Three Different Kinds of Love
Title: Three Different Kinds of Love
Pairing: Jaejoong/Junsu/Junho
Rating: hard R (hand job, incest)
Disclaimer: I love making such delusional pairings in fics. If they were mine, I could do it in real life too.
Warning: Incest
Summary: Jaejoong loves Junsu, painfully so. But where there is Junsu there is Junho. And Jaejoong realizes he loves Junho too.
The pale glow of Jaejoong's iPhone lit up his room, turning everything blue. He sighed, staring at the contact listing "♥My Xiah♥". His finger hovered over the green call prompt. He sighed again and flung his arm to the side. The glow moved away from his face.
Junsu was an adult. Jaejoong didn't have to look after him anymore. Besides, he was with his brother. Junho had a couple days vacation. It was only natural that the brothers wanted to be with each other after so long apart.
And Jaejoong was not jealous. He wasn't.
It was only concern for his dongsaeng that had him awake at two a.m. Junsu always called him before he went to bed. Or texted. Or he usually did. Some days he didn't.
Jaejoong growled in annoyance. Junsu was with his brother. He didn't need to call Jaejoong tonight. He once again looked at the display and almost called Junsu. This was stupid. So stupid. Junsu was safe. Junsu was with his brother.
A tingling of anger rose. It seemed like Junsu was always with his brother. But as he thought that, Jaejoong realized that wasn't fair. Very rarely did JYJ have the same days free these days. Jaejoong felt that Junsu should be out with him. But Junho hadn't had a vacation for months.
His inner-Yoochun called him jealous and selfish.
Jaejoong threw his arm over his eyes so he wouldn't see the display.
Jealous? He wasn't.
He has a brother. You have eight older sisters. You just hate that he has someone all to himself.
This again? he admonished his self-conscious.
Before they debuted and right after they debuted, Jaejoong fought with issues of jealousy concerning Junsu relationship with Junho. He'd always wanted a brother. And all he got sisters. He loved his sisters and he was close with all of them.
Only his relationship with Yoochun came close to what Junsu and Junho had, though that paled in comparison because Junsu had that same relationship with Yoochun. They shared Yoochun between them. The two of them may have been even closer since they were closer in age and they were one of the most popular fanservice couples.
What is wrong with JaeSu? Jaejoong thought with a sigh.
His phone vibrated.
♥MyXiah♥
Hyung, go to bed.
Jaejoong couldn't help but laugh.
Joongie
I am in bed.
♥MyXiah♥
Go to sleep.
Joongie
I can't. Where are you?
♥MyXiah♥
We're on our way, but we won't be home for another forty minutes. Sleep well.
Jaejoong sent him a bunch of hearts.
His own heart was lighter, a smile on his face. Sometimes he wondered if the three of them has ESP. It seemed like those two could read his mind.
Jaejoong relaxed, but didn't sleep. He found a picture of him and Junsu and stared at it.
His door was propped open, so when Junsu and Junho stumbled into the living room, Jaejoong heard them. They giggled, like they were drunk, and Jaejoong smiled.
"Shhhhhhhhhhhh," Junho said. "You'll wake them."
Junsu hummed and then giggled. "I hate it when you get me drunk."
"You're not drunk. Tipsy. And you're adorable when your tipsy."
Jaejoong's smile widened, because Junho was right: Tipsy!Junsu was adorable.
One of them moaned, and then there was a smacking sound. Jaejoong sat up in surprise. That had sounded like ... but that ... that wasn't ...
"Let's go to bed," Junsu murmured, "I can't walk or see straight. I need to be horizontal."
"I like you best when you're horizontal."
"Sh," Junsu said sharply. "What if--"
"They're asleep. Come on."
"What if they aren't?"
"If they weren't, they would have come to greet us and Jaejoong would be hovering over you all concerned because you're half drunk."
They passed Jaejoong's door. Still frozen, Jaejoong tried to comprehend the implications behind that conversation.
Junsu's door shut down the hall.
Jaejoong let out a harsh breath.
One of them giggled. And then there was silence.
Slowly, Jaejoong stood up. His breath came out in harsh bursts. His heart beat rapidly. He silently slid down the hall to Junsu's bedroom door. He froze and then listened. Waiting.
Their voices were low, muffled. A sudden whimper pierced the silence, followed by a humorous chuckle.
Jaejoong put his hand up on the wall. His knees shook. They were ... oh god, they were ...
Moans filtered through the closed door. Moans that Jaejoong knew well.
"Junho, fuck, feels good!"
Jaejoong jumped at the loud cry, and then squeaked when a hand covered his mouth, and another arm went around his waist.
