Someone 2/4
Title: Someone 2/4
Pairing: Jaejoong/Junsu, Junsu/Female Character
Rating: NC-17
Disclaimer: They are only mine when I take out my frustrations on them through fiction.
Summary: Jaejoong was my first love. Cocaine was my second. When Jaejoong disappeared, my life turned around. And now that Jaejoong is back, I'm not sure what I want.
Warning: Fic contains infidelity and drug use
Part 2:
"Someone take me over there
Catch me when I fall
Slumber-coated decadence
Slam me down the wall
Three weeks later, Jaejoong was still with us. I didn’t mind. JillChil was starting too. He got along with David right away. It was like a sleepover every day. I wasn’t surprised. All of Jaejoong’s sisters had kids. He’d always been good with them. It was the only reason why Jill wasn’t ready to kick him out, because it meant we didn’t have to pay a babysitter.
Oh, and somewhere along the years, Jaejoong learned to cook. Really really well. I told Jillian about all these Korean dishes that I had no way of cooking, and couldn’t explain why they weren’t that great at the local restaurants. Jaejoong showed her why.
Jaejoong was a genius in the kitchen. Jill’s words, not mine.
My words had been “Jaejoong is a genius in the bedroom” but that was a long time ago.
But after days and nights of being in close quarters with him again, my body was rebelling. It wanted to see if Jaejoong still knew all the ways to turn me to goo.
Jaejoong remained quiet regarding his past. He only said he dropped out of college, spent a few months in jail for possession and moved to Seoul for a couple years to help his father cope after his mother’s death. He also visited my parents who had moved back to Seoul after I finished college. He said that my mother told him where I was living, but he was too scared to call.
There were a lot of holes in his story, but I didn’t push him for details.
The sun had finally decided to grace us with its presence, and it brought the humidity of summer. The walk from the bus stop to my apartment left me sticky and hot. I arrived home and pulled off my suit coat and undid my tie. Halfway through unbuttoning my shirt, something shattered in the kitchen.
Slowly, I moved toward the noise. JillChil and David were at David’s soon-to-be preschool.
“Jae?” I said.
A whimper answered me, and I hurried my steps, stopping in shock. Jaejoong was face down on the glass table, his arms wrapped around his head. White powder spread around him. A glass lay in pieces on the floor. Water spread with it.
“Jae,” I said again. My voice echoed in the silence.
His shoulders moved so he hadn’t passed out.
“Don’t move until I clean up the glass,” I said.
I went quickly to my room. I grabbed flip flops and towels and hurried back. Jaejoong hadn’t moved. He was crying. I cleaned up the glass and the water as fast as I could. And then I grabbed Jaejoong’s shoulders and pulled him up so I could clean the cocaine off my table.
“You promised,” I said, voice tight.
He nodded. “I’m sorry.”
I sighed. His wide eyes watched me. He rubbed his arms, and he cried. The high wasn’t a good one. Maybe it would have been had I not come home from work early.
I sighed and moved the chair so I could kneel between his spread legs. I cupped his cheeks.
“You hate me,” he whispered.
“I do not. Have you been to rehab?”
“Three times.”
I snorted. “Well, nix that idea then. Cold turkey?”
“Seoul. It wasn’t pretty. I lasted a week days.”
I won’t live to be thirty, Su-ah. What do I care what I put in my body?
I shivered at the memory. “I’m going to hug you,” I said carefully.
He nodded, and I hugged him and he hugged me back.
“I can’t allow you to stay here if you’re going to be using cocaine. I have a son to think about.”
“I know. I’m sorry. I promise this is the only time I’ve brought it here. I just … I just needed it. And-“
He didn’t need to explain the need to me. I didn’t completely quit until I’d been dating Jillian for a few months. He was also lying. Drug addicts lied. Plain and simple.
I sighed. “You’re putting me in a rough spot, Jae. I don’t want to have to choose between you and my family.”
“I’ve been asking my contacts,” he says into my shoulder. “They’ll let me stay. I won’t make you choose.”
My heart stopped. “No. Stay here. I won’t tell Jillian, but please, don’t bring it here again, okay?”
