Soul Song 5/?
Title: Soul Song 5/?
Pairing: Yoochun/Jaejoong (side pairings: Changmin/Junsu, Yunho/Yoohwan)
Rating: NC-17
Disclaimer: I'd claim them as my soulmates, but that would make me a liar. They only belong to each other.
Summary: Jaejoong can't hear his soul song, not the way everyone is supposed to. He's given up on ever finding a soulmate. But he can't keep music completely out of his life, especially when Park Yoochun plays his way right into Jaejoong's heart.
A/N: A soulmate fic for everyone that reminded me that I hadn't written one and that I always meant to. Special shoutout to winged-kame for helping me with the idea/plotline.
Part 5:
“Don’t worry about Yoohwan,” Yunho said to Jaejoong as he was putting on his boots to go home. “He’ll come around.”
Jaejoong tried to smile at him.
The two brothers had not said much to each other through dinner, but it had been Yunho reassuring him that it was normal when the two of them fought.
“Give it a week,” Yunho said. “In a week, Yoohwan will understand how much you mean to each other.
“Can I sleep at your place?” Yoochun suddenly said, face against Jaejoong’s neck. “Please? Fuck, what an ass.”
Yunho chuckled and winked at Jaejoong. “I’m sure there will be lots of fucking and ass.”
“Shut up,” Yoochun said. “I didn’t mean it like that. Just have to get out of here. Please.”
Jaejoong swallowed and said, “Y-yeah. Sure.”
“Good. I already have a bag packed. Let’s go.”
Yoochun kissed his cheek with a wide smile and Jaejoong tried to smile back, though it was a bit of a wince. Yoochun’s smile fell for a moment and then it was back, softer, understanding. He shouted a goodbye to his ungrateful brother, accepted a back slap from Yunho, and led the way out of the apartment.
Jaejoong felt like he was quaking, panicking, shaking. He couldn’t breathe.
Sex with your soulmate was supposed to be perfect. It was supposed to be amazing. The most uncomplicated moment in your life.
But what ... how was ... already? Jaejoong had never done anything like it before with anyone. Not even with or to himself. He didn’t even like to masturbate because it reminded him that he would never, ever have anyone to touch him.
Yoochun stopped them in the elevator and pressed a light kiss to his lips, hands at his hips. Jaejoong’s breath sped up a little.
“Stop,” Yoochun whispered. “Stop whatever you’re thinking. I honestly only want to get away from my brother. No expectations. This is nothing else. Okay. Unless you want it to be.”
Jaejoong swallowed and nodded. “I do ... but ...”
Yoochun’s hand was soft on his cheek. “You aren’t ready. I know. When you’re ready, you’ll let me know. I don’t expect anything else from you.”
The elevator opened and Yoochun took his hand, leading him outside. It took a few minutes to get a cab, but they both climbed in the back, and Yoochun pulled Jaejoong close, arm around his shoulder. Jaejoong stiffened against him.
Yoochun pressed a kiss to his head, squeezing him for a moment.
Jaejoong wanted ... didn’t want ... He was not sure what he wanted. He definitely wanted the doubts to go away. He definitely wanted Yoochun to be his soulmate. They were, right? They had to be. Jaejoong wouldn’t survive if they weren’t soulmates. He was too hopeful to just be crushed in the end.
And sitting like this, in the cab, curled up next to a warm body, it felt real. For a moment. He shut his eyes and relaxed. It felt very good to be pressed against a warm body. Very good to let someone else tell the cab driver his address. Let someone else worry about him.
Yoochun did not talk, which suited Jaejoong just fine. He had no idea what to say to the man who was too understanding. Too optimistic. Jaejoong understood how Yoochun could have been so easily swindled in America. He was so trusting. So loving.
Jaejoong played with Yoochun’s fingers where they lay against his knee. Such beautiful fingers, ones that were able to weave through notes, twirl through love and hope. And heartache. Would Jaejoong be the next one that cause Yoochun to write a sad song?
Yoochun smiled, chest vibrating with a soft chuckle. He turned his hand up and Jaejoong entwined their fingers. It was easy. They fit together so well. He was almost smiling when the cab stopped outside of his building.
Yoochun went right to his piano, of course, playing their soul song and then variations of it, over and over again. Jaejoong sighed. Why couldn’t he hear their soul song? He sat next to Yoochun on the piano and played his own variation of their song, in a minor key instead of major. That sounded better to his brain.
“Love,” Yoochun whispered and leaned his head on Jaejoong’s shoulder for a moment. He took up the song though, a minor key for a moment, and then morphing into a major key. Seamless. Yoochun was such a good musician. Jaejoong did not deserve him.
A moment later, the song twisted into a silly pop song, and Jaejoong smiled, taking a few deep breaths before singing along when Yoochun played songs he knew the lyrics to. He settled next to him and they played the piano together until Jaejoong was drooping, mostly asleep on Yoochun’s shoulder.
He did not want to go to bed. Every time he went to sleep, he waited to wake up from a dream that was too perfect.
Yoochun saw his reluctance as something else though. He hugged Jaejoong around the middle. “I promise. No pressure. This is just to sleep.”
Jaejoong nodded. “I know. I’m ... I’m sorry. I just ...”
“You need to be sure. I know. Stop apologizing.”
They slept in Jaejoong’s small bed, pressed so close together that there was enough room for a third person.
