Maid For You 5/6
Title: Maid For You 5/6
Pairing: Junsu/Yoochun (minor: Junsu/Yunho, Jaejoong/Yunho, Yoochun/Yunho, Junho/Yunho)
Rating: NC-17
Disclaimer: I don't own them, nor can I hire them for sexual pleasures.
Summary: Yoochun's supposed-BFF takes off and leaves him with no way to pay his rent. When her previous employer threatens to find her and take care of her, Yoochun goes to work in her place. Really? How hard can it be to be a maid for some rich guy?
Warnings: This fic contains minor cosplay and dubious consent. this chapter contains rape
Chapter 5 ended up being a bit longer than I wanted it, so now it's 6 chapters.
This fic is dedicated to samui_sakura Thank you for the insipiration, baby! ♥♥♥ ! ♥♥♥ !
Poster credit goes to ponyboy. Thank you darling! I love it!!! ♥♥♥
Part 5:
Yoochun dragged himself up the two flights of stairs to his tiny apartment. He barely managed to get the key to turn in the lock. He tripped over his feet and fell into his bed. Sleep claimed him in moments. His stomach trying to eat itself woke him only a couple hours later. He shut his eyes against the light streaming in through the window. He curled on his side, clutching Survivor to his chest.
And then his alarm went off.
He sighed and forced himself up, lighting a cigarette before he really had his eyes open. He reheated some of the rice and kimchi he’d made last night.
His phone vibrated on the floor.
I’m coming over
As Yoochun typed in a negation, his door opened and Heechul popped his head in.
“Before you bitch,” he said and held out a cup of coffee.
Yoochun sighed. “Thanks, Chullie.” He took the cup and swallowed a mouthful of steaming liquid.
“I’m thinking of dying my hair black,” he said.
Yoochun grinned. “Last time you did that, you got pissed off and chopped it all off in retaliation for it not looking good.”
“I know.” Heechul made a face.
“I like the red. It suits you.”
“Do you have to work this morning?”
Yoochun shook his head. “No. Unless I’m called in. But I have a shift tonight at Big Bang.”
Heechul snorted. “I swear Taeyang is overcompensating for something because of that name.”
Yoochun grinned. “No, he’s not.”
Heechul’s eyes went wide. “What?”
“Don’t freak out. The guy tries to hit on me every single night I work. He called me into his office two nights ago and he was naked, and Heechul, he’s got a cock that could subdue you.”
Heechul gave him a look and then snorted again and flipped his hair. “Like that is even remotely possible. You should take it. How long has it been since you last had sex? Two months?”
Yoochun turned away from him, pain lacing through his heart.
“Sorry,” Heechul whispered, and put his arm around Yoochun’s waist. He kissed Yoochun’s neck and said, “Come on. Go shower. You smell like smoke and booze. And then, when you get out, you can take me out on the town and show me a good time.”
Yoochun smiled, turned his head enough to kiss the corner of Heechul’s mouth, and then broke away from him.
A few hours later, Heechul whined, “I’m hungry.”
“So? Buy us lunch.”
“You buy us lunch.”
“I’m poor.”
“So am I!”
Yoochun smiled and as they passed a little boutique, Yoochun stopped. He’d been in there a couple of times, but everything was too expensive for him to buy.
“Tell you what, if you can walk around in high heels for longer than me, then I’ll buy lunch. Otherwise, you’re buying.”
Heechul smirked. “What kind of a bet is that?”
“One, I’m going to win,” Yoochun said and opened the door.
He said hello to the woman, and after explaining about the bet, they had identical pairs of three inch, red pumps on the floor. Heechul made a face.
Yoochun pulled off his shoes and slipped the shoes onto his feet. Heechul shook his head and said, “Never mind. I’ll buy lunch.”
Yoochun stood up. It’d been a while since he’d worn heels, but after a shaky step, his legs remembered how to move in them and he paraded across the floor. After a few steps, he kicked up a heel, spun in a circle with a laugh and then walked back to Heechul.
Heechul was looking at him in utter amazement. “God, and people call me gay. Want to explain why you can walk around in heels like a girl?”
Yoochun smiled, and he whispered, “Junsu had a fetish.”
“Ah,” Heechul said.
They thanked the woman at the counter, and Yoochun left the store, wishing he could splurge thirty dollars on the cream and brown scarf that caught his eye. Heechul bought them lunch at a nearby ramen shop. They walked to the park and Yoochun bought them cheap coffee from a vending machine. They sat on the bench, shivering a bit when the wind blew.
“So now comes the talk that you don’t want to have,” Heechul said.
Yoochun smiled. “I know.”
“So?”
Yoochun shrugged. “So what?”
“You left to find yourself, have you found yourself?”
“Yes.”
“What does that mean?”
Yoochun leaned forward and put his elbows on his knees. “It wasn’t just that, Heechul and you know it. Don’t give me the soul mate talk about how everyone is always looking for that one person. Yes, I liked Junsu. Loved him, even, but I … I had to get away from him.”
“I know.”
“My money is my own. My clothes are my own. My jobs are my own. My apartment is my own.”
“Your cock is your own. Seriously, you need to get laid.”
Yoochun scoffed.
Heechul put his hand on Yoochun’s back and played with his hair as it blew in the wind. “You need to see him.”
“Why?”
“Because yes, all of that is your own. But you’re still not your own because you’re hanging onto him. If you see him, talk to him, maybe you can let him go.”
Yoochun sighed. “Or I’ll cling onto him more.”
“Chunnie baby, if you manage to cling onto him more than you already are, then that means you love him. Come on. You’re going to play the piano for me before I let you rest up for your night shift.”
+++++
The minute Yoochun stepped into the hallway of his apartment building, he knew something was wrong. It was always dark at three in the morning when he got home, and he couldn’t see, but even in the dark, he felt that something was wrong.
A couple of steps closer showed that his door was open.
Fuck this.
He turned around and headed away, but after only two steps, a hand snagged the back of his jacket. Yoochun swung out, fist landing against solid muscles. His breath left him in a whoosh as he was slammed against the wall.
