so.. ya.. i dunno what to think no more.. fer real

[bear_ears]

so... it has been awhile since i last posted.. and alot has been going on in my world... my fucked up world... ya... sure has... hahaha... i have a beau on the horizon... his name is Robert... hez nice.. gotz a job.. hez 33... and he says all the right things it seems like he really means what he says... ahhhh ya i know.. i never mentioned... the ole beau... the american guy... i dunno what the fuck.. is going on there... we sorta just stopped talking... hez in a fucked up place and i was ready and willing to up and leave and go down and help him out.. cuz i thought what we had was something special.. and he was gonna be the man i was gonna marry... but... we both pulled away.. and i found Robert... well the american guy phoned me last nite at 1 in the morning.. while i was on the phone with my friend peter... american guy was pretty shocked i even answered the phone.. he told me he was hanging out with another girl and he wasn't sure where they were going but he said he didn't want me to be with no one.. and wasn't gonna let me go... i was thinking.. hmm.. he wants me and this other girl.. fuck that... i want to be happy.. and not jerked around.. i was reading in some of my past blogs... the american guy.. made me pretty emo... and that is just us being a long distance relationship.. i couldn't imagine us being a irl couple... omg.. i think it would be emo all the time.. he would drive me nutzo and i would have to not put my son thru that... i am just going to have to tell him.. (american guy) this... " You know i have been reading thru my blogs/journals.. over the past year.. i think i was happy in some respect.. but alot of the time i wasn't very happy it seems... and i think i might be happier with Robert.. and you can have this other girl.. " does that seem immature?... i don't wanna leave things on a stupid note.. regardless of if we make it as a couple or not.. i still want to be friends with him... i know stupid.. and setting myself up for hurt and pain.. and dissappointment?.. i don't know.. but a friendship of a couple years can't be ended that quickly can it? i don't know.. i don't want it end even if we didn't make it as a couple... blah blah.... i know.. repeating myself.. anyway... peace...
Logan Liberty...........