♪ ♫ ♪ ♫ ♪
Jaejoong woke up, heart a little lighter than the day before, when Yoochun was still in his bed and he was pretty sure that his life was not in the middle of what would end up being a painful dream. He watched Yoochun sleep for a few minutes and then carefully crawled out of the bed. He went about his routine. He went jogging at the park, not avoiding pianos, and then went home for a shower and breakfast. Yoochun slept on until Jaejoong made coffee.
With a grumble, Yoochun shuffled over to the tiny kitchen, a bit groggy and accepted a cup and then a kiss.
“You should have woken me up,” Yoochun muttered.
Jaejoong chuckled. “Maybe. But at least now I have an actual chance of being to work on time.”
Yoochun pouted. “Mean. Give me a kiss as an apology.”
Jaejoong touched Yoochun’s cheek softly. “I’ll give you a kiss because I want to.”
His smile was beautiful. Jaejoong’s chest tightened. How could someone be so beautiful? How could someone so beautiful want to be with him who was broken?
“Love,” Yoochun whispered, voice a little sad.
“I do want to, I just ... I’m not ...”
“You are. You are. You are,” Yoochun said, kissing him between each declaration. “I love you, soulmate of mine.”
Jaejoong smiled and fought back tears as their lips met again.
“I’ll hurry and get ready to go so you’re not late to work,” Yoochun said.
Jaejoong shook his head. “Stay if you want. Just make sure the door is locked on your way out.”
Yoochun chuckled. “I will.”
He was able to kiss Yoochun for fifteen minutes before he absolutely had to leave. So they stood in the middle of Jaejoong’s small apartment and kissed for twenty.
Jaejoong sailed to work, taking the short route past all the pianos. He was almost disappointed that no one was playing them this morning.
As soon as he walked through the door, Yoona demanded, “When’s the wedding?”
Jaejoong blushed and almost tripped over a display case.
Yoona laughed and intercepted him in the middle of the store, hugging him tightly. “I’m so happy for you, Jaejoong-ah. So happy. And you look so happy. Even if you can’t quite believe it yet, you look much happier.”
Jaejoong’s throat tightened, and he realized that Yoona was right. Even with the feeling that it wasn’t quite real, that it was all about to fall apart, he was happy. Hopeful.
“Okay, tell me all about him. Everything.”
Jaejoong cleared his throat and asked, “Can I clock in first?”
She laughed and waved him toward the computer. He punched in his work ID, the keys singing a morning song that had Jaejoong smiling. As soon as the last note dinged, Yoona was back, demanding answers, and Jaejoong told her everything about Yoochun.
♪ ♫ ♪ ♫ ♪
At about two in the afternoon, Yoochun walked into the store, and Jaejoong dropped all the pens and then managed to knock his pen display case onto the floor.
Yoochun chuckled and stopped him from bending down to clean them up. For a moment. For a kiss. And then a song came on the radio, one of VIXX’s songs, and Yoochun laughed and wrapped him up in his arms and danced with him around the store.
“I wrote this song,” Yoochun said.
Jaejoong had heard it before, but he did not know the words. He stopped to listen to a crooning voice sing about the one that got away, the one who was not his soulmate, but maybe someone one else. It was very hopeful, very encouraging.
“I always felt like that,” Yoochun said, stopping their dance and hugging Jaejoong tightly. “I always knew it was just a matter of time before I’d find you.”
“Have to clean up,” Jaejoong muttered against his neck.
“Have to kiss you.”
Jaejoong laughed and let him, right in the middle of the store.
“I need to leave,” Yoochun said between kisses, “or I’m going to topple you to the floor and I’m pretty sure you have a CTV system and that would be bad.”
Jaejoong smiled and attempted to step away from him.
“One more song,” Yoochun said, resuming their dance around the store. One song turned to two, and they did not stop dancing until Yoochun back-stepped right onto a pile of pens that Jaejoong had to clean up. A few of them cracked.
“Shit. Break it you bought it?” he said, an eyebrow raised.
Jaejoong shrugged. “Store policy.”
Laughing, Yoochun finally stepped away from him. They both kneeled on the floor to clean up the mess of pens, setting the broken ones aside. There were a few moments where Yoochun leaned closer, like he wanted a kiss, but Jaejoong pretended not to notice. Dancing in the middle of his store wasn’t really okay. He was supposed to be working. Even for a soulmate.
A soulmate.
Fuck. God, he had a soulmate. How was that even possible?
“Sing our soul song,” Jaejoong said, hands on his knees. He did not look up at Yoochun, eyes on a yellow pen that had rolled farther away.
Because Yoochun was perfect, he did not question the sudden request.
Yoochun sang it. Eight F majors.
Jaejoong’s shoulders sank and he curled forward a little bit. He tried to bite his lip against the noise of anguish, but Yoochun was there in a moment, holding him tightly. Jaejoong did not cry, but clung to him.
“I thought ... I thought ... why can’t I hear it?”
Yoochun hummed it. Still eight F majors. “You can hear it.”
“You know what I mean!” He pushed away, almost growling as he stood up and started straightening the pens on display.
Arms wrapped around his waist, lips against his neck. “What I mean is that this is your soul song, the one you have been hearing since ...”
“Sixteen.”
The arms tightened in support.
“It is your soul song because you hear those notes, the ones you’ve been hearing for so many years. I know you do. I believe you. I trust you. I love you. You can’t even understand how happy I am, how ... free ... how ... I do not know how to explain it. It is not fair that you do not feel the same way. And no, do not apologize. It is not your fault.”
