my comeback entry
I've mentioned before in twitter that I was considering blogging again but I never really found the will to do so, that is, until tonight. One of my oldest and closest friends returned to LJ and it was enough, although indirect, push to get me typing this first entry back. So yay for my first entry after the longest time :D
I've always had a lot of things to say and it's a shame that there are times I opt to keep my mouth shut so as not to rock the boat. It's a shame not because what I have to say is so earth shaking and that the world will miss out on such great wisdom, but because at the end of the day I'm left alone with my unanswered questions and my unspoken feelings. I know that it would've been better if I voiced it out instead of just keeping it to myself and ending up spending the next 10 or so hours pondering and hypothesizing what it was and in the process, create monsters out of nothing. Sometimes though, there are no monsters. Sometimes we hold back on words that are beautiful, sentiments that are sweet, and feelings that are all too real. Whatever the case, once the moment has passed, it'll be off to bring it up all of a sudden, leaving you in a crossroad: to tell - even if obvious na you were keeping it to yourself pala the whole time, or not to tell - and to keep it to yourself forever. My blogs have always been a place for those unsaid thoughts. It has been the concrete form of limbo: up for all to see, but seldom directed to person in mind. Sometimes I just wish that certain people would read my entries and realize it was for them, that those words have once been almost uttered to their faces. ... but then sometimes, I look back on my entries - particularly in my secret blogs - and I cringe and tell myself buti na lang I never mustered the guts to do something about it. Pero meron din entries that, knowing it worked out in the end, make me smile.
And so the thought that has been running on my head the whole day: It's not because I doubt you, it's because I doubt myself. I gave that "disclaimer" not because I was accusing you but because I was scared that I'm not as strong as I'd like myself to be. It's not about me not trusting you, it's about me and my insecurities and kapraningan. I strongly hope that this sentiment falls under the category of those that'll make me smile in the future knowing that it worked out well.
I've always had a lot of things to say and it's a shame that there are times I opt to keep my mouth shut so as not to rock the boat. It's a shame not because what I have to say is so earth shaking and that the world will miss out on such great wisdom, but because at the end of the day I'm left alone with my unanswered questions and my unspoken feelings. I know that it would've been better if I voiced it out instead of just keeping it to myself and ending up spending the next 10 or so hours pondering and hypothesizing what it was and in the process, create monsters out of nothing. Sometimes though, there are no monsters. Sometimes we hold back on words that are beautiful, sentiments that are sweet, and feelings that are all too real. Whatever the case, once the moment has passed, it'll be off to bring it up all of a sudden, leaving you in a crossroad: to tell - even if obvious na you were keeping it to yourself pala the whole time, or not to tell - and to keep it to yourself forever. My blogs have always been a place for those unsaid thoughts. It has been the concrete form of limbo: up for all to see, but seldom directed to person in mind. Sometimes I just wish that certain people would read my entries and realize it was for them, that those words have once been almost uttered to their faces. ... but then sometimes, I look back on my entries - particularly in my secret blogs - and I cringe and tell myself buti na lang I never mustered the guts to do something about it. Pero meron din entries that, knowing it worked out in the end, make me smile.
And so the thought that has been running on my head the whole day: It's not because I doubt you, it's because I doubt myself. I gave that "disclaimer" not because I was accusing you but because I was scared that I'm not as strong as I'd like myself to be. It's not about me not trusting you, it's about me and my insecurities and kapraningan. I strongly hope that this sentiment falls under the category of those that'll make me smile in the future knowing that it worked out well.