somewhere hiding underneath/ kicking off covers while you sleep/ you feel alive
i start orientation tomorrow. im nervous and hesitant at the prospect of having to socialise again. the ritual of making friends and subsequently residing in awkward city with probably 87% of them for the next 4 years is almost nauseating to think about. needless to say, this explicit knowledge came from my experience in poly. what the heck, i dont even talk to most of my coursemates anymore. also: after frolicking around in my comfort zone for the past month (pants optional) do people honestly think i need a change of environment? sigh, school.
to reiterate my reluctance to return to school: i spent the better part of july in bliss. if bliss includes serving as a housemaid. ngl there were times i got in over my head from the lack of communication with the outside world (save for the bubble tea shop aunty at jurong point) but aside from that i got by with the help of fast wifi, the internet, and nickelodeon. it was great. i wake up at half past 1, head out for a run and then proceed with my share of the house chores. i lived life at my own pace. there was no one at home who could be fucked if i took a nap an hour after i woke, ate breakfast at 3 and left the bathroom door open while i showered. ok the last one is kinda disturbing. but you get my point. going back to school means adhering to an inflexible schedule, longer days, and having to deal with unnecessary social situations. maybe greater autonomy over what i study, but that also means shouldering greater responsibility and losing sleep over trivial decisions. furthermore, the more i think about it, the clearer the realisation that i pretty much dived into this head first. im not going to rationalise anything; this is the craziest ive seen myself in 20 years.
and have i mentioned that i absolutely, undoubtedly, r e a l l y dislike camps. im referring to those that require you to stay overnight. i dont mind the activities (yay for team bonding!!!!111!eleven!!) as long as i get to sleep in my own bed at the end of the day. but lugging a backpack???? with toiletries??? and change of clothes???? i prefer not bringing along half my house tyvm. lol evidently ncc camps have scarred me for life. so you can imagine my horror when i read ATTENDANCE IS COMPULSORY typed in redundantly huge letters on the camp form. the only consolation out of all this is the fact that ntu is less than 10 stops from home. or civilization. im going to get seriously judged for all this whining but yeah just need to get it out of my system before dante's circle comes for me
anyway!!!!! ~*~*~channels happiness and optimism~*~*~ here's to the beginning of another 8 years (omg that is almost one decade of my life) to meeting more effervescent personalities (if thats even possible) making a difference to the younger generations, and headfirst slides into the future.
to reiterate my reluctance to return to school: i spent the better part of july in bliss. if bliss includes serving as a housemaid. ngl there were times i got in over my head from the lack of communication with the outside world (save for the bubble tea shop aunty at jurong point) but aside from that i got by with the help of fast wifi, the internet, and nickelodeon. it was great. i wake up at half past 1, head out for a run and then proceed with my share of the house chores. i lived life at my own pace. there was no one at home who could be fucked if i took a nap an hour after i woke, ate breakfast at 3 and left the bathroom door open while i showered. ok the last one is kinda disturbing. but you get my point. going back to school means adhering to an inflexible schedule, longer days, and having to deal with unnecessary social situations. maybe greater autonomy over what i study, but that also means shouldering greater responsibility and losing sleep over trivial decisions. furthermore, the more i think about it, the clearer the realisation that i pretty much dived into this head first. im not going to rationalise anything; this is the craziest ive seen myself in 20 years.
and have i mentioned that i absolutely, undoubtedly, r e a l l y dislike camps. im referring to those that require you to stay overnight. i dont mind the activities (yay for team bonding!!!!111!eleven!!) as long as i get to sleep in my own bed at the end of the day. but lugging a backpack???? with toiletries??? and change of clothes???? i prefer not bringing along half my house tyvm. lol evidently ncc camps have scarred me for life. so you can imagine my horror when i read ATTENDANCE IS COMPULSORY typed in redundantly huge letters on the camp form. the only consolation out of all this is the fact that ntu is less than 10 stops from home. or civilization. im going to get seriously judged for all this whining but yeah just need to get it out of my system before dante's circle comes for me
anyway!!!!! ~*~*~channels happiness and optimism~*~*~ here's to the beginning of another 8 years (omg that is almost one decade of my life) to meeting more effervescent personalities (if thats even possible) making a difference to the younger generations, and headfirst slides into the future.