Mile? Uh-uh
So practice sucked today. Its weird how I can run 13 miles with no breaks at a comfortable pace, yet I can't even run a mile without feeling like dying. My shins are killing me. My entire body feels uncomfortable. I can't stand that I can't keep up with everyone else. I can't stand the dizziness, nauseousness (sp?), and the constant want (sometimes need) to give up. I hate that I can't finish feeling accomplished and like I know I just ran my best. I know I can do better. But what sucks about it is that I have no motivation to push as hard as I can. The pain and suffering just doesn't seem worth it to me. I hate how the distance team gets no recognition. Maybe we don't win much (any) at all, but I know for a fact that we work ten times harder than anyone else on that track team. Wouldn't it be nice to run a couple of sprints for practice, run a 100 (maybe even a 200) at meets, win, then have everyone look at you like a hero? Yet we run miles at practice, run 800's, 1600's and 3200's at meets, end our races actually panting and feeling pain, but get nothing more than a nod. And no one else understands what its like to run distance. They can't understand and I complain but at the same time, I don't want them to understand. I don't want anyone else to do distance because we are our own team...something apart from the rest of the track team. We're our own little group and we understand each other's suffering and complaining. Plus, I know no one else can handle it. I'm rambling myself in circles.
Which is what I feel like my life is.
An (old, somewhat "ex") friend is throwing his life away. Drugs and alcohol tend to do that...especially when they begin to consume your life. Once or twice is ok. Every once in a while at a party is acceptable and almost normal to do. Every single day of your pathetic sixteen-year-old life is not. Especially when its with a 29-year-old, supposed to be a "grown up", supposed to be the responsible role model. Someone I used to trust. Someone I thought cared. They aren't the same people anymore. They don't care about anything except getting drunk and high. And I can't stand that. I stand apart and watch him throw his entire life down the drain and wonder if I could have helped. I give up. I try hard to care and feel sorry for him but I can't. I have my own life to worry about. I don't have time to watch him waste away his days while I do something worthwhile with mine. His loss. His mistakes. And now, his consequences.
The girls liked the "oh, she stabbed you, like she stabbed me in the back?" joke today. How fitting. (I seriously want a steroid test done on her...how can it be possible to finish those practices and not be at least out of breath a little? Then just want to do them all over again? No, it isn't normal.)
I have tons of homework. Oh, how I love that D in English. However, I must admit that I am KICKING ASS in AP Calc. I understand everything and I am still amazed at my 91 on that last test, when most of the class failed. Exam grade of a 5...here I come =P
Which is what I feel like my life is.
An (old, somewhat "ex") friend is throwing his life away. Drugs and alcohol tend to do that...especially when they begin to consume your life. Once or twice is ok. Every once in a while at a party is acceptable and almost normal to do. Every single day of your pathetic sixteen-year-old life is not. Especially when its with a 29-year-old, supposed to be a "grown up", supposed to be the responsible role model. Someone I used to trust. Someone I thought cared. They aren't the same people anymore. They don't care about anything except getting drunk and high. And I can't stand that. I stand apart and watch him throw his entire life down the drain and wonder if I could have helped. I give up. I try hard to care and feel sorry for him but I can't. I have my own life to worry about. I don't have time to watch him waste away his days while I do something worthwhile with mine. His loss. His mistakes. And now, his consequences.
The girls liked the "oh, she stabbed you, like she stabbed me in the back?" joke today. How fitting. (I seriously want a steroid test done on her...how can it be possible to finish those practices and not be at least out of breath a little? Then just want to do them all over again? No, it isn't normal.)
I have tons of homework. Oh, how I love that D in English. However, I must admit that I am KICKING ASS in AP Calc. I understand everything and I am still amazed at my 91 on that last test, when most of the class failed. Exam grade of a 5...here I come =P