Yoochun sang it again, and then again, and then again.
“It’s a beautiful moment in a perfect song. Perfect because while you cannot hear the melody, you have the harmony, you have the right key, and that’s all this is. We fit together. We belong together. A single line, a single verse, does not make a song. Songs are made from chords, from highs and lows. It is what makes life. Your soul song, all eight F majors, are just as important to our song, are just important to our life, as the notes in my head.”
Jaejoong turned around and hugged him. “What if I never hear it?”
Yoochun chuckled. He pushed away and winked, slow and deliberate. “Doesn’t matter. I hear it and now that I’ve gotten the chance of tumbling into bed with you, I’m not about--”
Jaejoong narrowed his eyes, cheeks flushing. “I’m serious!”
Yoochun nodded. “I know. But what did I just say? Your F majors are part of our song. Our song is made up of two people, not just one.” He touched Jaejoong’s cheek. “I’d much rather have a soulmate that complements me than one that is exactly like me.”
Jaejoong sighed. “Everything you say sounds like the lines to a song.”
“Or the sappy sayings written on pink stationery.”
Jaejoong laughed and hugged him. “Exactly.”
“Smile, my love, my soul, my heart. You are so beautiful. I’m so very lucky.”
“You’re ... you’re ...”
Yoochun pulled away, eyebrow raised. “I’m what?”
“You’re ... my soulmate,” Jaejoong whispered, voice rough, throat tightening. “All mine.”
Yoochun moaned and leaned forward to kiss him again, but the bells above the door jingled with an incoming customer and Jaejoong yanked away from him.
Laughing, Yoochun moved away and then blew him a kiss. “I have to go, my soulmate. I’ll call you later.”
Jaejoong nodded and watched him head for the door.
Almost there, Jaejoong said, “Yoochun?”
Yoochun stopped and turned around with a smile.
“Soulmate,” he said with a firm nod. “You’re my soulmate.”
Yoochun’s smile widened. He said, “You bet I am,” and he winked, and then left the store.
♪ ♫ ♪ ♫ ♪
Jaejoong was having a nightmare. Nothing concrete. Just faded images of everyone around him leaving him. Walking alone on a crowded street. Being invisible. And thumping. A weird beat that did not belong in the dream of silence.
Moaning, Jaejoong rolled over and realized that he was awake. The silence was real, a deep silence of after midnight but before dawn. And the noise was knocking, tapping on his door. Fuck. But the knocking stayed insistent. After a moment, he realized that it was knocking to a rhythm, a certain rhythm he knew well. He staggered through the apartment and opened the door, moaning at Yoochun’s bright smile. It was almost two in the morning.
“What the hell?” Jaejoong mumbled and headed back to bed.
“Sorry, I wanted to be with you.”
Jaejoong stared at him, bleary eyed, and then just fell onto his bed, curled up to go back to sleep. He stirred again only when Yoochun crawled into bed next to him.
Lips pressed against his shoulder.
Jaejoong smiled and went back to sleep, this time with dreams full of music and laughter.
♪ ♫ ♪ ♫ ♪
As with the day before, Jaejoong slipped out of bed before Yoochun was awake. Yoochun was not awake by the time Jaejoong had to leave for work, but he did not want to wake him, because then he’d be late. And a little part of him did not want to talk to Yoochun again, didn’t want to see his eyes shining with love or a smile of happiness. Part of Jaejoong still waited for the dream to end.
He had only been at work for about a half hour when Yoona started pestering him.
“Okay. Spill.”
Jaejoong cleared his throat and looked away. “Spill what?”
“You’ve been half happy and half depressed since you walked in here. Explain now. You have your soulmate. Why aren’t you just insanely happy?”
Jaejoong hugged himself, half turned away from Yoona. “I’m ... I’m trying. To be happy, I mean. But I haven’t ... I never thought ... It’s too good to be true, Yoona. I can’t hear his soul song. He can’t hear mine. It’s not ... we’re not ... but he’s so sweet and so perfect and so understanding. I just can’t ... “
Yoona hugged him, chin on his shoulder from the side. “I’ve watched you suffer for so long. I want you to be happy. I don’t think that you think you even realize that you deserve to be happy. It’s going to take you some time. But he is your soulmate and you know it, right?”
Jaejoong sighed. “Yes. I know ... I just ...”
Yoona spun him around suddenly just as the bells on the door jingled and Yoochun walked in, looking tired, but smiling, and he went right to Jaejoong, arms around his waist and kissed him.
“You didn’t wake me up,” Yoochun said with a pout.
Jaejoong licked his lips which was a bad idea (or a good idea) with Yoochun so close, and he didn’t wait for Jaejoong to say anything, but kissed him a little firmer.
“There. Good morning,” Yoochun said.
“Take the day off,” Yoona said behind them.
They both turned and looked at her.
“Take the day off, spend some time together. Obviously he needs it.”
Jaejoong flushed and looked down.
“I can’t today, actually,” Yoochun said. “That’s why I’m up before noon. Such an ungodly time of the day. I have a meeting with MinSu, required staff meeting, at twelve thirty. It will run a good two hours, and then upper management have to do quarterly numbers and Changmin is seriously a bitch. So sorry, my love, my mate, my heart, I cannot today.”
“Tomorrow?” Yoona asked.
Yoochun touched his cheek. “How about it?”
