(no subject)
alright this isn't going to be a very exciting entry.. so if you're not in the mood.. just lettin' you know.
I feel like I've totally wasted my summer.
Everyday it's like this...
-Get up around 12-3.
-Nobody's home... I don't have anybody to hang out with (especially when fox was in tennessee)
-So I get on the computer and switch back and forth from myspace, lj, invasioncrew, po boards, and my email
- I get bored with that so I'll go watch movies or whatever..
-then i'm up all night (literally)
now there's a few exceptions to this.. when I had basketball and soccer..
went a couple of places with marissa, and niagra falls with jordan.
but other than that I've been a complete loser.
I have all this free time on my hands.. it'd be the perfect opportunity to start running/working out. but no.
my will power is zip.
I had so many plans for the summer.
"ohh this summer's gonna be the best ever"-me
yeah i'm eating those words.
I don't know anymore..
I don't want to keep doing this everyday .
But i know i don't want to go back to school. I can't stand it there.
If my mom said "we're moving" tomorrow.. I'd go without even thinking about it.
I just need a change.
& most people wouldn't want to start over because of all their friends.. well truth be told.. I don't really even have that many good friends.
maybe 6.
I was thinking about it the other day and I've come to the conclusion that I'm a loser.
Yeah, a full blown loser.
I don't have anything to show for myself.
I just look at all these people who have made something of themselves... I always thought that that'd be me some day. You know, singing on stage or acting in movies... Even writing for a big magazine somewhere... anything.
My hopes fading.
I've always looked at myself differently than everybody else.
Not thinking I'm better or anything.. Just different.
That maybe, just maybe.. I could do something great and prove everybody wrong.
I've just been more realistic lately and truth be told my chances of making it big are slim to none.
I mean who am I really?
I'm just that girl that seems really nice.
That girl that doesn't really have any enemies.
That girl that's into sports.
Is into music...
makes those "wicked awesome videos"
so yeah I guess I don't seem too bad from that desciption up there but if you sat down and had a real in-depth converstaion with me. I bet you'd be surprised. & maybe even a little scared.
i was talking to my sister the other day..
why is life like this?
why do things cost money?
I mean why are you raised by parents?
Why do you all go to school.. then to college.. then to find a job.. then have kids (not always in that order).
Just to repeat the cycle all over again?
and for what?
you just die and what do you have to show for it..
yeah soem of those answers seem obvious.. like
uhh duh to buy stuff. well idk if i'm even making sense..
anything out of the ordinary is unacceptable in society today.
if you get pregnant at a young age.. you're a bad person?
smoking pot is bad.
it's just weird to think about.. what if things were the other way around.. who started these precedents anyway?
we just went with it.
i dunno this entry was pointless.. it's just one of those things that's hard to explain.. you know?