stuff thats been on my mind........
ive stopped updating this thing on a regular basis....im not sure if thats a good thing or a bad thing. if that means ive found a life or if im just so damn tired all the time that the livejournal is the last thing on my mind. on my mind....thats a good question. i was thinking about how i was going home this week when i was on the shuttle today. and i started thinking about family and seeing them....and then i thought about my birth parents..where they are....what they are doing....if they think about me. how often they think about me.....if they wonder where i am and what im up to. if they want to meet me.....do i want to meet them......sometimes i do.....whats the worst that could happen....then again, i dont....why mess with a good thing. i HAVE parents. why do i need others?
then tonite im home watching related. its a really cute show. kind of reminds me of me and my college roommates. were arent sisters, but i can totally relate to the stuff that happens on the show because of the stuff that used to happen to us. takes me back. generally to a good place...good memories. i love my roomies :) anyway, on the show tonite the woman that is marrying the girls dad had a son when she was 19 and gave him up for adoption. he called her. she freaked out....was suposed to meet him and got on the bus instead. sent in one of her soon to be step daughters. she talked to the poor guy. he talked about how nervous he was to meet her. would she be mad.....would she want to see him....did she think of him.....all the while she was worried that he would be mad at her and was afraid to see him......
i mean, it didnt really bother me, but it was kind of ironic, as i was having identical thoughts this morning.....and a few nights ago....i just wonder what would happen if i did meet them.....would they want to meet me. would i be able to find them? what if i wait...and then decide that in the future i want to meet them and its too late. i mean.....just watching the 5 minute scene...if it was even that long....i can totally relate. and its not often that i can relate to stuff like that on tv....
talked to brooke today....that was nice. it usually is....amazing how a phone call can make you feel better about just about anything. can help and fix things without me even knowing help me the only way id let myself be helped. and after last week, and phone/email tag, i really needed that. told me i should hit up boston for thanksgiving.....if only there wre time my dear....if only there were time. may....although it cant seem to come soon enough. she told me that kym left. not that i have anything to say about it....or that its even my place...but we used to talk. and now we dont. and i told brian tonight that after awhile, it comes to the point where after many unreturned phone calls and texts, im done trying. but, i just dont want to give up on the friendship. i had to hear that she left through brooke. i mean, i just miss her.....i miss the craziness....the walks home...the ice cream....the fun we used to have. im just a little sad that she went through all that hell deciding and we never talked about it. not that its my right to know whats going on with her, but i just miss what we used to have...and maybe ill never get that back.....
ok...enough.....im tired...its almost bed time.......its almost time to fly home for thanksgiving.....i love brian....i love my job....good night :)
then tonite im home watching related. its a really cute show. kind of reminds me of me and my college roommates. were arent sisters, but i can totally relate to the stuff that happens on the show because of the stuff that used to happen to us. takes me back. generally to a good place...good memories. i love my roomies :) anyway, on the show tonite the woman that is marrying the girls dad had a son when she was 19 and gave him up for adoption. he called her. she freaked out....was suposed to meet him and got on the bus instead. sent in one of her soon to be step daughters. she talked to the poor guy. he talked about how nervous he was to meet her. would she be mad.....would she want to see him....did she think of him.....all the while she was worried that he would be mad at her and was afraid to see him......
i mean, it didnt really bother me, but it was kind of ironic, as i was having identical thoughts this morning.....and a few nights ago....i just wonder what would happen if i did meet them.....would they want to meet me. would i be able to find them? what if i wait...and then decide that in the future i want to meet them and its too late. i mean.....just watching the 5 minute scene...if it was even that long....i can totally relate. and its not often that i can relate to stuff like that on tv....
talked to brooke today....that was nice. it usually is....amazing how a phone call can make you feel better about just about anything. can help and fix things without me even knowing help me the only way id let myself be helped. and after last week, and phone/email tag, i really needed that. told me i should hit up boston for thanksgiving.....if only there wre time my dear....if only there were time. may....although it cant seem to come soon enough. she told me that kym left. not that i have anything to say about it....or that its even my place...but we used to talk. and now we dont. and i told brian tonight that after awhile, it comes to the point where after many unreturned phone calls and texts, im done trying. but, i just dont want to give up on the friendship. i had to hear that she left through brooke. i mean, i just miss her.....i miss the craziness....the walks home...the ice cream....the fun we used to have. im just a little sad that she went through all that hell deciding and we never talked about it. not that its my right to know whats going on with her, but i just miss what we used to have...and maybe ill never get that back.....
ok...enough.....im tired...its almost bed time.......its almost time to fly home for thanksgiving.....i love brian....i love my job....good night :)