Jaejoong bit his lip and stammered, “I-I need ... money. I can’t ...”
“Vacation day,” Yoona said. “Paid vacation. There. No excuses.”
Yoochun smiled. “Yes or no, soulmate of mine?”
Jaejoong nodded. “O-okay. Tomorrow.”
“Good.” Yoochun winked, pressed a kiss to his lips and pulled away. “I’ll see you later, baby.”
“Are you going to pound on my door at two in the morning again?”
Yoochun laughed. “Of course.” The bells jingled as he exited.
Jaejoong buried his face in his hands and moaned.
“Sleeps over, does he?” Yoona asked, a teasing lilt to her tone.
Jaejoong stuck out his tongue.
“You tell me of your doubts and fears, but you have no problems with him kissing you, hugging you, sleeping with you. It sounds like you believe in your heart and your soul that he is your soulmate, but it’s your brain and your insecurities that are stopping you from following.”
Jaejoong leaned against the counter and nodded. “It’s so hard. It’s so ... unbelievable. And when he sings our soul song and I know it’s different, it’s so hard to shut up ...”
“Shut up the voice that’s been telling you that you aren’t good enough for almost fifteen years?”
Jaejoong’s throat tightened and he nodded.
“You’re good enough for Yoochun. You’re perfect for Yoochun. His eyes are just beams of light when he sees you. One of these days, pink and red hearts are going to start bouncing around his head. He is absolutely in love with you.”
Jaejoong nodded. “I’m afraid he’s going to change his mind because ... because I can’t hear our soul song. His soul song.”
“And I’m sure he’s reassured you multiple times?”
“Yes, but ... it’s ... early. He’s ... when he gets over ...”
Yoono shook her head. “I’ve met the man twice now, and I can already tell that he will never be anything but completely and utterly in love with you. Do you love him?”
“I ... I haven’t told him ... yet, but maybe? I don’t want to love the thought of having a soulmate.”
Yoona smiled. “Everyone loves that thought. But I don’t think you’ve ever had that thought. I don’t think you have ever thought you’d have a soulmate. You’ve spent too many years convincing yourself that you would never and could never have a soulmate, and now that he’s here, now that he’s so in love with you, you’re finding ways to remind yourself that you can’t ever have a soulmate. Stop it. Easier said than done, I know. But you don’t want to love Yoochun just because he’s your soulmate, then fine. Don’t. I don’t love Minho just because he’s my soulmate. That just started it, and then you know what I did? I went out with him. I got to know him. We dated and laughed and fucked.”
Jaejoong gasped at the harsh language.
Yoona only laughed. “Well, we did. And you’re right, the dazzle faded. Well, that’s not true, because you’ve seen Minho’s eyes turn to hearts when he sees me, but the dazzle made room for love and respect. I want you to spend all day with Yoochun tomorrow. Everything you do, I want you to do it with Yoochun. Be dazzled. Let yourself be dazzled. You deserve it.”
She hugged him again, and Jaejoong returned the hug and said, “O-okay. I will.”
“Good, now get to work on semi-annual inventory.”
Jaejoong moaned. "Yes, ma'am."
♪ ♫ ♪ ♫ ♪
After work, Jaejoong made a serious decision. He’d spent the entire time at work thinking about what Yoona said. She was right.
He did not deserve to have a soulmate. Not with his soul song. Not with one that was so different from Yoochun’s.
But that was the past. And he had to do something to show Yoochun that he was serious about this, that he wanted to try. It was going to be difficult for him to push away his demons, especially so quickly. But the hope and smiles and happiness in his heart were too good to just let go. He had to try.
So he went to a locksmith and made a key for his apartment door.
He had to force himself to stay awake, wait until Yoochun was knocking on the door at almost two in the morning. He’d had a cup of coffee at eight and that still wasn’t quite enough. The emotions in his heart were more exhausting than physical activity.
“Here,” he said, handing Yoochun a key before Yoochun even stepped into the apartment. “Your own key. Just come in whenever and don’t wake me up.”
Yoochun’s eyes went a little wide. “Really?”
Jaejoong rolled his eyes. “Yes, really. I need sleep.” He slammed the door and locked it. He heard Yoochun’s muffled laughter through the door.
Jaejoong was almost in bed when the door opened and then shut. Smiling, but keeping his back turned, Jaejoong climbed into bed and waited only a moment for the light to turn off and for Yoochun to slide in beside him.
“I love you,” Yoochun whispered, kissing his tattooed shoulder.
Jaejoong smiled and turned around, kissing him firmly. He took a very deep breath and told the truth. “I ... I want to. I really really want to. But it’s so scary. It’s so hard. I ... never thought ... soulmate. You’re my soulmate and I never thought I’d ever ... but I’m scared and you’re perfect and this is ...”
“Crazy?” Yoochun said with a grin. “It’s supposed to be, right? A whirlwind, a rollercoaster, a tornado. Loop-de-loops on my heart.”
Jaejoong buried his face Yoochun’s neck. “Thank you for understanding. Thank you for being patient. Thank you for not leaving me.”
Yoochun ran his hand over Jaejoong’s hair and then pulled at it to look at him. His smile lit up the dark, and Jaejoong did not mind missing out on a few more minutes of sleep for a few more kisses.
Part 6: Major Chords
Part 4: Cross Rhythm
Part 3: Dissonance
Part 2: Peace and Harmony
Part 1: Sweet Melody
.
