Skin You're In 16/20?
Title: Skin You're In 16/20?
Pairing: Yoochun/Jaehwa (Changmin/Junsu, Yunho/Heechul, past Yunho/Jaehwa)
Rating: NC-17
Disclaimer: They aren't mine to play with.
Summary: Jaehwa is one of the prettiest girls Yoochun has ever met. Yoochun isn't sure how to react when he finds out that Jaehwa is a girl in her mind, but she has the body of a man. Does that change who she is?
Warnings: Transgender!Jaejoong
A/N: Before you start reading, I suggest you familiarize yourself with Gender Identity Disorder. I personally think calling it a disorder is bullshit. There is a lot of controversy over this topic.
If you have questions, or you want to discuss this topic with others, go here: http://be-dell-addict.livejournal.com/40030.html (you have to be a member of the community, go here to join http://be-dell-addict.livejournal.com/)
A/N Part 2: This fic is dedicated to willowwing because she has gone to great lengths to make her most recent fic realistic, and I hope that I have taken this topic and done the same. And she loves JaeChun, so it's a JaeChun.
Part 16: The Changes
April 2013
Yoochun added another paragraph to his final paper for his economics course. His eyes were blurring, staring between Internet windows and books, trying to get this stupid thing done. He tried not to think of the final project in Management or the other final exams sneaking up on him.
Arms wrapped around his neck, lips pressed against his cheek. Yoochun smiled and leaned against Jaehwa.
“You need to take a break.”
“I can’t. I’m almost done.”
A tongue trailed up to his ear, teeth nibbled on his earlobe. Yoochun shut his eyes with a sigh, fingers stilling on the keyboard.
“Come on. You need to eat.”
“Now that is true.”
Jaehwa released him and Yoochun quickly saved his work and turned his back on it, swiveling in his chair. He caught a glimpse of Jaehwa before she ducked into his closet. Clothes rustled and fell, hangers clinked together. Yoochun stood up and followed her, catching her in nothing but a long skirt and a bra. He licked his lips and took the shirt from her hands.
With a smile, she let him pull their bodies close and their lips met softly.
“Move in with me,” Yoochun muttered into the kiss.
Jaehwa froze and tried to pull away. Yoochun kissed her cheek and her neck and then went back to her lips.
“I want you to,” Yoochun continued softly. “Whenever you’re ready, just show up with a bunch of boxes, and I’ll let you live here permanently.”
Jaehwa swallowed and looked away.
Yoochun touched her cheek.
She blinked and tears fell down her cheeks.
“Love?”
With a gasp, she twisted and buried her face in his neck. He hugged her tightly while her shoulders shook.
“Everything is changing,” she whispered. “It’s so hard. I don’t …”
“What’s changing?”
“We’re graduating, Junsu and Minnie … they … Junsu wants to move in with him, but he doesn’t want to leave me and I can’t get in the way of them being together, and now you want me to live with you, and …” She bit her lower lip.
Yoochun tugged at it lightly with his fingers. “Do you want to live with me?”
Jaehwa nodded. “Yes. Of course, I do, but … I’m scared, Chunnie-love.”
“So am I, actually.”
Jaehwa leaned away, disbelief on her face.
“What? It’s normal to be scared when things change, and you’re going to make everything pink or purple and mess up my closet, and-“
She pouted. “I’m not that messy.”
Yoochun raised his eyebrows and looked from his perfectly organized side of the closet to the piles of clothes on shelves and the mess of shoes on the floor on the other side.
“Shut up,” she mumbled and buried her face in his neck again.
Yoochun chuckled and held her tightly. “Move in with me, okay?”
She shook her head. “I can’t. Not right now. After school is done, you’re going to go into the army and--”
Yoochun cursed softly. “You’re right. We’ll have to wait.”
Yoochun held her a little bit longer and she sighed heavily. Yoochun knew that she wanted to say something else, so he was quiet until she was ready.
“You know that internship I applied for?”
“Yeah.”
“I didn’t get it. They didn’t even let me have an interview.”
“Oh.”
Jaehwa pushed away and went to a pile of shirts on a shelf. She dug through them, and muttered, “Something about them not wanting to be that kind of company. Bastards.”
“Don’t worry, love. You’ll find something. Not everyone is a bigoted asshole.”
Jaehwa glared at him. “Aren’t you pissed?”
“Of course, I am. It’s not fair. I know it’s not, but not everyone is going to be like that. Look at Doctor Lee. People’s views are changing.”
Jaehwa sighed and nodded. “Not fast enough.” She found a red sweater that was deemed appropriate for the evening and pulled it over her head. Yoochun smiled and grabbed his own sweater from a neatly folded pile.
She hugged him tightly. “Thank you for not being like that.”
Yoochun smiled and breathed in the smell of her conditioner. Lust twisted in his body. It’d been days since they’d been together for more than just kissing. Fucking finals.
“Let’s go eat before I throw you on my bed and we end up starving to death,” Yoochun said.
Jaehwa bit her lower lip and said, “Yunho and Heechul invited us to dinner. He wants me to tell Heechul the truth, since the two of them are so serious and lovey dovey with each other.”