"You shouldn't be listening to them," Yoochun whispered, voice barely passing his lips pressed against Jaejoong's ear. "Unless that does it for you."
Jaejoong elbowed him in the stomach.
Yoochun oofed and then pulled him away from Junsu's door and back into Jaejoong's room. Stunned, Jaejoong sank to his bed.
Yoochun appeared normal.
"You knew?" Jaejoong accused.
Yoochun smiled. "Yes. I caught them in the bathroom once."
Jaejoong covered his face with his hands. Images of the two brothers laughing and hugging were painful enough, but now they turned erotic. Junho spreading Junsu's legs, gripping that ass. Both of those asses. He felt his cock twitch. A harsh cry tried to rip from his throat. It felt like his heart was breaking all over again.
"Jae?" Yoochun touched his arm. "Is this going to be a problem?"
Jaejoong shook his head. "They ... how long?"
Yoochun shrugs. "Junsu says they can't really remember when they first kissed. Nine or ten. Something like that."
Jaejoong put his elbows on his knees, his face in his hands. Yoochun rubbed his back.
Several long minutes later, Jaejoong whispered, "It's not going to be a problem."
He felt more than saw Yoochun frown, and then he made a noise of understanding. "Which one?"
"Huh?" Jaejoong asked, looking over at him in the dark.
"Which one are you in love with?"
Jaejoong opened his mouth to deny loving either of them, and then he shut it. He loved Junsu, so much, so much that it hurt, but the thought of Junsu without Junho wasn't right. He knew that, and he had always shared Junsu with Junho. Shared Junsu's heart and smiles and laughter. He didn't hate Junho. Not at all, even if he was slightly jealous of him. When they all hung out, Junho was one of them, part of their circle, just as he had always been. He had no problem at all hanging out with Junho alone. They drank together and watched movies together and cuddled together all the time.
Jaejoong imagined the twins kissing again and groaned. He'd kissed Junsu more than once, but nothing more than a peck on the lips. He wondered what Junho's lips felt like.
He was so in love with Junsu. Why didn't he see it before? Affection, concern, love. Living in close quarters. It all blurred the edges of friendship and love. He loved Yoochun too, but not like Junsu.
He'd met Junsu first, known him for so many years. Shared so many tears and laughter. Part of him denied that it was love, but when he thought of Yoochun kissing Junho, his heart didn't clench. His stomach didn't twist. He didn't feel like he wanted to die.
The thought of Junsu kissing Junho was painful.
It was like Junho took away the last thing Jaejoong could have had with him.
But at the same time, Jaejoong knew that Junsu and Junho were extensions of the other. It was impossible to love one without the other. To know one without the other. To trust one without the other.
"Both," Jaejoong said. His eyes went wide as he stared at Yoochun. "Oh god, Chunnie. I'm in love with both of them."
Yoochun frowned. He put his arm around Jaejoong's shoulder and pulled him into a hug.
Jaejoong cried.
Yoochun let him, and then settled him into bed. He said nothing, which Jaejoong was grateful for, and which Jaejoong expected. That is what Yoochun was: supportive, non-judgmental, strong.
He held Jaejoong, falling asleep behind him, breath puffing on Jaejoong's neck.
Life would have been simpler if he fell in love with Yoochun. He did love Yoochun, but his heart didn't clench every time he saw him.
Jaejoong got out of bed before six. He soaked in a shower and applied enough makeup and styled his hair to look perfect. He didn't want to explain.
With coffee brewing and rice cooking, Jaejoong relaxed. Cooking in the kitchen: it was what he needed.
Shuffle steps sounded at about seven, and Jaejoong turned just as Junho sat heavily in a chair.
"What smells so good?"
"Coffee, probably." Jaejoong already had a cup out with the right amount of cream and sugar for Junho. Two other cups sat waiting for Yoochun and Junsu.
jaejoong poured in the hot coffe. He moved across the kitchin and set it down on the table.
Junho snagged his wrist and their eyes met and Junho smiled. "Thank you, beautiful."
Even though his heart fluttered in his chest at Junho's smile, Jaejoong forced himself to make a face like he always did when Junho called him beautiful. He snatched his hand away and said, "Yah, dongsaeng, you wanna die?"
Junho laughed, and then winced.
Worried, Jaejoong touched his forehead. He was hot and clammy.
"I'm fine, hyung. Just hung over."
"Is Junsu going to be in pain then if you're hung over?"
A gorgeous smile covered Junho's face, and Jaejoong sighed inwardly. "I can't wait to laugh at him."
"Do you want some food?"
Junho shook his head. "Not yet. I'll eat when Junsu wakes up."
