(no subject)
I said in May there would be another “Essay” coming. Well, I think it is time to keep going with this book on life.
“He does me double wrong
That wounds me with the flatteries of his tongue.”
William Shakespeare
I have had my days of flattery. To this day I have a hard to believing people when they tell me, I’m pretty or a variation of that. It’s hard to see it when the mirror you’re looking in is in HD and you feel like the rest of world is still in Technicolor. With people saying it for years, I learned to smile and nod. The only time I see my beauty is when take the time to paint my face on and dress in clothes that actually fit my body. I first knew what it was like to be flattered in 1999 when I went camping with my cousins. After that, stupid boys came out of the wood work. Then, one summer evening in 2003, a smart boy came to a naive little girl. The king of flatterers, not only was he the king, but I had admired him for a couple of years. If it wasn’t for my sensitivity to bull crap and a weak stomach for awkwardness, I wouldn’t have known what was going on. I still needed someone to explain, all I knew was something wasn’t right.
I didn’t trust many guys after that. I did what some would call; keeping the opposite sex in the “Friend Zone.” I thought that because my brothers always protected me that I would always be protected from the retards out there. I realized they only kept the real ones at bay, the “smart” ones got through.
"A brother is a friend given by Nature."
Jean Baptiste Legouve
In a small town area, everyone knows everyone. It’s even worse when your older brothers are active at school and at the closest camp. Needless to say I got a lot of “Your Joe’s sister?” and once and a great while I’d get “Pat’s sister?” or “Paul’s sister?” But with Joe only being 5 years older than me, instead of 10.5, Joe was usually brought up first.
Most of the guys I hung out with either knew Joe first or I introduced him to them. Very few of my friends were able to meet Pat. Some have met Paul, mostly he just happened to be around when they were. The reason for my brothers meeting my guy friends and, on occasion, boyfriends is because people feared them.
Joe: One time in Watertown I went to go hangout with a guy Joe knew. Before we left Joe warned him what would happen if anything happened to me while we were out. (Joe is the average guy, skinny and muscular, but as fierce as tiger.) This big trucker guy made sure I was ok with everything he had planned, meeting his friends and hanging out for the evening. Never seen a big guy like that, that could clearly take Joe shake so bad.
Paul: Clearly he isn’t a confrontational man, but I can bet if he ever sees any one that has hurt me in anyway shape or form, he would have words. He has made a couple of promises to me in the past few years… lol.
Pat: Wasn’t around much as I grew up, but he is worse than Joe.
As I mention my brothers and how close we are as a family. Granted over the years we have gotten closer, even when we aren’t in the same state. I am reminded of the brothers I adopted over the years. So many to name but here are just a few: Mike, Josh, Lurky and many others.
“When twilight drops her curtain down
And pins it with a star
Remember that you have a friend
Though she may wander far.”
Lucy Maud Montgomery
Through the years no matter where I am or where she is, Allison has always been a phone call away. Have it be questions when I get married to complete melt downs. She has always been right there. Even when I thought I was strong she was the one that saw threw my walls. Allison always hunted me down for answers, she always wanted to make things right. My big sister I never had. Allison taught me how to be a girl. She taught me that it was ok to be silly and to be myself no matter what. Though I fell short a little, she was there to pick me up again. Always willing to protect me and stick up for me, but knows when to let me fight my own battles.
Amber showed up later in life, after I had learned so much from Allison. But Amber and I grew up after we met. We were still young and learning how to be adults, we are still learning in fact. We have learned many life lessons and taught each other different things from each. Together we have proven that everything is possible.
"Children love to be alone because alone is where they know themselves, and where they dream."
Roger Rosenblatt, The Man in the Water, 1994
Every once and a while I enjoy being alone. Sometimes I sing, dance or cry, but I enjoy it completely. In a way, I enjoy talking to myself and keeping my thoughts in order. Making sure I way what I mean, and mean what I say. Sometimes, I replay things in my head, figuring out what I would say differently next time. Even though, I know I will never get another chance to get it right. I replay the good moments even when they are hard to find. I remind myself of my purpose here on earth and try to achieve it.
I like making mental to-do lists, lists of goals and setting a time frame. Sometimes I achieve them other times I fail epically. But at least I had some kind of plan. Being alone is where I am most true. I say what I want and do as I please. No fear of judgment or correction. I am who I am and who I want to be. When I’m alone, I’m free.