Pairing: Yoochun/Jaejoong (side pairings: Changmin/Junsu, Yunho/Yoohwan)
Rating: NC-17
Disclaimer: I'd claim them as my soulmates, but that would make me a liar. They only belong to each other.
Summary: Jaejoong can't hear his soul song, not the way everyone is supposed to. He's given up on ever finding a soulmate. But he can't keep music completely out of his life, especially when Park Yoochun plays his way right into Jaejoong's heart.
A/N: A soulmate fic for everyone that reminded me that I hadn't written one and that I always meant to. Special shoutout to winged-kame for helping me with the idea/plotline.
Part 5:
“Don’t worry about Yoohwan,” Yunho said to Jaejoong as he was putting on his boots to go home. “He’ll come around.”
Jaejoong tried to smile at him.
The two brothers had not said much to each other through dinner, but it had been Yunho reassuring him that it was normal when the two of them fought.
“Give it a week,” Yunho said. “In a week, Yoohwan will understand how much you mean to each other.
“Can I sleep at your place?” Yoochun suddenly said, face against Jaejoong’s neck. “Please? Fuck, what an ass.”
Yunho chuckled and winked at Jaejoong. “I’m sure there will be lots of fucking and ass.”
“Shut up,” Yoochun said. “I didn’t mean it like that. Just have to get out of here. Please.”
Jaejoong swallowed and said, “Y-yeah. Sure.”
“Good. I already have a bag packed. Let’s go.”
Yoochun kissed his cheek with a wide smile and Jaejoong tried to smile back, though it was a bit of a wince. Yoochun’s smile fell for a moment and then it was back, softer, understanding. He shouted a goodbye to his ungrateful brother, accepted a back slap from Yunho, and led the way out of the apartment.
Jaejoong felt like he was quaking, panicking, shaking. He couldn’t breathe.
Sex with your soulmate was supposed to be perfect. It was supposed to be amazing. The most uncomplicated moment in your life.
But what ... how was ... already? Jaejoong had never done anything like it before with anyone. Not even with or to himself. He didn’t even like to masturbate because it reminded him that he would never, ever have anyone to touch him.
Yoochun stopped them in the elevator and pressed a light kiss to his lips, hands at his hips. Jaejoong’s breath sped up a little.
“Stop,” Yoochun whispered. “Stop whatever you’re thinking. I honestly only want to get away from my brother. No expectations. This is nothing else. Okay. Unless you want it to be.”
Jaejoong swallowed and nodded. “I do ... but ...”
Yoochun’s hand was soft on his cheek. “You aren’t ready. I know. When you’re ready, you’ll let me know. I don’t expect anything else from you.”
The elevator opened and Yoochun took his hand, leading him outside. It took a few minutes to get a cab, but they both climbed in the back, and Yoochun pulled Jaejoong close, arm around his shoulder. Jaejoong stiffened against him.
Yoochun pressed a kiss to his head, squeezing him for a moment.
Jaejoong wanted ... didn’t want ... He was not sure what he wanted. He definitely wanted the doubts to go away. He definitely wanted Yoochun to be his soulmate. They were, right? They had to be. Jaejoong wouldn’t survive if they weren’t soulmates. He was too hopeful to just be crushed in the end.
And sitting like this, in the cab, curled up next to a warm body, it felt real. For a moment. He shut his eyes and relaxed. It felt very good to be pressed against a warm body. Very good to let someone else tell the cab driver his address. Let someone else worry about him.
Yoochun did not talk, which suited Jaejoong just fine. He had no idea what to say to the man who was too understanding. Too optimistic. Jaejoong understood how Yoochun could have been so easily swindled in America. He was so trusting. So loving.
Jaejoong played with Yoochun’s fingers where they lay against his knee. Such beautiful fingers, ones that were able to weave through notes, twirl through love and hope. And heartache. Would Jaejoong be the next one that cause Yoochun to write a sad song?
Yoochun smiled, chest vibrating with a soft chuckle. He turned his hand up and Jaejoong entwined their fingers. It was easy. They fit together so well. He was almost smiling when the cab stopped outside of his building.
Yoochun went right to his piano, of course, playing their soul song and then variations of it, over and over again. Jaejoong sighed. Why couldn’t he hear their soul song? He sat next to Yoochun on the piano and played his own variation of their song, in a minor key instead of major. That sounded better to his brain.
“Love,” Yoochun whispered and leaned his head on Jaejoong’s shoulder for a moment. He took up the song though, a minor key for a moment, and then morphing into a major key. Seamless. Yoochun was such a good musician. Jaejoong did not deserve him.
A moment later, the song twisted into a silly pop song, and Jaejoong smiled, taking a few deep breaths before singing along when Yoochun played songs he knew the lyrics to. He settled next to him and they played the piano together until Jaejoong was drooping, mostly asleep on Yoochun’s shoulder.
He did not want to go to bed. Every time he went to sleep, he waited to wake up from a dream that was too perfect.
Yoochun saw his reluctance as something else though. He hugged Jaejoong around the middle. “I promise. No pressure. This is just to sleep.”
Jaejoong nodded. “I know. I’m ... I’m sorry. I just ...”
“You need to be sure. I know. Stop apologizing.”
They slept in Jaejoong’s small bed, pressed so close together that there was enough room for a third person.
