Ode to the Greatest Friend
Another wonderful year's up ahead!
I can really feel 2012's going to be an awesome, awesome year. Not just for me, but for everyone. :)
New Year's Eve was extra special because of Kouhaku and Johnny's Countdown. I was so happy when my husband, Kora Kengo, made an appearance in Kouhaku! And with that, I knew, 2012's going to be epic. :D
ANYWAY.
I'm not a very good prose writer. I never really got to write long entries in my blogs (not unless I'm ranting, LOL), but there's just something I've been longing to write so let's make this entry an exception, shall we?
Last Friday, January6, was my dear, dear, dear friend Chesca's first death anniversary. I have never properly talked about this, and it's such a shame that it took me this long to actually write something for and about her. She was, and forever will be, one of the greatest people I've ever known in my life.
Chesca and I met through UP Arirang, this club I was a member in that's mainly a Korean-Filipino friendship organization. We were batchmates, both sophomores and applying for the org at the same time. She joined the application process a lot later than I did, though, so I never got to talk her as much as I did with my other co-applicants at that time. She seemed nice and quiet, but boy was I wrong about the latter. She was such a happy, bubbly person that I thought I couldn't keep up with her energy. That's the main reason why I didn't talk to her much before. I regret having been close with her only after a whole year of knowing each other. We met in 2007, but we only got to 'talk' and hang out together in 2008. We clicked instantly.
You see, Chesca really is a loud person. The truth is, I don't like people like that. I'm more on the quiet, antisocial side so being with her before we got close was sort of a pain. But upon talking to her everyday, I realized why everyone loved her. I realized how she's a very fun and positive person. She made me happy just by being around her. It was really a wonderful time in my life. I started going out with friends and hanging out with them rather than staying in my dorm room alone. It was like Chesca opened this door for me to be able to open up with other people and have fun with them, and most importantly, trust them. Because of Chesca, I also got to be close with Jess, Danie and the other members of UP Arirang. I really had the grandest time whenever I was with them. I was happy, and it was all that mattered.
Not long after, a rift between Jess and GD, and I happened. Jess and GD were the closest friends I had in Arirang that time. It was unbearable because I really don't trust people easily, and since I trusted them so much, it hurt a lot when this happened. But Chesca was there for me. She listened to all my rants and ramblings. She supported me and even told me that it was okay to cry. I remember being really angry that I cried because I've never felt so lonely and alone in my life. I just kept on repeating the rants and complaints I have to Chesca, every single day. But she never got tired of it. She listened. She was there. And I felt a lot better.
Time passed, Jess and GD and I got to talk to each other again. It wasn't like what we were before, but even though I said I wouldn't forgive them and our friendship has already ended, I still felt happy that we made up. Chesca made me realize that friends fight, and making up with them and getting close to them again might take time, but she said it's not impossible. She's right. Jess, GD, and I are as great friends as ever.
Since then, Chesca has always been one of the two people I tell everything to (the other one would be my roommate Danie). You don't know how much that means to me, really. I've always been the type of person who never told anyone how I felt. I prefer bottling up all my feelings and keeping them to myself. But after I met Chesca, that changed. I always tell Chesca all my thoughts. Even if they don't really matter, or even if they make no sense. She listens. And she supports. And she's just there. She will never make fun of your feelings. And she will never judge you and your thoughts and opinions. But she tells me whenever I'm doing something wrong or if I'm already hurting others with what I'm doing. She's really a great friend.
We would stay up all night talking to each other online, and spend the next day hanging out together. We never ran out of things to talk to about. It was really fun.
So you can never imagine how and what I felt when I found out she passed away.
I was at work. It was my break time. I received a text message from Jess. I even joked because it has been a long time she sent me a message. But she had this serious air with her messages. I felt anxious. I felt nervous. Then I received it, her message telling me that Chesca was gone. I couldn't believe it. I bombarded her with questions. I went out of the office and hid in the bathroom. Jess called me. Told me what happened. Since the signal inside the bathroom was low, I had to go out to the hallway. I was crying. Loudly. My tears weren't stopping. Jess was comforting me on the phone. I felt so weak. I cried in our office's corridor. Thinking about it now, it was really embarrassing. Good thing the only person who saw me was a McDonald's delivery guy, who was kind enough to leave me alone and pretend he didn't see me bawling.
