Title: Life was Simpler Before I Found out I was Gay
Pairing: Junsu/Jaejoong, Changmin/Yoochun (past!Junsu/Tegoshi)
Rating: NC-17
Disclaimer: They aren't mine; they should be, but they aren't.
Summary: Junsu is home from Japan. He's missed his friends and his brother, but while he was gone, he learned something about himself, and he knows he can't tell them. And then he meets Jaejoong.
A/N: This is for all the JaeSu/SuJae fans who wanted a happier JaeSu/SuJae fic after the mess that was Games and Consequences.
Part 1:
"Here! Here! Ho!"
Junsu lifts his hand as he pelts across the field. Yunho sees him, and at just the right time, Yunho kicks the soccer ball and sends it over the defender’s head. Junsu has to stop, the kick behind him. The ball hits his foot, cradled, and then drops to the ground. Junsu's eyes see all, the defender on this right, speeding up, but he won't make it. He dribbles the ball close, eyes on the goal. Another defender tries to cut him off, but with a twist and a fake and a light tap, he pushes the ball past him. He fakes a kick to the left, and then sends the ball to the right. The goalie takes his feint as does the last defender between them. But the ball hits the post and soars high and out of bounds.
Junsu throws his head back in disbelief and his teammates curse behind him.
"That so should have gone in!" Yunho shouts.
Junsu trots over to him and pats his shoulder. "Sorry. I thought I had it. Nice pass."
Yunho nods. "Eh, we're still winning." He makes a face at Changmin, who's playing on the other team.
Changmin smirks. "Only by a goal, hyung."
Their conversation stops as Hyunjoong kicks the ball from the corner and play starts again.
Junsu finds himself paired up with brother, defending him, trying to steal the ball, but because Junho is two minutes older than him, and they spent all their childhood playing together, Junho knows his tricks and pushes Junsu harder than is really allowed and they end up kicking at each other more than the ball.
Junsu finally gets it away and sends a backwards pass to Eunhyuk and his other best friend since childhood crows in victory and takes it down field. His kick is true, meeting up with Yunho's foot perfectly, and the ball is reflected off, and just barely grazes Seungri's outstretched fingers before sailing into the goal.
Junsu cries out and Junho makes a face at him as he trots by to congratulate Yunho and Eunhyuk.
Their game at the park ends with Junsu's team winning by a goal and they all crowd into a ramen shop so the losers can buy dinner.
"Damn," Changmin says. "You guys never win. You're lucky Junsu is back from Japan."
Yunho grins and tries to eat a mouthful of ramen at the same time. "You guys just suck."
Junho laughs and punches Junsu in the shoulder. "Yeah, Junsu isn't a threat. He's a pansy."
Junsu punches him back. "Shut it, hyung. You guys better get used to losing."
Hyunjoong groans suddenly and puts his head on the table.
"What?" Yunho asks and rubs his back.
"School on Monday."
Everyone at the table groans and Eunhyuk smacks him. "God, don't remind us."
Junsu won't say it, but he is excited to go back to school, be around Koreans. Studying in Japan for a semester was a great opportunity, but he is so glad to be home.
---
Junsu lay in bed Sunday night, too excited and pent up to sleep. Nights like this in Japan weren't nearly as bad as they are here. Because Tegoshi was in Japan and Tegoshi had amazing lips and an even more amazing throat, and any time Junsu had problems sleeping, Tegoshi hadn't minded helping relax him.
Junsu groans as the ghost-pulse feeling of Tegoshi's throat hardens his cock. He shoots a look at his brother's bed across the room. Junho is asleep. Hopefully. Even if he isn't, Junsu will stroke himself off. He just has to be careful not to shout or moan someone's name as he comes, because Junho does not need to know that secret.
He wraps his fingers around his cock and strokes up, sighing as pleasure runs through him. He licks the fingertips of his other hand and slides them over a nipple. The double-pleasure grows. He strokes faster, pinching his nipple, biting his lower lip against noises.
