This is long.
I went to little 5 for the first time last weekend.
I bought some cowry shell earrrings, a blue summer dress, and a tank top from my mom's band in the 60s. I'm not kidding. Going there really reminded me of home. It felt really good to buy things that are indicative of my inner hippie. Don't get me wrong, I love to shop at the mall and buy expensive girly things. But wearing that blue tank top with my mom's band on it (It's a Beautiful Day) felt more like "me" than wearing any other garment in my closet...with the exception of my Hogwarts shirt.
In a weird way, I guess I found myself again this weekend. I think I've really gotten lost in the chaos of everything. Lately I've just defined myself by my two majors. I haven't really been in touch with the real me. I dress in generic clothes and have this generic personality while I'm at school. But really, there's nothing generic about me. I only do the generic thing for a few reasons: 1. I can't afford much. 2. I'm afraid, especially in an academic setting, that people are going to judge me negatively. I don't care about my peers, I care about faculty. Specifically those related to my majors. Shelly thinks I'm a slacker. She may be right, but I do my best to look like a normal (whatever that is), well-rounded, intelligent, sophisticated person. And I don't care what anyone says, people are always going to judge you by your appearance. I think it's part of human nature. 3. I don't have time to look decent. I'm in this damn building all the time. I have no time to shop. I don't have time to think about my appearance. 4. I think I was attempting to grow up by wearing grown up clothes. Fuck that. I'm coming to terms with the fact that I will probably never be a grown up. I don't want to be. I don't want to be normal. What the hell is fun about being normal? Nothing.
This is all stuff that I figured out in high school. But for some reason, I'm being forced to rediscover my personality. Like I said, I got lost in the shuffle.
So the point of this banter is that for the first time in a couple years I felt comfortable in my own skin. I did something that I liked and it felt good. I felt liberated. I felt for once, that I was in control of myself. It's been a long time, but I'm glad to be back.
Just so everyone is aware...8:30 is not a decent time for me to be in public. Especially not rehearsing or reading. I tried to read the term "deus ex machina" in a script this morning, and it almost came out "ducks." This is a term that I'm very familiar with, and I've said it a milliom times. What the crap? Ugh. Then the people at P&P made me feel stupid when I dropped off the poster. And I'm already hungry. I hope this day gets better. I don't like feeling dumb.
Anyway, enough of my jabber. On with the day.
Freedom's just another word for nothing left to lose...
*Lulu*
I bought some cowry shell earrrings, a blue summer dress, and a tank top from my mom's band in the 60s. I'm not kidding. Going there really reminded me of home. It felt really good to buy things that are indicative of my inner hippie. Don't get me wrong, I love to shop at the mall and buy expensive girly things. But wearing that blue tank top with my mom's band on it (It's a Beautiful Day) felt more like "me" than wearing any other garment in my closet...with the exception of my Hogwarts shirt.
In a weird way, I guess I found myself again this weekend. I think I've really gotten lost in the chaos of everything. Lately I've just defined myself by my two majors. I haven't really been in touch with the real me. I dress in generic clothes and have this generic personality while I'm at school. But really, there's nothing generic about me. I only do the generic thing for a few reasons: 1. I can't afford much. 2. I'm afraid, especially in an academic setting, that people are going to judge me negatively. I don't care about my peers, I care about faculty. Specifically those related to my majors. Shelly thinks I'm a slacker. She may be right, but I do my best to look like a normal (whatever that is), well-rounded, intelligent, sophisticated person. And I don't care what anyone says, people are always going to judge you by your appearance. I think it's part of human nature. 3. I don't have time to look decent. I'm in this damn building all the time. I have no time to shop. I don't have time to think about my appearance. 4. I think I was attempting to grow up by wearing grown up clothes. Fuck that. I'm coming to terms with the fact that I will probably never be a grown up. I don't want to be. I don't want to be normal. What the hell is fun about being normal? Nothing.
This is all stuff that I figured out in high school. But for some reason, I'm being forced to rediscover my personality. Like I said, I got lost in the shuffle.
So the point of this banter is that for the first time in a couple years I felt comfortable in my own skin. I did something that I liked and it felt good. I felt liberated. I felt for once, that I was in control of myself. It's been a long time, but I'm glad to be back.
Just so everyone is aware...8:30 is not a decent time for me to be in public. Especially not rehearsing or reading. I tried to read the term "deus ex machina" in a script this morning, and it almost came out "ducks." This is a term that I'm very familiar with, and I've said it a milliom times. What the crap? Ugh. Then the people at P&P made me feel stupid when I dropped off the poster. And I'm already hungry. I hope this day gets better. I don't like feeling dumb.
Anyway, enough of my jabber. On with the day.
Freedom's just another word for nothing left to lose...
*Lulu*