Jaejoong did his best not to turn that into something perverted and failed and blushed and hastily moved away from Junho.
"Are you okay?" Junho asked, concerned.
Jaejoong nodded. "I didn't sleep well."
"Really? With Yoochun in your bed? Not enough bah-dah-bump to tire you out?"
Jaejoong's heart wrenched, but he didn't reply. Yesterday he would have said something snappy back.
A soft hand touched his back. "You sure you're okay?"
Jaejoong tried not to flinch, he really tried. He nodded. "Just ... yeah."
That hand slipped down his spine and curled around his waist. Junho pressed his body to his and kissed his cheek. "I know we're not as close as you are with Junsu, but you can talk to me if you need to."
Jaejoong smiled and leaned his head against Junho's. "Yeah, I know. I'm okay. And we are close."
Junho laughed. "I didn't mean physically right now."
Jaejoong smiled again. A bit of his heart unclenched, because Junho thought they were close too, and that made him happy.
But he wasn't okay. He was shivering, and the warmth from Junho's hand was burning.
"I'm going to go back to bed," Junho said. "Thank you for the coffee."
He moved away and desperately, unwilling to lose this moment alone with Junho, Jaejoong turned. "Junho?"
Junho smiled.
Their secret was on the tip of Jaejoong's tongue, but he ... he didn't want to ... he didn't know what he wanted, but he didn't want Junho to leave.
"Will you lay down with me?" Jaejoong burst out. He always had a problem with his mouth moving before his brain.
Junho grinned. "Sure. Couch? Or Yoochun's bed since he's in yours?"
Jaejoong laughed. "Couch is fine."
It had seemed like a good idea at the time, but as Junho lay down and smiled up at Jaejoong, Jaejoong's heart stopped and he tried to find a reason to back pedal. Junho grabbed his wrist and yanked him down. They adjusted until they were on their sides, Junho behind him, arm around his stomach. Jaejoong's breath hitched as Junho's fingers played with the hem of his tank top.
They were in the same position as he had been with Yoochun. But his heart was racing. And he barely breathed.
Junho said something to him, mumbling half asleep. It sounded like, "I love you, hyung."
Jaejoong smiled, and just like that, relaxed.
-----
A few hours later, after Jaejoong had slept a little, the four of them congregated in the kitchen. Jaejoong noticed every touch between the brothers. Every smile. Every look. His heart broke over and over again.
Junho had held him earlier for comfort. Not for ... not for how they held each other.
"What's wrong with you, Jaejoong?" Junsu asked.
Jaejoong opened his mouth to say nothing, but then he met Yoochun's eyes and turned away. They had a rule between them: no lies.
"May I?" Yoochun asked.
Jaejoong's head shot back up, eyes and mouth wide. Then he shut his mouth and blushed and nodded once.
"He was awake when you two got home last night."
Silence.
Jaejoong wanted to die. He wanted to hug them both and reassure them and hold him. But above all that, he wanted to die, because by acknowledging it made it okay, and he was going to have to watch the two of them kiss and touch and smile at each other and--
"Fuck," Junsu muttered. "And?"
Jaejoong knew that question was directed at him, but Yoochun answered. "And he heard you two."
"Well duh," Junsu said, "that's not what I was asking about."
Jaejoong felt them all staring at him. He shrugged. "And what? It's not like I don't get it."
"Get what exactly?" Junho asked.
Jaejoong felt his throat close. Tears rose unbidden, and he blinked as they fell. "I understand how you can love each other," he whispered. "It's so easy to love you both."
There was another stunned silence and Jaejoong used it to escape.
He managed to be alone for a good fifteen minutes, and then his bedroom door opened and both twins entered and sat on his bed. He curled into a ball and faced the wall.
"Jae-hyung?" Junsu whispered and touched his shoulder.
Jaejoong hid his face deeper in his pillow.
"Come on, hyung," Junho said. "Leave the emo-ing for Yoochun's ballads." He lay next to Jaejoong, curled up around his back.
Jaejoong tried to protest when Junsu moved in front of him. Between the two of them, they yanked the blanket off him, and then wiggled close. Jaejoong had no choice (except to get up and really, he wasn't stupid) and ended up as the middle of a Kim Twin sandwich, Junho's chest to his back and Junsu's back to his chest. His arm was draped over Junsu's middle and Junho's arm was draped over them both. Fingers touched from all three hands and somehow joined comfortably.
"You aren't mad?" Junsu whispered, tilting his head back.
Jaejoong pressed his face into Junsu's neck and shook his head. "Jealous," he muttered (again cursing his tendency to blurt things out). "Green-eyed-monster jealous. Of you both."
