My World
Title: My World
Pairing: broken!Yunho/Jaejoong, Yunho/FC
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: If they were mine, I'd be married to all five of them.
Summary: Jaejoong needs stabilization in his life. Yunho already found his.
A/N: Angsty little future!YunJae fic that won't leave my head alone. Tissues are strongly recommended
Jaejoong shifted from foot to foot. He raised his hand to knock on the door, and then dropped it. He turned, away from the innocent numbers. He lit another cigarette. The flame illuminated his gaunt face for only a moment. Yes, he was hungry. Yes, he was tired. He should have gone home and rested first.
Talked himself out of this.
His phone vibrated in the pocket of his hoody. He ignored it and looked over the quiet, narrow street. It was more of an alleyway, with three story houses lined up too close together. It wasn’t the best neighborhood, but Jaejoong had looked up the area, and found that the schools were good, there was a park around the corner, and an open market just two streets down. A perfect place for a budding family of three. A normal family of three. Yunho could have afforded much, much better.
It was late. He should go.
Jaejoong snuffed the cigarette under his boot. He should have gone home and changed. His jeans were soft, worn, ripped. A tank top under the black hoody. Boots. Comfortable airport attire. He still smelled like airplane.
With a sigh, Jaejoong turned around and finally knocked. He waited thirty seconds, and then knocked again.
He imagined someone looking through the peep hole, wondering who it was, why they were there so late.
A small light flickered on above him, and the door opened, and Jaejoong’s heart broke just a little bit.
Yunho’s wife was beautiful, long hair pulled up on her head, small face, short. Her name was Park Aelin. A normal girl. Not a celebrity. She’d gone to college and had been a pediatrician before marrying Jung Yunho. A very tired little boy was in her arms. When had Jung Chanho been born again? Jaejoong couldn’t remember.
He was a horrible friend. Yoochun always said that.
“Kim Jaejoong-shi,” Aelin said, her face blossoming into a wonderful smile. “Come in, please.”
Jaejoong had met her at the wedding. Just that one time. He hadn’t gone to the reception. He had filming for a drama to do. Excuses.
“I’m sorry to bother you so late,” Jaejoong said and bowed.
“It’s never too late for you, Kim Jaejoong-shi.”
Jaejoong bowed again and stepped into the modest house. A set up stairs led up, a small hallway led down. He untied his boots and left them by the door, by a pair of worn out sandals that Yunho had continually refused to throw away.
“Yunho is upstairs with Anna. She is being fussy tonight.”
Yunho had two kids? He vaguely remembered Yoochun telling him that. Jaejoong was pretty sure he’d been in New York at the time.
Jaejoong followed her through the hall and to the kitchen. Even with the child on her hip, she poured him some tea. Chanho looked at him, finger in his mouth.
“Well on his way to twenty five kids, huh?” Jaejoong said, voice hoarse and quiet.
Park Aelin laughed. “No way. If he wants more, he can birth them.”
Jaejoong chuckled with her.
Footsteps sounded on the stairs, Jaejoong held his breath as they came down the hall.
Yunho stopped in surprise and they stared at each other.
He was just a beautiful as he’d been when they were in their twenties. Thirty eight.
God, Jaejoong felt old.
“Hey, Boo,” Yunho said and smiled.
Jaejoong smiled back and a moment later, Yunho was next to him, arms around his shoulder, and Jaejoong put his arms around Yunho’s waist and pressed his face into Yunho’s strong chest. He was a choreographer now, making up dance moves for rookie groups and trainees at SM Entertainment.
“I thought you were in Tokyo,” Yunho said after finally pulling away.
Jaejoong tilted his head.
Yunho rolled his eyes. “We do have three mutual friends, you know. And they are more than eager to keep me updated when I ask.”
Jaejoong winced, guilty, but Yunho’s eyes were forgiving. “I just got back.” Jaejoong looked at the clock. “Two hours ago.”
“You should be asleep,” Yunho said.
“I have filming in three hours.”
“How the hell do you still handle that schedule?”
Jaejoong waved a hand toward Aelin. “How do you handle yours?”
