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So I have decided that I really really really really really really really really really really really need to be able to tell people things without being afraid on what they will say in return...because I keep too much to myself and that isnt fair to me. I dont like how I go to bed everynight wondering....and thinking about people..things..and memories that I know i shouldnt be thinking. It easy to force yourself to forget..but those thoughts come back to haunt again. I hate how i have a pessismistic mind towars things, and how i live my life on hope. This isnt about one person..its about several, so dont just assume im talking about you. I hate how all you people say "i know how you feel" when you have no freakin clue. I hate feeling awkward around people when i dont want to be...I dont want to FEEL that way at ALL!! I want to be able to hang out like friends or atleast be able to say Hi without feeling like a loser or getting a weird reluctant vibe in return. I dont like feeling insecure about my self beacause im not an insecure person. Man, i wish it were easier to control feelings...i try..i try so freakin hard to avoid tension, drama and agruments...but feeling are incontrolable. Most of you will not know anything I said and I guess thats fine because im too much of a chicken to just talk to you people about this stuff because you all will think im a loser. And i dont want to talk online. I dont want to talk on the phone. i want to talk in person. its easier that way.
If you had no clue what i was talking about its fine..if you did its fine too.
But i want to get stuff off my chest..so if you think something is about you ill tell you, and then we can talk..
susie.