second step
For my second step..i have to meditate of whether i really love her.. or its just some kind of feeling of loneliness that attracts me to her, or some kind of lust, or just some habit that i have for trying to get what I want, and trying even harder when It's hard to get.
I don't think i would have ever seen this coming as part of my recovery. its really cutting deep into me, there's no bullshitting this one. I don't have an answer just yet. she's been around me for so long that im losing boundaries.. losing where things where..
my padrino is very intense.. he says things lightly and many times very funny. but the message he has is hard to follow many times, at least for me that i want everything. i want the good things and i don't want to let go of the bad. Little by little i think that i am letting go. this has been a hard step, really admitting that i dont know, and that God is the one who was going to teach me to reason once again. its a very spiritual process of really seeing God working through others around me, in all kinds of ways. i guess the reason that i havn't finished it... is because i sometimes think that trying to find God in everything is BS.. though i do believe in him, its hard for me to just believe that he is everywhere.
on a lighter note, i have been learning lots on guitar with Ricky who has been helping me develop my technique. My singing has definitely improved. i really love playing music and filming. If it were up to me, i would just live doing nothing else but that.
well.. im off to work, This are getting better in my life, and i have AA and my friends to blame for that... and I am Thankful.
I don't think i would have ever seen this coming as part of my recovery. its really cutting deep into me, there's no bullshitting this one. I don't have an answer just yet. she's been around me for so long that im losing boundaries.. losing where things where..
my padrino is very intense.. he says things lightly and many times very funny. but the message he has is hard to follow many times, at least for me that i want everything. i want the good things and i don't want to let go of the bad. Little by little i think that i am letting go. this has been a hard step, really admitting that i dont know, and that God is the one who was going to teach me to reason once again. its a very spiritual process of really seeing God working through others around me, in all kinds of ways. i guess the reason that i havn't finished it... is because i sometimes think that trying to find God in everything is BS.. though i do believe in him, its hard for me to just believe that he is everywhere.
on a lighter note, i have been learning lots on guitar with Ricky who has been helping me develop my technique. My singing has definitely improved. i really love playing music and filming. If it were up to me, i would just live doing nothing else but that.
well.. im off to work, This are getting better in my life, and i have AA and my friends to blame for that... and I am Thankful.