Lips pressed against his and he bit down on them with a scream. A firm hand covered his mouth, and despite how much he struggled, his attacker was just too strong. He was dragged into his apartment, thrown on the floor and kicked in the ribs. He shut his eyes and curled in on himself as another kick landed on his arm. He covered his head, protecting his neck.
Laughter.
Laughter he knew.
Rage filled him, but he knew better than to try to do anything else. If Jaejoong was there, four more men waited outside somewhere, backing him up.
“Hi, little whore. I must admit, it took me a lot longer to find you than I was expecting. You really pulled a disappearing act on all of us.”
“Fuck off,” Yoochun snapped.
Jae punched him in the back of the head. His vision went gray. He struggled as much as he could as Jaejoong pulled his pants off. He even managed to kick Jae in the stomach, before his fist landed hard against Yoochun’s face.
Jae pinned him on his stomach, an elbow jammed into the middle of his back while he tied Yoochun’s arms. There was no prep, and Yoochun wasn’t that surprised. He screamed once and then Jae shoved a shirt in his mouth and tied it around his face, almost cutting off his breathing. He didn’t have enough breath to scream.
Pain laced through his whole body as Jaejoong raped him, lifting his hips, sliding into his body with the help of his torn body.
Yoochun drifted in and out of consciousness. A final thought through his head was Junsu’s voice saying, “It could have been worse,” and Yoochun finally understood that yes, indeed. It could definitely be worse.
He woke up to water on his face and a hand slapping his cheeks.
“Come on, baby, wake up. Wake up for me. Come on.”
Yoochun groaned.
“Good, good. Yoochun? Can you hear me?”
Yoochun tried to say Heechul’s name but he coughed. A cup pressed against his mouth and he took a much needed swallow of water.
“Who did this to you, baby? Who? Tell me who and I’ll kill them, I will.”
Yoochun again tried to talk, but he couldn’t. His head was pounding.
“Fuck, Yoochun.”
Arms wrapped around him tightly and he did his best to return the hug. He realized that he couldn’t see because his eyes were practically swollen shut. Every part of his body ached.
“We need to get you cleaned up,” Heechul whispered. “I’ll be right back.”
Heechul’s warmth left and Yoochun whimpered, reaching for him even as his arms ached. A moment later, blurry naked Heechul came into his line of sight. He sighed, and said, “This is going to hurt,” and hooked his arms under Yoochun’s armpits and hauled him to his feet.
Yoochun cried out, collapsing into him, as pain lashed up his ass and stomach, through his head. Everything swam and he pushed away from Heechul, fell to his knees and threw up.
“Fuck. You probably have a concussion.”
Yoochun didn’t care. He curled in a ball and cried.
“Baby, come on. Come on. You’ll feel better if you’re clean.”
Body shaking, Yoochun allowed Heechul to pick him up. In the bathroom, things swam again, but this time he threw up in the toilet. Heechul held him close in the shower, running a wash cloth over his body, whispering soothing words at him.
Yoochun flinched when Heechul cleaned out his body.
“Who did this?” Heechul asked.
Yoochun tried to meet his eyes. “Jaejoong,” he gasped.
Heechul inhaled sharply. “That fucker. You can’t stay here. Not alone.”
“Where can I go?” Yoochun asked. “Your house? He knows where you live.”
Heechul sighed. “Can you sleep at the club until you find someplace else to go?”
“I … I think so.”
Heechul finished cleaning him up. Yoochun only had a couple of small bandages, so one of his shirts was ripped to pieces to wrap around the cuts on his arms and thighs. Carefully, Heechul led him back to the main room. Yoochun stopped and stared. Tears dripped down his face.
Survivor was in pieces.
Yoochun fell to the bed, gathered the fluff and torn purple fabric against his chest and cried.
When he woke up, he was not in his bed.
Jaelin sat next to him, running a towel over his forehead.
Yoochun coughed.
“How are you feeling?”
“Like shit,” he said.
She grinned. “Heechul said he didn’t know who else to call. I’m glad he called us.”
Yoochun tried to sit up. “He’ll hurt you,” he said, voice panicked.
“No, he won’t. The entire neighborhood knows about this. Hyunjoong already has a contingent of people watching our house. Don’t worry about us. Here. Eat.” She held out a bowl and helped Yoochun eat a few mouthfuls of soup.
The world swam again.
“You have a concussion,” she said. “Try not to move. Heechul already called your bosses and they know that you were attacked. And.” She reached on the floor. “Minji says you can sleep with Starlette if you need to.” She put a bright pink cat on Yoochun’s chest. He put his hand around it, and a new set of tears fell down his cheeks. Jaelin hugged him and held him and rocked him until he cried himself into an exhausted sleep.
The next time he woke up, it was dark. He lay in bed, staring at the ceiling, mind surprisingly blank.
Starlette provided a small comfort.
Someone had fallen asleep on the floor, head on the bed, and after a moment of letting his eyes adjust to the dark, Yoochun realized it was Heechul. He reached out and touched Heechul’s arm. His eyes flew open in a panic, and then after a moment of wildly looking around, he settled his gaze on Yoochun.
“Hey. You awake?”
“Yeah.”
“How are you feeling?”
“Sore. Lay down with me?”
Heechul bit his lower lip and then crawled into bed. Yoochun curled up against his chest.
“Jaejoong knows where you are, but he doesn’t care. He told me that all he wanted was one time with you.”
“Why is that not comforting?”
Heechul chuckled. “He’s a bastard. He did it to prove a point. And he said he would have found a time to rape you if you had stayed with Junsu, too.”
“Fabulous.”
Heechul tightened his hold on him.
Yoochun sighed. “Thank you, Heechul. You’re an awesome friend.”
“I’m the best friend. Like ever.”
“Yeah. You are.”
“You know how good of a friend I am? I almost lost my job last night.”
“Why?”
“Because Jaejoong had bragged to Junsu what he did to you, and Junsu found out that I knew where you were and he threatened to fire me unless I told him where you were, but I kept my mouth shut, and Jiyong had to calm him down.”
Yoochun stiffened.
“I didn’t tell him, but I wouldn’t be surprised if Jaejoong is missing his testicles the next time I see him. Junsu was beyond furious. He’s still worried about you. He’s actually a fucking asshole without you. God, and then he found out from Jiyong that we were best friends and he threatened to rip up my Prada bag. My Prada bag, my baby. Can you imagine?”