Yoochun frowned. “How often do you talk to your ex-boyfriend without me knowing?”
“Ah, Chunnie, don’t be like this. Yunho is my friend.”
“Your tall, gorgeous, sexy ex-boyfriend.”
Her lip twitched. “You think he’s sexy?”
Yoochun made a face. “You know what I mean.”
“Yes, I do, and you’re right, he is tall and gorgeous and sexy. But so are you. And if you didn’t notice, I had my lips wrapped around your dick two days ago, not his.”
“I know, but he’s …”
“My friend. Just like Junsu is my friend, and he’s my ex-boyfriend. And you don’t get all jealous over him. And Junsu is sexy, too. Have you seen his ass? And what about Changmin?”
“God, don’t tell me he’s your ex-boyfriend, too!”
Jaehwa laughed. “No way. But he’s tall and sexy and gorgeous, too.”
“You’re just surrounded by them. How do you manage to stay with little ol’ me, when you can have so much better?”
Jaehwa draped her arms around Yoochun’s lips and with a small smile said, “I ask myself that every day about you, but it’s more along the lines of how do you manage to stay with disgusting me when you can have a girl with an actual pussy?”
Yoochun frowned and hugged her tightly. “You know I don’t think of it like that. And I’m not friends with any of my ex-girlfriends.”
“Yeah, I know. But you trust me, right?”
“Of course, I do. I’m sorry, love. Forgive me?”
She smiled and their lips met. “Forgiven. Can we go now? Yunho said he’d pay.”
“Should have said that first,” Yoochun said and laughed.
Jaehwa smiled, pressed one more kiss to his lips and then slipped out of the closet. Yoochun decided that if they were going to dinner with Yunho and Heechul, then he sure as hell wasn’t going to look like a bum. He changed from his jeans and t-shirt into a pair of tight black slacks and a long-sleeved, maroon button-down that would go well with, but not necessarily match, Jaehwa’s sweater. He pulled on a sport jacket, and then left the closet to fix his hair.
“I’m going to tell Yunho you dressed up just for him.”
“And you’re going to go home alone tonight.”
Jaehwa’s laughter rang through his apartment, and Yoochun laughed with her as he finished getting ready to go.
Yunho texted an address to an Italian restaurant that was close by. The weather was warm for early spring, so Yoochun and Jaehwa decided to walk. She was wearing heels that made her just barely taller than Yoochun, and he held her hand, smirking.
“What?” Jaehwa asked.
“You’re tall and gorgeous and sexy, too.”
Jaehwa smiled and pressed a kiss to his cheek.
They arrived at the restaurant a few minutes late. Yunho stood up as they came into view. He was in a standard suit, but with an open shirt and no tie. Heechul stood and bowed at them too. He was wearing bright blue pants and white fuzzy sweater. He looked Yoochun up and down and whistled.
“Wow, I was going to be mad that you two were late, but damn Jaehwa, who is this gorgeous thing next to you? Surely this can’t be Yoochun.” He walked around him to enjoy the full effect of Yoochun dressed up.
Jaehwa laughed. “He dressed up to impress Yunho.”
“Well, fuck Yunho. He’s impressed me.” Heechul quickly grabbed the lapels of Yoochun’s jacket, yanked him forward and kissed him on the lips.
Yoochun froze, eyes wide as Heechul pulled away with a wet smack.
“Hmm, he even tastes good.”
“Um, Heechul,” Jaehwa said. “Remember what you said about my nails being wicked?”
Heechul laughed, smoothed Yoochun’s jacket and then went and sat back down next to Yunho. It took Yoochun a few seconds to gather his senses, give himself a shake and then sit down at the four setting table.
Yunho smiled at him, arm around the back of Heechul’s chair. “Sorry, Yoochun. I didn’t think he’d need his leash today.” His finger trailed along Heechul’s neck.
“It’s … okay, I guess. Wow.” Yoochun swallowed and turned to Jaehwa. “Remind me not to dress up when Heechul is going to be around.”
Heechul laughed.
The waiter appeared and Yunho ordered wine for himself and Jaehwa, a pink fluffy thing for Heechul and a beer for Yoochun. They spent the next few minutes discussing the menu and deciding what to order. When the waiter reappeared with their drinks, they gave him their order too.
“So how are finals?” Yunho asked.
Yoochun made a face. “I am so glad I’m almost done.”
“Me, too,” Jaehwa said.
“I got into law school.”
Jaehwa’s eyes went wide and she squealed, quickly silencing it with a sheepish look around. “That’s awesome! I knew you’d get accepted.”
“My hubby the lawyer,” Heechul said and leaned against his side.
Yunho smiled and squeezed Heechul’s shoulder.
“Congratulations,” Yoochun said.
“Thank you.”
Jaehwa raised her wine glass and they all toasted him.
“What about you, Jae?” Yunho asked. “Have you heard about that internship?”
Jaehwa’s smile fell and she looked at the table, fingers loose on the stem of her wine glass. “I didn’t get it.”