♪ ♫ ♪ ♫ ♪
Jaejoong woke up, heart a little lighter than the day before, when Yoochun was still in his bed and he was pretty sure that his life was not in the middle of what would end up being a painful dream. He watched Yoochun sleep for a few minutes and then carefully crawled out of the bed. He went about his routine. He went jogging at the park, not avoiding pianos, and then went home for a shower and breakfast. Yoochun slept on until Jaejoong made coffee.
With a grumble, Yoochun shuffled over to the tiny kitchen, a bit groggy and accepted a cup and then a kiss.
“You should have woken me up,” Yoochun muttered.
Jaejoong chuckled. “Maybe. But at least now I have an actual chance of being to work on time.”
Yoochun pouted. “Mean. Give me a kiss as an apology.”
Jaejoong touched Yoochun’s cheek softly. “I’ll give you a kiss because I want to.”
His smile was beautiful. Jaejoong’s chest tightened. How could someone be so beautiful? How could someone so beautiful want to be with him who was broken?
“Love,” Yoochun whispered, voice a little sad.
“I do want to, I just ... I’m not ...”
“You are. You are. You are,” Yoochun said, kissing him between each declaration. “I love you, soulmate of mine.”
Jaejoong smiled and fought back tears as their lips met again.
“I’ll hurry and get ready to go so you’re not late to work,” Yoochun said.
Jaejoong shook his head. “Stay if you want. Just make sure the door is locked on your way out.”
Yoochun chuckled. “I will.”
He was able to kiss Yoochun for fifteen minutes before he absolutely had to leave. So they stood in the middle of Jaejoong’s small apartment and kissed for twenty.
Jaejoong sailed to work, taking the short route past all the pianos. He was almost disappointed that no one was playing them this morning.
As soon as he walked through the door, Yoona demanded, “When’s the wedding?”
Jaejoong blushed and almost tripped over a display case.
Yoona laughed and intercepted him in the middle of the store, hugging him tightly. “I’m so happy for you, Jaejoong-ah. So happy. And you look so happy. Even if you can’t quite believe it yet, you look much happier.”
Jaejoong’s throat tightened, and he realized that Yoona was right. Even with the feeling that it wasn’t quite real, that it was all about to fall apart, he was happy. Hopeful.
“Okay, tell me all about him. Everything.”
Jaejoong cleared his throat and asked, “Can I clock in first?”
She laughed and waved him toward the computer. He punched in his work ID, the keys singing a morning song that had Jaejoong smiling. As soon as the last note dinged, Yoona was back, demanding answers, and Jaejoong told her everything about Yoochun.
♪ ♫ ♪ ♫ ♪
At about two in the afternoon, Yoochun walked into the store, and Jaejoong dropped all the pens and then managed to knock his pen display case onto the floor.
Yoochun chuckled and stopped him from bending down to clean them up. For a moment. For a kiss. And then a song came on the radio, one of VIXX’s songs, and Yoochun laughed and wrapped him up in his arms and danced with him around the store.
“I wrote this song,” Yoochun said.
Jaejoong had heard it before, but he did not know the words. He stopped to listen to a crooning voice sing about the one that got away, the one who was not his soulmate, but maybe someone one else. It was very hopeful, very encouraging.
“I always felt like that,” Yoochun said, stopping their dance and hugging Jaejoong tightly. “I always knew it was just a matter of time before I’d find you.”
“Have to clean up,” Jaejoong muttered against his neck.
“Have to kiss you.”
Jaejoong laughed and let him, right in the middle of the store.
“I need to leave,” Yoochun said between kisses, “or I’m going to topple you to the floor and I’m pretty sure you have a CTV system and that would be bad.”
Jaejoong smiled and attempted to step away from him.
“One more song,” Yoochun said, resuming their dance around the store. One song turned to two, and they did not stop dancing until Yoochun back-stepped right onto a pile of pens that Jaejoong had to clean up. A few of them cracked.
“Shit. Break it you bought it?” he said, an eyebrow raised.
Jaejoong shrugged. “Store policy.”
Laughing, Yoochun finally stepped away from him. They both kneeled on the floor to clean up the mess of pens, setting the broken ones aside. There were a few moments where Yoochun leaned closer, like he wanted a kiss, but Jaejoong pretended not to notice. Dancing in the middle of his store wasn’t really okay. He was supposed to be working. Even for a soulmate.
A soulmate.
Fuck. God, he had a soulmate. How was that even possible?
“Sing our soul song,” Jaejoong said, hands on his knees. He did not look up at Yoochun, eyes on a yellow pen that had rolled farther away.
Because Yoochun was perfect, he did not question the sudden request.
Yoochun sang it. Eight F majors.
Jaejoong’s shoulders sank and he curled forward a little bit. He tried to bite his lip against the noise of anguish, but Yoochun was there in a moment, holding him tightly. Jaejoong did not cry, but clung to him.
“I thought ... I thought ... why can’t I hear it?”
Yoochun hummed it. Still eight F majors. “You can hear it.”
“You know what I mean!” He pushed away, almost growling as he stood up and started straightening the pens on display.
Arms wrapped around his waist, lips against his neck. “What I mean is that this is your soul song, the one you have been hearing since ...”
“Sixteen.”
The arms tightened in support.
“It is your soul song because you hear those notes, the ones you’ve been hearing for so many years. I know you do. I believe you. I trust you. I love you. You can’t even understand how happy I am, how ... free ... how ... I do not know how to explain it. It is not fair that you do not feel the same way. And no, do not apologize. It is not your fault.”
