Just another manic Monday...
So, it seems i may or may not be leaving Lewis County in the next few weeks. I'd much rather go home to Shreveport and see him as soon as possible. Seeing him and finding what we need as soon as we can. It's hard just sitting back and pretending everything is ok, when im breaking inside.
Oh a positive note: My self-esteem has never been higher. I know that sounds a bit rude and even arrogant. But its something i have never felt before, and something i needed.
Over the weekend my aunt gave me a call. She asked me if i would be willing to pose for her so she could use her new camera. It's a semi-professional camera, but she only bought it for hobby. However, she took Amber, Orianna (my niece), and me to take pictures on Saturday. Ori wasn't very happy so i was the main model for the day. I didn't do anything special with my hair or make up, i didn't even dress differently, but some how she managed to capture me in such a way even i was impressed.
That night i sent the pictures to a couple of good friends, one i might even admit he is one of my best friends. However, the other is a photographer in Georgia. She loved the pictures and even wants me to visit her so she can take some of me as well. I put some on mysape as well, just to see what people had to say, all positive, even though i was looking for for critical comments.
Sunday, my aunt took just Amber and me to take some more. Amber hasn't been so happy in a while. She was able to see herself the way everyone else around her sees her as, a beautiful young lady. She just sees the mother in her now, although going from a size 5 to a size 12 would do that to anyone. But seeing her happy, truly happy and proud of her beauty was breath taking. That was the high light of my weekend, i haven't see her that happy since high school.
All in all it was a wonderful weekend... then Monday came.
My little job isn't even that pressing, i watch a 2 year old and his older sister which is 4 until the oldest gets home from school. Not that hard, yesterday was the easiest as far as my job is concerned. None of the girls gave me attitude and they even did what i asked of them. Nonetheless, it was a horrible day and i even resorted to getting my rage out by using a word i never use... yes by some people it isnt that bad but for me it was bad enough to get it out. I used a word that worse that crap, lol... sound silly im sure. But i used it three times, and even thought of using it more in my conversations throughout the night. But i didn't, i resorted to just the word crap for the remainder of the night. It was far better than other things i wished i could have done. Despite my feeling throughout the day, i did not cry. Not once did i stoop over and let the waterworks go. I was just angry at the fact im powerless, there is nothing i can do. All i could do was try to distract myself from my problems for a few hours to make me thin everything was ok.
Oh a positive note: My self-esteem has never been higher. I know that sounds a bit rude and even arrogant. But its something i have never felt before, and something i needed.
Over the weekend my aunt gave me a call. She asked me if i would be willing to pose for her so she could use her new camera. It's a semi-professional camera, but she only bought it for hobby. However, she took Amber, Orianna (my niece), and me to take pictures on Saturday. Ori wasn't very happy so i was the main model for the day. I didn't do anything special with my hair or make up, i didn't even dress differently, but some how she managed to capture me in such a way even i was impressed.
That night i sent the pictures to a couple of good friends, one i might even admit he is one of my best friends. However, the other is a photographer in Georgia. She loved the pictures and even wants me to visit her so she can take some of me as well. I put some on mysape as well, just to see what people had to say, all positive, even though i was looking for for critical comments.
Sunday, my aunt took just Amber and me to take some more. Amber hasn't been so happy in a while. She was able to see herself the way everyone else around her sees her as, a beautiful young lady. She just sees the mother in her now, although going from a size 5 to a size 12 would do that to anyone. But seeing her happy, truly happy and proud of her beauty was breath taking. That was the high light of my weekend, i haven't see her that happy since high school.
All in all it was a wonderful weekend... then Monday came.
My little job isn't even that pressing, i watch a 2 year old and his older sister which is 4 until the oldest gets home from school. Not that hard, yesterday was the easiest as far as my job is concerned. None of the girls gave me attitude and they even did what i asked of them. Nonetheless, it was a horrible day and i even resorted to getting my rage out by using a word i never use... yes by some people it isnt that bad but for me it was bad enough to get it out. I used a word that worse that crap, lol... sound silly im sure. But i used it three times, and even thought of using it more in my conversations throughout the night. But i didn't, i resorted to just the word crap for the remainder of the night. It was far better than other things i wished i could have done. Despite my feeling throughout the day, i did not cry. Not once did i stoop over and let the waterworks go. I was just angry at the fact im powerless, there is nothing i can do. All i could do was try to distract myself from my problems for a few hours to make me thin everything was ok.