“What?” Heechul demanded, completely affronted. “Your grades are perfect and your songs are-“
Yunho put a hand on his cheek and shook his head. “I’m sorry you didn’t get it.”
“Yeah, well. Shit happens.”
“It shouldn’t,” Yoochun said. “It’s not fair at all.”
“I’m confused,” Heechul said.
Yunho looked at Jaehwa and whispered, “You don’t have to.”
“I know, but … you’re really serious about him?”
Yunho smiled and kissed Heechul’s cheek. “Yes, I am.”
Jaehwa glared at Heechul.
“What did I do?”
“You’re serious about Yunho right? You’re not just with him to leave him later?”
Heechul tittered and said, “Well, duh. You think I’d stay with him this long if I didn’t want to be?”
Jaehwa smiled.
“What does this have to do with your internship?”
Jaehwa pulled a slim wallet out of her purse. It snapped open, and she pulled out her ID card. Yoochun had seen that ID card. The picture on it had been taken right when Jaehwa arrived in Seoul. Before her hair had grown out long enough to hide the fact that she was a boy. Yoochun put his hand on her leg and gave it a soft squeeze of support.
Heechul took it from her hands and looked it for a few seconds before his eyes went wide. “What the -“
“Surprise,” Jaehwa said weakly.
Heechul stared at her, and stared, and stared. Jaehwa tilted her head and hid behind her hair.
“So you are gay,” Heechul said, turning to Yoochun.
“No, I’m not.”
“Really?” He clicked his tongue and held the card back for Jaehwa to take. “Care to explain how you aren’t gay?”
“Not really about me right now,” Yoochun said and snatched the card from his fingers, “but, I have a girlfriend, if you didn’t know.”
“Heechul,” Yunho said in warning.
“What? I … you’re a guy.”
“No, she’s not,” Yunho said.
“But-“
“Please excuse me,” Jaehwa mumbled and stood up quickly.
Yoochun reached for her.
“I’ll be right back.”
Yunho glared at Heechul, and Heechul rolled his eyes, but stood up and went after her with a muttered, “Well, fuck this.”
Yunho sighed.
“Think Heechul will go into the girls’ bathroom after her?”
Yunho smirked. “Yes.” After a moment he frowned and said, “I’m sorry. I really thought it wouldn’t bother Heechul at all.”
“Give him time to digest it. He did go after her.”
“Yeah. He’s such a large part of my life. The part of me that always felt like something was missing when I was dating Jaehwa is now completely satisfied. I know Heechul is a lot to handle, and he’s more diva than man, but we work together. My lease is up in a couple of weeks, and Heechul has been living with his friend Siwon for two months or so. I want to live with him, but it’ll be hard if he and Jaehwa don’t get along.”
Yoochun nodded, looking down at the table.
“Is everything okay?” Yunho asked. “With you and Jaehwa?”
Yoochun shrugged. “Yeah, we’re okay. It’s life that is going to fuck things over.”
“What do you mean?”
“I asked her to move in with me, and she said no, because I have to go to the military, but Junsu and Changmin want to move in together, and well, she’s feeling a little lost right now.”
Yunho frowned, and then sighed. “She’s so fragile and yet so strong. Such a paradox of emotions.”
“God, I love her.”
The food arrived before Jaehwa and Heechul returned. Yunho sent Heechul a text message (because that diva would die without his phone), and then started eating. Yoochun did too, though his food tasted like dirt in his mouth.
Heechul led Jaehwa back to the table, glaring at both of them with a haughty expression. He pulled Jaehwa’s chair closer to his and let her sit. Her face was slightly puffy like she’d been crying, but nothing else was amiss.
Yoochun reached over and touched her leg. “You okay?”
“We are fabulous,” Heechul said, with a flare of his hand, “and Jaehwa is my new bestest friend.”
“Yay for me,” Jaehwa said with a smile.
“Hey, now,” Heechul said. “I am offering my undying forever friendship. Not a lot of people are worthy of that.”
Yunho snorted.
“What?” Heechul demanded.
“A week after I asked you out,” Yunho said, “You said to me, ‘I am offering my glorious, perfect ass to you. Not a lot of people are worthy of that’.”
Heechul smirked. “Well, they aren’t.”
Jaehwa smiled. “Thanks, Heechul.”
-|\|\-|-/|/|-
May 2013
Finals were brutal, but that was more Yoochun’s fault than the actual tests. He spent every moment with Jaehwa that he could. He and MinSu discussed her at length about what to do while Yoochun went to the military. The day of Jaehwa’s last final, the three of them met together at Angel Café.
“Look, Yoochun,” Changmin said. “We always said we’d go to the military together and we will.”
“But what about us?” Junsu asked. He looked like he might cry, but he kept his emotions in tact.
Changmin shook his head and put his arm around Junsu. “I’m sorry, Su. But Yoochun and I have been planning on this since we both started college.”
Junsu frowned.
“I either go now, or I go later.”
“I know, but-“
“And if I go now, with Yoochun, then Jaehwa won’t be by herself, and you won’t be by yourself later.”
Junsu frowned and pulled his phone out. “This isn’t fair.”
“That’s how Jaehwa feels, too,” Yoochun said.
