(no subject)
**this was supposed to be a comment to dani's journal, but it was kinda long, so i decided to use it as an entry for my own**
yeah dani...I know exactly how you feel...I always feel like I'm not "exciting" enough or "interesting" enough for many of my friends...and I do feel like they are bored with me most of the time...I feel disconnected with everyone.
But for me, it's a little different..I dont feel lonely anymore--there was a time when I did, but that feeling is gone now. I have a different feeling...just like accepting that I will never have any close bonds anymore with the people that I have shared so many memories with. I can't really describe what I'm feeling anymore, and I don't know if anyone knows what I am talking about. I sometimes feel when I'm talking to certain people they look right through me, not listening to what I say, but rather just waiting for me to finish.
It's weird now...I feel as if I'm a "second" thought...or maybe even a "third" thought in everyone's minds...like if they think of who they want to invite, I'm tacked onto the end like, "oh we have to invite her" kind of thing. Does anyone know how I feel, because I feel it constantly. I don't feel like I'm wanted anymore..and I guess that's just how it is, and I guess I shouldn't be complaining b/c it'll be easier to leave for college w/o being too heartbroken.
I know I sound like "oh feel sorry for me!" but that's not it at all, it's just how I have been feeling and I can't help that.
Like Alicia said...."I just feel like a huge part of "me" is missing, or that something has changed" Yes...something has changed. It's the loss of innocence..the loss of old times when just having a good time w/o partying was OK. It's the loss of old friends...you know...the good ones---the ones you can talk to and you know are listening. The loss of secrets where you can tell that one person anything, and you know it won't get around. The loss of direction: where you're going, what kind of person you want to be, who you're friends with, what your decisions are. That "something" is missing from my life, and probably from many other people as well. I have felt it, and have seen it in so many people.
What are we living for...? you guys tell me. Where are you going and who can you trust? What is missing and what do you want to get back? Do you feel the change or do you just go with the tide? You guys tell me...
luv, janal "BARBIE"
yeah dani...I know exactly how you feel...I always feel like I'm not "exciting" enough or "interesting" enough for many of my friends...and I do feel like they are bored with me most of the time...I feel disconnected with everyone.
But for me, it's a little different..I dont feel lonely anymore--there was a time when I did, but that feeling is gone now. I have a different feeling...just like accepting that I will never have any close bonds anymore with the people that I have shared so many memories with. I can't really describe what I'm feeling anymore, and I don't know if anyone knows what I am talking about. I sometimes feel when I'm talking to certain people they look right through me, not listening to what I say, but rather just waiting for me to finish.
It's weird now...I feel as if I'm a "second" thought...or maybe even a "third" thought in everyone's minds...like if they think of who they want to invite, I'm tacked onto the end like, "oh we have to invite her" kind of thing. Does anyone know how I feel, because I feel it constantly. I don't feel like I'm wanted anymore..and I guess that's just how it is, and I guess I shouldn't be complaining b/c it'll be easier to leave for college w/o being too heartbroken.
I know I sound like "oh feel sorry for me!" but that's not it at all, it's just how I have been feeling and I can't help that.
Like Alicia said...."I just feel like a huge part of "me" is missing, or that something has changed" Yes...something has changed. It's the loss of innocence..the loss of old times when just having a good time w/o partying was OK. It's the loss of old friends...you know...the good ones---the ones you can talk to and you know are listening. The loss of secrets where you can tell that one person anything, and you know it won't get around. The loss of direction: where you're going, what kind of person you want to be, who you're friends with, what your decisions are. That "something" is missing from my life, and probably from many other people as well. I have felt it, and have seen it in so many people.
What are we living for...? you guys tell me. Where are you going and who can you trust? What is missing and what do you want to get back? Do you feel the change or do you just go with the tide? You guys tell me...
luv, janal "BARBIE"