He nodded. I knew he’d lie. I knew he’d do it again. But I was not willing to let him go. Not yet.
-|-|-|-|-|-
I watched him closely for the next couple of weeks. He was always high. Always. It broke my heart. His sunken eyes, sunken cheeks. The ribs poking out.
He smiled a lot, though. And he played with David every day. He spoke in Korean with David, and instead of throwing a fit like when I tried to teach him, David soaked it up. Uncle Jaejoong was his bestest friend.
One night in bed, Jillian held me from behind, lips soft against my neck. “I know you love him,” she said, “I know he’s your friend. But he’s using.”
“Yeah. I know.”
“I don’t want that around David.”
“Neither do I.”
“He needs help. If he’s getting help, he can stay. Otherwise, I … god, I feel like a bitch,” she said and rolled away.
I followed and put my arm around her bare stomach, fingertips caressing the bottom curve of her breasts. “You’re not being a bitch. Just the opposite. Thank you for letting him stay for so long. I’ll talk to him tomorrow, okay?”
She nodded. “I’ll take Dave out in the afternoon so you can be alone. Just text me when you’re done.”
“Thank you.”
Once again I had trouble sleeping. I heard Jaejoong moving around the living room at four in the morning.
With a sigh, I got up, slipped on sweats and padded out to the living room.
Jaejoong was cleaning. I leaned against the entryway to the living room and smiled, watching him rub the same spot over and over again. The situation wasn’t amusing,, but the memory. It was like the reminder of this. The past had haunted me before, but never in a corporeal form.
“I think that end table is clean,” I said.
He jumped and his eyes widened in fear.
I pushed off the wall and moved to the couch. I sat, patted the cushion next to me. Jaejoong bit his lower lip, wringing the cloth over and over in his hands.
“Come on, I won’t bite,” I said.
Jaejoong sat down, away from me, legs bouncing. I took the rag from his hands and replaced it with my own hand. His fingers ran up and over and around my hand and wrist and arm, and then over my chest and stomach. I shut my eyes and enjoyed his touch. My fingers slid into his hair.
“How did you quit?” he whispered.
I frowned, thinking back five years ago. When we were in high school and that first semester of college, I had been as addicted as he was. “I guess … you weren’t there anymore. I crashed hard when you left. I kept waiting for a call to come identify your body. And then, I found something else to get addicted to,” I said, thinking of Jillian.
His lips turned in a smile. “Freebase, E, weed.”
I laughed.
Finally relaxing, Jaejoong leaned against me. “I haven’t had any today. Not a bit and I’m freaking the fuck out.”
“I can tell. I’m supposed to talk to you about this tomorrow, but I can do it now. JillChil doesn’t want you around David if you’re going to be high, and neither do I.”
He buried his face into my shoulder, body shaking. His arms snaked around my waist, fingers clutching at my bare, lower back. Our skin. Together.
I inhaled sharply and almost unconsciously slipped down the couch so we could be even closer. I put my arms around him, face on his head. He still smelled like cheap fruit.
“I love you,” Jae said into my neck. He muttered it in Korean, over and over.
“I love you, too, Jae.”
His fingers tightened, harder and harder. “I can’t do it, I can’t. I’ve tried so many times. I just … I can’t do it.” He pushed up with a cry and leaned over, elbows on his knees, face in his hands. I rubbed his back and played with the end of his ponytail.
“I love your hair this long,” I whispered. “It’s …” Sexy. “Nice.”
He snorted.
“Where did you go after you left me that day?” I whispered.
He took a deep breath. “I owed a guy some money. Sold myself to pay him off, ran away instead, his goons left me for dead, and that was the first time I tried to quit, but the best place for a junkie is in rehab. Everything else you more or less know.”
The thought of Jae as a prostitute made me so angry.
“You didn’t have … I would have lent you …”
“You didn’t have any money either, Su-ah.”
“Half of that cocain went up my nose. It was as much my debt as it was yours.”
“I know. That’s why I did it. I didn’t want him to go after you, too. So left and cut ties and I always meant to call you again.”
I chanced a look behind me and then turned, so one of my legs was on the couch and the other was on the floor. I scooted close, put my arms around him and then put my face on his back. He leaned against me.
