too little...too late.
well...as if today couldnt get any better...I just found out that my grandfather (Pop) died this morning. he hasnt been doing to well these past 2-3 weeks. I know that I expected it and all...but it still kind of shocked me. All I can think about is the next time I go to my grandmothers house it wont be the same...and this time I wont be able to fix it. I wont get to see him smile, laugh, or crack jokes at me...calling me silly sally...or you shamless huzzy, or even you turkey. Pop was the only grandfater of my two that I was the closest to. My other grandfather has cancer, and I dont get to see him much. I got to see my Pop a few days ago...which helps some...but I still wish that I would have been able to see him one last time. I dont even know if I will be able to go to the funeral due to my STUPID classes. and I feel so selfish when I say that...but I know that he wants me to do well in school. That has been his and my grandmothers dream for me ever since I was born. I can remember them always telling me to go to school and do the best that I could and be the best that I could possibly be. I know that he is happy in heaven, and he was ready to go....but I wasnt ready. I am so selfish I cant stand it. my mother told me that he told everyone right before he died that he knew that my uncle Rhodney (his first son, who died from an asthma attack) would be waiting for him at the gate so he wasnt scared. But I am. I dont know why but I cant cry anymore. I just feel empty. like there is nothing there...not even...me. I think that the stress from school, boyfriends, friends, and now this is finally starting to get to me. I think I need to go out for ice cream.