I really felt so bad and depressed. I couldn't teach my students anymore. It was as if the world was going on without me. When my Dad and sister picked me up from work, I told them. And I cried again. I was at the back of our car, my iPod on full blast, and I was crying so loud. I was crying when we left my office building till we arrived home. Since the traffic was a little heavy, it took us around an hour to get home. I was crying for an hour. When we got home, I told my Mom, and I cried again. While talking to my friends online about what happened, I was crying. I cried the whole night. The next morning, before going to Chesca's wake, I looked at her Facebook account, and I was crying still. I don't think I've ever cried so much in my life.
Upon arriving at the place of her wake, I cried again before I could even go inside. Everyone was comforting me. It was really embarrassing. I couldn't even bring myself to look at her casket. When I was about to, I cried again. I have never cried in front of other people in my whole life (except perhaps when I was a baby), but here I was, crying in front of my family, friends, and random strangers. I thought I could never get over and move on from this.
But it was Chesca who made me. Every time I think about her, I remember her smiles, her laughs, her brightness. She has always been one of the rays of sunshine in my life. And somehow, it made me feel a little better. I knew she didn't want me to be sad. I knew she wanted me to always smile and laugh and be happy. Just like what she has always been. And it made me feel a lot better.
I don't think anyone would read this very long entry, but I really wanted to post it anyway. Chesca deserves not only this little part, but I'm glad I got to write about her, even if it's this small.
Chesca may not be physically here anymore, but she's eternal. Her laughs, her smiles, and the laughs and smiles she brought to us will never, ever fade and be forgotten. I know that she's still listening, and that she will forever listen to me. I know that she will never get tired of it. I know that she's continuing to support us. And that she's just there. No, let me correct that. I know that she's here, in my heart.
Forever and always.
I love you, Ches (lex0715).
I'll be older than you this year. Who would've thought that would ever happen? :P
I can really feel 2012's going to be an awesome, awesome year. Not just for me, but for everyone. :)
New Year's Eve was extra special because of Kouhaku and Johnny's Countdown. I was so happy when my husband, Kora Kengo, made an appearance in Kouhaku! And with that, I knew, 2012's going to be epic. :D
ANYWAY.
I'm not a very good prose writer. I never really got to write long entries in my blogs (not unless I'm ranting, LOL), but there's just something I've been longing to write so let's make this entry an exception, shall we?
Last Friday, January6, was my dear, dear, dear friend Chesca's first death anniversary. I have never properly talked about this, and it's such a shame that it took me this long to actually write something for and about her. She was, and forever will be, one of the greatest people I've ever known in my life.
Chesca and I met through UP Arirang, this club I was a member in that's mainly a Korean-Filipino friendship organization. We were batchmates, both sophomores and applying for the org at the same time. She joined the application process a lot later than I did, though, so I never got to talk her as much as I did with my other co-applicants at that time. She seemed nice and quiet, but boy was I wrong about the latter. She was such a happy, bubbly person that I thought I couldn't keep up with her energy. That's the main reason why I didn't talk to her much before. I regret having been close with her only after a whole year of knowing each other. We met in 2007, but we only got to 'talk' and hang out together in 2008. We clicked instantly.
You see, Chesca really is a loud person. The truth is, I don't like people like that. I'm more on the quiet, antisocial side so being with her before we got close was sort of a pain. But upon talking to her everyday, I realized why everyone loved her. I realized how she's a very fun and positive person. She made me happy just by being around her. It was really a wonderful time in my life. I started going out with friends and hanging out with them rather than staying in my dorm room alone. It was like Chesca opened this door for me to be able to open up with other people and have fun with them, and most importantly, trust them. Because of Chesca, I also got to be close with Jess, Danie and the other members of UP Arirang. I really had the grandest time whenever I was with them. I was happy, and it was all that mattered.
