(no subject)
He's completely out of my life. Wow. I can't believe this. If someone would have told me this would happen last August, I wouldn't have believed them. Well... Maybe I would have. Because I guess I had figured out that nothing that good, lasts. at least not at this stage in my life. and yea. that's fine. whatever. I'm only fifteen. but you know what? I want to have those experiences. I WANT to know what it feels like to love. and I WANT to know what it feels like to loose that love. because then, I'll be ready for it to happen. I won't throw myself completely into my first relationship, and get let down even more. I'll admit to that. I have never said it before, and I'm not going to start now, I don't regret it.
I told him that I was over him, but now I need to get over the situation. and thats exactly what it is. I need to move on. and I'm going to.
I was talking to Pat (I have been a lot lately, and I LOVE it), and we were discussing all of this nonsense. and I came to the realization about myself that I rely on others complimenting me and encouraging me in what I'm doing. Sometimes it comes off as being selfish, but I can't help that. So I'm sorry if it pisses any of you off, but yea.. thats just the way I am.
All of my friends are either happy (or at least satisfied) with being alone or have someone who is amazing. and I can't stand it. I know I should be happy, but thats not the way I feel. Whenever I see them kiss, or whenever I see that glow in her eyes when she talks about him, or whenever I hear about their self-confidence and love of self, I want to cry.
I wish I could be happy with me.
me being pissed with me isn't fun. haha Pat..
ok. whatever. I suppose I should update on my life and not just my feelings huh? I never get a chance to get on here anymore..
On Friday, I had an amazing time with my girls. Standing in line for those autographs that we didn't get for 1 1/2 hours was just.. oh man. it was great. Ali and Meghan made it fun. as I said, I saw brad radke pee. I also saw Jacque Jones and his wonderfulness. and Joe Nathan ran into me. and Meghan sang what if God was one of us to Kyle Lohse. and Ali gaped at Joe Nathan as he walked past me, and I think she drooled a little when she saw Lohse. then I spotted Amy because she was jumping up and down like a maniac. And we all got our pic taken with Joe Mauer. And I was pressed up against his delicious-smelling body. mmm good stuff. I love the metrodome. I love Ali. I love Amy. I love Christina. I love Meghan. I love the Twins. I love baseball. Gosh.. I want it to be March 18th. really a lot, I do.
Saturday was my first day of work. It was long, but good. I'm going to like it I think. At least for now. I mean, it's a good first job. I can't see me staying there for a super duper long time, but its nice for the time being. I get to chill with my buddies, and a lot of my other friend come in and visit. Already Carter, Ben, other Ben, Maddy, Elise, Pat, his friend Mike, and Krystel's parents have been in. and thats only one weekend.
yea.. sunday I worked too. so yea thats about it.
Yesterday is when I told Nick I didn't want him in my life anymore, at all. Sarah and Andy came over and we watched without a paddle. it was a frickin hilarious movie. yay for those two. and I talked to Pat for a while. Played my guitar for him. it was insane. I haven't played my guitar for anyone since like.. a long time. I don't even know. So feel special darlin, that doesn't happen often.
I need to go think, a lot. I really wish I wouldn't have forgotten we had English homework. I'm not going to be able to sleep. Lots to think about AND homework not being done. YAY INSOMNIA! YAY!!! belch.
I told him that I was over him, but now I need to get over the situation. and thats exactly what it is. I need to move on. and I'm going to.
I was talking to Pat (I have been a lot lately, and I LOVE it), and we were discussing all of this nonsense. and I came to the realization about myself that I rely on others complimenting me and encouraging me in what I'm doing. Sometimes it comes off as being selfish, but I can't help that. So I'm sorry if it pisses any of you off, but yea.. thats just the way I am.
All of my friends are either happy (or at least satisfied) with being alone or have someone who is amazing. and I can't stand it. I know I should be happy, but thats not the way I feel. Whenever I see them kiss, or whenever I see that glow in her eyes when she talks about him, or whenever I hear about their self-confidence and love of self, I want to cry.
I wish I could be happy with me.
me being pissed with me isn't fun. haha Pat..
ok. whatever. I suppose I should update on my life and not just my feelings huh? I never get a chance to get on here anymore..
On Friday, I had an amazing time with my girls. Standing in line for those autographs that we didn't get for 1 1/2 hours was just.. oh man. it was great. Ali and Meghan made it fun. as I said, I saw brad radke pee. I also saw Jacque Jones and his wonderfulness. and Joe Nathan ran into me. and Meghan sang what if God was one of us to Kyle Lohse. and Ali gaped at Joe Nathan as he walked past me, and I think she drooled a little when she saw Lohse. then I spotted Amy because she was jumping up and down like a maniac. And we all got our pic taken with Joe Mauer. And I was pressed up against his delicious-smelling body. mmm good stuff. I love the metrodome. I love Ali. I love Amy. I love Christina. I love Meghan. I love the Twins. I love baseball. Gosh.. I want it to be March 18th. really a lot, I do.
Saturday was my first day of work. It was long, but good. I'm going to like it I think. At least for now. I mean, it's a good first job. I can't see me staying there for a super duper long time, but its nice for the time being. I get to chill with my buddies, and a lot of my other friend come in and visit. Already Carter, Ben, other Ben, Maddy, Elise, Pat, his friend Mike, and Krystel's parents have been in. and thats only one weekend.
yea.. sunday I worked too. so yea thats about it.
Yesterday is when I told Nick I didn't want him in my life anymore, at all. Sarah and Andy came over and we watched without a paddle. it was a frickin hilarious movie. yay for those two. and I talked to Pat for a while. Played my guitar for him. it was insane. I haven't played my guitar for anyone since like.. a long time. I don't even know. So feel special darlin, that doesn't happen often.
I need to go think, a lot. I really wish I wouldn't have forgotten we had English homework. I'm not going to be able to sleep. Lots to think about AND homework not being done. YAY INSOMNIA! YAY!!! belch.