Aelin smiled.
Chanho pushed away from her and said, “Appa,” and held out his arms, chubby cheeks huffed out. Yunho finally let go of Jaejoong and moved to take his son.
“Is Anna asleep?”
“Yes,” Yunho said. “Finally.”
“No sleep,” Chanho said.
Yunho chuckled and pressed a kiss to his forehead. “This is my friend Jaejoong.”
Chanho looked at him and put his finger in his mouth again and leaned against his strong chest. “Hello,” he whispered.
Yunho smiled and said, “Bedtime, okay?”
Chanho shook his head, but Yunho carried him down the hall, meeting Jaejoong’s eyes for a moment.
Jaejoong’s heart constricted painfully in his chest.
“You still love him,” Aelin whispered.
Jaejoong jumped and looked at her in shame before lowering his head. He nodded once and apologized.
“Don’t be sorry,” she whispered and moved around the kitchen quietly. “He’s easy to love.”
“I shouldn’t hold on to it, not now, not-”
Aelin laughed quietly. “You should always hold on to love, Jaejoong-shi. In whatever form it takes. But you should also let it take different forms.”
Jaejoong stared at her. Was he really having this conversation with Yunho’s wife?
She smiled. “Can I tell you a secret?”
Jaejoong nodded.
“A month after I married Yunho I looked up old videos of you two.”
Jaejoong held his breath.
“Neither one of you were very good at hiding your feelings for the other. I wondered how I would ever live up to the love that he has for you. I wasn’t sure I could, and then I realized that it didn’t matter. Not that your love didn’t matter, but … he grew up with you. I can’t change that or replace that, and I shouldn’t try. Yunho knows this, because I told him. And he said that yes, he loved you, he always would. The secret,” she took a very deep breath, “the secret is that I scoured the internet for fanfics about you two. Did you know there are still die hard fans writing YunJae fanfics?”
Jaejoong let out a bark of surprised laughter.
Aelin smiled. “They create these different worlds, different realities. Different … but the same, and it’s hard not to fall in love with them. It’s hard not to fall in love with the love between you.” She looked at the counter, and then came over and sat a plate of rice and kimchi in front of him. “Eat it,” she said before he could protest. “When are you going to eat again?”
Jaejoong whispered his thanks and ate the kimchi.
“Why are you here?” she suddenly asked.
Jaejoong shook his head. That didn’t matter now.
Aelin sighed. “I won’t stand a chance.”
Jaejoong glanced at her sharply. He knew what she meant, but he said, “Yunho is loyal. Yunho is dedicated and he will never go back on something he’s promised. He promised me nothing.”
Aelin nodded sadly. “Yes, that is all true. But-”
“No. He married you, didn’t he? He would not have done that if he was in love with someone else.”
“What you two have is not being in love.”
“What is it then?”
Aelin stayed quiet and then said, “Destiny.”
“You read too many fanfics.”
“Then why are you here?”
Jaejoong put his face in his hands and sighed. He didn’t even know anymore. He wasn’t surprised that Yunho’s wife was strong, open-minded, demanding.
“I already lost once when I tried to take Yunho away from something he’d put his mind to. Put his soul behind. I won’t do it again. And I can’t do it again. I’m here because … stupidity makes people do things.”
Jaejoong stood up and said, “Thank you for the tea and thank you for the food.”
“Jaejoong-shi, wait. I didn’t mean-”
Jaejoong swallowed. “I know.”
But he didn’t get out of the kitchen before Yunho was there. Smiling. Unaware of the tension between his wife and former lover. How many years ago? Twenty?
Jaejoong held on for too long.
Yunho hooked his arm around Jaejoong’s neck and pulled him close again. “It’s good to see you.”
Jaejoong nodded against his body, though his eyes found Aelin’s. “I better go.”
Yunho grinned and then said, “Grab your boots and follow me.”
“It’s late,” Aelin protested.
“I won’t be up long,” Yunho replied.