Yoochun smiled. “The things we do for best friends, huh?”
“Yeah. But, he did manage to pin me to the bar and took my phone out of my pocket, but I don’t know if he found your number before Jiyong snatched it away.”
“That’s okay,” Yoochun said.
Yoochun slept off and on for the rest of the night. When Jaelin came to wake them in the morning, she seemed upset to find them in the same bed, but Heechul waved away her concern, kissed her cheek and with a farewell and a promise to return, he flounced out of the house.
“I think he might be insane,” Jaelin said.
Yoochun laughed. “Yeah. He is.”
Jaelin smiled. “How are you feeling?”
“I’m okay.”
“Well, I have something that will make you even better.” She moved her hands and pulled out a bundle of purple fabric. She tossed it on the bed. Yoochun reached for it reluctantly.
“Not the same,” Jaelin said, “but it was the best we could do.”
Yoochun stared at the now lopsided eyes of Survivor. There were obvious seams and bare spots on his body, and his flippers were crooked, but it was his Survivor. Yoochun held it tightly against his chest.
“Thank you,” he whispered, as more tears dripped down his face. “Thank you.”
It was a lot easier to sleep after that.
+++++
It took Yoochun a week to feel good enough to get out of bed, and another week to go back to work. He was jumpy at night, and no longer walked home by himself. Hyunjoong gave him enough money for a cab ride on some nights, but most of the time, he just slept at the club.
At the end of the month, he moved out of his little apartment, and into a different one, closer to Hyunjoong’s. He continued. He hung out with Heechul too much. He drank too much coffee. He smoked too many cigarettes. He stayed up too late playing the piano.
He survived.
+++++
“You have to come,” Heechul said, tugging on his arm.
“No.”
“But you have to.”
“Why?’
“Because I’m going and you don’t want me to go by myself to a bar full of attractive men that want something beautiful.”
Yoochun smiled.
“Come on. Please.”
“What we do for best friends?”
“Damn straight. Now get dressed. I know you have different clothes than that.”
Yoochun sighed and did as he was told. He took a quick shower and dressed in his only pair of black slacks. He had a nice, deep red button down that was next.
Heechul whistled at him when he came out of the bathroom all dressed up. He had his long hair tied back. “Sexy. I may be worried about those attractive men wanting you tonight.”
“With you by my side, they won’t even notice me.”
“Well, that’s true.”
Yoochun laughed. “Let’s go.”
Heechul paid for the cab ride, because if he hadn’t, Yoochun would have stayed home and Heechul knew that. Yoochun took a deep breath as the cab pulled up to the curb in front of Survivor. It was the newest club in the Kim Double J franchise.
The only reason why Yoochun came was because Yunho was dancing.
“You are going to be amazed, Chunnie, baby,” Heechul said as they were waved in by security after showing their IDs. The people waiting in line grumbled. “Yunho is an amazing dancer.”
Heechul led him to the bar. He called the bartender by name and signaled for two shots.
“Seungri, this is Yoochun,” Heechul said as the other put the shots on the bar.
“Hey,” Seungri said. “It’s good to meet you. Heechul talks about you all the time.”
“You, too,” Yoochun said.
Heechul made an impatient noise and lifted his glass. “A shot to .. what, Chunnie?”
Yoochun shrugged. “Best friends and a bar full of attractive men?”
Heechul grinned. “I love the way you think.” They clinked their glasses and downed the shots. Seungri replaced them immediately.
Through the night, lots of men approached Heechul. He laughed and flirted with them all. He never forgot any of their names. He left Yoochun a few times to go dance with the more attractive ones. Neither of them had to buy another drink that night.
It was during one of Heechul’s trips to the dance floor that Yoochun saw Junsu.
He was standing on an upper balcony, across the club. He wore a black suit, and his hair was a shade of brown that wasn’t quite orange. His arms were crossed, face cold and blank, and Yoochun was reminded of the first time he’d met Junsu. He surveyed the club with an uninterested air, but his eyes saw every detail, every problem. He spoke into a small headset a few times.
And then their eyes met.
Yoochun was paralyzed under that stare. He wanted to look away, but after a moment, the bastard look left Junsu’s eyes, replaced with uncertainty. He bit his lower lip, and Yoochun felt himself smile. Junsu’s mouth opened, his hands gripped the railing, and then he grabbed the headset, snapped something into it and turned away.
Yoochun frowned, heart aching.
He wondered if Junsu would come and talk to him. He refused offers to dance, not willing to get up from the one place that Junsu knew he would be.
The lights dimmed about a half hour later.
A voice announced the entertainment and Heechul was next to him again, grinning.
A spotlight hit the stage and the cheers were insanely loud when Yunho stepped into the light. Music started and Yunho danced. Yoochun was hard about ten seconds in. Fuck, Yunho could move his body. His hips undulated, his arms wove and circled his body, his feet never lost the beat and clothes flew off him. He was in bright blue suit, and by the time half the song was over, he was in a bright blue thong and a matching vest.
Yunho played with the crowd through smiles and facial expressions. The dance was sexy, but it was fun, too, and Yunho’s smile widened whenever the audience laughed. When the thong was finally removed, Yunho had his back to the crowd, perfect muscled body on display. He looked over his shoulder, smirked and walked off the stage without turning around to show off his cock.
Everyone cheered and whistled, including Heechul.
“Now, tell me that was not worth it.”
Yoochun smiled. “Yeah. It was worth it.”
Heechul tugged on his arm. “Come on. Let’s go backstage and say hi.”
Yoochun stiffened.
Heechul rolled his eyes. “I always go say hi to Yunho after his show. Come on.”
Breath short, Yoochun allowed himself to be pulled to his feet and down the back hallways of the club. At a door, Heechul knocked. It opened after a moment.
“HeeHee!” Yunho shouted and picked him up and spun him in a circle. He was wearing a robe.
Heechul laughed and kissed Yunho’s lips. “You were fantastic.”
“Really?”
“Yes, really. Amazing. Everyone loved you. Look who came with me today.”
