i have tomorrow off!!!
I don't think I've ever been so excited to have a saturday off. Not only do I have tomorrow off, but then I have Tuesday off (my birthday, as well as my normal day off) and then I have next Saturday and Sunday off. WOOHOO!!! We are going to Blair and Susan's wedding, so that should be fun. Good times. Tomorrow I'm going shopping with my mommy, Aunt, and sister to pick out an outfit for the wedding. woohoo, gotta love shopping. anyways...
So, I've been thinking alot this week, mostly because I've haven't really seen Jerry so I've been sitting around my house a lot. First off, I love Jerry with all my heart. He is the most important thing to me, besides my family. Between him, work, and my family, a lot of time is taken up. I don't regret any choices that I've made in the past, but I know if I could go back, I would do things in different ways and no so abruptly. When we started going out forever ago, I kind of just dropped my friends. One main reason was because I was scared. I really, really liked him and wanted to spend as much time with him as possible to build our relationship. Then, little by little, I kind of stopped hanging out with the girls. I was sad, but at the same time so happy...emotionally I was going crazy. I knew I was being a bad friend, and if it weren't for having my livejournal, I probably would have lost all contact with everyone. I've been at the point for a while now, where I'm really missing everyone. I'm growing up now. Working full time, have a relationship, a great family...the only thing I'm missing is my friends. I've been thinking about weddings and all that kind of stuff...when I have a family and what not...and I've realized that my friends won't be there to go through that with me, and that scares me.
I'm not saying I don't have any friends. I do have Marky and Erin, and Jon and Jori. But with everything that happened between Jori and Erin, we (as a group) won't ever be the same. I've heard both sides of the story and I'm not picking sides...but at the same time, I feel like I have to depending on which couple we're with. That bothers me, so we don't really hang out with anyone anymore. I see one of the girls at hockey...whichever one goes to the game when I'm there, and of course I see Erin at family things, but that's about it. I don't know what happened, nor do I care. Erin and I don't talk about it, because she doesn't want to pit me against anyone. However, around other people, things are said about her that I really don't appreciate. I don't care what shes done in the past, she is still my cousin. Nobody is perfect and we all make mistakes. There are so many different things that I can't even give examples, but I will always love her because she is family. So then I feel awkward because I know I should stick up for her, but I don't want to make a scene and make everyone feel uncomfortable, and I would also cry because that's what I do during confrontations, so then I would feel stupid...so I just sit there and don't say anything, and then I feel like a bad person. So I've removed myself from that situation by not seeing anyone. The last time I tried to get us all together, which everyone ALWAYS says they want to do, nobody seemed to want to hang out, so I quit. I took time off of work and ended up sitting home for most of the weekend while the guys went to the cottage which upset me. Whatever...I've gotten off track.
Anyways...the friends I'm talking about are the girls from school. The ones that "adopted me" when Mead and I were going out, and were still there after we broke up. I so wish that I could see everyone again, even if it's only once in a while. At least get to the point where we can call each other up whenever, just to talk and catch up. We've all grown up, and grown apart. I know that you guys are still there if I ever needed you, but it's just not the same.
When James died last December, it was horrible. Not until later did I realize that that could still happen to me or something ya know? You never think something like that will happen to your family, or that something that horrible might happen twice. Then, last week, Staci Cheadle was killed (she was a senior), Brad Z.'s step father died, another girl from Coopersville fell out of a tree and is paralyzed from the neck down, and a 12 year old got hit by a truck. All of their lives, and everyone's around them, were changed instantly. It could happen to anyone at anytime. I'm just sick of sitting here letting days go by where I'm missing chances to see and talk to my old friends again, because it could happen to me or anyone else. I don't know...it's just that, as happy as I am, there's a small part of me that feels empty because I don't have the girls. We've all grown apart, and I don't even know who is still friends with who, or who was fighting last. I don't even know if anything will change after this, but at least I've gotten it out of me. I feel better writing this. I was a bad friend back then, and I apologize for that. I know things won't be like they were when we were in high school. We all have different things going on with school, work, boyfriends, other relationships, whatever. But we can still use phones, and see each other once in a while...something, I don't know.
