Slow sociology instructor is slow!
I'm taking another sociology course this semester, called "Theories of Race & Ethnicity." I was really, really anxious going into this class, because I SO wanted it to be a good class, and not a bunch of white-supremacy-reinforcing bullshit. I was concerned that the only book we're required to buy for the course is Black Like Me. (Not because it's not a good book, but because it seemed like no significant part of the course material was actually written by POC. That's disturbing, yes?)
After my first class last Thursday, my concerns have been largely assuaged. Our instructor is white, but thankfully knows that. She explained that Black Like Me is part of the course material largely to introduce white students in particular to white double consciousness. But we actually have a SHIT-TON of other readings that she has permission to email us as PDFs and stuff, in order to make the course more financially accessible. I guess she can't really do that with a whole book.
The first class was basically very exciting, since I couldn't find fault with anything our instructor was saying, and she was clearly very wound up (in a good way) about the class and had more energy when talking about the reading, response writing and discussions we were going to do/have than anybody I've EVER seen.
Also, she talks a mile a minute and the class is three hours long, so she packs in a heck of a lot.
(Actually, while observing the way she seems to think and how hyper she is, I'm left wondering if it's really just excitement or if she's "family" in the sense that she also has ADHD. I wonder if there's a way to ask that which wouldn't seem rude, because it would be wonderful to know if one of my instructors is also non-neurotypical.)
Really, the only low-ish point of the class was when she and I managed to out me as trans. (Yes, ON THE FIRST DAY OF CLASS.) She came out to us as a lesbian less than an hour into the class...and after the awkward silence that followed, I spoke up briefly to support her. (Because I really couldn't leave a fellow queer person emotionally stranded in front of an audience who clearly felt no obligation to support her themselves.)
She then (rightly) assumed I'm queer myself, but (wrongly) decided I'm a lesbian. And referred to me as a lesbian/gay throughout the class without actually asking me if I was (not that she should have, in front of so many people). Horribly awkward. So I originally intended to email her privately to correct the matter.
Then, just before the class ended, she was asking students for "three intelligent questions before you guys go." She wasn't getting any, so she started putting students on the spot, asking for a question. For the third one, she asked me for one.
And, completely stuck for a question, I opened my mouth and, "Why did you assume I'm female?" fell out.
Horrible.
Horrible.
God. My stupid, impulsive mouth.
Her first response was, "I didn't!" Which left me feeling supremely idiotic, and wondering how I could have misread the situation THAT badly.
But I guess I should have trusted myself more, because she immediately started actually answering the question...saying she assumed that my speaking up in support of her was "lesbian solidarity." So I guess that first response was just her being defensive. But then she said, "So I guess that's trans solidarity, then?" And...yeah. I didn't see any point in denying it, so I just raised a fist. I'm not sure the cisgender students honestly even understood what had happened in that exchange, so I'm not exactly sure how "out" I really am, anyway.
(For sure though, I'm now that weird kid who's queer in some ambiguous way. AGAIN. Aargh.)
After class, she came up to apologise for how "totally not okay" her assumptions had been. And really, I do forgive her and hold no hard feelings about it. But man, I still wish that hadn't happened. I'm just really uncomfortable with the idea of being out to a bunch of people I don't know.
Anyway.
The amount of reading we have to do is actually really intimidating, plus our instructor told us she would be sending us "weekly emails" that she writes herself, and we will be writing personal responses to the stuff. So obviously, I want to get started and know what we will be doing! I sent her some links I picked up from debunkingwhite in case she wants to discuss them, and to make sure my email connection to her works (my school email is so picky!), and I was waiting anxiously for this week's email.
I got this yesterday:
I hope I do not disappoint you when I say I am just writing to say you are ahead of my other class (we get a whole extra three hours together). So I am not starting the weekly emails or even expecting you to do anything this week besides come and be ready to challenge everything you have ever thought you knew (or something like that).
AARGH. If we have a head start, then START!
*taps foot*
Sheesh.
After my first class last Thursday, my concerns have been largely assuaged. Our instructor is white, but thankfully knows that. She explained that Black Like Me is part of the course material largely to introduce white students in particular to white double consciousness. But we actually have a SHIT-TON of other readings that she has permission to email us as PDFs and stuff, in order to make the course more financially accessible. I guess she can't really do that with a whole book.
The first class was basically very exciting, since I couldn't find fault with anything our instructor was saying, and she was clearly very wound up (in a good way) about the class and had more energy when talking about the reading, response writing and discussions we were going to do/have than anybody I've EVER seen.
Also, she talks a mile a minute and the class is three hours long, so she packs in a heck of a lot.
(Actually, while observing the way she seems to think and how hyper she is, I'm left wondering if it's really just excitement or if she's "family" in the sense that she also has ADHD. I wonder if there's a way to ask that which wouldn't seem rude, because it would be wonderful to know if one of my instructors is also non-neurotypical.)
Really, the only low-ish point of the class was when she and I managed to out me as trans. (Yes, ON THE FIRST DAY OF CLASS.) She came out to us as a lesbian less than an hour into the class...and after the awkward silence that followed, I spoke up briefly to support her. (Because I really couldn't leave a fellow queer person emotionally stranded in front of an audience who clearly felt no obligation to support her themselves.)
She then (rightly) assumed I'm queer myself, but (wrongly) decided I'm a lesbian. And referred to me as a lesbian/gay throughout the class without actually asking me if I was (not that she should have, in front of so many people). Horribly awkward. So I originally intended to email her privately to correct the matter.
Then, just before the class ended, she was asking students for "three intelligent questions before you guys go." She wasn't getting any, so she started putting students on the spot, asking for a question. For the third one, she asked me for one.
And, completely stuck for a question, I opened my mouth and, "Why did you assume I'm female?" fell out.
Horrible.
Horrible.
God. My stupid, impulsive mouth.
Her first response was, "I didn't!" Which left me feeling supremely idiotic, and wondering how I could have misread the situation THAT badly.
But I guess I should have trusted myself more, because she immediately started actually answering the question...saying she assumed that my speaking up in support of her was "lesbian solidarity." So I guess that first response was just her being defensive. But then she said, "So I guess that's trans solidarity, then?" And...yeah. I didn't see any point in denying it, so I just raised a fist. I'm not sure the cisgender students honestly even understood what had happened in that exchange, so I'm not exactly sure how "out" I really am, anyway.
(For sure though, I'm now that weird kid who's queer in some ambiguous way. AGAIN. Aargh.)
After class, she came up to apologise for how "totally not okay" her assumptions had been. And really, I do forgive her and hold no hard feelings about it. But man, I still wish that hadn't happened. I'm just really uncomfortable with the idea of being out to a bunch of people I don't know.
Anyway.
The amount of reading we have to do is actually really intimidating, plus our instructor told us she would be sending us "weekly emails" that she writes herself, and we will be writing personal responses to the stuff. So obviously, I want to get started and know what we will be doing! I sent her some links I picked up from debunkingwhite in case she wants to discuss them, and to make sure my email connection to her works (my school email is so picky!), and I was waiting anxiously for this week's email.
I got this yesterday:
I hope I do not disappoint you when I say I am just writing to say you are ahead of my other class (we get a whole extra three hours together). So I am not starting the weekly emails or even expecting you to do anything this week besides come and be ready to challenge everything you have ever thought you knew (or something like that).
AARGH. If we have a head start, then START!
*taps foot*
Sheesh.