“I know.” His fingers flew over the keys and he leaned into Changmin’s body.
Yoochun and Changmin met each other’s eyes. “Should have gone before school, huh?”
“How would we know we’d both fall desperately in love?” Changmin asked.
“You’re smart. You should’ve figured it out.”
Junsu snorted.
Changmin pressed a kiss to his forehead.
“I better go,” Yoochun said.
“You better wait until I can make Jaehwa some coffee,” Junsu said and pushed Changmin off the bench. They both stood up and then Changmin sat back down.
“I don’t know what to do, Changmin. This sucks.”
“Yeah, it does.”
“When are you going in for your check up?”
“When you do.”
Yoochun said, “You don’t have to do this, you know.”
“I know. But we’ve been friends for longer than I have known Junsu and he understands. It’s the only way that’s equally sucky to everyone.”
Junsu came back with a latte for Yoochun and Jaehwa’s peppermint coffee. “Jaehwa should be done with her last final soon. You’ll talk to her?”
“Yeah. The sooner we get in the military, the sooner we can get out of it.”
Changmin nodded.
Yoochun said goodbye to them and headed for their park bench, worrying the entire way there.
Jaehwa sat waiting for him. She was wearing her standard comfort outfit of a long skirt, leggings, combat boots and army jacket. She smiled widely as he walked up. He sat next to her heavily and asked how her final was. She made a face, leaned into his body and took her coffee.
“Bless Junsu.”
Yoochun shut his eyes and cuddled his girlfriend close, breath quick on her head.
“What’s wrong?”
“Just thinking of not being with you for two years.”
Jaehwa sighed. “You have to.”
“Yeah. So does Changmin.”
Jaehwa pulled away and looked at him closely.
“We’re going to go together. We’ve always planned it that way.”
“What about Junsu?”
“What about you?”
Jaehwa crossed her arms and looked away.
“Junsu doesn’t want Changmin to go anymore than you want me to go. But we have to, and if we go together, that means you and Junsu can keep living together, and then when we’re done, we can discuss things.”
Jaehwa bit her lip and nodded. “It makes sense, even if it does suck.”
“Yeah.”
She buried her face in Yoochun’s shoulder. “I’m going to miss you.”
“I’m going to miss you, too.”
-|\|\-|-/|/|-
June 2013
“Hello, Jaehwa, Yoochun-shi,” Doctor Lee said and bowed.
Yoochun said hello to her and bowed as well.
“Have a seat. How did your finals go?”
Yoochun shivered, and Jaehwa laughed. “We both did great, even if they were difficult.”
“College graduates, congratulations.”
“Thank you,” they both murmured.
“Now what?” Doctor Lee asked.
Yoochun turned to Jaehwa. His girlfriend was so pretty in a pale yellow sundress and her hair up in a ponytail. She wore wedge heels with ties up her calf muscles. Her shoulders and collarbones were perfectly shaped, and it took most of Yoochun’s effort to keep his hands out of her skirt when she showed him what she was wearing.
Jaehwa took a deep breath. “He’s going to go to the military next month.”
“A necessity. What’s happening with your mom and her shop?”
“Yoohwan isn’t done with school yet. So he’s going to move into my apartment while I’m gone, and help my mother. They’ll be okay.”
“And what about you, Jaehwa?”
Jaehwa flicked her gaze to Yoochun once and then said, “Junsu and I are going to stay in our apartment and wait for our boyfriends to get back from being perfect Korean citizens.”
Doctor Lee smiled. “At least you won’t be alone, right?”
“Yeah.”
“What about getting your name changed?”
Yoochun whipped his head over to Jaehwa. “What?”
Doctor Lee shook her head. “Jaehwa, come on. I told you that you need to talk to Yoochun about these things.”
“I know but …” Jaehwa sighed. “I don’t want him to get excited if it’s not going to happen.”
“If what isn’t going to happen?”
“Jaehwa is going to put in a request to have her name legally changed to Kim Jaehwa.”
“That’s awesome.” Yoochun reached for her hand and Jaehwa let him take it. “What are the chances?”
“It depends on the judge,” Doctor Lee said. “I’m going to do some research on sympathetic judges and make sure we petition the right one. And Jaehwa needs to get an attorney.”
“Do you need anything from me?”
“Actually, yes. We need a written statement from you, Junsu, Changmin, pretty much anyone else who will vouch for Jaehwa being a female. Her sister Yoonah has already agreed to write one.”
“That’s great. I’ll do it tomorrow, and we can have Yunho and Heechul write one too.”
Jaehwa took another deep breath. “Everything is changing so much.”
Yoochun turned and brought her hand up to his lips to kiss it. “Comes with life.”
“Yeah, I know. Doesn’t make it less scary.”
Part 17: The Letter
Part 15: The Visit
Part 14: The Reassurance
Part 13: The Close Call
Part 12: The Meeting
Part 11: The Progress
Part 10: The Reset
Part 9: The Suuport | Part 8: The Situation | Part 7: The Promise | Part 6: The Conflict | Part 5: The Setback | Part 4: The Date | Part 3: The Wait | Part 2: The Talk | Part 1: The Secret
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Pairing: Yoochun/Jaehwa (Changmin/Junsu, Yunho/Heechul, past Yunho/Jaehwa)
Rating: NC-17
Disclaimer: They aren't mine to play with.
