pms or not
so here i go.. again.. on another rant. hahaha... so today... i must BE pmsN or something.. cuz holy shit.. i have gone thru a couple of mood swings since 5pm... a whole lot is running thru my mind... i am annoyed so much right now.. i just want to be left the fuck alone.. and the damn phone won't stop ringing... and my mom keeps buggen me.. and my sista... and brotha... not dave but other one... and earlier... i was alright.. then i called Wes.. the american guy i have been talkin to too... and he was sorta snippy... wit me so i got even more annoyed.. and angry.. i said to him... what the fuck is ur problem wit me.. wut the fuck did i do to you... but i know already what it was.. it was cuz i wouldn't say i love you to him last nite... i mean.. i over heard him on the phone wit some dewd.. and was planning something out... he thought i was on hold... he heard the beep.. and just assumed it was on hold.. but it wasn't... stupid fucker.. shoulda checked it.. geez... but ya.. he was all wuteva.. wit this dewd sayin ya him and those two girls are MORE then welcome to come over.. i was just playin stupid... he pushed the button again.. and thought nothing of it.. thought i was on hold.. but he had a friend over and said dewd i heard her cough... and he said shit.. under his breath.. and said to me.. you know ur the only girl for me.. right.. i said oh ya... and mmmhmmm.. u know.. wut.. fuck him.. i say.. fuck sakes there is this perfume smell in my living room here and it is pissing me off cuz i can smell it hardcorely... so ya... he said some snide snippy remarks wit me on the phone tonite.. i wanted to see.. how he would react to me on the phone tonite.. and that was what i got..... hmmmmm.. wut should i do... next.. my MOM.. god.. i never ever once ever fucking interfered in her relationship to jerry.. and she is all up in my face... about wes... fuck that.. i fucking supported her in her relationship with him... 100% i was there.. for her... never ever once did i NOT support her and that relationship... but NO.. she is all up on my nut about wes... i know she ONLY wants the best for me and wants to see me happy.. but i don't really like being TOLD to... NOT bother with him.. itz my life i mean shit i have been living on my own for years now.. since i was 19.. i mean fuck.. 10 fucking years.. god.. i don't ever ask for relationship advice from no one... nor do i like gettin it.. from people... just on a whim.. even if they think they deserve to tell me.. u know.... itz my life if i wanna fucking fuck it up.. or NOT.. i think i know what is best for me... i know this is a really angry blog... but isn't that what a blog is for?????just to be mad.. angry.. annoyed.. when you can't say shit.. in real life... fuck.. i am just needing to just fuck off for a couple of weeks... not bother with things here for awhile.. i just need to sort shit out.. i am very angry... i have been having some fucked up dreams about both my dads.. joe and jerry... i dreamt my dad joe was sitting on this chair and me and him were all talking all fine and dandy.. and then he started to blow away like lil grains of sand in the breeze.. and he was saying daughter help me... and there was nothing i could do... i was trying to hug him but my arms kept going thru him... i couldn't get a grasp on him... and he was saying please help me... and i couldn't.. i failed him... so i know itz just a fucking dream.. but still... the dream i had about my dad jerry was me and him were on this huge boat on the barkley sound.. and we were having a blast.. boating around... then.. it got stormy out... and he was saying your gonna be ok daughter... just make sure your mom is happy.. i said alright i can try.. and the boat flipped onto the side... left side.. and i was holding his hands... we were hangin over the edge.. and somehow i got perched onto the railing and i was holding his hands making sure he didn't fall down into the stormy water.. the water was so rough... and he was saying itz ok daughter.. your going to be fine... don't worry about me.. just make sure your mom is happy... so yet again in my dreams i failed another father... this could explain my foul mood... i am feeling somehow i failed not just one father but two of them... i mean.. i dunno what i mean... but i am sure fucking mad... k.. this is way more then pms....