Yunho turned and his eyes went wide. “Yoochun!” And Yoochun was picked up and swung in a circle. Yoochun hugged him.
“Hey, Yunho.”
“Was I good? Did you like it?”
“Yes. You were fantastic. I loved it.”
“Let him breath, Yunho,” another voice said. A voice that Yoochun had missed hearing.
“Sorry, SuSu,” Yunho said and released Yoochun.
Yoochun took a deep breath and turned around. Junsu was breathtaking from far away. Up close and Yoochun forgot his own name for a moment.
“Hey,” he whispered, already feeling the well of tears in his eyes.
Junsu swallowed and nodded.
“Hey, Yunho,” Heechul said suddenly. “Come sit over here with me and let me tell you about how awesome you were.”
Yunho giggled, and let himself be moved across the room.
Yoochun stared at Junsu. Junsu stared back.
“How are you?” Yoochun asked, voice cracking.
Junsu shrugged. “Okay, I guess. You?”
Yoochun nodded. “Yeah. Okay. I guess.” He blinked and felt a tear fall.
Junsu’s face twisted in anguish. He took half a step to Yoochun, and stopped. “Happy?” Junsu asked, whispered.
Yoochun sort of smiled. “No. You?”
Junsu shook his head.
Yoochun reached his hand out. Junsu whimpered, clasped it like a life line and then buried his face into Yoochun’s chest, body shaking. Yoochun heard a door click shut, and they were alone.
“You just left me. You left, and why did you just leave? You didn’t even say goodbye and you didn’t explain and you just fucking left, you fucking bastard.”
Yoochun tried to apologize, but he couldn’t find the words. He held Junsu against him and cried into his hair, feeling Junsu’s tears soak through his shirt.
They held each other for a long time, and then Junsu pulled back, away, let him go, so abruptly that Yoochun almost fell over. He wiped at his tears.
Yoochun didn’t know what to say.
“Why, Chunnie?”
“I …” His excuses, the ones he’d been parroting to himself for almost four months sounded paltry and pointless.
“I loved you,” Junsu said.
Past tense.
“I know.”
Junsu gasped out a whimper. “Go away. Please. Please just go away.”
Yoochun swallowed. He wanted to say something, but what could he say? He turned around and with his hand on the doorknob, Junsu said, “Don’t come back.”
“I won’t,” Yoochun promised, and left the room. He got lost in the hallways, but a bartender showed him the way back to the main floor. He went to the bar and downed a few more shots. He didn’t know where Heechul was, he didn’t care where Heechul was.
Someone asked him to dance and he danced. Someone asked him to go outside, and he did, drunk brain rolling as he was slammed into a wall and kissed, kissed in a cab ride, kissed on a bed and fucked and touched and twisted and warped. It was Junsu’s name on his lips as he came, though he was too drunk to say anything coherent, but it was Junsu, Junsu, Junsu, a mantra that lulled him to sleep, and a mantra that pounded in his brain and awakened him the next morning in a seedy hotel room, alone, dirty, sticky, sore.
He moaned, rolled over and his mouth filled with saliva, his stomach twisted. He leaned over the bed, barely grabbing a trash can to throw up in. He wanted a shower, but decided he’d rather shower at his own place. He staggered out of the room, stumbled into a cab and sequestered himself in his apartment.
He called in sick to work for three days before Heechul came pounding on his door.
Yoochun ignored him, but forgot that Heechul had a key, just in case. Yoochun turned his back to the door, cuddling Survivor close to him
Heechul sighed in the doorway. “You’re both being ridiculous,” he said. His hand slammed on Yoochun’s dresser. Yoochun jumped and looked over his shoulder.
“His phone number,” Heechul said. “Call him.”
And then Heechul turned around and left, slamming the bedroom door and the front door.
Yoochun climbed out of bed a few hours later and picked up the paper on his dresser. He crumpled it up, but couldn’t bring himself to throw it away. He let it fall. It bounced a couple times, and tumbled to the floor. Yoochun sighed and leaned down and picked it up. He flattened it out and put it back on the dresser.
He left it there and took a much needed shower.
Again, he found himself wandering the alleys around his apartment. He was comfortable here, content. Happy? Was he happy?
Yes, he decided, if happiness felt like there was constantly something missing in your life.
Yoochun sighed. Junsu was missing, and it wasn’t just that SOMEONE was missing. It was Junsu. If it had just been someone, then he’d be dating, going out, acting more like Heechul. But he didn’t want to do that when he already felt like his heart belonged somewhere else.
He stopped at the Lee’s for a few hours and played the piano for Minji and her friends. When Jaelin mentioned that he looked pale, he made the mistake of saying he hadn’t been eating enough and he was removed from the piano and herded upstairs for some rice and ddokbokki. A few questions and Yoochun spilled out the story of seeing Junsu at the club.
Jaelin nodded and said, “Yep. You’re in love. Though most people realize it sooner than you have. Sometimes you’re stupid, Yoochun, and I blame the cigarettes.”
Yoochun scoffed. “Most women blame the penis.”
Jaelin laughed, and then covered her mouth for laughing at a dirty joke and slapped Yoochun’s arm. “Get out of here. Call him.”
Yoochun went home. He sat at his table, Survivor gripped in one hand, his phone in the other. The crinkled piece of paper lay between them. He thought of taking the coward’s way out like had last time and then took a deep breath and entered Junsu’s number.
After the second ring, a message picked up announcing that this caller did not accept calls from numbers not approved by the recipient.
Yoochun sighed, and realized he’d have to send a text anyway.
can we start over?
A few agonizing minutes later, his phone beeped in reply. Why?
if we do things the right way, maybe it will be different
and?
Yoochun smiled. and I miss you. meet me tomorrow?
where? I have a meeting at 10am
the café, by your place. I’ll be there at eight
okay
Yoochun didn’t realize he was crying until a drop landed with a splat on the piece of paper. He saved Junsu’s number into his phone. He doubted he’d sleep, but he went to bed anyway, setting his alarm just in case. He clutched Survivor to him tightly, and for once, let himself smile.
Part 6: Love Strong
Part 4: Tough Thoughts
Part 3: Hard Work
Part 2: Dance Around
Part 1: Dress Up
.