Summary: Jaehwa is one of the prettiest girls Yoochun has ever met. Yoochun isn't sure how to react when he finds out that Jaehwa is a girl in her mind, but she has the body of a man. Does that change who she is?
Warnings: Transgender!Jaejoong
A/N: Before you start reading, I suggest you familiarize yourself with Gender Identity Disorder. I personally think calling it a disorder is bullshit. There is a lot of controversy over this topic.
If you have questions, or you want to discuss this topic with others, go here: http://be-dell-addict.livejournal.com/40030.html (you have to be a member of the community, go here to join http://be-dell-addict.livejournal.com/)
A/N Part 2: This fic is dedicated to willowwing because she has gone to great lengths to make her most recent fic realistic, and I hope that I have taken this topic and done the same. And she loves JaeChun, so it's a JaeChun.
Part 16: The Changes
April 2013
Yoochun added another paragraph to his final paper for his economics course. His eyes were blurring, staring between Internet windows and books, trying to get this stupid thing done. He tried not to think of the final project in Management or the other final exams sneaking up on him.
Arms wrapped around his neck, lips pressed against his cheek. Yoochun smiled and leaned against Jaehwa.
“You need to take a break.”
“I can’t. I’m almost done.”
A tongue trailed up to his ear, teeth nibbled on his earlobe. Yoochun shut his eyes with a sigh, fingers stilling on the keyboard.
“Come on. You need to eat.”
“Now that is true.”
Jaehwa released him and Yoochun quickly saved his work and turned his back on it, swiveling in his chair. He caught a glimpse of Jaehwa before she ducked into his closet. Clothes rustled and fell, hangers clinked together. Yoochun stood up and followed her, catching her in nothing but a long skirt and a bra. He licked his lips and took the shirt from her hands.
With a smile, she let him pull their bodies close and their lips met softly.
“Move in with me,” Yoochun muttered into the kiss.
Jaehwa froze and tried to pull away. Yoochun kissed her cheek and her neck and then went back to her lips.
“I want you to,” Yoochun continued softly. “Whenever you’re ready, just show up with a bunch of boxes, and I’ll let you live here permanently.”
Jaehwa swallowed and looked away.
Yoochun touched her cheek.
She blinked and tears fell down her cheeks.
“Love?”
With a gasp, she twisted and buried her face in his neck. He hugged her tightly while her shoulders shook.
“Everything is changing,” she whispered. “It’s so hard. I don’t …”
“What’s changing?”
“We’re graduating, Junsu and Minnie … they … Junsu wants to move in with him, but he doesn’t want to leave me and I can’t get in the way of them being together, and now you want me to live with you, and …” She bit her lower lip.
Yoochun tugged at it lightly with his fingers. “Do you want to live with me?”
Jaehwa nodded. “Yes. Of course, I do, but … I’m scared, Chunnie-love.”
“So am I, actually.”
Jaehwa leaned away, disbelief on her face.
“What? It’s normal to be scared when things change, and you’re going to make everything pink or purple and mess up my closet, and-“
She pouted. “I’m not that messy.”
Yoochun raised his eyebrows and looked from his perfectly organized side of the closet to the piles of clothes on shelves and the mess of shoes on the floor on the other side.
“Shut up,” she mumbled and buried her face in his neck again.
Yoochun chuckled and held her tightly. “Move in with me, okay?”
She shook her head. “I can’t. Not right now. After school is done, you’re going to go into the army and--”
Yoochun cursed softly. “You’re right. We’ll have to wait.”
Yoochun held her a little bit longer and she sighed heavily. Yoochun knew that she wanted to say something else, so he was quiet until she was ready.
“You know that internship I applied for?”
“Yeah.”
“I didn’t get it. They didn’t even let me have an interview.”
“Oh.”
Jaehwa pushed away and went to a pile of shirts on a shelf. She dug through them, and muttered, “Something about them not wanting to be that kind of company. Bastards.”
“Don’t worry, love. You’ll find something. Not everyone is a bigoted asshole.”
Jaehwa glared at him. “Aren’t you pissed?”
“Of course, I am. It’s not fair. I know it’s not, but not everyone is going to be like that. Look at Doctor Lee. People’s views are changing.”
Jaehwa sighed and nodded. “Not fast enough.” She found a red sweater that was deemed appropriate for the evening and pulled it over her head. Yoochun smiled and grabbed his own sweater from a neatly folded pile.
She hugged him tightly. “Thank you for not being like that.”
Yoochun smiled and breathed in the smell of her conditioner. Lust twisted in his body. It’d been days since they’d been together for more than just kissing. Fucking finals.
“Let’s go eat before I throw you on my bed and we end up starving to death,” Yoochun said.
Jaehwa bit her lower lip and said, “Yunho and Heechul invited us to dinner. He wants me to tell Heechul the truth, since the two of them are so serious and lovey dovey with each other.”