Jaejoong grabbed his boots and followed Yunho up to the second story, and then a rackety set of stairs. A door opened to a rooftop porch and Jaejoong smiled. The stars twinkled above him. The city twinkled around him. He slipped his boots on, but didn’t tie them, and then went to the edge of the roof and lit a cigarette.
Yunho asked for a drag and Jaejoong gave it to him. They shared the cigarette, and Yunho crunched the butt under his worn out sandal.
“Are you happy?” Yunho asked him, arms snaking around his waist again.
“Right now? Sure.”
Yunho smiled and hugged him tightly. “I love you.”
Jaejoong frowned and tilted his head up. He should have stopped their lips from meeting, but he didn’t want to. A single press of lips. Nothing more and then Yunho smiled at him.
“You’re so beautiful, did you know that?”
Jaejoong shook his head, heart breaking a little more. “Don’t do this, please.” He buried his face at Yunho’s shoulder again.
“It doesn’t have to be painful.”
“Well, it is. Especially for your wife who is more perceptive than you think.”
Yunho squeezed him. “Okay. I won’t, but you have to do something for me. Don’t be a stranger. I’m tired of getting updates about you from the news and from Yoochun. What should have been isn’t, and what can be shouldn’t. I know that. But my world is steady, small, and narrows down to just us when I’m with you.”
Jaejoong sighed and said, “Your world is so much larger than I am.”
Yunho held him and they said nothing else. Jaejoong let himself cry.
“You’re too stressed out,” Yunho said, after another moment. “You need to sleep more. You can’t keep living like this.”
Jaejoong nodded. “Yoochun says that too.”
“And Junsu.”
“And Changmin. Interfering dongsaengs.”
Yunho laughed. “You love them.”
“I love you.”
Yunho’s eyes softened and he touched Jaejoong’s cheek before their lips brushed again.
Jaejoong pulled away. “God, don’t you feel guilty?”
Yunho smiled. “Yes. I feel guilty for what I put you through almost twenty years ago.”
“Not what I meant.”
“I know. But I still should apologize.”
“You have.”
“And yes, I do. But like you said, Aelin is more perceptive than I think she is. Did you come here to win me back?”
Jaejoong opened his mouth to deny that and then shut it. He turned away and Yunho let him go to the edge of the roof before following him and he put his arms around Jaejoong from behind. Jaejoong leaned into him.
“The world narrows down to just the two of us,” Jaejoong said.
Yunho kissed his cheek. “I want you in my life. Probably not like this, because it’s not fair to my wife or my children. But I want you to come over for dinner. I want my children to call you Uncle Jaejoong.”
Jaejoong nodded. “I have to go.”
“You’re tired and worn out. You need to rest.”
“I will.”
“When?”
“After this drama is done.”
“And before the next one?”
Jaejoong nodded. “I promise.”
Yunho kissed his cheek again.
Jaejoong turned his arms for another small press of lips. “You’re my world.”
“You’ve been out of it for too long.”
They both caught the double entendre of that, met each other’s eyes, and burst out laughing.
“True, but not what I meant.”
Jaejoong nodded. They kissed again, this one more than a linger of lips, a breath of air. Jaejoong tilted his head, their lips easily found a rhythm long discarded. Yunho’s arms wrapped him up even more tightly.
A goodbye kiss. Yunho had given Jaejoong a lot of those.
“Be happy,” Yunho whispered.
“You, too.”
“I am.”
“I’ll try. For you.”
Yunho shook his head. “For you.” He let Jaejoong go. He took two steps backwards. “Chanho will be three in about a month. We’re having a party.”
“I’ll be there.”
“Good. You can use the outside stairs to leave if you want. Or you can stay on the roof all night.”
Jaejoong was not invited to stay in the house. Yunho knew he wouldn’t accept.
Yunho smiled at him one more time, turned and went back into his house, leaving Jaejoong on the quiet roof. He bent down and tied his boots, vision blurry. Tears darkened the rooftop. He stood up, wound his way to the rickety back stairs and slowly descended, not willing to trip and tumble to his death quite yet.
Shattering his own world was one thing, but shattering Yunho’s, taking something from Yunho that meant so much to him, was out of the question.