“I’m not sure I could quit for you,” Jae whispered.
“No. You can’t. You can’t quit for anyone but yourself. That’s the rule.”
“I-I’ll leave. Tomorrow. After … after breakfast.”
“No. Wait until Sunday. Please. Jill is going to take David out and-”
“You’re going to tell me you want me to leave.”
“We don’t want you to leave; we want you to get help.”
His shoulder sagged. “I don’t think I can.”
I sighed. Everything went quiet and Jaejoong fell asleep in my arms. His shaking ceased slightly in his sleep, but not entirely. I think it was more that his body was exhausted and made him sleep. Selfishly, I kissed his cheeks and his shoulder and his protruding collarbones. His skin tasted the same, maybe a bit tangier.
I heard Jillie’s alarm go off. I sighed, pressed one more kiss to Jaejoong’s neck and then settled him on the couch, under the blanket. He whimpered as I left, but I knew better than to go back. Jillie accepted the touches and the few times we had been together on a chair as typical Korean friendship behavior. I doubt she’d accept me cuddling with my half-naked ex-lover.
I made coffee. Jillie put her arms around me and kissed my shoulder as I held a cup to my face.
“You love him still,” she said.
I wondered how she meant that word. “I always will.”
Jaejoong slept for most of the day. He woke up at around noon, and Jillie took David out of the house. She sent a concerned look to Jaejoong, and then she left.
I sighed in the silence that followed.
Jaejoong looked over at me, and I moved to him and sat on the couch next to him. “How are you?”
“Craving.”
I smiled. “I bet.”
“Take my mind off it,” he whispered.
I inhaled sharply. When we were younger, we always fucked when we couldn’t get high. An orgasm was the same thing, just a shorter period and less intense high, usually.
“There’s a bag in my suitcase. Burning in my eyes, veins popping, pills stopping, heart shattering-“
“Don’t you quote your drunken poetry at me,” I whispered and smiled. I loved his poetry so much.
I froze as he leaned closer. His lips twisted in a smirk, and then he started quoting my favorite. “Someone cheer me up again, throw me to the sky, brushed electric jolts around, hold me when I cry. Someone take me over there, catch me when I fall, slumber-coated decadence-“
“Slam me down the wall,” I finished and covered the distance between our lips, arms easily finding their way around his tiny waist. He settled his weight on top of me before he pulled away, shaking. I ran my hand into his hair, keeping him from turning away. I kissed him again. He moaned when I shifted. My leg fell to the floor, his body pushed against mine, and his hands slipped into my shirt. I pushed up to my elbows and the shirt practically flew off me.
Jaejoong attacked my chest, tongue and lips drawing at my skin, at that spot just above my nipple. His fingers found the dips of my hip bones and I was shivering in seconds, whimpering his name for more. He tugged at my sweats and I hesitated for only a second. I pushed them down and he finished pulling them off. I lost track of his clothes, of his hands and then his lips were on mine and he was stroking our cocks together. Heat, slipping, twisting, growling.
“Fuck, I missed you, fuck, Jaejoong. Fuck I … why did you leave? Why?”
“I don’t know. I don’t, please I shouldn’t-“ He hissed when I dug my nails into his bare shoulders.
Pleasure soared through me. He whimpered my name and warmth splattered all over my stomach and chest.
His hand faltered and I whimpered. He pressed his forehead to my shoulder and tried, but couldn’t keep stroking. I was so close. Our lips met in desperation and I replaced his hand on my cock, with his, faster. His lips stole my scream, swallowed his name even through it pounded through my head. I came between us.
Jaejoong collapsed and cried and I was crying too.
I knew I should have felt guilty, but … but it felt like I had been cheating on Jaejoong for the last ten years.
He kissed me again and again. His Korean mutterings formed half apologies and half love declarations.
I returned them all eagerly. I held him and rubbed his back until he calmed down. My eyes shut, relaxing, heavy from the lack of sleep and the intense orgasm.
Part 3: Someone tie me up so tight
Bind me with a lie
Sugar-coated cyanide
Let me slowly die
Part 1: Someone cheer me up again
Throw me to the sky
Brushed electric jolts around
Hold me when I cry
.