He imagines Tegoshi on his knees, those red lips darkened around his cock, eyes shut as their other roommate Ryo grows tired of watching and starts fingering Tegoshi's entrance. The guy is a self-proclaimed slut and Junsu had definitely taken advantage of that. He trails his hand down his chest, scratching the curves of his muscles. He bends his legs and cups his balls, imagining Tegoshi's fingers slick with his own spit massaging and squeezing them while he sucks on Junsu.
Junsu gasps. His orgasm rolls through his muscles and skin. He shuts his eyes against the swirling of the ceiling. He bites down on his lip, though it didn't quite mask his shout or his moan as he finally comes. Warmth splatters on his stomach, and he tries to curb his breathing.
"Wow, that was quick," Junho whispers. "Girls must be eager to bend over in Japan."
Junsu snorts. "Yeah," he says, breath still short.
"What's her name?"
"Shut up."
"Why?"
"Because. I'm still in a post-orgasm haze and my brother is asking me sex questions. It's weird."
Junho laughs. "You lose your virginity in Japan?"
Junsu remembers the feel of Tegoshi's ass clenching around his cock and shivers. "Yeah."
"Come on, what's her name?"
Junsu wonders for a moment if he can tell Junho his secret, and then he chickens out. "Miho," he says, remembering the name of Ryo's girlfriend.
"Is she pretty?"
Mind full of Tegoshi, Junsu nods. "Very, very pretty."
---
"Junsu had a girlfriend," Junho says as soon as they meet up with Yunho, Eunhyuk and Changmin at school.
The others open their mouths in shock, but Changmin smirks at him. Junsu blushes, shoves his brother and tells him to shut up.
"Her name was Miho," Junho continues, and Changmin definitely looks interested and Junsu curses, because he remembers when he called Changmin once and told him all about Ryo and Miho's open relationship.
"Shut up," Junsu snaps again. They make fun of him and push him around as they head to their first class. Junsu is very glad he's smarter than most of his friends. He and Changmin turn down a different hall and head to their advanced physics class. Many students would have said advanced physics at eight in the morning on the first day of classes is bordering on torture, but Junsu loves it.
"So what's her real name?" Changmin says with a smirk. "Or should I say his name?"
"Shut up," Junsu grumbles. He's not surprised that Changmin figured him out so fast. Changmin has always been more observant than most.
"Come on, just tell me his name."
Junsu sighs and digs his phone out. He scrolls through his pictures and finds the one of him and Tegoshi. They were lying naked on the bed, though only their shoulders are showing in the picture. But their hair is mussed, lips red and kiss-bruised. And a single dollop of come is visible on Tegoshi's skin. He shows it to Changmin.
Changmin's eyes went wide and then he whistled. "Pretty."
"Yeah. His name is Tegoshi."
"Sexy. So is he your--"
"No. He's everyone's."
Changmin laughs as they enter their classroom. "You better tell me all about it, or I'll tell everyone about it."
Junsu rolls his eyes. "Fine. After school or something."
---
Junho and Yunho and Eunhyuk stop teasing him about this girl long enough to eat lunch..
Junsu lets his eyes wander around the campus. It is a warm spring day. Perfect for a game, and as soon as everyone finishes eating, that's what they do. They use backpacks for goal posts and commandeer a stretch of grass to play. Junsu takes off his school jacket.
Yunho plays goalie while Eunhyuk and Junsu embarrass Junho and Hyunjoong with their foot skills. Changmin has a lot of work to do as goalie, but enough get by him that by the time class is about to start, Junsu's team has won again.
"God, go back to Japan," Junho says.
Junsu sticks his tongue out at him.
"Is that how you kiss your girlfriend?"
"Yeah, and she probably shuts her eyes tight so she doesn't have to look at you," Changmin says. "Or you do."
"God, how many times do I have to tell you guys to shut up?"
They laugh. Changmin suddenly cups his ass and whispers. "I bet she likes this part of you the most."
Junsu swats him away. They gather their things and head back to the building. Most of the students have gone in already, but Junsu's gaze falls on a student standing by himself. He lifts a cigarette to his mouth and takes a drag. Their eyes meet and Junsu's vision blurs. Dark eyes, black hair, cold look, pale skin. His uniform hangs off him, shirt untucked, tie loose.