Junho chuckled, breath warm on Jaejoong's neck. "You know that we love you, right?"
Jaejoong nodded. "I know, but not ..."
Junsu turned his head this time, and their lips brushed for a moment. "I love you. I do, Jaejoong. You know I do. And it's not the same way I love Yoochun. Or the same way I love Junho. It's ... different."
"You love Junho more."
"No I don't. It's just a different kind of love. You, Junho, Yoochun: three different kinds of love."
Jaejoong shut his eyes. His heart felt like it was being dumped without even dating someone in the first place.
"You're the same, you know," Junho said.
Jaejoong shivered as Junho's lips ghosted over his neck and up to his ear. Junho touched Jaejoong's earlobe with his tongue.
"You don't love us the same," Junho continued. He tugged on Jaejoong's earlobe for a moment. Jaejoong's eyes shut with a whimper. "You don't love Yoochun like you love Junsu or me. And you don't love me as much as you love Junsu."
Jaejoong frowned, ready to protest. Plump lips pressed against his. Junsu's lips. The moan out of his mouth made those lips twist in a smile. Junsu rolled over and draped his arms around Jaejoong's neck, and his bother's body. Their legs shifted and entwined. Jaejoong kept his eyes shut. It was all a dream. It had to be. He was still sleeping on the couch with Junho. No way were they both kissing him.
He tried to pull away from Junsu, but only gave Junho better access to his neck and collarbones.
"Guys ... what?" Jaejoong's head was spinning.
Junsu smiled and pressed a light kiss to his lips. "We're twins, hyung. We do everything together." He swallowed Jaejoong's laugh in another kiss and Jaejoong relaxed. Junho pushed his shoulder to the bed. Junsu turned his head slightly and Jaejoong flinched when Junho's tongue joined theirs. Two hands touched his chest, through his thin tank top. Junho's fingers found his nipple and tugged on the piercing.
Jaejoong moaned. His hands were touching bodies, but he lost track of which was which. The ceiling blurred and twisted every time he opened his eyes so he kept them shut. Unconsciously, he lifted his hips. Junsu draped a leg over his thighs.
When fingers curled around his erection, Jaejoong cried out.
Two deep voices chuckled. Junsu kissed down his neck this time, leaving his lips for Junho to devour.
Jaejoong squeezed his eyes shut as pleasure coiled low in his stomach. Everything was too surreal and too hot and too soon and too much, and he felt like he was sixteen again.
"Su-ah, fuck ... Su-ah."
Another hand pushed into his sweats, hot against his skin. Jaejoong gasped. Junho's fingers were longer than Junsu's, his grip firmer where Junsu's had been teasing. Someone told him to lift his hips and he did. His sweats were pulled down, and he struggled to kick them off.
Lips on his, fingers slowly stroking his cock.
Jaejoong gripped someone's arm, someone's side, nails digging into skin.
"Fuck!"
His orgasm was running fast, whipping through his body. There was a slurp and a moan above him. He pried his eyes open. They were kissing right in front of his face. Junho's hand still stroked his cock. Junsu's gripped his balls, tugging lightly, but it was them kissing, watching those lips meet, pull apart, shine with spit and the smiles and the moans. Teeth nipping, tongue licking. Love, so much love in that kiss.
Jaejoong whimpered and froze for a moment. His cock pulsed and his hips jerked up into Junho's hand and he came with a shout, pumping white all over his t-shirt.
He sagged against the bed, sated, confused, and breathless.
Lips touched his cheek and neck.
A tongue swirled around his stomach and Jaejoong's eyes shot open. Junsu was licking up his come.
"Oh, god, Su-ah."
"He likes come. A lot," Junho said.
Jaejoong moaned and put his arm over his face. "God, you two."
They both smiled at him and then met his lips in a salty, come-kiss.
"Did you give Yoochun a hand job after he found out?"
They both laughed and Junsu cuddled against his side, head under his chin. Junho kissed him.
"No," Junho said. "Remember? We love him differently than we love you."
"And that means?"
"We got him drunk and let him watch."
Jaejoong laughed and pressed a kiss to Junsu's hair. They relaxed together for a few minutes.
And then Junho's hand started wandering again, over Jaejoong's stomach, over Junsu's hip, cupping his jean-clad ass. Jaejoong decided that was a good idea and cupped Junsu's other cheek. They both squeezed and Junsu moaned.
"Want more?" Junho whispered, lips pressing against Jaejoong's cheek.
Jaejoong nodded.
A throat cleared in the doorway and they looked over at Yoochun. He leaned against the doorway, a smirk on his face. "Can I watch?"
A/N: I'm having a smut block, so don't be surprised if the next few stories are more or less smut free.
