Coffin of Hope
Desperately close to a coffin of hope
I'd cheat destiny just to be near you
If this is giving up
Then I'm giving up.
~Anna Nalick
I'm not quite sure what to say to the events of last weekend other than the fact that after crying for two hours on the greyhound bus to Boston, I can't anymore. I'm in a funk, and its a normal stage of the grieving process, I know, but that doesn't mean I can't feel odd about it.
I sit with my friends, I talk, I joke around, I try to stay busy but it all still feels so....fake? I don't what it feels like but I don't know how else to react. Well, I know how to but it's not me. This is how I deal with things. I tuck it away, I pretend its not there, I go along my normal buisness and stay as stoic as humanely possibly. Maybe it's unhealthy, but maybe it's not for me. No, I don't want to talk about it, no I don't want a pity party. I don't want your attention. Not for this anyway. I will not use death as an excuse to garner attention or support. I don't have to tell YOU anything.
My friends (most of them anyway, save one certain child) were great when I was home. The cake(s-yet, a pie is not a cake so nevermind..) tiaras, glow worms, company in general was terrific and I don't know what I would've done without the escapism they offered (huge kudos to Ducky's new Karaoke revolution). I miss them so much and despite the neverending drama that magically manifests itself everytime I'm home, I can't wait to go back.
My mom got me a facial for my birthday and that was a very welcome distraction and thus, I've kept myself busy. In fact, I changed my schedule around for the third time and I finally like it.
----Phone-----
......I just got asked to senior prom........I said no. And I think I might be back from Ireland and Scotland then but I just don't think I would have as much fun? I mean all my friends are there so thats great but at the same time, really, really awkward. I could wear my prom dress again.....but I don't want to be that awkward college kid at a high school dance. I feel bad and yet, I know that Will and I are good enough friends for me to not go and have it be a non-issue. Besides, maybe now I can take more pictures outside the car. Dammmnit. Should I say yes? I feel bad... I mean, if I am home (which I probably will be) it could be fun. Maybe I'm just being selfishly self-consciously. Maybe if I didn't have to dance....
I'd cheat destiny just to be near you
If this is giving up
Then I'm giving up.
~Anna Nalick
I'm not quite sure what to say to the events of last weekend other than the fact that after crying for two hours on the greyhound bus to Boston, I can't anymore. I'm in a funk, and its a normal stage of the grieving process, I know, but that doesn't mean I can't feel odd about it.
I sit with my friends, I talk, I joke around, I try to stay busy but it all still feels so....fake? I don't what it feels like but I don't know how else to react. Well, I know how to but it's not me. This is how I deal with things. I tuck it away, I pretend its not there, I go along my normal buisness and stay as stoic as humanely possibly. Maybe it's unhealthy, but maybe it's not for me. No, I don't want to talk about it, no I don't want a pity party. I don't want your attention. Not for this anyway. I will not use death as an excuse to garner attention or support. I don't have to tell YOU anything.
My friends (most of them anyway, save one certain child) were great when I was home. The cake(s-yet, a pie is not a cake so nevermind..) tiaras, glow worms, company in general was terrific and I don't know what I would've done without the escapism they offered (huge kudos to Ducky's new Karaoke revolution). I miss them so much and despite the neverending drama that magically manifests itself everytime I'm home, I can't wait to go back.
My mom got me a facial for my birthday and that was a very welcome distraction and thus, I've kept myself busy. In fact, I changed my schedule around for the third time and I finally like it.
----Phone-----
......I just got asked to senior prom........I said no. And I think I might be back from Ireland and Scotland then but I just don't think I would have as much fun? I mean all my friends are there so thats great but at the same time, really, really awkward. I could wear my prom dress again.....but I don't want to be that awkward college kid at a high school dance. I feel bad and yet, I know that Will and I are good enough friends for me to not go and have it be a non-issue. Besides, maybe now I can take more pictures outside the car. Dammmnit. Should I say yes? I feel bad... I mean, if I am home (which I probably will be) it could be fun. Maybe I'm just being selfishly self-consciously. Maybe if I didn't have to dance....