(no subject)
I havent really talked much about Nicole for awhile but tonight at Ilene's house it hit me, I sat there at dinner thinking about it: Where the hell is Nicole? I cant believe its been 7 months already, it feels like it was just yesterday and I was in Lawrence celebrating my birthday with her at the bar, or calling her from The Phoggy Dog when she was at the North High Anniversary/The Brickyard with all of our friends. Or making plans to come home together for Fall Break which was coincidentally on Friday night, the night after her apartment burned down.
I wrote Nancy a big email tonight because all I've done is leave her notes on her diary but I have yet to see her since the memorial, to be quite honest I think that if I saw her I'd just break down and cry and thats why I havent grown the balls to go over and see how shes doing, but I think that time has come and gone and its time for me to pay her a visit, I think it will do me some good, and I hope it will do the same for her. I've wanted to talk to someone about it but I just dont know how to say how I feel, I mean, she wasnt my best friend like she was with Ilene, and I didnt date her like it was with Ryan, but we were still close. I remember when I introduced her to Daniel (who was literally my shoulder to cry on the weekend she was missing, and vice versa), when I made her come out with me to Henry's one night so she could meet Chad, sophomore year when she snuck off with Nickolas to get high, or last summer when I came to Lawrence and spent 3 days lounging with her at her old apartment in Orchard's Corners, or the numerous times she would come to Flanigans/Liquid just because it would be the only time I would get to come to Lawrence, or when I took her out to Aggieville right after she turned 21 (coincidentally the day before my best friend's 21st) and got her rip roaring drunk, the shot cards she made and bought for me on my last birthday, or the good time we had at the Christmas 2004 party... man, I could keep going.
The point of this entry is: I miss her alot... I'm just not really good at expressing myself when it comes to something like this, because I've never lost anyone as close to me as Nicole was.
I think the next time I go to Lawrence I am going to pay a visit to the apartment site, I wrote about this in the email to Nancy, its another one of those things that I havent had the balls to do, but I think its time that I do it... I was talking to Chad last night when I was in Lawrence and he mentioned how one of his neighbors had lived in Boardwalk when it burned down, and I started thinking out loud about how I hadnt been there since right after Nicole had moved in, its just one of those things that you have to do, I guess... I dont know how to explain it.
I'm rambling, but its a ramble with a purpose, I suppose, I feel better just writing this out, along with the email for Nancy. I sit here and listen to the one song I played over and over while she was missing and having a good cry, something I havent done in a very long time.
I miss you, Nicole.
-M
I wrote Nancy a big email tonight because all I've done is leave her notes on her diary but I have yet to see her since the memorial, to be quite honest I think that if I saw her I'd just break down and cry and thats why I havent grown the balls to go over and see how shes doing, but I think that time has come and gone and its time for me to pay her a visit, I think it will do me some good, and I hope it will do the same for her. I've wanted to talk to someone about it but I just dont know how to say how I feel, I mean, she wasnt my best friend like she was with Ilene, and I didnt date her like it was with Ryan, but we were still close. I remember when I introduced her to Daniel (who was literally my shoulder to cry on the weekend she was missing, and vice versa), when I made her come out with me to Henry's one night so she could meet Chad, sophomore year when she snuck off with Nickolas to get high, or last summer when I came to Lawrence and spent 3 days lounging with her at her old apartment in Orchard's Corners, or the numerous times she would come to Flanigans/Liquid just because it would be the only time I would get to come to Lawrence, or when I took her out to Aggieville right after she turned 21 (coincidentally the day before my best friend's 21st) and got her rip roaring drunk, the shot cards she made and bought for me on my last birthday, or the good time we had at the Christmas 2004 party... man, I could keep going.
The point of this entry is: I miss her alot... I'm just not really good at expressing myself when it comes to something like this, because I've never lost anyone as close to me as Nicole was.
I think the next time I go to Lawrence I am going to pay a visit to the apartment site, I wrote about this in the email to Nancy, its another one of those things that I havent had the balls to do, but I think its time that I do it... I was talking to Chad last night when I was in Lawrence and he mentioned how one of his neighbors had lived in Boardwalk when it burned down, and I started thinking out loud about how I hadnt been there since right after Nicole had moved in, its just one of those things that you have to do, I guess... I dont know how to explain it.
I'm rambling, but its a ramble with a purpose, I suppose, I feel better just writing this out, along with the email for Nancy. I sit here and listen to the one song I played over and over while she was missing and having a good cry, something I havent done in a very long time.
I miss you, Nicole.
-M