Yoochun frowned. “How often do you talk to your ex-boyfriend without me knowing?”
“Ah, Chunnie, don’t be like this. Yunho is my friend.”
“Your tall, gorgeous, sexy ex-boyfriend.”
Her lip twitched. “You think he’s sexy?”
Yoochun made a face. “You know what I mean.”
“Yes, I do, and you’re right, he is tall and gorgeous and sexy. But so are you. And if you didn’t notice, I had my lips wrapped around your dick two days ago, not his.”
“I know, but he’s …”
“My friend. Just like Junsu is my friend, and he’s my ex-boyfriend. And you don’t get all jealous over him. And Junsu is sexy, too. Have you seen his ass? And what about Changmin?”
“God, don’t tell me he’s your ex-boyfriend, too!”
Jaehwa laughed. “No way. But he’s tall and sexy and gorgeous, too.”
“You’re just surrounded by them. How do you manage to stay with little ol’ me, when you can have so much better?”
Jaehwa draped her arms around Yoochun’s lips and with a small smile said, “I ask myself that every day about you, but it’s more along the lines of how do you manage to stay with disgusting me when you can have a girl with an actual pussy?”
Yoochun frowned and hugged her tightly. “You know I don’t think of it like that. And I’m not friends with any of my ex-girlfriends.”
“Yeah, I know. But you trust me, right?”
“Of course, I do. I’m sorry, love. Forgive me?”
She smiled and their lips met. “Forgiven. Can we go now? Yunho said he’d pay.”
“Should have said that first,” Yoochun said and laughed.
Jaehwa smiled, pressed one more kiss to his lips and then slipped out of the closet. Yoochun decided that if they were going to dinner with Yunho and Heechul, then he sure as hell wasn’t going to look like a bum. He changed from his jeans and t-shirt into a pair of tight black slacks and a long-sleeved, maroon button-down that would go well with, but not necessarily match, Jaehwa’s sweater. He pulled on a sport jacket, and then left the closet to fix his hair.
“I’m going to tell Yunho you dressed up just for him.”
“And you’re going to go home alone tonight.”
Jaehwa’s laughter rang through his apartment, and Yoochun laughed with her as he finished getting ready to go.
Yunho texted an address to an Italian restaurant that was close by. The weather was warm for early spring, so Yoochun and Jaehwa decided to walk. She was wearing heels that made her just barely taller than Yoochun, and he held her hand, smirking.
“What?” Jaehwa asked.
“You’re tall and gorgeous and sexy, too.”
Jaehwa smiled and pressed a kiss to his cheek.
They arrived at the restaurant a few minutes late. Yunho stood up as they came into view. He was in a standard suit, but with an open shirt and no tie. Heechul stood and bowed at them too. He was wearing bright blue pants and white fuzzy sweater. He looked Yoochun up and down and whistled.
“Wow, I was going to be mad that you two were late, but damn Jaehwa, who is this gorgeous thing next to you? Surely this can’t be Yoochun.” He walked around him to enjoy the full effect of Yoochun dressed up.
Jaehwa laughed. “He dressed up to impress Yunho.”
“Well, fuck Yunho. He’s impressed me.” Heechul quickly grabbed the lapels of Yoochun’s jacket, yanked him forward and kissed him on the lips.
Yoochun froze, eyes wide as Heechul pulled away with a wet smack.
“Hmm, he even tastes good.”
“Um, Heechul,” Jaehwa said. “Remember what you said about my nails being wicked?”
Heechul laughed, smoothed Yoochun’s jacket and then went and sat back down next to Yunho. It took Yoochun a few seconds to gather his senses, give himself a shake and then sit down at the four setting table.
Yunho smiled at him, arm around the back of Heechul’s chair. “Sorry, Yoochun. I didn’t think he’d need his leash today.” His finger trailed along Heechul’s neck.
“It’s … okay, I guess. Wow.” Yoochun swallowed and turned to Jaehwa. “Remind me not to dress up when Heechul is going to be around.”
Heechul laughed.
The waiter appeared and Yunho ordered wine for himself and Jaehwa, a pink fluffy thing for Heechul and a beer for Yoochun. They spent the next few minutes discussing the menu and deciding what to order. When the waiter reappeared with their drinks, they gave him their order too.
“So how are finals?” Yunho asked.
Yoochun made a face. “I am so glad I’m almost done.”
“Me, too,” Jaehwa said.
“I got into law school.”
Jaehwa’s eyes went wide and she squealed, quickly silencing it with a sheepish look around. “That’s awesome! I knew you’d get accepted.”
“My hubby the lawyer,” Heechul said and leaned against his side.
Yunho smiled and squeezed Heechul’s shoulder.
“Congratulations,” Yoochun said.
“Thank you.”
Jaehwa raised her wine glass and they all toasted him.
“What about you, Jae?” Yunho asked. “Have you heard about that internship?”
Jaehwa’s smile fell and she looked at the table, fingers loose on the stem of her wine glass. “I didn’t get it.”
“What?” Heechul demanded, completely affronted. “Your grades are perfect and your songs are-“
Yunho put a hand on his cheek and shook his head. “I’m sorry you didn’t get it.”