I said in May there would be another “Essay” coming. Well, I think it is time to keep going with this book on life.
“He does me double wrong
That wounds me with the flatteries of his tongue.”
William Shakespeare
I have had my days of flattery. To this day I have a hard to believing people when they tell me, I’m pretty or a variation of that. It’s hard to see it when the mirror you’re looking in is in HD and you feel like the rest of world is still in Technicolor. With people saying it for years, I learned to smile and nod. The only time I see my beauty is when take the time to paint my face on and dress in clothes that actually fit my body. I first knew what it was like to be flattered in 1999 when I went camping with my cousins. After that, stupid boys came out of the wood work. Then, one summer evening in 2003, a smart boy came to a naive little girl. The king of flatterers, not only was he the king, but I had admired him for a couple of years. If it wasn’t for my sensitivity to bull crap and a weak stomach for awkwardness, I wouldn’t have known what was going on. I still needed someone to explain, all I knew was something wasn’t right.
I didn’t trust many guys after that. I did what some would call; keeping the opposite sex in the “Friend Zone.” I thought that because my brothers always protected me that I would always be protected from the retards out there. I realized they only kept the real ones at bay, the “smart” ones got through.
"A brother is a friend given by Nature."
Jean Baptiste Legouve
In a small town area, everyone knows everyone. It’s even worse when your older brothers are active at school and at the closest camp. Needless to say I got a lot of “Your Joe’s sister?” and once and a great while I’d get “Pat’s sister?” or “Paul’s sister?” But with Joe only being 5 years older than me, instead of 10.5, Joe was usually brought up first.
Most of the guys I hung out with either knew Joe first or I introduced him to them. Very few of my friends were able to meet Pat. Some have met Paul, mostly he just happened to be around when they were. The reason for my brothers meeting my guy friends and, on occasion, boyfriends is because people feared them.
Joe: One time in Watertown I went to go hangout with a guy Joe knew. Before we left Joe warned him what would happen if anything happened to me while we were out. (Joe is the average guy, skinny and muscular, but as fierce as tiger.) This big trucker guy made sure I was ok with everything he had planned, meeting his friends and hanging out for the evening. Never seen a big guy like that, that could clearly take Joe shake so bad.
Paul: Clearly he isn’t a confrontational man, but I can bet if he ever sees any one that has hurt me in anyway shape or form, he would have words. He has made a couple of promises to me in the past few years… lol.
Pat: Wasn’t around much as I grew up, but he is worse than Joe.
As I mention my brothers and how close we are as a family. Granted over the years we have gotten closer, even when we aren’t in the same state. I am reminded of the brothers I adopted over the years. So many to name but here are just a few: Mike, Josh, Lurky and many others.
“When twilight drops her curtain down
And pins it with a star
Remember that you have a friend
Though she may wander far.”
Lucy Maud Montgomery
Through the years no matter where I am or where she is, Allison has always been a phone call away. Have it be questions when I get married to complete melt downs. She has always been right there. Even when I thought I was strong she was the one that saw threw my walls. Allison always hunted me down for answers, she always wanted to make things right. My big sister I never had. Allison taught me how to be a girl. She taught me that it was ok to be silly and to be myself no matter what. Though I fell short a little, she was there to pick me up again. Always willing to protect me and stick up for me, but knows when to let me fight my own battles.
Amber showed up later in life, after I had learned so much from Allison. But Amber and I grew up after we met. We were still young and learning how to be adults, we are still learning in fact. We have learned many life lessons and taught each other different things from each. Together we have proven that everything is possible.
"Children love to be alone because alone is where they know themselves, and where they dream."
Roger Rosenblatt, The Man in the Water, 1994
Every once and a while I enjoy being alone. Sometimes I sing, dance or cry, but I enjoy it completely. In a way, I enjoy talking to myself and keeping my thoughts in order. Making sure I way what I mean, and mean what I say. Sometimes, I replay things in my head, figuring out what I would say differently next time. Even though, I know I will never get another chance to get it right. I replay the good moments even when they are hard to find. I remind myself of my purpose here on earth and try to achieve it.
I like making mental to-do lists, lists of goals and setting a time frame. Sometimes I achieve them other times I fail epically. But at least I had some kind of plan. Being alone is where I am most true. I say what I want and do as I please. No fear of judgment or correction. I am who I am and who I want to be. When I’m alone, I’m free.