Just get me to the airport, put me on a plane, hurry hurry hurry, before I go insane.
The kick I've been on is inspiration. Though my time & funds are limited, everything in my power is being done to spark something to get me on Mission: Exciting. I want to be excited about something again.
My horrible no-good issue is that I never, ever follow through on a single silly thing. While reading Eat Pray Love.....I laughed, cried, felt euphoric alongside all these revaluations. I saw the movie & was less impressed about their take of it being a journey to find a new man, but that's a whole other thing.
Anyways, the book was fantastic & I think, wow, I should get back into my spirituality. I have never been happier then when I was in tune with the "Big Picture". May sound hippy drippy but considering I've tried everything from moving across the ocean to changing jobs a million times to feel it again...well, I'd like to have it back.
After closing the back book flap I sat lotus style right there in my room and began to focus. It felt great, definitely not bad for the first time in a long time.
& that was the last time I meditated, two weeks ago.
It felt nice, so why didn't I follow through? Where is that mental block coming from? The worst feeling in the world is knowing what will make you happy, but not having the drive to do it. There's a means to an extent in my life right now, but that hasn't been enough for me to get into a routine.
I enjoy pouring over websites & bookmarking potential writing gigs & job opportunities, my thoughts are lifted to the day where I might actually find something I'm good at that someone will pay me to do. Then, I don't know what happens. It may be a mix of anxiety or laziness or just procrastination...no clue. I love coming up with ideas & talking endlessly about possibilities of all sorts of things, but the next step never forms. It doesn't happen. It could be due to my own misfourtune or shortcomings, could be due to the current market or the teeming mass on recent grads hoping for the same thing. I don't know.
I hate that I hear far more stories that are tragic then successful right now. I know a kid who's spent 18 months unemployed, now paralysed beyond fear to get even a gas attendant job because he's so far gone down the listless rabbit hole. I work in a restaurant with another guy who's talented in the film industry, but had to move back here from Chicago to help his family in distress. Now no one will give him a chance (a paying chance) to continue his career in MA, so he serves fat people their food.
The only type of success I hear of is obnoxious. A friend who's family paid her four years at an amazing school, majoring in what her mother does, who then got a job in the company her mother works for, & is now buying a condo with her family paying half the mortgage. She will never have to worry about anything.
But alright, fine, that's not what I really want deep down either.
There's too many of us. Too many of us were told to go for what we loved & we were told hey, you work hard, you'll be fine.
I'm starting to doubt it. I think too many of us were told this was a possibility, & now those opportunities have been taken by a small percentage & the rest of us are sitting here trained in fields with no availability.
I don't want to sound whiny, I just want to know if this is truth.
& I want to know what should we do now.
This always happens, my post starts out with a subject & ends in something drastically different. I should really stop the ranting and just buck it up. Off to apply for upstarting, non-paid website gigs that want articles about gardening. Fantastic. Adios!
My horrible no-good issue is that I never, ever follow through on a single silly thing. While reading Eat Pray Love.....I laughed, cried, felt euphoric alongside all these revaluations. I saw the movie & was less impressed about their take of it being a journey to find a new man, but that's a whole other thing.
Anyways, the book was fantastic & I think, wow, I should get back into my spirituality. I have never been happier then when I was in tune with the "Big Picture". May sound hippy drippy but considering I've tried everything from moving across the ocean to changing jobs a million times to feel it again...well, I'd like to have it back.
After closing the back book flap I sat lotus style right there in my room and began to focus. It felt great, definitely not bad for the first time in a long time.
& that was the last time I meditated, two weeks ago.
It felt nice, so why didn't I follow through? Where is that mental block coming from? The worst feeling in the world is knowing what will make you happy, but not having the drive to do it. There's a means to an extent in my life right now, but that hasn't been enough for me to get into a routine.
I enjoy pouring over websites & bookmarking potential writing gigs & job opportunities, my thoughts are lifted to the day where I might actually find something I'm good at that someone will pay me to do. Then, I don't know what happens. It may be a mix of anxiety or laziness or just procrastination...no clue. I love coming up with ideas & talking endlessly about possibilities of all sorts of things, but the next step never forms. It doesn't happen. It could be due to my own misfourtune or shortcomings, could be due to the current market or the teeming mass on recent grads hoping for the same thing. I don't know.
I hate that I hear far more stories that are tragic then successful right now. I know a kid who's spent 18 months unemployed, now paralysed beyond fear to get even a gas attendant job because he's so far gone down the listless rabbit hole. I work in a restaurant with another guy who's talented in the film industry, but had to move back here from Chicago to help his family in distress. Now no one will give him a chance (a paying chance) to continue his career in MA, so he serves fat people their food.
The only type of success I hear of is obnoxious. A friend who's family paid her four years at an amazing school, majoring in what her mother does, who then got a job in the company her mother works for, & is now buying a condo with her family paying half the mortgage. She will never have to worry about anything.
But alright, fine, that's not what I really want deep down either.
There's too many of us. Too many of us were told to go for what we loved & we were told hey, you work hard, you'll be fine.
I'm starting to doubt it. I think too many of us were told this was a possibility, & now those opportunities have been taken by a small percentage & the rest of us are sitting here trained in fields with no availability.
I don't want to sound whiny, I just want to know if this is truth.
& I want to know what should we do now.
This always happens, my post starts out with a subject & ends in something drastically different. I should really stop the ranting and just buck it up. Off to apply for upstarting, non-paid website gigs that want articles about gardening. Fantastic. Adios!