Not long after, a rift between Jess and GD, and I happened. Jess and GD were the closest friends I had in Arirang that time. It was unbearable because I really don't trust people easily, and since I trusted them so much, it hurt a lot when this happened. But Chesca was there for me. She listened to all my rants and ramblings. She supported me and even told me that it was okay to cry. I remember being really angry that I cried because I've never felt so lonely and alone in my life. I just kept on repeating the rants and complaints I have to Chesca, every single day. But she never got tired of it. She listened. She was there. And I felt a lot better.
Time passed, Jess and GD and I got to talk to each other again. It wasn't like what we were before, but even though I said I wouldn't forgive them and our friendship has already ended, I still felt happy that we made up. Chesca made me realize that friends fight, and making up with them and getting close to them again might take time, but she said it's not impossible. She's right. Jess, GD, and I are as great friends as ever.
Since then, Chesca has always been one of the two people I tell everything to (the other one would be my roommate Danie). You don't know how much that means to me, really. I've always been the type of person who never told anyone how I felt. I prefer bottling up all my feelings and keeping them to myself. But after I met Chesca, that changed. I always tell Chesca all my thoughts. Even if they don't really matter, or even if they make no sense. She listens. And she supports. And she's just there. She will never make fun of your feelings. And she will never judge you and your thoughts and opinions. But she tells me whenever I'm doing something wrong or if I'm already hurting others with what I'm doing. She's really a great friend.
We would stay up all night talking to each other online, and spend the next day hanging out together. We never ran out of things to talk to about. It was really fun.
So you can never imagine how and what I felt when I found out she passed away.
I was at work. It was my break time. I received a text message from Jess. I even joked because it has been a long time she sent me a message. But she had this serious air with her messages. I felt anxious. I felt nervous. Then I received it, her message telling me that Chesca was gone. I couldn't believe it. I bombarded her with questions. I went out of the office and hid in the bathroom. Jess called me. Told me what happened. Since the signal inside the bathroom was low, I had to go out to the hallway. I was crying. Loudly. My tears weren't stopping. Jess was comforting me on the phone. I felt so weak. I cried in our office's corridor. Thinking about it now, it was really embarrassing. Good thing the only person who saw me was a McDonald's delivery guy, who was kind enough to leave me alone and pretend he didn't see me bawling.
I really felt so bad and depressed. I couldn't teach my students anymore. It was as if the world was going on without me. When my Dad and sister picked me up from work, I told them. And I cried again. I was at the back of our car, my iPod on full blast, and I was crying so loud. I was crying when we left my office building till we arrived home. Since the traffic was a little heavy, it took us around an hour to get home. I was crying for an hour. When we got home, I told my Mom, and I cried again. While talking to my friends online about what happened, I was crying. I cried the whole night. The next morning, before going to Chesca's wake, I looked at her Facebook account, and I was crying still. I don't think I've ever cried so much in my life.
Upon arriving at the place of her wake, I cried again before I could even go inside. Everyone was comforting me. It was really embarrassing. I couldn't even bring myself to look at her casket. When I was about to, I cried again. I have never cried in front of other people in my whole life (except perhaps when I was a baby), but here I was, crying in front of my family, friends, and random strangers. I thought I could never get over and move on from this.
But it was Chesca who made me. Every time I think about her, I remember her smiles, her laughs, her brightness. She has always been one of the rays of sunshine in my life. And somehow, it made me feel a little better. I knew she didn't want me to be sad. I knew she wanted me to always smile and laugh and be happy. Just like what she has always been. And it made me feel a lot better.
I don't think anyone would read this very long entry, but I really wanted to post it anyway. Chesca deserves not only this little part, but I'm glad I got to write about her, even if it's this small.
Chesca may not be physically here anymore, but she's eternal. Her laughs, her smiles, and the laughs and smiles she brought to us will never, ever fade and be forgotten. I know that she's still listening, and that she will forever listen to me. I know that she will never get tired of it. I know that she's continuing to support us. And that she's just there. No, let me correct that. I know that she's here, in my heart.
Forever and always.
I love you, Ches (lex0715).
I'll be older than you this year. Who would've thought that would ever happen? :P