"im no longer your boyfriend, so i dont have to pretend to understand you."
i went to a church today and i prayed for something to believe in. it's really like talking to yourself with an excuse;
socially acceptable temporary bouts of insanity.
i prayed to the obviously anorexic, but totally blissed out guy nailed to the 2x4 for a friend with infinite patience. i wonder if he was blissed out with endorphins or something more. i sat on the alter and wondered how something so superficial could have instilled such awe in me. it must have been youth and persuasive words. i cut myself on the corner of the blasted granite tablet as i stood up, shed a little of my blood. mumbling little blasphemies to myself, i wiped it up with my shirt. i watched the deep red stain the fabric, crawling like little veins hungry for dry, untainted white. roots, theyre looking for roots. i walked around for a bit. leafed through the lectionaries, wiped my face on the priests' garments, rearranged the feet washing towels and poured the contents of the oil bottle into the marble holy water bowl. i let my blood droplets hit the floor as i walked out. hey, my friend. be here next to me from now to eternity. i climbed down a mountain today and i waited to be smitten by a triple long lightning rod for desecrating his house o' worship. i landed on two feet in a creek barefoot on a fish and he looked up and told me i was alone. fish, i told him, fish you know nothing. ive got all the friends in the world. ive got everything i need. ive got everyone i need. fish, i told him, fish youll die before you can respond. the weight of my feet is mighter than your crunchy bones. the fish gasped and flattened under my bare feet. i could feel his organs pulsate against my big toe. unfortunately, it wasnt until much later that i realized he was right, and the wise old fish, by now, was dead and being cannibalized.