(no subject)
ever wonder how u can be so dumb?...ok...so i fucked up...i fucked up BIG TIME!...but so did he...and i don't understand why or how i keep doing this to myself...i really thought that maybe this time would be different...
i don't understand how i could let something go that i held onto for SO long that quick...like it didn't matter...but it did matter...and i don't regret it...really...i don't...i just don't understand...and i probably never will...
someone told me today to just look on the bright side...but i don't know if there is one this time...
i just wish he'd talk to me...i know there are things i need to say...and i'm sure there are some things he'd like to say to me...and i just wish we could get it all out in the open...but chances are...thats not gonna happen and i'm just gonna be screwed and doomed to knowing that i coulda prevented all of this...knowing that it's pretty much all my fault...and knowing that theres really no possible way i could've fucked up any more...and i don't know how to deal with that...
i really thought it would be different this time...