Pairing: Junsu/Yoochun (minor: Junsu/Yunho, Jaejoong/Yunho, Yoochun/Yunho, Junho/Yunho)
Rating: NC-17
Disclaimer: I don't own them, nor can I hire them for sexual pleasures.
Summary: Yoochun's supposed-BFF takes off and leaves him with no way to pay his rent. When her previous employer threatens to find her and take care of her, Yoochun goes to work in her place. Really? How hard can it be to be a maid for some rich guy?
Warnings: This fic contains minor cosplay and dubious consent. this chapter contains rape
Chapter 5 ended up being a bit longer than I wanted it, so now it's 6 chapters.
This fic is dedicated to samui_sakura Thank you for the insipiration, baby! ♥♥♥ ! ♥♥♥ !
Poster credit goes to ponyboy. Thank you darling! I love it!!! ♥♥♥
Part 5:
Yoochun dragged himself up the two flights of stairs to his tiny apartment. He barely managed to get the key to turn in the lock. He tripped over his feet and fell into his bed. Sleep claimed him in moments. His stomach trying to eat itself woke him only a couple hours later. He shut his eyes against the light streaming in through the window. He curled on his side, clutching Survivor to his chest.
And then his alarm went off.
He sighed and forced himself up, lighting a cigarette before he really had his eyes open. He reheated some of the rice and kimchi he’d made last night.
His phone vibrated on the floor.
I’m coming over
As Yoochun typed in a negation, his door opened and Heechul popped his head in.
“Before you bitch,” he said and held out a cup of coffee.
Yoochun sighed. “Thanks, Chullie.” He took the cup and swallowed a mouthful of steaming liquid.
“I’m thinking of dying my hair black,” he said.
Yoochun grinned. “Last time you did that, you got pissed off and chopped it all off in retaliation for it not looking good.”
“I know.” Heechul made a face.
“I like the red. It suits you.”
“Do you have to work this morning?”
Yoochun shook his head. “No. Unless I’m called in. But I have a shift tonight at Big Bang.”
Heechul snorted. “I swear Taeyang is overcompensating for something because of that name.”
Yoochun grinned. “No, he’s not.”
Heechul’s eyes went wide. “What?”
“Don’t freak out. The guy tries to hit on me every single night I work. He called me into his office two nights ago and he was naked, and Heechul, he’s got a cock that could subdue you.”
Heechul gave him a look and then snorted again and flipped his hair. “Like that is even remotely possible. You should take it. How long has it been since you last had sex? Two months?”
Yoochun turned away from him, pain lacing through his heart.
“Sorry,” Heechul whispered, and put his arm around Yoochun’s waist. He kissed Yoochun’s neck and said, “Come on. Go shower. You smell like smoke and booze. And then, when you get out, you can take me out on the town and show me a good time.”
Yoochun smiled, turned his head enough to kiss the corner of Heechul’s mouth, and then broke away from him.
A few hours later, Heechul whined, “I’m hungry.”
“So? Buy us lunch.”
“You buy us lunch.”
“I’m poor.”
“So am I!”
Yoochun smiled and as they passed a little boutique, Yoochun stopped. He’d been in there a couple of times, but everything was too expensive for him to buy.
“Tell you what, if you can walk around in high heels for longer than me, then I’ll buy lunch. Otherwise, you’re buying.”
Heechul smirked. “What kind of a bet is that?”
“One, I’m going to win,” Yoochun said and opened the door.
He said hello to the woman, and after explaining about the bet, they had identical pairs of three inch, red pumps on the floor. Heechul made a face.
Yoochun pulled off his shoes and slipped the shoes onto his feet. Heechul shook his head and said, “Never mind. I’ll buy lunch.”
Yoochun stood up. It’d been a while since he’d worn heels, but after a shaky step, his legs remembered how to move in them and he paraded across the floor. After a few steps, he kicked up a heel, spun in a circle with a laugh and then walked back to Heechul.
Heechul was looking at him in utter amazement. “God, and people call me gay. Want to explain why you can walk around in heels like a girl?”
Yoochun smiled, and he whispered, “Junsu had a fetish.”
“Ah,” Heechul said.
They thanked the woman at the counter, and Yoochun left the store, wishing he could splurge thirty dollars on the cream and brown scarf that caught his eye. Heechul bought them lunch at a nearby ramen shop. They walked to the park and Yoochun bought them cheap coffee from a vending machine. They sat on the bench, shivering a bit when the wind blew.
“So now comes the talk that you don’t want to have,” Heechul said.
Yoochun smiled. “I know.”
“So?”
Yoochun shrugged. “So what?”
“You left to find yourself, have you found yourself?”
“Yes.”
“What does that mean?”
Yoochun leaned forward and put his elbows on his knees. “It wasn’t just that, Heechul and you know it. Don’t give me the soul mate talk about how everyone is always looking for that one person. Yes, I liked Junsu. Loved him, even, but I … I had to get away from him.”
“I know.”
“My money is my own. My clothes are my own. My jobs are my own. My apartment is my own.”
“Your cock is your own. Seriously, you need to get laid.”
Yoochun scoffed.
Heechul put his hand on Yoochun’s back and played with his hair as it blew in the wind. “You need to see him.”
“Why?”
“Because yes, all of that is your own. But you’re still not your own because you’re hanging onto him. If you see him, talk to him, maybe you can let him go.”
Yoochun sighed. “Or I’ll cling onto him more.”
“Chunnie baby, if you manage to cling onto him more than you already are, then that means you love him. Come on. You’re going to play the piano for me before I let you rest up for your night shift.”
+++++
The minute Yoochun stepped into the hallway of his apartment building, he knew something was wrong. It was always dark at three in the morning when he got home, and he couldn’t see, but even in the dark, he felt that something was wrong.
A couple of steps closer showed that his door was open.
Fuck this.
He turned around and headed away, but after only two steps, a hand snagged the back of his jacket. Yoochun swung out, fist landing against solid muscles. His breath left him in a whoosh as he was slammed against the wall.