.
Pairing: broken!Yunho/Jaejoong, Yunho/FC
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: If they were mine, I'd be married to all five of them.
Summary: Jaejoong needs stabilization in his life. Yunho already found his.
A/N: Angsty little future!YunJae fic that won't leave my head alone. Tissues are strongly recommended
Jaejoong shifted from foot to foot. He raised his hand to knock on the door, and then dropped it. He turned, away from the innocent numbers. He lit another cigarette. The flame illuminated his gaunt face for only a moment. Yes, he was hungry. Yes, he was tired. He should have gone home and rested first.
Talked himself out of this.
His phone vibrated in the pocket of his hoody. He ignored it and looked over the quiet, narrow street. It was more of an alleyway, with three story houses lined up too close together. It wasn’t the best neighborhood, but Jaejoong had looked up the area, and found that the schools were good, there was a park around the corner, and an open market just two streets down. A perfect place for a budding family of three. A normal family of three. Yunho could have afforded much, much better.
It was late. He should go.
Jaejoong snuffed the cigarette under his boot. He should have gone home and changed. His jeans were soft, worn, ripped. A tank top under the black hoody. Boots. Comfortable airport attire. He still smelled like airplane.
With a sigh, Jaejoong turned around and finally knocked. He waited thirty seconds, and then knocked again.
He imagined someone looking through the peep hole, wondering who it was, why they were there so late.
A small light flickered on above him, and the door opened, and Jaejoong’s heart broke just a little bit.
Yunho’s wife was beautiful, long hair pulled up on her head, small face, short. Her name was Park Aelin. A normal girl. Not a celebrity. She’d gone to college and had been a pediatrician before marrying Jung Yunho. A very tired little boy was in her arms. When had Jung Chanho been born again? Jaejoong couldn’t remember.
He was a horrible friend. Yoochun always said that.
“Kim Jaejoong-shi,” Aelin said, her face blossoming into a wonderful smile. “Come in, please.”
Jaejoong had met her at the wedding. Just that one time. He hadn’t gone to the reception. He had filming for a drama to do. Excuses.
“I’m sorry to bother you so late,” Jaejoong said and bowed.
“It’s never too late for you, Kim Jaejoong-shi.”
Jaejoong bowed again and stepped into the modest house. A set up stairs led up, a small hallway led down. He untied his boots and left them by the door, by a pair of worn out sandals that Yunho had continually refused to throw away.
“Yunho is upstairs with Anna. She is being fussy tonight.”
Yunho had two kids? He vaguely remembered Yoochun telling him that. Jaejoong was pretty sure he’d been in New York at the time.
Jaejoong followed her through the hall and to the kitchen. Even with the child on her hip, she poured him some tea. Chanho looked at him, finger in his mouth.
“Well on his way to twenty five kids, huh?” Jaejoong said, voice hoarse and quiet.
Park Aelin laughed. “No way. If he wants more, he can birth them.”
Jaejoong chuckled with her.
Footsteps sounded on the stairs, Jaejoong held his breath as they came down the hall.
Yunho stopped in surprise and they stared at each other.
He was just a beautiful as he’d been when they were in their twenties. Thirty eight.
God, Jaejoong felt old.
“Hey, Boo,” Yunho said and smiled.
Jaejoong smiled back and a moment later, Yunho was next to him, arms around his shoulder, and Jaejoong put his arms around Yunho’s waist and pressed his face into Yunho’s strong chest. He was a choreographer now, making up dance moves for rookie groups and trainees at SM Entertainment.
“I thought you were in Tokyo,” Yunho said after finally pulling away.
Jaejoong tilted his head.
Yunho rolled his eyes. “We do have three mutual friends, you know. And they are more than eager to keep me updated when I ask.”
Jaejoong winced, guilty, but Yunho’s eyes were forgiving. “I just got back.” Jaejoong looked at the clock. “Two hours ago.”
“You should be asleep,” Yunho said.
“I have filming in three hours.”
“How the hell do you still handle that schedule?”
Jaejoong waved a hand toward Aelin. “How do you handle yours?”