.
Pairing: Jaejoong/Junsu/Junho
Rating: hard R (hand job, incest)
Disclaimer: I love making such delusional pairings in fics. If they were mine, I could do it in real life too.
Warning: Incest
Summary: Jaejoong loves Junsu, painfully so. But where there is Junsu there is Junho. And Jaejoong realizes he loves Junho too.
The pale glow of Jaejoong's iPhone lit up his room, turning everything blue. He sighed, staring at the contact listing "♥My Xiah♥". His finger hovered over the green call prompt. He sighed again and flung his arm to the side. The glow moved away from his face.
Junsu was an adult. Jaejoong didn't have to look after him anymore. Besides, he was with his brother. Junho had a couple days vacation. It was only natural that the brothers wanted to be with each other after so long apart.
And Jaejoong was not jealous. He wasn't.
It was only concern for his dongsaeng that had him awake at two a.m. Junsu always called him before he went to bed. Or texted. Or he usually did. Some days he didn't.
Jaejoong growled in annoyance. Junsu was with his brother. He didn't need to call Jaejoong tonight. He once again looked at the display and almost called Junsu. This was stupid. So stupid. Junsu was safe. Junsu was with his brother.
A tingling of anger rose. It seemed like Junsu was always with his brother. But as he thought that, Jaejoong realized that wasn't fair. Very rarely did JYJ have the same days free these days. Jaejoong felt that Junsu should be out with him. But Junho hadn't had a vacation for months.
His inner-Yoochun called him jealous and selfish.
Jaejoong threw his arm over his eyes so he wouldn't see the display.
Jealous? He wasn't.
He has a brother. You have eight older sisters. You just hate that he has someone all to himself.
This again? he admonished his self-conscious.
Before they debuted and right after they debuted, Jaejoong fought with issues of jealousy concerning Junsu relationship with Junho. He'd always wanted a brother. And all he got sisters. He loved his sisters and he was close with all of them.
Only his relationship with Yoochun came close to what Junsu and Junho had, though that paled in comparison because Junsu had that same relationship with Yoochun. They shared Yoochun between them. The two of them may have been even closer since they were closer in age and they were one of the most popular fanservice couples.
What is wrong with JaeSu? Jaejoong thought with a sigh.
His phone vibrated.
♥MyXiah♥
Hyung, go to bed.
Jaejoong couldn't help but laugh.
Joongie
I am in bed.
♥MyXiah♥
Go to sleep.
Joongie
I can't. Where are you?
♥MyXiah♥
We're on our way, but we won't be home for another forty minutes. Sleep well.
Jaejoong sent him a bunch of hearts.
His own heart was lighter, a smile on his face. Sometimes he wondered if the three of them has ESP. It seemed like those two could read his mind.
Jaejoong relaxed, but didn't sleep. He found a picture of him and Junsu and stared at it.
His door was propped open, so when Junsu and Junho stumbled into the living room, Jaejoong heard them. They giggled, like they were drunk, and Jaejoong smiled.
"Shhhhhhhhhhhh," Junho said. "You'll wake them."
Junsu hummed and then giggled. "I hate it when you get me drunk."
"You're not drunk. Tipsy. And you're adorable when your tipsy."
Jaejoong's smile widened, because Junho was right: Tipsy!Junsu was adorable.
One of them moaned, and then there was a smacking sound. Jaejoong sat up in surprise. That had sounded like ... but that ... that wasn't ...
"Let's go to bed," Junsu murmured, "I can't walk or see straight. I need to be horizontal."
"I like you best when you're horizontal."
"Sh," Junsu said sharply. "What if--"
"They're asleep. Come on."
"What if they aren't?"
"If they weren't, they would have come to greet us and Jaejoong would be hovering over you all concerned because you're half drunk."
They passed Jaejoong's door. Still frozen, Jaejoong tried to comprehend the implications behind that conversation.
Junsu's door shut down the hall.
Jaejoong let out a harsh breath.
One of them giggled. And then there was silence.
Slowly, Jaejoong stood up. His breath came out in harsh bursts. His heart beat rapidly. He silently slid down the hall to Junsu's bedroom door. He froze and then listened. Waiting.
Their voices were low, muffled. A sudden whimper pierced the silence, followed by a humorous chuckle.
Jaejoong put his hand up on the wall. His knees shook. They were ... oh god, they were ...
Moans filtered through the closed door. Moans that Jaejoong knew well.
"Junho, fuck, feels good!"
Jaejoong jumped at the loud cry, and then squeaked when a hand covered his mouth, and another arm went around his waist.