Yoochun sang it again, and then again, and then again.
“It’s a beautiful moment in a perfect song. Perfect because while you cannot hear the melody, you have the harmony, you have the right key, and that’s all this is. We fit together. We belong together. A single line, a single verse, does not make a song. Songs are made from chords, from highs and lows. It is what makes life. Your soul song, all eight F majors, are just as important to our song, are just important to our life, as the notes in my head.”
Jaejoong turned around and hugged him. “What if I never hear it?”
Yoochun chuckled. He pushed away and winked, slow and deliberate. “Doesn’t matter. I hear it and now that I’ve gotten the chance of tumbling into bed with you, I’m not about--”
Jaejoong narrowed his eyes, cheeks flushing. “I’m serious!”
Yoochun nodded. “I know. But what did I just say? Your F majors are part of our song. Our song is made up of two people, not just one.” He touched Jaejoong’s cheek. “I’d much rather have a soulmate that complements me than one that is exactly like me.”
Jaejoong sighed. “Everything you say sounds like the lines to a song.”
“Or the sappy sayings written on pink stationery.”
Jaejoong laughed and hugged him. “Exactly.”
“Smile, my love, my soul, my heart. You are so beautiful. I’m so very lucky.”
“You’re ... you’re ...”
Yoochun pulled away, eyebrow raised. “I’m what?”
“You’re ... my soulmate,” Jaejoong whispered, voice rough, throat tightening. “All mine.”
Yoochun moaned and leaned forward to kiss him again, but the bells above the door jingled with an incoming customer and Jaejoong yanked away from him.
Laughing, Yoochun moved away and then blew him a kiss. “I have to go, my soulmate. I’ll call you later.”
Jaejoong nodded and watched him head for the door.
Almost there, Jaejoong said, “Yoochun?”
Yoochun stopped and turned around with a smile.
“Soulmate,” he said with a firm nod. “You’re my soulmate.”
Yoochun’s smile widened. He said, “You bet I am,” and he winked, and then left the store.
♪ ♫ ♪ ♫ ♪
Jaejoong was having a nightmare. Nothing concrete. Just faded images of everyone around him leaving him. Walking alone on a crowded street. Being invisible. And thumping. A weird beat that did not belong in the dream of silence.
Moaning, Jaejoong rolled over and realized that he was awake. The silence was real, a deep silence of after midnight but before dawn. And the noise was knocking, tapping on his door. Fuck. But the knocking stayed insistent. After a moment, he realized that it was knocking to a rhythm, a certain rhythm he knew well. He staggered through the apartment and opened the door, moaning at Yoochun’s bright smile. It was almost two in the morning.
“What the hell?” Jaejoong mumbled and headed back to bed.
“Sorry, I wanted to be with you.”
Jaejoong stared at him, bleary eyed, and then just fell onto his bed, curled up to go back to sleep. He stirred again only when Yoochun crawled into bed next to him.
Lips pressed against his shoulder.
Jaejoong smiled and went back to sleep, this time with dreams full of music and laughter.
♪ ♫ ♪ ♫ ♪
As with the day before, Jaejoong slipped out of bed before Yoochun was awake. Yoochun was not awake by the time Jaejoong had to leave for work, but he did not want to wake him, because then he’d be late. And a little part of him did not want to talk to Yoochun again, didn’t want to see his eyes shining with love or a smile of happiness. Part of Jaejoong still waited for the dream to end.
He had only been at work for about a half hour when Yoona started pestering him.
“Okay. Spill.”
Jaejoong cleared his throat and looked away. “Spill what?”
“You’ve been half happy and half depressed since you walked in here. Explain now. You have your soulmate. Why aren’t you just insanely happy?”
Jaejoong hugged himself, half turned away from Yoona. “I’m ... I’m trying. To be happy, I mean. But I haven’t ... I never thought ... It’s too good to be true, Yoona. I can’t hear his soul song. He can’t hear mine. It’s not ... we’re not ... but he’s so sweet and so perfect and so understanding. I just can’t ... “
Yoona hugged him, chin on his shoulder from the side. “I’ve watched you suffer for so long. I want you to be happy. I don’t think that you think you even realize that you deserve to be happy. It’s going to take you some time. But he is your soulmate and you know it, right?”
Jaejoong sighed. “Yes. I know ... I just ...”
Yoona spun him around suddenly just as the bells on the door jingled and Yoochun walked in, looking tired, but smiling, and he went right to Jaejoong, arms around his waist and kissed him.
“You didn’t wake me up,” Yoochun said with a pout.
Jaejoong licked his lips which was a bad idea (or a good idea) with Yoochun so close, and he didn’t wait for Jaejoong to say anything, but kissed him a little firmer.
“There. Good morning,” Yoochun said.
“Take the day off,” Yoona said behind them.
They both turned and looked at her.
“Take the day off, spend some time together. Obviously he needs it.”
Jaejoong flushed and looked down.
“I can’t today, actually,” Yoochun said. “That’s why I’m up before noon. Such an ungodly time of the day. I have a meeting with MinSu, required staff meeting, at twelve thirty. It will run a good two hours, and then upper management have to do quarterly numbers and Changmin is seriously a bitch. So sorry, my love, my mate, my heart, I cannot today.”
“Tomorrow?” Yoona asked.
Yoochun touched his cheek. “How about it?”
