ahhhhhhh
im updating this and i dont know why. Everytime i do i just come to some sort of realizating midway that i really dont want to and i have a feeling i already know what this ones going to be. So here goes the inevitable.
I am getting really hmm sick? of life. I usually am the one that puts it all on so it's basically my fault. I have realized something i do and probably have done for a really long time. I build things up to be so much more then they are in my head. I always get really excited or happy about things or so i think but in the back of my head i know something just isnt right about this one thing or perfect like i imagined it to be. This applies to almost all aspects of my life. I always have a pre-constribed idea of what things or people are going to be like and they never meet my not so high expectations. I think it's time i lose any hope or basic structure of how things should be, i think it will help me cope with dissapointment and heartbreakers much easier.
I have been getting into theses really weird moods lately, there not neccasarily bad but there definatly not good. I can't really pinpoint the root of this but i really wish i could. Tonight i think sam pinpointed it/me best as of late but i ofcourse denied it. She told me it seems like lately my head just isn't with the rest of me. Basically usually when someone talks to me im paying attention enough to respond but i dont really register anything thats being said because im thinking about something else. Which is 50 percent true because i know my mind isnt really there but its not really on one specific thing. I always have 100000 things running through my head to fast for me to even get hold of one singular thought.Maybe im going crazy? Also ive become far to analytical i breakdown pretty much everyaction and word find the bad in it and then fret over it. I am becoming very weird.
I have been spending alot of time at scotties as of late and i really like it because there is always something really sweet happening. Like last night this lady from downstairs came up and wanted to use a phone so we gave her one. Somehow this short visit turned into a 2 hour visit consisting of her telling us her life story. Long story short theres a knock on the door she goes to hide and its her fucking husband. Who let me mind you is outfitted with a handle bar moustache ozzfest t-shirt and barely breaking 5 ft. He then proceeded to yell at her telling her to get home. Very funny. Basically ive been kickin it with alot of people that left my life sometime ago but im really happy there back.
I leave for tour soon, and by soon i mean next thursday. It is going to be really weird not seeing anyone i like or love for 38 days. Dont get me wrong im really excited to go play that many shows and travel to all of these places, im just going to be terribly homesick. I think i would label myself as indecisive on the subject. I would really like to see everyone before i go. I'm going to learn alot of things when im gone i do know that. Im also prolly going to lose alot of things and gain just as much. I doubt ill have a girlfriend when i come back or if i do im sure it wont last that much longer. I cant really see her holding me as close when im so far away for so long. My guess is shes going to grow distant and unintentionally move on. I suppose i cant really be mad at her for it but it does really hurt my heart. Im kinda used to my life not really being that sweet to me though so its only expected for me to lose her.
My guess is there will be 0 replies to this entry because whenever i post a story like entry no one bothers to read it. But neither do i right...
I have alot of things i want to just fucking let out on this thing or just to something or someone in general but i just cant for way to many reasons. I have alot of secrets and no way to get them out. It is really starting to eat away at me. But ive gotten really good at swallowing most things.
EFF you anathallo for putting me in this gay mood
I am getting really hmm sick? of life. I usually am the one that puts it all on so it's basically my fault. I have realized something i do and probably have done for a really long time. I build things up to be so much more then they are in my head. I always get really excited or happy about things or so i think but in the back of my head i know something just isnt right about this one thing or perfect like i imagined it to be. This applies to almost all aspects of my life. I always have a pre-constribed idea of what things or people are going to be like and they never meet my not so high expectations. I think it's time i lose any hope or basic structure of how things should be, i think it will help me cope with dissapointment and heartbreakers much easier.
I have been getting into theses really weird moods lately, there not neccasarily bad but there definatly not good. I can't really pinpoint the root of this but i really wish i could. Tonight i think sam pinpointed it/me best as of late but i ofcourse denied it. She told me it seems like lately my head just isn't with the rest of me. Basically usually when someone talks to me im paying attention enough to respond but i dont really register anything thats being said because im thinking about something else. Which is 50 percent true because i know my mind isnt really there but its not really on one specific thing. I always have 100000 things running through my head to fast for me to even get hold of one singular thought.Maybe im going crazy? Also ive become far to analytical i breakdown pretty much everyaction and word find the bad in it and then fret over it. I am becoming very weird.
I have been spending alot of time at scotties as of late and i really like it because there is always something really sweet happening. Like last night this lady from downstairs came up and wanted to use a phone so we gave her one. Somehow this short visit turned into a 2 hour visit consisting of her telling us her life story. Long story short theres a knock on the door she goes to hide and its her fucking husband. Who let me mind you is outfitted with a handle bar moustache ozzfest t-shirt and barely breaking 5 ft. He then proceeded to yell at her telling her to get home. Very funny. Basically ive been kickin it with alot of people that left my life sometime ago but im really happy there back.
I leave for tour soon, and by soon i mean next thursday. It is going to be really weird not seeing anyone i like or love for 38 days. Dont get me wrong im really excited to go play that many shows and travel to all of these places, im just going to be terribly homesick. I think i would label myself as indecisive on the subject. I would really like to see everyone before i go. I'm going to learn alot of things when im gone i do know that. Im also prolly going to lose alot of things and gain just as much. I doubt ill have a girlfriend when i come back or if i do im sure it wont last that much longer. I cant really see her holding me as close when im so far away for so long. My guess is shes going to grow distant and unintentionally move on. I suppose i cant really be mad at her for it but it does really hurt my heart. Im kinda used to my life not really being that sweet to me though so its only expected for me to lose her.
My guess is there will be 0 replies to this entry because whenever i post a story like entry no one bothers to read it. But neither do i right...
I have alot of things i want to just fucking let out on this thing or just to something or someone in general but i just cant for way to many reasons. I have alot of secrets and no way to get them out. It is really starting to eat away at me. But ive gotten really good at swallowing most things.
EFF you anathallo for putting me in this gay mood