Aelin smiled.
Chanho pushed away from her and said, “Appa,” and held out his arms, chubby cheeks huffed out. Yunho finally let go of Jaejoong and moved to take his son.
“Is Anna asleep?”
“Yes,” Yunho said. “Finally.”
“No sleep,” Chanho said.
Yunho chuckled and pressed a kiss to his forehead. “This is my friend Jaejoong.”
Chanho looked at him and put his finger in his mouth again and leaned against his strong chest. “Hello,” he whispered.
Yunho smiled and said, “Bedtime, okay?”
Chanho shook his head, but Yunho carried him down the hall, meeting Jaejoong’s eyes for a moment.
Jaejoong’s heart constricted painfully in his chest.
“You still love him,” Aelin whispered.
Jaejoong jumped and looked at her in shame before lowering his head. He nodded once and apologized.
“Don’t be sorry,” she whispered and moved around the kitchen quietly. “He’s easy to love.”
“I shouldn’t hold on to it, not now, not-”
Aelin laughed quietly. “You should always hold on to love, Jaejoong-shi. In whatever form it takes. But you should also let it take different forms.”
Jaejoong stared at her. Was he really having this conversation with Yunho’s wife?
She smiled. “Can I tell you a secret?”
Jaejoong nodded.
“A month after I married Yunho I looked up old videos of you two.”
Jaejoong held his breath.
“Neither one of you were very good at hiding your feelings for the other. I wondered how I would ever live up to the love that he has for you. I wasn’t sure I could, and then I realized that it didn’t matter. Not that your love didn’t matter, but … he grew up with you. I can’t change that or replace that, and I shouldn’t try. Yunho knows this, because I told him. And he said that yes, he loved you, he always would. The secret,” she took a very deep breath, “the secret is that I scoured the internet for fanfics about you two. Did you know there are still die hard fans writing YunJae fanfics?”
Jaejoong let out a bark of surprised laughter.
Aelin smiled. “They create these different worlds, different realities. Different … but the same, and it’s hard not to fall in love with them. It’s hard not to fall in love with the love between you.” She looked at the counter, and then came over and sat a plate of rice and kimchi in front of him. “Eat it,” she said before he could protest. “When are you going to eat again?”
Jaejoong whispered his thanks and ate the kimchi.
“Why are you here?” she suddenly asked.
Jaejoong shook his head. That didn’t matter now.
Aelin sighed. “I won’t stand a chance.”
Jaejoong glanced at her sharply. He knew what she meant, but he said, “Yunho is loyal. Yunho is dedicated and he will never go back on something he’s promised. He promised me nothing.”
Aelin nodded sadly. “Yes, that is all true. But-”
“No. He married you, didn’t he? He would not have done that if he was in love with someone else.”
“What you two have is not being in love.”
“What is it then?”
Aelin stayed quiet and then said, “Destiny.”
“You read too many fanfics.”
“Then why are you here?”
Jaejoong put his face in his hands and sighed. He didn’t even know anymore. He wasn’t surprised that Yunho’s wife was strong, open-minded, demanding.
“I already lost once when I tried to take Yunho away from something he’d put his mind to. Put his soul behind. I won’t do it again. And I can’t do it again. I’m here because … stupidity makes people do things.”
Jaejoong stood up and said, “Thank you for the tea and thank you for the food.”
“Jaejoong-shi, wait. I didn’t mean-”
Jaejoong swallowed. “I know.”
But he didn’t get out of the kitchen before Yunho was there. Smiling. Unaware of the tension between his wife and former lover. How many years ago? Twenty?
Jaejoong held on for too long.
Yunho hooked his arm around Jaejoong’s neck and pulled him close again. “It’s good to see you.”
Jaejoong nodded against his body, though his eyes found Aelin’s. “I better go.”
Yunho grinned and then said, “Grab your boots and follow me.”
“It’s late,” Aelin protested.
“I won’t be up long,” Yunho replied.