"You shouldn't be listening to them," Yoochun whispered, voice barely passing his lips pressed against Jaejoong's ear. "Unless that does it for you."
Jaejoong elbowed him in the stomach.
Yoochun oofed and then pulled him away from Junsu's door and back into Jaejoong's room. Stunned, Jaejoong sank to his bed.
Yoochun appeared normal.
"You knew?" Jaejoong accused.
Yoochun smiled. "Yes. I caught them in the bathroom once."
Jaejoong covered his face with his hands. Images of the two brothers laughing and hugging were painful enough, but now they turned erotic. Junho spreading Junsu's legs, gripping that ass. Both of those asses. He felt his cock twitch. A harsh cry tried to rip from his throat. It felt like his heart was breaking all over again.
"Jae?" Yoochun touched his arm. "Is this going to be a problem?"
Jaejoong shook his head. "They ... how long?"
Yoochun shrugs. "Junsu says they can't really remember when they first kissed. Nine or ten. Something like that."
Jaejoong put his elbows on his knees, his face in his hands. Yoochun rubbed his back.
Several long minutes later, Jaejoong whispered, "It's not going to be a problem."
He felt more than saw Yoochun frown, and then he made a noise of understanding. "Which one?"
"Huh?" Jaejoong asked, looking over at him in the dark.
"Which one are you in love with?"
Jaejoong opened his mouth to deny loving either of them, and then he shut it. He loved Junsu, so much, so much that it hurt, but the thought of Junsu without Junho wasn't right. He knew that, and he had always shared Junsu with Junho. Shared Junsu's heart and smiles and laughter. He didn't hate Junho. Not at all, even if he was slightly jealous of him. When they all hung out, Junho was one of them, part of their circle, just as he had always been. He had no problem at all hanging out with Junho alone. They drank together and watched movies together and cuddled together all the time.
Jaejoong imagined the twins kissing again and groaned. He'd kissed Junsu more than once, but nothing more than a peck on the lips. He wondered what Junho's lips felt like.
He was so in love with Junsu. Why didn't he see it before? Affection, concern, love. Living in close quarters. It all blurred the edges of friendship and love. He loved Yoochun too, but not like Junsu.
He'd met Junsu first, known him for so many years. Shared so many tears and laughter. Part of him denied that it was love, but when he thought of Yoochun kissing Junho, his heart didn't clench. His stomach didn't twist. He didn't feel like he wanted to die.
The thought of Junsu kissing Junho was painful.
It was like Junho took away the last thing Jaejoong could have had with him.
But at the same time, Jaejoong knew that Junsu and Junho were extensions of the other. It was impossible to love one without the other. To know one without the other. To trust one without the other.
"Both," Jaejoong said. His eyes went wide as he stared at Yoochun. "Oh god, Chunnie. I'm in love with both of them."
Yoochun frowned. He put his arm around Jaejoong's shoulder and pulled him into a hug.
Jaejoong cried.
Yoochun let him, and then settled him into bed. He said nothing, which Jaejoong was grateful for, and which Jaejoong expected. That is what Yoochun was: supportive, non-judgmental, strong.
He held Jaejoong, falling asleep behind him, breath puffing on Jaejoong's neck.
Life would have been simpler if he fell in love with Yoochun. He did love Yoochun, but his heart didn't clench every time he saw him.
Jaejoong got out of bed before six. He soaked in a shower and applied enough makeup and styled his hair to look perfect. He didn't want to explain.
With coffee brewing and rice cooking, Jaejoong relaxed. Cooking in the kitchen: it was what he needed.
Shuffle steps sounded at about seven, and Jaejoong turned just as Junho sat heavily in a chair.
"What smells so good?"
"Coffee, probably." Jaejoong already had a cup out with the right amount of cream and sugar for Junho. Two other cups sat waiting for Yoochun and Junsu.
jaejoong poured in the hot coffe. He moved across the kitchin and set it down on the table.
Junho snagged his wrist and their eyes met and Junho smiled. "Thank you, beautiful."
Even though his heart fluttered in his chest at Junho's smile, Jaejoong forced himself to make a face like he always did when Junho called him beautiful. He snatched his hand away and said, "Yah, dongsaeng, you wanna die?"
Junho laughed, and then winced.
Worried, Jaejoong touched his forehead. He was hot and clammy.
"I'm fine, hyung. Just hung over."
"Is Junsu going to be in pain then if you're hung over?"
A gorgeous smile covered Junho's face, and Jaejoong sighed inwardly. "I can't wait to laugh at him."
"Do you want some food?"
Junho shook his head. "Not yet. I'll eat when Junsu wakes up."
Jaejoong did his best not to turn that into something perverted and failed and blushed and hastily moved away from Junho.