Lips pressed against his and he bit down on them with a scream. A firm hand covered his mouth, and despite how much he struggled, his attacker was just too strong. He was dragged into his apartment, thrown on the floor and kicked in the ribs. He shut his eyes and curled in on himself as another kick landed on his arm. He covered his head, protecting his neck.
Laughter.
Laughter he knew.
Rage filled him, but he knew better than to try to do anything else. If Jaejoong was there, four more men waited outside somewhere, backing him up.
“Hi, little whore. I must admit, it took me a lot longer to find you than I was expecting. You really pulled a disappearing act on all of us.”
“Fuck off,” Yoochun snapped.
Jae punched him in the back of the head. His vision went gray. He struggled as much as he could as Jaejoong pulled his pants off. He even managed to kick Jae in the stomach, before his fist landed hard against Yoochun’s face.
Jae pinned him on his stomach, an elbow jammed into the middle of his back while he tied Yoochun’s arms. There was no prep, and Yoochun wasn’t that surprised. He screamed once and then Jae shoved a shirt in his mouth and tied it around his face, almost cutting off his breathing. He didn’t have enough breath to scream.
Pain laced through his whole body as Jaejoong raped him, lifting his hips, sliding into his body with the help of his torn body.
Yoochun drifted in and out of consciousness. A final thought through his head was Junsu’s voice saying, “It could have been worse,” and Yoochun finally understood that yes, indeed. It could definitely be worse.
He woke up to water on his face and a hand slapping his cheeks.
“Come on, baby, wake up. Wake up for me. Come on.”
Yoochun groaned.
“Good, good. Yoochun? Can you hear me?”
Yoochun tried to say Heechul’s name but he coughed. A cup pressed against his mouth and he took a much needed swallow of water.
“Who did this to you, baby? Who? Tell me who and I’ll kill them, I will.”
Yoochun again tried to talk, but he couldn’t. His head was pounding.
“Fuck, Yoochun.”
Arms wrapped around him tightly and he did his best to return the hug. He realized that he couldn’t see because his eyes were practically swollen shut. Every part of his body ached.
“We need to get you cleaned up,” Heechul whispered. “I’ll be right back.”
Heechul’s warmth left and Yoochun whimpered, reaching for him even as his arms ached. A moment later, blurry naked Heechul came into his line of sight. He sighed, and said, “This is going to hurt,” and hooked his arms under Yoochun’s armpits and hauled him to his feet.
Yoochun cried out, collapsing into him, as pain lashed up his ass and stomach, through his head. Everything swam and he pushed away from Heechul, fell to his knees and threw up.
“Fuck. You probably have a concussion.”
Yoochun didn’t care. He curled in a ball and cried.
“Baby, come on. Come on. You’ll feel better if you’re clean.”
Body shaking, Yoochun allowed Heechul to pick him up. In the bathroom, things swam again, but this time he threw up in the toilet. Heechul held him close in the shower, running a wash cloth over his body, whispering soothing words at him.
Yoochun flinched when Heechul cleaned out his body.
“Who did this?” Heechul asked.
Yoochun tried to meet his eyes. “Jaejoong,” he gasped.
Heechul inhaled sharply. “That fucker. You can’t stay here. Not alone.”
“Where can I go?” Yoochun asked. “Your house? He knows where you live.”
Heechul sighed. “Can you sleep at the club until you find someplace else to go?”
“I … I think so.”
Heechul finished cleaning him up. Yoochun only had a couple of small bandages, so one of his shirts was ripped to pieces to wrap around the cuts on his arms and thighs. Carefully, Heechul led him back to the main room. Yoochun stopped and stared. Tears dripped down his face.
Survivor was in pieces.
Yoochun fell to the bed, gathered the fluff and torn purple fabric against his chest and cried.
When he woke up, he was not in his bed.
Jaelin sat next to him, running a towel over his forehead.
Yoochun coughed.
“How are you feeling?”
“Like shit,” he said.
She grinned. “Heechul said he didn’t know who else to call. I’m glad he called us.”
Yoochun tried to sit up. “He’ll hurt you,” he said, voice panicked.
“No, he won’t. The entire neighborhood knows about this. Hyunjoong already has a contingent of people watching our house. Don’t worry about us. Here. Eat.” She held out a bowl and helped Yoochun eat a few mouthfuls of soup.
The world swam again.
“You have a concussion,” she said. “Try not to move. Heechul already called your bosses and they know that you were attacked. And.” She reached on the floor. “Minji says you can sleep with Starlette if you need to.” She put a bright pink cat on Yoochun’s chest. He put his hand around it, and a new set of tears fell down his cheeks. Jaelin hugged him and held him and rocked him until he cried himself into an exhausted sleep.
The next time he woke up, it was dark. He lay in bed, staring at the ceiling, mind surprisingly blank.
Starlette provided a small comfort.
Someone had fallen asleep on the floor, head on the bed, and after a moment of letting his eyes adjust to the dark, Yoochun realized it was Heechul. He reached out and touched Heechul’s arm. His eyes flew open in a panic, and then after a moment of wildly looking around, he settled his gaze on Yoochun.
“Hey. You awake?”
“Yeah.”
“How are you feeling?”
“Sore. Lay down with me?”
Heechul bit his lower lip and then crawled into bed. Yoochun curled up against his chest.
“Jaejoong knows where you are, but he doesn’t care. He told me that all he wanted was one time with you.”
“Why is that not comforting?”
Heechul chuckled. “He’s a bastard. He did it to prove a point. And he said he would have found a time to rape you if you had stayed with Junsu, too.”
“Fabulous.”
Heechul tightened his hold on him.
Yoochun sighed. “Thank you, Heechul. You’re an awesome friend.”
“I’m the best friend. Like ever.”
“Yeah. You are.”
“You know how good of a friend I am? I almost lost my job last night.”
“Why?”
“Because Jaejoong had bragged to Junsu what he did to you, and Junsu found out that I knew where you were and he threatened to fire me unless I told him where you were, but I kept my mouth shut, and Jiyong had to calm him down.”
Yoochun stiffened.
“I didn’t tell him, but I wouldn’t be surprised if Jaejoong is missing his testicles the next time I see him. Junsu was beyond furious. He’s still worried about you. He’s actually a fucking asshole without you. God, and then he found out from Jiyong that we were best friends and he threatened to rip up my Prada bag. My Prada bag, my baby. Can you imagine?”
