school sucks..
thanksgiving was a'ight, i s'pose. i ate so much i thought i was pregnant again. (*knock knock knock*) um .. nope .. food was awesome though and i was surrounded by my family. cousin scott got to call collect to my parents house and talk to everyone but i passed out right after alan called from ks, and sure enough i slept right through the only phone call he's allowed to make all week. i hope i get to see him or talk to him. heard he's doing well in prison though -- as well as one can do .. he's got a job as a dishwasher and he gets his own toilet to share w/only one other person. damn if this doesn't teach him a lesson i surely hope my foot in his ass does.
anyways i've slept so much this long weekend (well, actually not a long wkd since i had to work friday) but i got some shopping done and now i'm broke again. i miss alan. the whole fam asked where he was on turkey day.
on another note i still hope i heard wrong and that james is not moving up here. for some reason i thought today that if he showed up at my door i'd call the cops and let them know he's here. he's got a few warrants and i'm sure he'd go away for at least a lil bit. i had a wicked dream about him last night where i saw him driving in a car w/two of his cousins and they were fucking around and wound up driving over a cliff. i remember feeling sad .. well, no not really, just weird, like i guess i'd feel about witnessing a complete stranger falling to his death right before my eyes. weird, haven't dreamed of him in a long while, and that's what i get. makes me wonder. as far as i'm concerned, he is not my daughter's father. i watch her with al and i've never seen her like that with anyone before, even my dad. she respects him, at least more than i would think she would. i don't know how to react to that either, it's just nice. i would hate if her father came around to make her think that he's what a man should be. he'll just end up getting taken away and have to leave her again, and this time perhaps she'd have some idea what's going on, and i'd be the one to have to explain it to her. i'm not ready for that, i don't think i ever will be. i hope he stays the fuck away so she's not in any sort of danger. i would never have imagined one yyear ago that i'd be writing that. but he deserves less and she deserves better.
ok i'm just procrastinating doing my hw, so i'd better get to it.
j?
anyways i've slept so much this long weekend (well, actually not a long wkd since i had to work friday) but i got some shopping done and now i'm broke again. i miss alan. the whole fam asked where he was on turkey day.
on another note i still hope i heard wrong and that james is not moving up here. for some reason i thought today that if he showed up at my door i'd call the cops and let them know he's here. he's got a few warrants and i'm sure he'd go away for at least a lil bit. i had a wicked dream about him last night where i saw him driving in a car w/two of his cousins and they were fucking around and wound up driving over a cliff. i remember feeling sad .. well, no not really, just weird, like i guess i'd feel about witnessing a complete stranger falling to his death right before my eyes. weird, haven't dreamed of him in a long while, and that's what i get. makes me wonder. as far as i'm concerned, he is not my daughter's father. i watch her with al and i've never seen her like that with anyone before, even my dad. she respects him, at least more than i would think she would. i don't know how to react to that either, it's just nice. i would hate if her father came around to make her think that he's what a man should be. he'll just end up getting taken away and have to leave her again, and this time perhaps she'd have some idea what's going on, and i'd be the one to have to explain it to her. i'm not ready for that, i don't think i ever will be. i hope he stays the fuck away so she's not in any sort of danger. i would never have imagined one yyear ago that i'd be writing that. but he deserves less and she deserves better.
ok i'm just procrastinating doing my hw, so i'd better get to it.
j?