i hate everything
im beginning to wonder what i was in a former life.....must have been something truly horrible....thats the only reason i can find right now for everything totally sucking....i hate my job.....really..i do...part of me wants to say screw it and go back to the previous hopeless situation...atleast i didnt fight with someone on a daily basis...i had some semblence of responsibility...now i feel like a glorified sales associate...i can close 3 nights a week..but dont really let me have any power to do anything on my own....train all the damn training managers...never mind we havent sat down to train me since ive been here....i fucking hate it!!!!!!!!!! if its not one thing, its another....if i dont fight with one person..i fight with someone else...daily...and there is NO REDEMPTION....atleast in boston...if someone was driving me nuts...there was ALWAYS someone to talk to ......here...they just all drive me nuts....and did i mention that i hate it.....i think i hate it more than i ever hated the job in boston...and that means alot coming from me....even dealing with alirio...wasnt this bad...he taught me alot....and there was always a friend there too....together we stood....here its like everyone for themselves....and stabbing eachother in the back...and the place is falling apart. and i hate it....alot....all the time....i think billie jo needs to come back...atleast then the place was semi bearable.....brooke asked me if had gotten any better....nope...not so much...ive just become desensitized....and im fighting back...putting in a few one-liners of my own....i miss her...as crazy as we could drive eachother at times.....i rarely had to explain things to her....she just got it....not like here...are you ok? yeah...great....nothing a bottle of vodka wont fix....like id tell them anyway...she never had to ask if i was ok....she just knew i wasnt...and usually how to fix it and when to back off....something these people have yet to figure out....
and the whole corporate thing...making me nuts...if i hear one more time "youre really qualified, BUT were taking someone else", im going to scream....scream and then jump off the bridge or join the circus....im just over this whole thing....i cant deal with the damn store anymore...i thought i could...i thought that a new brand and a new location would make a difference...make me like my job again....help bring back the person i was a year ago...but it failed...if anything, i care less....i need to get out...yet i feel hopeless....i feel like i will only ever be good enough to work in a store..despite anything else...they will take someone else...someone more qualified...another candidate....blah..this sucks....always the short end of the stick....ALWAYS. i really hate feeling like this....damn company...yet i cant imagine going anywhere else....part of me wants to talk to captain jack...get input...get help..get a connection...but then i remember what i overheard....and once again, my blood starts to boil. maybe my lunch buddy the other day is right...maybe i should stop applying for postions....save myself the time and let down...they will ALWAYS TAKE SOMEONE ELSE.....atleast then i can accept the fact that i will always work in a store cause thats all ill ever be good enough to do and run with it....damn im glad i went to bu.....
i used to believe that if you wanted something bad enough, it would count for something.....the events of the past month have caused me to seriously flaw that quote....2 things i wanted...more than i have wanted anything ever...and fate said fuck you....heres the short end of the stick...granted, if i didnt get the short end, i wouldnt know what to do with myself....cause it ALWAYS happens. i almost feel like im being laughed at....im not really suposed to be here...so ill never get the job, cause im meant to be in another state or something...some how i defied fate and now it doesnt know what to do with me....
gee....im quite the buzz kill.....sorry...had to get it out....just sick of this...want life to work in my favor for once...is that too much to ask? apparently so....stay tuned...more of my dissertaion on why life sucks to follow.....
and the whole corporate thing...making me nuts...if i hear one more time "youre really qualified, BUT were taking someone else", im going to scream....scream and then jump off the bridge or join the circus....im just over this whole thing....i cant deal with the damn store anymore...i thought i could...i thought that a new brand and a new location would make a difference...make me like my job again....help bring back the person i was a year ago...but it failed...if anything, i care less....i need to get out...yet i feel hopeless....i feel like i will only ever be good enough to work in a store..despite anything else...they will take someone else...someone more qualified...another candidate....blah..this sucks....always the short end of the stick....ALWAYS. i really hate feeling like this....damn company...yet i cant imagine going anywhere else....part of me wants to talk to captain jack...get input...get help..get a connection...but then i remember what i overheard....and once again, my blood starts to boil. maybe my lunch buddy the other day is right...maybe i should stop applying for postions....save myself the time and let down...they will ALWAYS TAKE SOMEONE ELSE.....atleast then i can accept the fact that i will always work in a store cause thats all ill ever be good enough to do and run with it....damn im glad i went to bu.....
i used to believe that if you wanted something bad enough, it would count for something.....the events of the past month have caused me to seriously flaw that quote....2 things i wanted...more than i have wanted anything ever...and fate said fuck you....heres the short end of the stick...granted, if i didnt get the short end, i wouldnt know what to do with myself....cause it ALWAYS happens. i almost feel like im being laughed at....im not really suposed to be here...so ill never get the job, cause im meant to be in another state or something...some how i defied fate and now it doesnt know what to do with me....
gee....im quite the buzz kill.....sorry...had to get it out....just sick of this...want life to work in my favor for once...is that too much to ask? apparently so....stay tuned...more of my dissertaion on why life sucks to follow.....