Pairing: Jaejoong/Junsu, Junsu/Female Character
Rating: NC-17
Disclaimer: They are only mine when I take out my frustrations on them through fiction.
Summary: Jaejoong was my first love. Cocaine was my second. When Jaejoong disappeared, my life turned around. And now that Jaejoong is back, I'm not sure what I want.
Warning: Fic contains infidelity and drug use
Part 2:
"Someone take me over there
Catch me when I fall
Slumber-coated decadence
Slam me down the wall
Three weeks later, Jaejoong was still with us. I didn’t mind. JillChil was starting too. He got along with David right away. It was like a sleepover every day. I wasn’t surprised. All of Jaejoong’s sisters had kids. He’d always been good with them. It was the only reason why Jill wasn’t ready to kick him out, because it meant we didn’t have to pay a babysitter.
Oh, and somewhere along the years, Jaejoong learned to cook. Really really well. I told Jillian about all these Korean dishes that I had no way of cooking, and couldn’t explain why they weren’t that great at the local restaurants. Jaejoong showed her why.
Jaejoong was a genius in the kitchen. Jill’s words, not mine.
My words had been “Jaejoong is a genius in the bedroom” but that was a long time ago.
But after days and nights of being in close quarters with him again, my body was rebelling. It wanted to see if Jaejoong still knew all the ways to turn me to goo.
Jaejoong remained quiet regarding his past. He only said he dropped out of college, spent a few months in jail for possession and moved to Seoul for a couple years to help his father cope after his mother’s death. He also visited my parents who had moved back to Seoul after I finished college. He said that my mother told him where I was living, but he was too scared to call.
There were a lot of holes in his story, but I didn’t push him for details.
The sun had finally decided to grace us with its presence, and it brought the humidity of summer. The walk from the bus stop to my apartment left me sticky and hot. I arrived home and pulled off my suit coat and undid my tie. Halfway through unbuttoning my shirt, something shattered in the kitchen.
Slowly, I moved toward the noise. JillChil and David were at David’s soon-to-be preschool.
“Jae?” I said.
A whimper answered me, and I hurried my steps, stopping in shock. Jaejoong was face down on the glass table, his arms wrapped around his head. White powder spread around him. A glass lay in pieces on the floor. Water spread with it.
“Jae,” I said again. My voice echoed in the silence.
His shoulders moved so he hadn’t passed out.
“Don’t move until I clean up the glass,” I said.
I went quickly to my room. I grabbed flip flops and towels and hurried back. Jaejoong hadn’t moved. He was crying. I cleaned up the glass and the water as fast as I could. And then I grabbed Jaejoong’s shoulders and pulled him up so I could clean the cocaine off my table.
“You promised,” I said, voice tight.
He nodded. “I’m sorry.”
I sighed. His wide eyes watched me. He rubbed his arms, and he cried. The high wasn’t a good one. Maybe it would have been had I not come home from work early.
I sighed and moved the chair so I could kneel between his spread legs. I cupped his cheeks.
“You hate me,” he whispered.
“I do not. Have you been to rehab?”
“Three times.”
I snorted. “Well, nix that idea then. Cold turkey?”
“Seoul. It wasn’t pretty. I lasted a week days.”
I won’t live to be thirty, Su-ah. What do I care what I put in my body?
I shivered at the memory. “I’m going to hug you,” I said carefully.
He nodded, and I hugged him and he hugged me back.
“I can’t allow you to stay here if you’re going to be using cocaine. I have a son to think about.”
“I know. I’m sorry. I promise this is the only time I’ve brought it here. I just … I just needed it. And-“
He didn’t need to explain the need to me. I didn’t completely quit until I’d been dating Jillian for a few months. He was also lying. Drug addicts lied. Plain and simple.
I sighed. “You’re putting me in a rough spot, Jae. I don’t want to have to choose between you and my family.”
“I’ve been asking my contacts,” he says into my shoulder. “They’ll let me stay. I won’t make you choose.”
My heart stopped. “No. Stay here. I won’t tell Jillian, but please, don’t bring it here again, okay?”
He nodded. I knew he’d lie. I knew he’d do it again. But I was not willing to let him go. Not yet.