"Are you okay?" Junho asked, concerned.
Jaejoong nodded. "I didn't sleep well."
"Really? With Yoochun in your bed? Not enough bah-dah-bump to tire you out?"
Jaejoong's heart wrenched, but he didn't reply. Yesterday he would have said something snappy back.
A soft hand touched his back. "You sure you're okay?"
Jaejoong tried not to flinch, he really tried. He nodded. "Just ... yeah."
That hand slipped down his spine and curled around his waist. Junho pressed his body to his and kissed his cheek. "I know we're not as close as you are with Junsu, but you can talk to me if you need to."
Jaejoong smiled and leaned his head against Junho's. "Yeah, I know. I'm okay. And we are close."
Junho laughed. "I didn't mean physically right now."
Jaejoong smiled again. A bit of his heart unclenched, because Junho thought they were close too, and that made him happy.
But he wasn't okay. He was shivering, and the warmth from Junho's hand was burning.
"I'm going to go back to bed," Junho said. "Thank you for the coffee."
He moved away and desperately, unwilling to lose this moment alone with Junho, Jaejoong turned. "Junho?"
Junho smiled.
Their secret was on the tip of Jaejoong's tongue, but he ... he didn't want to ... he didn't know what he wanted, but he didn't want Junho to leave.
"Will you lay down with me?" Jaejoong burst out. He always had a problem with his mouth moving before his brain.
Junho grinned. "Sure. Couch? Or Yoochun's bed since he's in yours?"
Jaejoong laughed. "Couch is fine."
It had seemed like a good idea at the time, but as Junho lay down and smiled up at Jaejoong, Jaejoong's heart stopped and he tried to find a reason to back pedal. Junho grabbed his wrist and yanked him down. They adjusted until they were on their sides, Junho behind him, arm around his stomach. Jaejoong's breath hitched as Junho's fingers played with the hem of his tank top.
They were in the same position as he had been with Yoochun. But his heart was racing. And he barely breathed.
Junho said something to him, mumbling half asleep. It sounded like, "I love you, hyung."
Jaejoong smiled, and just like that, relaxed.
-----
A few hours later, after Jaejoong had slept a little, the four of them congregated in the kitchen. Jaejoong noticed every touch between the brothers. Every smile. Every look. His heart broke over and over again.
Junho had held him earlier for comfort. Not for ... not for how they held each other.
"What's wrong with you, Jaejoong?" Junsu asked.
Jaejoong opened his mouth to say nothing, but then he met Yoochun's eyes and turned away. They had a rule between them: no lies.
"May I?" Yoochun asked.
Jaejoong's head shot back up, eyes and mouth wide. Then he shut his mouth and blushed and nodded once.
"He was awake when you two got home last night."
Silence.
Jaejoong wanted to die. He wanted to hug them both and reassure them and hold him. But above all that, he wanted to die, because by acknowledging it made it okay, and he was going to have to watch the two of them kiss and touch and smile at each other and--
"Fuck," Junsu muttered. "And?"
Jaejoong knew that question was directed at him, but Yoochun answered. "And he heard you two."
"Well duh," Junsu said, "that's not what I was asking about."
Jaejoong felt them all staring at him. He shrugged. "And what? It's not like I don't get it."
"Get what exactly?" Junho asked.
Jaejoong felt his throat close. Tears rose unbidden, and he blinked as they fell. "I understand how you can love each other," he whispered. "It's so easy to love you both."
There was another stunned silence and Jaejoong used it to escape.
He managed to be alone for a good fifteen minutes, and then his bedroom door opened and both twins entered and sat on his bed. He curled into a ball and faced the wall.
"Jae-hyung?" Junsu whispered and touched his shoulder.
Jaejoong hid his face deeper in his pillow.
"Come on, hyung," Junho said. "Leave the emo-ing for Yoochun's ballads." He lay next to Jaejoong, curled up around his back.
Jaejoong tried to protest when Junsu moved in front of him. Between the two of them, they yanked the blanket off him, and then wiggled close. Jaejoong had no choice (except to get up and really, he wasn't stupid) and ended up as the middle of a Kim Twin sandwich, Junho's chest to his back and Junsu's back to his chest. His arm was draped over Junsu's middle and Junho's arm was draped over them both. Fingers touched from all three hands and somehow joined comfortably.
"You aren't mad?" Junsu whispered, tilting his head back.
Jaejoong pressed his face into Junsu's neck and shook his head. "Jealous," he muttered (again cursing his tendency to blurt things out). "Green-eyed-monster jealous. Of you both."
Junho chuckled, breath warm on Jaejoong's neck. "You know that we love you, right?"
