blah lol

[bearbe]

happy holidays to all... this year has been amazing and full of surprises... so.. umm... a certain someone who is very close to my heart... idk how to say this... there's something different in the way he holds me, looks at me, kisses me... idk it's weird... there's something else there and i'm afraid ... lol hahaha... i dont want to look too much into it but it's hard not to... he bought me a christmas gift... like BOUGHT me a christmas gift... and wrapped it and all and dropped it off on christmas eve... and had this foolish grin on his face like it was something to be proud of ... idk... he's never said 'you have no idea how glad i am to be back here with you' or to not just go to kiss me, but choose to hold me and tell me how much he missed me... it's so friggin weird and i had just acclimated to saying good bye to my ex and being just friends with this one... we were friends with emotions, end of story, no need to define it further and i was ok with that... and now... now idk ... he's happy i'm going to prob be up at boston college... close to him... and he's happy that i'm free of michael once and for all... he's just... i have no idea how to say it... he's just acting different and i don't know what to make of it. i don't know if i'm reading too much into it or if he is different. i missed him so much and idk.. like. i asked him, after he did kiss me, if thats why he missed me *bit of an inside of joke to that* and he responded with "is that why YOU missed me" and i answered it was not and that's the gosh darn truth lol. and he said good and that's not the reason for me either. it's for me to know and for you to one day find out. then he smiles. WTF he's soooo confusing. hahaha and yet i know him better than most people. wow. anyway, enough about it. i'm happy with life. but i have this strange feeling something is going to go wrong tonight... as if things are changing but not for the better... i have this fear that tonight someone i love is going to be hurt or ... idk... i have this feeling this may be my last christmas or dinner or idk what. hahaha me being paranoid again. i think i'm going to pull an all nighter just to make sure things are alright.

HAPPY HOLIDAYS EVERYONE!