I shouldn't think anymore....
How did I let him treat me like that?
I just had a long conversation with Kristi about a bunch of different ways I have been betrayed by him. It definitely had an impact on me. After all of the going back and forth to each other, I started to forget the details of how he went about hurting me. Although he didn't ALWAYS mean to hurt me, everything that happened absolutely crushed me. I can remember how I felt when I found out about everything, and thinking about it all over again makes me weak. I remember things he said before and after he would go be unfaithful or untrue to his word. I remember how I felt when he first told me about his betrayals. I thought it was one big joke. I thought this because he acted so naturally throughout the entire relationship. He put on the good boyfriend act the entire time. I never once had any doubt in my mind that he was being faithful, until of course, he told me I was wrong. He really is deceitful.
I just wish I could have seen through it all. I wish I hadn't been as naive and trusting. Or as stupid to let him talk to me the way he did. I am seriously disgusted when I think back to the way he talked to me. At the time, when he would talk down to me, I tried to show him that it wasn't the way to go about an argument or show your anger or sadness. I did that by not playing the same game and just changing it into a conversation. I KNOW I was not the bad one in the relationship. I was stupid. And I am truly disappointed in myself for letting it happen over and over again. After more than a year of asking myself how he could do this to me, I can finally take the responsibility and as myself how I LET him do this to me. Because in reality, he wouldn't have treated me horribly if I didn't let him.
I really am getting more and more proud of myself every day for ending it all. I'm proud of the fact that I did it, and of the way that I went about doing so. I thought about it for a week, taking into account everything he did and said to me the entire time. I made it clear to him that I love him, that I always will, but his actions towards me were unacceptable and I was finally putting my foot down.
Now all I have to do is get my life back on track, and keep everything that has happened in the past two and a half years in the back of my mind. And learn from it.
I just had a long conversation with Kristi about a bunch of different ways I have been betrayed by him. It definitely had an impact on me. After all of the going back and forth to each other, I started to forget the details of how he went about hurting me. Although he didn't ALWAYS mean to hurt me, everything that happened absolutely crushed me. I can remember how I felt when I found out about everything, and thinking about it all over again makes me weak. I remember things he said before and after he would go be unfaithful or untrue to his word. I remember how I felt when he first told me about his betrayals. I thought it was one big joke. I thought this because he acted so naturally throughout the entire relationship. He put on the good boyfriend act the entire time. I never once had any doubt in my mind that he was being faithful, until of course, he told me I was wrong. He really is deceitful.
I just wish I could have seen through it all. I wish I hadn't been as naive and trusting. Or as stupid to let him talk to me the way he did. I am seriously disgusted when I think back to the way he talked to me. At the time, when he would talk down to me, I tried to show him that it wasn't the way to go about an argument or show your anger or sadness. I did that by not playing the same game and just changing it into a conversation. I KNOW I was not the bad one in the relationship. I was stupid. And I am truly disappointed in myself for letting it happen over and over again. After more than a year of asking myself how he could do this to me, I can finally take the responsibility and as myself how I LET him do this to me. Because in reality, he wouldn't have treated me horribly if I didn't let him.
I really am getting more and more proud of myself every day for ending it all. I'm proud of the fact that I did it, and of the way that I went about doing so. I thought about it for a week, taking into account everything he did and said to me the entire time. I made it clear to him that I love him, that I always will, but his actions towards me were unacceptable and I was finally putting my foot down.
Now all I have to do is get my life back on track, and keep everything that has happened in the past two and a half years in the back of my mind. And learn from it.