“Yeah, well. Shit happens.”
“It shouldn’t,” Yoochun said. “It’s not fair at all.”
“I’m confused,” Heechul said.
Yunho looked at Jaehwa and whispered, “You don’t have to.”
“I know, but … you’re really serious about him?”
Yunho smiled and kissed Heechul’s cheek. “Yes, I am.”
Jaehwa glared at Heechul.
“What did I do?”
“You’re serious about Yunho right? You’re not just with him to leave him later?”
Heechul tittered and said, “Well, duh. You think I’d stay with him this long if I didn’t want to be?”
Jaehwa smiled.
“What does this have to do with your internship?”
Jaehwa pulled a slim wallet out of her purse. It snapped open, and she pulled out her ID card. Yoochun had seen that ID card. The picture on it had been taken right when Jaehwa arrived in Seoul. Before her hair had grown out long enough to hide the fact that she was a boy. Yoochun put his hand on her leg and gave it a soft squeeze of support.
Heechul took it from her hands and looked it for a few seconds before his eyes went wide. “What the -“
“Surprise,” Jaehwa said weakly.
Heechul stared at her, and stared, and stared. Jaehwa tilted her head and hid behind her hair.
“So you are gay,” Heechul said, turning to Yoochun.
“No, I’m not.”
“Really?” He clicked his tongue and held the card back for Jaehwa to take. “Care to explain how you aren’t gay?”
“Not really about me right now,” Yoochun said and snatched the card from his fingers, “but, I have a girlfriend, if you didn’t know.”
“Heechul,” Yunho said in warning.
“What? I … you’re a guy.”
“No, she’s not,” Yunho said.
“But-“
“Please excuse me,” Jaehwa mumbled and stood up quickly.
Yoochun reached for her.
“I’ll be right back.”
Yunho glared at Heechul, and Heechul rolled his eyes, but stood up and went after her with a muttered, “Well, fuck this.”
Yunho sighed.
“Think Heechul will go into the girls’ bathroom after her?”
Yunho smirked. “Yes.” After a moment he frowned and said, “I’m sorry. I really thought it wouldn’t bother Heechul at all.”
“Give him time to digest it. He did go after her.”
“Yeah. He’s such a large part of my life. The part of me that always felt like something was missing when I was dating Jaehwa is now completely satisfied. I know Heechul is a lot to handle, and he’s more diva than man, but we work together. My lease is up in a couple of weeks, and Heechul has been living with his friend Siwon for two months or so. I want to live with him, but it’ll be hard if he and Jaehwa don’t get along.”
Yoochun nodded, looking down at the table.
“Is everything okay?” Yunho asked. “With you and Jaehwa?”
Yoochun shrugged. “Yeah, we’re okay. It’s life that is going to fuck things over.”
“What do you mean?”
“I asked her to move in with me, and she said no, because I have to go to the military, but Junsu and Changmin want to move in together, and well, she’s feeling a little lost right now.”
Yunho frowned, and then sighed. “She’s so fragile and yet so strong. Such a paradox of emotions.”
“God, I love her.”
The food arrived before Jaehwa and Heechul returned. Yunho sent Heechul a text message (because that diva would die without his phone), and then started eating. Yoochun did too, though his food tasted like dirt in his mouth.
Heechul led Jaehwa back to the table, glaring at both of them with a haughty expression. He pulled Jaehwa’s chair closer to his and let her sit. Her face was slightly puffy like she’d been crying, but nothing else was amiss.
Yoochun reached over and touched her leg. “You okay?”
“We are fabulous,” Heechul said, with a flare of his hand, “and Jaehwa is my new bestest friend.”
“Yay for me,” Jaehwa said with a smile.
“Hey, now,” Heechul said. “I am offering my undying forever friendship. Not a lot of people are worthy of that.”
Yunho snorted.
“What?” Heechul demanded.
“A week after I asked you out,” Yunho said, “You said to me, ‘I am offering my glorious, perfect ass to you. Not a lot of people are worthy of that’.”
Heechul smirked. “Well, they aren’t.”
Jaehwa smiled. “Thanks, Heechul.”
-|\|\-|-/|/|-
May 2013
Finals were brutal, but that was more Yoochun’s fault than the actual tests. He spent every moment with Jaehwa that he could. He and MinSu discussed her at length about what to do while Yoochun went to the military. The day of Jaehwa’s last final, the three of them met together at Angel Café.
“Look, Yoochun,” Changmin said. “We always said we’d go to the military together and we will.”
“But what about us?” Junsu asked. He looked like he might cry, but he kept his emotions in tact.
Changmin shook his head and put his arm around Junsu. “I’m sorry, Su. But Yoochun and I have been planning on this since we both started college.”
Junsu frowned.
“I either go now, or I go later.”
“I know, but-“
“And if I go now, with Yoochun, then Jaehwa won’t be by herself, and you won’t be by yourself later.”
Junsu frowned and pulled his phone out. “This isn’t fair.”
“That’s how Jaehwa feels, too,” Yoochun said.
