Worse than the fear it's the lie you told a thousand times before - Worse than a fear it's the knife
I'm cracking.
This one seems worse than the traditional mid-semester slump. I'm finding myself in an increasingly foul mood every day, and have come to expect stress to get the best of me each day. I'm used to storming out of work with the wonder of how I'm going to pay my bills racing through my head. I've become accustomed to nightly arguments with Dustin and the anguish of having to pave things over the next day. It's all neverending... and it's really taking a toll on me.
My mother seems to think taking some time off work will fix some problems in relation to stress. From my point of view, taking time off work is admitting that I can't handle school and work, which in my mind is the worst thing I think I could do. I made a vow to be able to pay my bills on my own this year - I can't live off of my parents for my whole life. .....but in the back of my head I keep thinking, if it's already this bad, how can I expect to be able to support myself while I get my masters?? I feel pathetic, and helpless, and weak, all at the same time. I often wonder what the hell I am doing with my life.
Stats projects (2), music lit exam, stats review, stats exam, music lit paper, gerontology paper, health professions paper... and those are only in the coming couple of weeks. Sorry, Verizon, you just might not get my money this month.