Jaejoong grabbed his boots and followed Yunho up to the second story, and then a rackety set of stairs. A door opened to a rooftop porch and Jaejoong smiled. The stars twinkled above him. The city twinkled around him. He slipped his boots on, but didn’t tie them, and then went to the edge of the roof and lit a cigarette.
Yunho asked for a drag and Jaejoong gave it to him. They shared the cigarette, and Yunho crunched the butt under his worn out sandal.
“Are you happy?” Yunho asked him, arms snaking around his waist again.
“Right now? Sure.”
Yunho smiled and hugged him tightly. “I love you.”
Jaejoong frowned and tilted his head up. He should have stopped their lips from meeting, but he didn’t want to. A single press of lips. Nothing more and then Yunho smiled at him.
“You’re so beautiful, did you know that?”
Jaejoong shook his head, heart breaking a little more. “Don’t do this, please.” He buried his face at Yunho’s shoulder again.
“It doesn’t have to be painful.”
“Well, it is. Especially for your wife who is more perceptive than you think.”
Yunho squeezed him. “Okay. I won’t, but you have to do something for me. Don’t be a stranger. I’m tired of getting updates about you from the news and from Yoochun. What should have been isn’t, and what can be shouldn’t. I know that. But my world is steady, small, and narrows down to just us when I’m with you.”
Jaejoong sighed and said, “Your world is so much larger than I am.”
Yunho held him and they said nothing else. Jaejoong let himself cry.
“You’re too stressed out,” Yunho said, after another moment. “You need to sleep more. You can’t keep living like this.”
Jaejoong nodded. “Yoochun says that too.”
“And Junsu.”
“And Changmin. Interfering dongsaengs.”
Yunho laughed. “You love them.”
“I love you.”
Yunho’s eyes softened and he touched Jaejoong’s cheek before their lips brushed again.
Jaejoong pulled away. “God, don’t you feel guilty?”
Yunho smiled. “Yes. I feel guilty for what I put you through almost twenty years ago.”
“Not what I meant.”
“I know. But I still should apologize.”
“You have.”
“And yes, I do. But like you said, Aelin is more perceptive than I think she is. Did you come here to win me back?”
Jaejoong opened his mouth to deny that and then shut it. He turned away and Yunho let him go to the edge of the roof before following him and he put his arms around Jaejoong from behind. Jaejoong leaned into him.
“The world narrows down to just the two of us,” Jaejoong said.
Yunho kissed his cheek. “I want you in my life. Probably not like this, because it’s not fair to my wife or my children. But I want you to come over for dinner. I want my children to call you Uncle Jaejoong.”
Jaejoong nodded. “I have to go.”
“You’re tired and worn out. You need to rest.”
“I will.”
“When?”
“After this drama is done.”
“And before the next one?”
Jaejoong nodded. “I promise.”
Yunho kissed his cheek again.
Jaejoong turned his arms for another small press of lips. “You’re my world.”
“You’ve been out of it for too long.”
They both caught the double entendre of that, met each other’s eyes, and burst out laughing.
“True, but not what I meant.”
Jaejoong nodded. They kissed again, this one more than a linger of lips, a breath of air. Jaejoong tilted his head, their lips easily found a rhythm long discarded. Yunho’s arms wrapped him up even more tightly.
A goodbye kiss. Yunho had given Jaejoong a lot of those.
“Be happy,” Yunho whispered.
“You, too.”
“I am.”
“I’ll try. For you.”
Yunho shook his head. “For you.” He let Jaejoong go. He took two steps backwards. “Chanho will be three in about a month. We’re having a party.”
“I’ll be there.”
“Good. You can use the outside stairs to leave if you want. Or you can stay on the roof all night.”
Jaejoong was not invited to stay in the house. Yunho knew he wouldn’t accept.
Yunho smiled at him one more time, turned and went back into his house, leaving Jaejoong on the quiet roof. He bent down and tied his boots, vision blurry. Tears darkened the rooftop. He stood up, wound his way to the rickety back stairs and slowly descended, not willing to trip and tumble to his death quite yet.
Shattering his own world was one thing, but shattering Yunho’s, taking something from Yunho that meant so much to him, was out of the question.
.