“I know.” His fingers flew over the keys and he leaned into Changmin’s body.
Yoochun and Changmin met each other’s eyes. “Should have gone before school, huh?”
“How would we know we’d both fall desperately in love?” Changmin asked.
“You’re smart. You should’ve figured it out.”
Junsu snorted.
Changmin pressed a kiss to his forehead.
“I better go,” Yoochun said.
“You better wait until I can make Jaehwa some coffee,” Junsu said and pushed Changmin off the bench. They both stood up and then Changmin sat back down.
“I don’t know what to do, Changmin. This sucks.”
“Yeah, it does.”
“When are you going in for your check up?”
“When you do.”
Yoochun said, “You don’t have to do this, you know.”
“I know. But we’ve been friends for longer than I have known Junsu and he understands. It’s the only way that’s equally sucky to everyone.”
Junsu came back with a latte for Yoochun and Jaehwa’s peppermint coffee. “Jaehwa should be done with her last final soon. You’ll talk to her?”
“Yeah. The sooner we get in the military, the sooner we can get out of it.”
Changmin nodded.
Yoochun said goodbye to them and headed for their park bench, worrying the entire way there.
Jaehwa sat waiting for him. She was wearing her standard comfort outfit of a long skirt, leggings, combat boots and army jacket. She smiled widely as he walked up. He sat next to her heavily and asked how her final was. She made a face, leaned into his body and took her coffee.
“Bless Junsu.”
Yoochun shut his eyes and cuddled his girlfriend close, breath quick on her head.
“What’s wrong?”
“Just thinking of not being with you for two years.”
Jaehwa sighed. “You have to.”
“Yeah. So does Changmin.”
Jaehwa pulled away and looked at him closely.
“We’re going to go together. We’ve always planned it that way.”
“What about Junsu?”
“What about you?”
Jaehwa crossed her arms and looked away.
“Junsu doesn’t want Changmin to go anymore than you want me to go. But we have to, and if we go together, that means you and Junsu can keep living together, and then when we’re done, we can discuss things.”
Jaehwa bit her lip and nodded. “It makes sense, even if it does suck.”
“Yeah.”
She buried her face in Yoochun’s shoulder. “I’m going to miss you.”
“I’m going to miss you, too.”
-|\|\-|-/|/|-
June 2013
“Hello, Jaehwa, Yoochun-shi,” Doctor Lee said and bowed.
Yoochun said hello to her and bowed as well.
“Have a seat. How did your finals go?”
Yoochun shivered, and Jaehwa laughed. “We both did great, even if they were difficult.”
“College graduates, congratulations.”
“Thank you,” they both murmured.
“Now what?” Doctor Lee asked.
Yoochun turned to Jaehwa. His girlfriend was so pretty in a pale yellow sundress and her hair up in a ponytail. She wore wedge heels with ties up her calf muscles. Her shoulders and collarbones were perfectly shaped, and it took most of Yoochun’s effort to keep his hands out of her skirt when she showed him what she was wearing.
Jaehwa took a deep breath. “He’s going to go to the military next month.”
“A necessity. What’s happening with your mom and her shop?”
“Yoohwan isn’t done with school yet. So he’s going to move into my apartment while I’m gone, and help my mother. They’ll be okay.”
“And what about you, Jaehwa?”
Jaehwa flicked her gaze to Yoochun once and then said, “Junsu and I are going to stay in our apartment and wait for our boyfriends to get back from being perfect Korean citizens.”
Doctor Lee smiled. “At least you won’t be alone, right?”
“Yeah.”
“What about getting your name changed?”
Yoochun whipped his head over to Jaehwa. “What?”
Doctor Lee shook her head. “Jaehwa, come on. I told you that you need to talk to Yoochun about these things.”
“I know but …” Jaehwa sighed. “I don’t want him to get excited if it’s not going to happen.”
“If what isn’t going to happen?”
“Jaehwa is going to put in a request to have her name legally changed to Kim Jaehwa.”
“That’s awesome.” Yoochun reached for her hand and Jaehwa let him take it. “What are the chances?”
“It depends on the judge,” Doctor Lee said. “I’m going to do some research on sympathetic judges and make sure we petition the right one. And Jaehwa needs to get an attorney.”
“Do you need anything from me?”
“Actually, yes. We need a written statement from you, Junsu, Changmin, pretty much anyone else who will vouch for Jaehwa being a female. Her sister Yoonah has already agreed to write one.”
“That’s great. I’ll do it tomorrow, and we can have Yunho and Heechul write one too.”
Jaehwa took another deep breath. “Everything is changing so much.”
Yoochun turned and brought her hand up to his lips to kiss it. “Comes with life.”
“Yeah, I know. Doesn’t make it less scary.”
Part 17: The Letter
Part 15: The Visit
Part 14: The Reassurance
Part 13: The Close Call
Part 12: The Meeting
Part 11: The Progress
Part 10: The Reset
Part 9: The Suuport | Part 8: The Situation | Part 7: The Promise | Part 6: The Conflict | Part 5: The Setback | Part 4: The Date | Part 3: The Wait | Part 2: The Talk | Part 1: The Secret
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