Okay...now I'm rambling, so I'm going to go. If anyone wants to get together for dinner or something, let me know. If we go to the pub (where i work), I get half off (for two people anyways)!!!! woohoo for cheap (but good) food!!! but yeah...call me! (292-7843) later!
<3 Coie
So, I've been thinking alot this week, mostly because I've haven't really seen Jerry so I've been sitting around my house a lot. First off, I love Jerry with all my heart. He is the most important thing to me, besides my family. Between him, work, and my family, a lot of time is taken up. I don't regret any choices that I've made in the past, but I know if I could go back, I would do things in different ways and no so abruptly. When we started going out forever ago, I kind of just dropped my friends. One main reason was because I was scared. I really, really liked him and wanted to spend as much time with him as possible to build our relationship. Then, little by little, I kind of stopped hanging out with the girls. I was sad, but at the same time so happy...emotionally I was going crazy. I knew I was being a bad friend, and if it weren't for having my livejournal, I probably would have lost all contact with everyone. I've been at the point for a while now, where I'm really missing everyone. I'm growing up now. Working full time, have a relationship, a great family...the only thing I'm missing is my friends. I've been thinking about weddings and all that kind of stuff...when I have a family and what not...and I've realized that my friends won't be there to go through that with me, and that scares me.
I'm not saying I don't have any friends. I do have Marky and Erin, and Jon and Jori. But with everything that happened between Jori and Erin, we (as a group) won't ever be the same. I've heard both sides of the story and I'm not picking sides...but at the same time, I feel like I have to depending on which couple we're with. That bothers me, so we don't really hang out with anyone anymore. I see one of the girls at hockey...whichever one goes to the game when I'm there, and of course I see Erin at family things, but that's about it. I don't know what happened, nor do I care. Erin and I don't talk about it, because she doesn't want to pit me against anyone. However, around other people, things are said about her that I really don't appreciate. I don't care what shes done in the past, she is still my cousin. Nobody is perfect and we all make mistakes. There are so many different things that I can't even give examples, but I will always love her because she is family. So then I feel awkward because I know I should stick up for her, but I don't want to make a scene and make everyone feel uncomfortable, and I would also cry because that's what I do during confrontations, so then I would feel stupid...so I just sit there and don't say anything, and then I feel like a bad person. So I've removed myself from that situation by not seeing anyone. The last time I tried to get us all together, which everyone ALWAYS says they want to do, nobody seemed to want to hang out, so I quit. I took time off of work and ended up sitting home for most of the weekend while the guys went to the cottage which upset me. Whatever...I've gotten off track.
Anyways...the friends I'm talking about are the girls from school. The ones that "adopted me" when Mead and I were going out, and were still there after we broke up. I so wish that I could see everyone again, even if it's only once in a while. At least get to the point where we can call each other up whenever, just to talk and catch up. We've all grown up, and grown apart. I know that you guys are still there if I ever needed you, but it's just not the same.
When James died last December, it was horrible. Not until later did I realize that that could still happen to me or something ya know? You never think something like that will happen to your family, or that something that horrible might happen twice. Then, last week, Staci Cheadle was killed (she was a senior), Brad Z.'s step father died, another girl from Coopersville fell out of a tree and is paralyzed from the neck down, and a 12 year old got hit by a truck. All of their lives, and everyone's around them, were changed instantly. It could happen to anyone at anytime. I'm just sick of sitting here letting days go by where I'm missing chances to see and talk to my old friends again, because it could happen to me or anyone else. I don't know...it's just that, as happy as I am, there's a small part of me that feels empty because I don't have the girls. We've all grown apart, and I don't even know who is still friends with who, or who was fighting last. I don't even know if anything will change after this, but at least I've gotten it out of me. I feel better writing this. I was a bad friend back then, and I apologize for that. I know things won't be like they were when we were in high school. We all have different things going on with school, work, boyfriends, other relationships, whatever. But we can still use phones, and see each other once in a while...something, I don't know.
Okay...now I'm rambling, so I'm going to go. If anyone wants to get together for dinner or something, let me know. If we go to the pub (where i work), I get half off (for two people anyways)!!!! woohoo for cheap (but good) food!!! but yeah...call me! (292-7843) later!
<3 Coie