high standards, she would let them know, reducing a few to tears. I was thankful I never had to have her as my boss, she could be tough! LOL. But everywhere she worked, management recognized her exceptional dedication and hard work, and she was well-loved by her bosses.
She saw me through some bad relationships, so she was thrilled when I introduced her to Joe for the first time. Not only was he Italian and reminded her of her father who had passed away, but he also loved to cook and eat, just like she did, so they immediately hit it off.
She loved to indulge my silly side (we developed a certain kind of British child-speak between us to get each other laughing, like "mummy, may we go get some ice cream now?"). She was so loyal to her friends, and loved to see her best friends become friends in their own right, which is what happened with me and Rhonda's friend Nancy. She would proudly extol all of her friends' virtues to others (she loved that I was involved in theater and singing and writing music and playing in a band).
After a few bad relationships with men, she basically resigned herself to single-hood. Which I think she actually preferred anyway.
Rhonda & I took a trip to the Greek Isles together in '95 which was a trip I'll never forget. We met our friends Scott & Mark who live in Atlanta there, and she also joined Joe & I when we went to Italy in 2002. It was so great to travel with her. We got to experience all the beautiful sights, sounds and tastes together and "weep at ze beauty" as she would say.
I would go with her and her friend Nancy up to Nancy's husband Ken's family cabin in Maine over the past few summers and also down to visit Nancy and her husband Ken in Connecticut, and make trips into NYC together. Nancy, who had become a private chef, even made Joe's & my wedding cake - which Rhonda paid for as her gift to us. Best damn cake I ever tasted.
Rhonda & I used to go see indie films at the local small theatre in Beverly (The Cabot), even trudging up there from our apartment building during snowstorms - so many films over the years that I've lost count, but I remember seeing "Emma", "Cold Comfort Farm" ('there's something nasty in the wood shed!'), and more recently "Volver" and "The Diving Bell and the Butterfly". She got pissed off at me when I convinced her to go see "Seven", telling her it was an "action-adventure-thriller" movie. She walked out during the scene with the emaciated guy in the bed, and never forgave me for that.
We were avid lovers of all things artistic, and were frequent visitors of art exhibits at the Museum of Fine Arts in Boston, sharing a membership subscription this past year.
When Joe & I bought our house 10 years ago, Rhonda would come over to help plan the garden and to help us choose our paint and decor. We never really felt sure in our design choices until we got Rhonda's approval.
She fought breast cancer three years ago, had to have a partial mastectomy and do chemo treatment. But she looked at it all matter-of-factly with her "life sucks but I have to do it" attitude. After she had been in remission for a year, she bought her first condo, which had a cottagey feel to it, and was still in Beverly, the town she & I both loved. This place was so Rhonda, and she quickly made it even more so with her 'ob jets d'art', furnishings, and books. It has only been two years since she moved in there, and she was slowly making improvements to both the condo and the garden out back, where she planned to put more plants and decor. She got to be friends with Heidi and John who lived upstairs, and treated their dogs as if they were her own pets. Rhonda loved animals.
After my beloved cat Gus died, and I was still feeling a tad lost, Rhonda said "why don't you come over and help me put together these IKEA book shelves?" I did, and it was so therapeutic and cathartic to be doing something constructive and sharing the experience with her.
In recent years, she & Joe & I would get together for dinner at least once or twice a month or do some day trip together, and I would often go up to Beverly to walk with her by the ocean, and visit her and her two beloved cats Sammy & Pretinha. We would chat at least once a week if not more often. She & Joe & I would always do a Christmas gift exchange, and she was always at our house for holiday meals, most recently New Year's Eve and Easter.
Since beating breast cancer, Rhonda had gotten more into her Buddhist faith, participating in group meditation, going to lectures, and planning a meditation retreat for this June. She gave me a yoga and t'ai chi lesson recently (I'm not quite as flexible as she is, it was comic, to say the least). She had finally quit smoking, and was actively trying to better herself by mending some personal fences in her own family, and striving to be a more compassionate person.
I had had dinner with her a week before she passed away, and she was excited about the upcoming summer and our plans for visiting Nancy & Ken's cabin in August, and her plans for fixing up her backyard so she could have cocktail parties with us and other friends this summer. For Mem Day weekend she was planning on visiting Nancy in CT, going into NY to see a play with her, and then taking this week off to work on her condo and gardens.
Anyway, her sudden death two weeks ago seemed so unreal when it happened, and continued to seem unreal last week while we were away on vacation, but I think now that we're back home the reality is finally sinking in. There's suddenly a big hole in our lives.
We've agreed to take Rhonda's cats, so we're picking them up this weekend. I'm also helping her sister plan the memorial service which is scheduled for Sat. June 7th. It's definitely starting to seem both real and final, and I just think how lucky I was to have her as my best friend for all of these years. I still wish I could have her for at least 50 more, though. Sigh.