Yoochun smiled. “The things we do for best friends, huh?”
“Yeah. But, he did manage to pin me to the bar and took my phone out of my pocket, but I don’t know if he found your number before Jiyong snatched it away.”
“That’s okay,” Yoochun said.
Yoochun slept off and on for the rest of the night. When Jaelin came to wake them in the morning, she seemed upset to find them in the same bed, but Heechul waved away her concern, kissed her cheek and with a farewell and a promise to return, he flounced out of the house.
“I think he might be insane,” Jaelin said.
Yoochun laughed. “Yeah. He is.”
Jaelin smiled. “How are you feeling?”
“I’m okay.”
“Well, I have something that will make you even better.” She moved her hands and pulled out a bundle of purple fabric. She tossed it on the bed. Yoochun reached for it reluctantly.
“Not the same,” Jaelin said, “but it was the best we could do.”
Yoochun stared at the now lopsided eyes of Survivor. There were obvious seams and bare spots on his body, and his flippers were crooked, but it was his Survivor. Yoochun held it tightly against his chest.
“Thank you,” he whispered, as more tears dripped down his face. “Thank you.”
It was a lot easier to sleep after that.
+++++
It took Yoochun a week to feel good enough to get out of bed, and another week to go back to work. He was jumpy at night, and no longer walked home by himself. Hyunjoong gave him enough money for a cab ride on some nights, but most of the time, he just slept at the club.
At the end of the month, he moved out of his little apartment, and into a different one, closer to Hyunjoong’s. He continued. He hung out with Heechul too much. He drank too much coffee. He smoked too many cigarettes. He stayed up too late playing the piano.
He survived.
+++++
“You have to come,” Heechul said, tugging on his arm.
“No.”
“But you have to.”
“Why?’
“Because I’m going and you don’t want me to go by myself to a bar full of attractive men that want something beautiful.”
Yoochun smiled.
“Come on. Please.”
“What we do for best friends?”
“Damn straight. Now get dressed. I know you have different clothes than that.”
Yoochun sighed and did as he was told. He took a quick shower and dressed in his only pair of black slacks. He had a nice, deep red button down that was next.
Heechul whistled at him when he came out of the bathroom all dressed up. He had his long hair tied back. “Sexy. I may be worried about those attractive men wanting you tonight.”
“With you by my side, they won’t even notice me.”
“Well, that’s true.”
Yoochun laughed. “Let’s go.”
Heechul paid for the cab ride, because if he hadn’t, Yoochun would have stayed home and Heechul knew that. Yoochun took a deep breath as the cab pulled up to the curb in front of Survivor. It was the newest club in the Kim Double J franchise.
The only reason why Yoochun came was because Yunho was dancing.
“You are going to be amazed, Chunnie, baby,” Heechul said as they were waved in by security after showing their IDs. The people waiting in line grumbled. “Yunho is an amazing dancer.”
Heechul led him to the bar. He called the bartender by name and signaled for two shots.
“Seungri, this is Yoochun,” Heechul said as the other put the shots on the bar.
“Hey,” Seungri said. “It’s good to meet you. Heechul talks about you all the time.”
“You, too,” Yoochun said.
Heechul made an impatient noise and lifted his glass. “A shot to .. what, Chunnie?”
Yoochun shrugged. “Best friends and a bar full of attractive men?”
Heechul grinned. “I love the way you think.” They clinked their glasses and downed the shots. Seungri replaced them immediately.
Through the night, lots of men approached Heechul. He laughed and flirted with them all. He never forgot any of their names. He left Yoochun a few times to go dance with the more attractive ones. Neither of them had to buy another drink that night.
It was during one of Heechul’s trips to the dance floor that Yoochun saw Junsu.
He was standing on an upper balcony, across the club. He wore a black suit, and his hair was a shade of brown that wasn’t quite orange. His arms were crossed, face cold and blank, and Yoochun was reminded of the first time he’d met Junsu. He surveyed the club with an uninterested air, but his eyes saw every detail, every problem. He spoke into a small headset a few times.
And then their eyes met.
Yoochun was paralyzed under that stare. He wanted to look away, but after a moment, the bastard look left Junsu’s eyes, replaced with uncertainty. He bit his lower lip, and Yoochun felt himself smile. Junsu’s mouth opened, his hands gripped the railing, and then he grabbed the headset, snapped something into it and turned away.
Yoochun frowned, heart aching.
He wondered if Junsu would come and talk to him. He refused offers to dance, not willing to get up from the one place that Junsu knew he would be.
The lights dimmed about a half hour later.
A voice announced the entertainment and Heechul was next to him again, grinning.
A spotlight hit the stage and the cheers were insanely loud when Yunho stepped into the light. Music started and Yunho danced. Yoochun was hard about ten seconds in. Fuck, Yunho could move his body. His hips undulated, his arms wove and circled his body, his feet never lost the beat and clothes flew off him. He was in bright blue suit, and by the time half the song was over, he was in a bright blue thong and a matching vest.
Yunho played with the crowd through smiles and facial expressions. The dance was sexy, but it was fun, too, and Yunho’s smile widened whenever the audience laughed. When the thong was finally removed, Yunho had his back to the crowd, perfect muscled body on display. He looked over his shoulder, smirked and walked off the stage without turning around to show off his cock.
Everyone cheered and whistled, including Heechul.
“Now, tell me that was not worth it.”
Yoochun smiled. “Yeah. It was worth it.”
Heechul tugged on his arm. “Come on. Let’s go backstage and say hi.”
Yoochun stiffened.
Heechul rolled his eyes. “I always go say hi to Yunho after his show. Come on.”
Breath short, Yoochun allowed himself to be pulled to his feet and down the back hallways of the club. At a door, Heechul knocked. It opened after a moment.
“HeeHee!” Yunho shouted and picked him up and spun him in a circle. He was wearing a robe.
Heechul laughed and kissed Yunho’s lips. “You were fantastic.”
“Really?”
“Yes, really. Amazing. Everyone loved you. Look who came with me today.”