Jaejoong nodded. "I know, but not ..."
Junsu turned his head this time, and their lips brushed for a moment. "I love you. I do, Jaejoong. You know I do. And it's not the same way I love Yoochun. Or the same way I love Junho. It's ... different."
"You love Junho more."
"No I don't. It's just a different kind of love. You, Junho, Yoochun: three different kinds of love."
Jaejoong shut his eyes. His heart felt like it was being dumped without even dating someone in the first place.
"You're the same, you know," Junho said.
Jaejoong shivered as Junho's lips ghosted over his neck and up to his ear. Junho touched Jaejoong's earlobe with his tongue.
"You don't love us the same," Junho continued. He tugged on Jaejoong's earlobe for a moment. Jaejoong's eyes shut with a whimper. "You don't love Yoochun like you love Junsu or me. And you don't love me as much as you love Junsu."
Jaejoong frowned, ready to protest. Plump lips pressed against his. Junsu's lips. The moan out of his mouth made those lips twist in a smile. Junsu rolled over and draped his arms around Jaejoong's neck, and his bother's body. Their legs shifted and entwined. Jaejoong kept his eyes shut. It was all a dream. It had to be. He was still sleeping on the couch with Junho. No way were they both kissing him.
He tried to pull away from Junsu, but only gave Junho better access to his neck and collarbones.
"Guys ... what?" Jaejoong's head was spinning.
Junsu smiled and pressed a light kiss to his lips. "We're twins, hyung. We do everything together." He swallowed Jaejoong's laugh in another kiss and Jaejoong relaxed. Junho pushed his shoulder to the bed. Junsu turned his head slightly and Jaejoong flinched when Junho's tongue joined theirs. Two hands touched his chest, through his thin tank top. Junho's fingers found his nipple and tugged on the piercing.
Jaejoong moaned. His hands were touching bodies, but he lost track of which was which. The ceiling blurred and twisted every time he opened his eyes so he kept them shut. Unconsciously, he lifted his hips. Junsu draped a leg over his thighs.
When fingers curled around his erection, Jaejoong cried out.
Two deep voices chuckled. Junsu kissed down his neck this time, leaving his lips for Junho to devour.
Jaejoong squeezed his eyes shut as pleasure coiled low in his stomach. Everything was too surreal and too hot and too soon and too much, and he felt like he was sixteen again.
"Su-ah, fuck ... Su-ah."
Another hand pushed into his sweats, hot against his skin. Jaejoong gasped. Junho's fingers were longer than Junsu's, his grip firmer where Junsu's had been teasing. Someone told him to lift his hips and he did. His sweats were pulled down, and he struggled to kick them off.
Lips on his, fingers slowly stroking his cock.
Jaejoong gripped someone's arm, someone's side, nails digging into skin.
"Fuck!"
His orgasm was running fast, whipping through his body. There was a slurp and a moan above him. He pried his eyes open. They were kissing right in front of his face. Junho's hand still stroked his cock. Junsu's gripped his balls, tugging lightly, but it was them kissing, watching those lips meet, pull apart, shine with spit and the smiles and the moans. Teeth nipping, tongue licking. Love, so much love in that kiss.
Jaejoong whimpered and froze for a moment. His cock pulsed and his hips jerked up into Junho's hand and he came with a shout, pumping white all over his t-shirt.
He sagged against the bed, sated, confused, and breathless.
Lips touched his cheek and neck.
A tongue swirled around his stomach and Jaejoong's eyes shot open. Junsu was licking up his come.
"Oh, god, Su-ah."
"He likes come. A lot," Junho said.
Jaejoong moaned and put his arm over his face. "God, you two."
They both smiled at him and then met his lips in a salty, come-kiss.
"Did you give Yoochun a hand job after he found out?"
They both laughed and Junsu cuddled against his side, head under his chin. Junho kissed him.
"No," Junho said. "Remember? We love him differently than we love you."
"And that means?"
"We got him drunk and let him watch."
Jaejoong laughed and pressed a kiss to Junsu's hair. They relaxed together for a few minutes.
And then Junho's hand started wandering again, over Jaejoong's stomach, over Junsu's hip, cupping his jean-clad ass. Jaejoong decided that was a good idea and cupped Junsu's other cheek. They both squeezed and Junsu moaned.
"Want more?" Junho whispered, lips pressing against Jaejoong's cheek.
Jaejoong nodded.
A throat cleared in the doorway and they looked over at Yoochun. He leaned against the doorway, a smirk on his face. "Can I watch?"
A/N: I'm having a smut block, so don't be surprised if the next few stories are more or less smut free.
.