-|-|-|-|-|-
I watched him closely for the next couple of weeks. He was always high. Always. It broke my heart. His sunken eyes, sunken cheeks. The ribs poking out.
He smiled a lot, though. And he played with David every day. He spoke in Korean with David, and instead of throwing a fit like when I tried to teach him, David soaked it up. Uncle Jaejoong was his bestest friend.
One night in bed, Jillian held me from behind, lips soft against my neck. “I know you love him,” she said, “I know he’s your friend. But he’s using.”
“Yeah. I know.”
“I don’t want that around David.”
“Neither do I.”
“He needs help. If he’s getting help, he can stay. Otherwise, I … god, I feel like a bitch,” she said and rolled away.
I followed and put my arm around her bare stomach, fingertips caressing the bottom curve of her breasts. “You’re not being a bitch. Just the opposite. Thank you for letting him stay for so long. I’ll talk to him tomorrow, okay?”
She nodded. “I’ll take Dave out in the afternoon so you can be alone. Just text me when you’re done.”
“Thank you.”
Once again I had trouble sleeping. I heard Jaejoong moving around the living room at four in the morning.
With a sigh, I got up, slipped on sweats and padded out to the living room.
Jaejoong was cleaning. I leaned against the entryway to the living room and smiled, watching him rub the same spot over and over again. The situation wasn’t amusing,, but the memory. It was like the reminder of this. The past had haunted me before, but never in a corporeal form.
“I think that end table is clean,” I said.
He jumped and his eyes widened in fear.
I pushed off the wall and moved to the couch. I sat, patted the cushion next to me. Jaejoong bit his lower lip, wringing the cloth over and over in his hands.
“Come on, I won’t bite,” I said.
Jaejoong sat down, away from me, legs bouncing. I took the rag from his hands and replaced it with my own hand. His fingers ran up and over and around my hand and wrist and arm, and then over my chest and stomach. I shut my eyes and enjoyed his touch. My fingers slid into his hair.
“How did you quit?” he whispered.
I frowned, thinking back five years ago. When we were in high school and that first semester of college, I had been as addicted as he was. “I guess … you weren’t there anymore. I crashed hard when you left. I kept waiting for a call to come identify your body. And then, I found something else to get addicted to,” I said, thinking of Jillian.
His lips turned in a smile. “Freebase, E, weed.”
I laughed.
Finally relaxing, Jaejoong leaned against me. “I haven’t had any today. Not a bit and I’m freaking the fuck out.”
“I can tell. I’m supposed to talk to you about this tomorrow, but I can do it now. JillChil doesn’t want you around David if you’re going to be high, and neither do I.”
He buried his face into my shoulder, body shaking. His arms snaked around my waist, fingers clutching at my bare, lower back. Our skin. Together.
I inhaled sharply and almost unconsciously slipped down the couch so we could be even closer. I put my arms around him, face on his head. He still smelled like cheap fruit.
“I love you,” Jae said into my neck. He muttered it in Korean, over and over.
“I love you, too, Jae.”
His fingers tightened, harder and harder. “I can’t do it, I can’t. I’ve tried so many times. I just … I can’t do it.” He pushed up with a cry and leaned over, elbows on his knees, face in his hands. I rubbed his back and played with the end of his ponytail.
“I love your hair this long,” I whispered. “It’s …” Sexy. “Nice.”
He snorted.
“Where did you go after you left me that day?” I whispered.
He took a deep breath. “I owed a guy some money. Sold myself to pay him off, ran away instead, his goons left me for dead, and that was the first time I tried to quit, but the best place for a junkie is in rehab. Everything else you more or less know.”
The thought of Jae as a prostitute made me so angry.
“You didn’t have … I would have lent you …”
“You didn’t have any money either, Su-ah.”
“Half of that cocain went up my nose. It was as much my debt as it was yours.”
“I know. That’s why I did it. I didn’t want him to go after you, too. So left and cut ties and I always meant to call you again.”
I chanced a look behind me and then turned, so one of my legs was on the couch and the other was on the floor. I scooted close, put my arms around him and then put my face on his back. He leaned against me.
