Sigh of Relief
It feels so good to finally be done with everything before finals. Now I just have to do some reading and studying and I am done with my freshman year of college. Such a weird thought. I feel so old. Man, I was hit with a triple-kick of old-ness this week: my older sister turned 22 (eek-I can't have a sibling that's 22!), i'm done with my grades/papers of my freshman year of college, and all the pre-frosh's showed up. I look at them with their shortness and naivete and little-kid features and I say to myself "Did I really look that young a year ago??" I still don't feel like I'm in college and I don't feel like I'm 18 even though I'll be 19 in 2 months and that is STILL quite a bit younger than most of my friends. Aging really is such a strange thing.
I have seen dawn too often in the past week. We don't really have pretty dawns anymore. During the winter when there was snow on the ground they were beautiful. I loved mornings. Everything looked clean and bright and it was unearthly quiet. Now the sky goes from velvet to wet cotton and we don't have the snow for cleanliness and there is no bright green of spring yet. Going back to Florida and being thrust into the summer will be interesting. I have such mixed feelings about the place; as a whole I really do like it better here. Yet I miss my friends so much and I want to hear the ocean again; however, now I'm going to be missing a lot of people here when I leave it for the summer. Can I drag the ocean and my friends from home up here and just stay put???
I can't decide if I'm happy with this year as a whole. Academically I could've done better if I hadn't been a lazy bum about certain things, but that's pretty standard. I miss having the arts in my life; I need to find an outlet for my want-to-be-artistic-talents/hobbies here on campus. There really has been a big void there that I have not found a way to fill. A stack of mediocre papers has never been good enough for me and it's not proving to be good enough now. People yell at me that it's only our freshman year but its still a year taht I didn't want to waste. That's 1/4 of my time here gone without finding anything that really grabbed me. You could chalk that up to depression or shifting from big fish to little fish or or general apathy or any number of standard cop-out excuses but that doesn't change the fact that I still have nothing to show for my time. Time to start working on Free Culture over the summer and see what the hell I can do with that here, if anything. At least I managed to make really great friends, despite shifting and swirling waters. I just hope we will not dissolve as we all disperse in the flows. Also wish I had gone to Canada sooner. There are a few cool Canadians I missed up until 3 or 4 weeks ago. Oh well. Hopefully next year.
I have seen dawn too often in the past week. We don't really have pretty dawns anymore. During the winter when there was snow on the ground they were beautiful. I loved mornings. Everything looked clean and bright and it was unearthly quiet. Now the sky goes from velvet to wet cotton and we don't have the snow for cleanliness and there is no bright green of spring yet. Going back to Florida and being thrust into the summer will be interesting. I have such mixed feelings about the place; as a whole I really do like it better here. Yet I miss my friends so much and I want to hear the ocean again; however, now I'm going to be missing a lot of people here when I leave it for the summer. Can I drag the ocean and my friends from home up here and just stay put???
I can't decide if I'm happy with this year as a whole. Academically I could've done better if I hadn't been a lazy bum about certain things, but that's pretty standard. I miss having the arts in my life; I need to find an outlet for my want-to-be-artistic-talents/hobbies here on campus. There really has been a big void there that I have not found a way to fill. A stack of mediocre papers has never been good enough for me and it's not proving to be good enough now. People yell at me that it's only our freshman year but its still a year taht I didn't want to waste. That's 1/4 of my time here gone without finding anything that really grabbed me. You could chalk that up to depression or shifting from big fish to little fish or or general apathy or any number of standard cop-out excuses but that doesn't change the fact that I still have nothing to show for my time. Time to start working on Free Culture over the summer and see what the hell I can do with that here, if anything. At least I managed to make really great friends, despite shifting and swirling waters. I just hope we will not dissolve as we all disperse in the flows. Also wish I had gone to Canada sooner. There are a few cool Canadians I missed up until 3 or 4 weeks ago. Oh well. Hopefully next year.