Yunho turned and his eyes went wide. “Yoochun!” And Yoochun was picked up and swung in a circle. Yoochun hugged him.
“Hey, Yunho.”
“Was I good? Did you like it?”
“Yes. You were fantastic. I loved it.”
“Let him breath, Yunho,” another voice said. A voice that Yoochun had missed hearing.
“Sorry, SuSu,” Yunho said and released Yoochun.
Yoochun took a deep breath and turned around. Junsu was breathtaking from far away. Up close and Yoochun forgot his own name for a moment.
“Hey,” he whispered, already feeling the well of tears in his eyes.
Junsu swallowed and nodded.
“Hey, Yunho,” Heechul said suddenly. “Come sit over here with me and let me tell you about how awesome you were.”
Yunho giggled, and let himself be moved across the room.
Yoochun stared at Junsu. Junsu stared back.
“How are you?” Yoochun asked, voice cracking.
Junsu shrugged. “Okay, I guess. You?”
Yoochun nodded. “Yeah. Okay. I guess.” He blinked and felt a tear fall.
Junsu’s face twisted in anguish. He took half a step to Yoochun, and stopped. “Happy?” Junsu asked, whispered.
Yoochun sort of smiled. “No. You?”
Junsu shook his head.
Yoochun reached his hand out. Junsu whimpered, clasped it like a life line and then buried his face into Yoochun’s chest, body shaking. Yoochun heard a door click shut, and they were alone.
“You just left me. You left, and why did you just leave? You didn’t even say goodbye and you didn’t explain and you just fucking left, you fucking bastard.”
Yoochun tried to apologize, but he couldn’t find the words. He held Junsu against him and cried into his hair, feeling Junsu’s tears soak through his shirt.
They held each other for a long time, and then Junsu pulled back, away, let him go, so abruptly that Yoochun almost fell over. He wiped at his tears.
Yoochun didn’t know what to say.
“Why, Chunnie?”
“I …” His excuses, the ones he’d been parroting to himself for almost four months sounded paltry and pointless.
“I loved you,” Junsu said.
Past tense.
“I know.”
Junsu gasped out a whimper. “Go away. Please. Please just go away.”
Yoochun swallowed. He wanted to say something, but what could he say? He turned around and with his hand on the doorknob, Junsu said, “Don’t come back.”
“I won’t,” Yoochun promised, and left the room. He got lost in the hallways, but a bartender showed him the way back to the main floor. He went to the bar and downed a few more shots. He didn’t know where Heechul was, he didn’t care where Heechul was.
Someone asked him to dance and he danced. Someone asked him to go outside, and he did, drunk brain rolling as he was slammed into a wall and kissed, kissed in a cab ride, kissed on a bed and fucked and touched and twisted and warped. It was Junsu’s name on his lips as he came, though he was too drunk to say anything coherent, but it was Junsu, Junsu, Junsu, a mantra that lulled him to sleep, and a mantra that pounded in his brain and awakened him the next morning in a seedy hotel room, alone, dirty, sticky, sore.
He moaned, rolled over and his mouth filled with saliva, his stomach twisted. He leaned over the bed, barely grabbing a trash can to throw up in. He wanted a shower, but decided he’d rather shower at his own place. He staggered out of the room, stumbled into a cab and sequestered himself in his apartment.
He called in sick to work for three days before Heechul came pounding on his door.
Yoochun ignored him, but forgot that Heechul had a key, just in case. Yoochun turned his back to the door, cuddling Survivor close to him
Heechul sighed in the doorway. “You’re both being ridiculous,” he said. His hand slammed on Yoochun’s dresser. Yoochun jumped and looked over his shoulder.
“His phone number,” Heechul said. “Call him.”
And then Heechul turned around and left, slamming the bedroom door and the front door.
Yoochun climbed out of bed a few hours later and picked up the paper on his dresser. He crumpled it up, but couldn’t bring himself to throw it away. He let it fall. It bounced a couple times, and tumbled to the floor. Yoochun sighed and leaned down and picked it up. He flattened it out and put it back on the dresser.
He left it there and took a much needed shower.
Again, he found himself wandering the alleys around his apartment. He was comfortable here, content. Happy? Was he happy?
Yes, he decided, if happiness felt like there was constantly something missing in your life.
Yoochun sighed. Junsu was missing, and it wasn’t just that SOMEONE was missing. It was Junsu. If it had just been someone, then he’d be dating, going out, acting more like Heechul. But he didn’t want to do that when he already felt like his heart belonged somewhere else.
He stopped at the Lee’s for a few hours and played the piano for Minji and her friends. When Jaelin mentioned that he looked pale, he made the mistake of saying he hadn’t been eating enough and he was removed from the piano and herded upstairs for some rice and ddokbokki. A few questions and Yoochun spilled out the story of seeing Junsu at the club.
Jaelin nodded and said, “Yep. You’re in love. Though most people realize it sooner than you have. Sometimes you’re stupid, Yoochun, and I blame the cigarettes.”
Yoochun scoffed. “Most women blame the penis.”
Jaelin laughed, and then covered her mouth for laughing at a dirty joke and slapped Yoochun’s arm. “Get out of here. Call him.”
Yoochun went home. He sat at his table, Survivor gripped in one hand, his phone in the other. The crinkled piece of paper lay between them. He thought of taking the coward’s way out like had last time and then took a deep breath and entered Junsu’s number.
After the second ring, a message picked up announcing that this caller did not accept calls from numbers not approved by the recipient.
Yoochun sighed, and realized he’d have to send a text anyway.
can we start over?
A few agonizing minutes later, his phone beeped in reply. Why?
if we do things the right way, maybe it will be different
and?
Yoochun smiled. and I miss you. meet me tomorrow?
where? I have a meeting at 10am
the café, by your place. I’ll be there at eight
okay
Yoochun didn’t realize he was crying until a drop landed with a splat on the piece of paper. He saved Junsu’s number into his phone. He doubted he’d sleep, but he went to bed anyway, setting his alarm just in case. He clutched Survivor to him tightly, and for once, let himself smile.
Part 6: Love Strong
Part 4: Tough Thoughts
Part 3: Hard Work
Part 2: Dance Around
Part 1: Dress Up
.