“I’m not sure I could quit for you,” Jae whispered.
“No. You can’t. You can’t quit for anyone but yourself. That’s the rule.”
“I-I’ll leave. Tomorrow. After … after breakfast.”
“No. Wait until Sunday. Please. Jill is going to take David out and-”
“You’re going to tell me you want me to leave.”
“We don’t want you to leave; we want you to get help.”
His shoulder sagged. “I don’t think I can.”
I sighed. Everything went quiet and Jaejoong fell asleep in my arms. His shaking ceased slightly in his sleep, but not entirely. I think it was more that his body was exhausted and made him sleep. Selfishly, I kissed his cheeks and his shoulder and his protruding collarbones. His skin tasted the same, maybe a bit tangier.
I heard Jillie’s alarm go off. I sighed, pressed one more kiss to Jaejoong’s neck and then settled him on the couch, under the blanket. He whimpered as I left, but I knew better than to go back. Jillie accepted the touches and the few times we had been together on a chair as typical Korean friendship behavior. I doubt she’d accept me cuddling with my half-naked ex-lover.
I made coffee. Jillie put her arms around me and kissed my shoulder as I held a cup to my face.
“You love him still,” she said.
I wondered how she meant that word. “I always will.”
Jaejoong slept for most of the day. He woke up at around noon, and Jillie took David out of the house. She sent a concerned look to Jaejoong, and then she left.
I sighed in the silence that followed.
Jaejoong looked over at me, and I moved to him and sat on the couch next to him. “How are you?”
“Craving.”
I smiled. “I bet.”
“Take my mind off it,” he whispered.
I inhaled sharply. When we were younger, we always fucked when we couldn’t get high. An orgasm was the same thing, just a shorter period and less intense high, usually.
“There’s a bag in my suitcase. Burning in my eyes, veins popping, pills stopping, heart shattering-“
“Don’t you quote your drunken poetry at me,” I whispered and smiled. I loved his poetry so much.
I froze as he leaned closer. His lips twisted in a smirk, and then he started quoting my favorite. “Someone cheer me up again, throw me to the sky, brushed electric jolts around, hold me when I cry. Someone take me over there, catch me when I fall, slumber-coated decadence-“
“Slam me down the wall,” I finished and covered the distance between our lips, arms easily finding their way around his tiny waist. He settled his weight on top of me before he pulled away, shaking. I ran my hand into his hair, keeping him from turning away. I kissed him again. He moaned when I shifted. My leg fell to the floor, his body pushed against mine, and his hands slipped into my shirt. I pushed up to my elbows and the shirt practically flew off me.
Jaejoong attacked my chest, tongue and lips drawing at my skin, at that spot just above my nipple. His fingers found the dips of my hip bones and I was shivering in seconds, whimpering his name for more. He tugged at my sweats and I hesitated for only a second. I pushed them down and he finished pulling them off. I lost track of his clothes, of his hands and then his lips were on mine and he was stroking our cocks together. Heat, slipping, twisting, growling.
“Fuck, I missed you, fuck, Jaejoong. Fuck I … why did you leave? Why?”
“I don’t know. I don’t, please I shouldn’t-“ He hissed when I dug my nails into his bare shoulders.
Pleasure soared through me. He whimpered my name and warmth splattered all over my stomach and chest.
His hand faltered and I whimpered. He pressed his forehead to my shoulder and tried, but couldn’t keep stroking. I was so close. Our lips met in desperation and I replaced his hand on my cock, with his, faster. His lips stole my scream, swallowed his name even through it pounded through my head. I came between us.
Jaejoong collapsed and cried and I was crying too.
I knew I should have felt guilty, but … but it felt like I had been cheating on Jaejoong for the last ten years.
He kissed me again and again. His Korean mutterings formed half apologies and half love declarations.
I returned them all eagerly. I held him and rubbed his back until he calmed down. My eyes shut, relaxing, heavy from the lack of sleep and the intense orgasm.
Part 3: Someone tie me up so tight
Bind me with a lie
Sugar-coated cyanide
Let me slowly die
Part 1: Someone cheer me up again
Throw me to the sky
Brushed electric jolts around
Hold me when I cry
.