going out without my boyfriend
ughguhguhgughughughguhgu. what is my deal? what is my problem??? i seriously am so insecure and jealous and i hate that about myself. like i feel like dylan is this hot gorgeous guy and im like the little lucky ugly girlfriend. that is seriously how i feel. it drives me crazy. as soon as i am able to like myself, i think this'll change. i mean, frankly, i really dont like myself. im on my way, but right now not so much. then agian, i can always look at it like, i like myself because im realizing things about myself that i dont like and trying to change them. unfortunately it happens to be quite a few things, but whatev. lol this is so confusing. im just writing. trying to write as fast as my brain thinks, but its a hard thing to do. ugh i love him so much. why do i get jealous?! like i know he would never cheat on me. well, atleast i am like 99% sure he wouldnt. and he is constantly telling me how much he loves me, etc. so why do i thikn otherwise? its like when he sees a hot girl i think that hes saying "damn, shes fucking hot" but he tells me, "you're the only girl i think is hot". i dunno. ive got issues. stop looking at other peoples myspace amy! lol. i am NOT going to be one of those people. hehe. im really excited to go to the gym. it makes me feel good. and lay low. maybe finish my paper. i need to find black shoes. :-/