Jaejoong bit his lip and stammered, “I-I need ... money. I can’t ...”
“Vacation day,” Yoona said. “Paid vacation. There. No excuses.”
Yoochun smiled. “Yes or no, soulmate of mine?”
Jaejoong nodded. “O-okay. Tomorrow.”
“Good.” Yoochun winked, pressed a kiss to his lips and pulled away. “I’ll see you later, baby.”
“Are you going to pound on my door at two in the morning again?”
Yoochun laughed. “Of course.” The bells jingled as he exited.
Jaejoong buried his face in his hands and moaned.
“Sleeps over, does he?” Yoona asked, a teasing lilt to her tone.
Jaejoong stuck out his tongue.
“You tell me of your doubts and fears, but you have no problems with him kissing you, hugging you, sleeping with you. It sounds like you believe in your heart and your soul that he is your soulmate, but it’s your brain and your insecurities that are stopping you from following.”
Jaejoong leaned against the counter and nodded. “It’s so hard. It’s so ... unbelievable. And when he sings our soul song and I know it’s different, it’s so hard to shut up ...”
“Shut up the voice that’s been telling you that you aren’t good enough for almost fifteen years?”
Jaejoong’s throat tightened and he nodded.
“You’re good enough for Yoochun. You’re perfect for Yoochun. His eyes are just beams of light when he sees you. One of these days, pink and red hearts are going to start bouncing around his head. He is absolutely in love with you.”
Jaejoong nodded. “I’m afraid he’s going to change his mind because ... because I can’t hear our soul song. His soul song.”
“And I’m sure he’s reassured you multiple times?”
“Yes, but ... it’s ... early. He’s ... when he gets over ...”
Yoono shook her head. “I’ve met the man twice now, and I can already tell that he will never be anything but completely and utterly in love with you. Do you love him?”
“I ... I haven’t told him ... yet, but maybe? I don’t want to love the thought of having a soulmate.”
Yoona smiled. “Everyone loves that thought. But I don’t think you’ve ever had that thought. I don’t think you have ever thought you’d have a soulmate. You’ve spent too many years convincing yourself that you would never and could never have a soulmate, and now that he’s here, now that he’s so in love with you, you’re finding ways to remind yourself that you can’t ever have a soulmate. Stop it. Easier said than done, I know. But you don’t want to love Yoochun just because he’s your soulmate, then fine. Don’t. I don’t love Minho just because he’s my soulmate. That just started it, and then you know what I did? I went out with him. I got to know him. We dated and laughed and fucked.”
Jaejoong gasped at the harsh language.
Yoona only laughed. “Well, we did. And you’re right, the dazzle faded. Well, that’s not true, because you’ve seen Minho’s eyes turn to hearts when he sees me, but the dazzle made room for love and respect. I want you to spend all day with Yoochun tomorrow. Everything you do, I want you to do it with Yoochun. Be dazzled. Let yourself be dazzled. You deserve it.”
She hugged him again, and Jaejoong returned the hug and said, “O-okay. I will.”
“Good, now get to work on semi-annual inventory.”
Jaejoong moaned. "Yes, ma'am."
♪ ♫ ♪ ♫ ♪
After work, Jaejoong made a serious decision. He’d spent the entire time at work thinking about what Yoona said. She was right.
He did not deserve to have a soulmate. Not with his soul song. Not with one that was so different from Yoochun’s.
But that was the past. And he had to do something to show Yoochun that he was serious about this, that he wanted to try. It was going to be difficult for him to push away his demons, especially so quickly. But the hope and smiles and happiness in his heart were too good to just let go. He had to try.
So he went to a locksmith and made a key for his apartment door.
He had to force himself to stay awake, wait until Yoochun was knocking on the door at almost two in the morning. He’d had a cup of coffee at eight and that still wasn’t quite enough. The emotions in his heart were more exhausting than physical activity.
“Here,” he said, handing Yoochun a key before Yoochun even stepped into the apartment. “Your own key. Just come in whenever and don’t wake me up.”
Yoochun’s eyes went a little wide. “Really?”
Jaejoong rolled his eyes. “Yes, really. I need sleep.” He slammed the door and locked it. He heard Yoochun’s muffled laughter through the door.
Jaejoong was almost in bed when the door opened and then shut. Smiling, but keeping his back turned, Jaejoong climbed into bed and waited only a moment for the light to turn off and for Yoochun to slide in beside him.
“I love you,” Yoochun whispered, kissing his tattooed shoulder.
Jaejoong smiled and turned around, kissing him firmly. He took a very deep breath and told the truth. “I ... I want to. I really really want to. But it’s so scary. It’s so hard. I ... never thought ... soulmate. You’re my soulmate and I never thought I’d ever ... but I’m scared and you’re perfect and this is ...”
“Crazy?” Yoochun said with a grin. “It’s supposed to be, right? A whirlwind, a rollercoaster, a tornado. Loop-de-loops on my heart.”
Jaejoong buried his face Yoochun’s neck. “Thank you for understanding. Thank you for being patient. Thank you for not leaving me.”
Yoochun ran his hand over Jaejoong’s hair and then pulled at it to look at him. His smile lit up the dark, and Jaejoong did not mind missing out on a few more minutes of sleep for a few more kisses.
Part 6: Major Chords
Part 4: Cross Rhythm
Part 3: Dissonance
Part 2: Peace and Harmony
Part 1: Sweet Melody
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