"Who's that?" Junsu asks.
Yunho and Junho follow his gaze and then snort in unison.
"Oh, that's Kim Jaejoong," Changmin says. "You should talk to him. He's from Japan."
Junsu turns and stares at him.
Changmin continues, "He's Korean, but his dad worked in Japan for most of his life. He moved in right after you left for Japan."
"Guy's an asshole," Eunhyuk mutters.
Changmin rolls his eyes. "He's quiet," he says as they enter the school, "but very humble and very polite."
Junsu turns to get one last look at the guy. He’s still watching them.
"He's an asshole," Yunho says.
Changmin shakes his head. "Just because he's gay, doesn't--"
"He's gay?" Junsu asks.
Changmin grins. "Yes. He is. Very out about it, too. No one else in school is, and the only one he hangs out with is Yoochun because Yoochun doesn't give a shit."
"Being gay doesn't make you an asshole," Junsu says to Yunho.
Junho rolls his eyes. "No, it just makes you disgusting. You know, if he--."
"Whatever, Ho. Fuck you all," Junsu says, upset for reasons he's not going to tell them. He stalks away, very glad he hadn't told his brother last night.
He's in a bad mood for the rest of the day, and only talks to Changmin during breaks. After a few minutes, Junho and Yunho give up and move to a different table to talk to Hyunjoong and Jungmin. Junsu leaves early and heads to his last class: Japanese history and literature.
When he enters the class, conversation stops. The teacher smiles at him. She's Japanese.
Junsu bows. “Konnichiwa, sensei.” Good afternoon, teacher.
“Konnichiwa. Junsu kun, genki desu ka?” Good afternoon. How are you, Junsu-kun?
“Hai, genki desu.” I am well.
Junsu flows into Japanese easily. She points him to his seat and he walks there. His body wants to stop as he sees Jaejoong and Yoochun sitting at the same table, and then he sits.
Yoochun smiles at him, but Jaejoong's face stays blank. Up close the man is even prettier, and Junsu has a hard time breathing under his steady gaze. His hair is dark, dyed-black, but it shines, and when light hits it, there are deep blue undertones. There are earrings in his ears, and a hole for one in his lip. Junsu wants to caress that face, watch those eyelashes flutter. He tries to smile.
"Hey, Junsu," Yoochun says. "Haven't had a chance to welcome you home."
Junsu pries his eyes away from the dark, endless stare. "Thanks."
"This is Kim Jaejoong."
Junsu nods his head and Jaejoong nods back. “Doko kara kita no desu ka?” Junsu asks. Where are you from?
A flicker of a smile flits over his lips as he replies, "Nagasaki."
Junsu smiles. "Boku wa tokyo ni ikinde ita." I lived in Tokyo.
"Oh, that’s right." Yoochun says to Jaejoong in Korean. "I forgot to tell you before. Junsu spent the last six months in Japan."
"I miss it," Junsu says.
Jaejoong finally smiles, sad and forlorn. "Me too."
After that, Jaejoong doesn't seem as withdrawn. Junsu can't concentrate, and keeps staring at Jaejoong through class. The beautiful man notices, cheeks red, but he's smiling about it.
At one point, Yoochun snorts and whispers, "This isn't a class about Jaejoong."
"It should be," Junsu whispers back, but Jaejoong can hear and the red in his cheeks deepens.
"You'd definitely pass the see how long you can stare at him without blinking test."
Junsu finally looks away and glares at Yoochun.
"I-I don't mind," Jaejoong says. His voice is so soft. His Korean is accented: closed, lazy almost.
Junsu smiles at Jaejoong even though the other isn't looking, and by the end of class, Junsu has no idea what the teacher said.
"You want to come with us, Junsu?" Yoochun asks as they gather their things.
"Um, sorry, where?"
Yoochun rolls his eyes. He snaps his fingers in front of Junsu's face. Junsu turns and looks at him.
Yoochun tries not to smile and says, "We're going to go to Harmony and get some coffee."
Junsu looks at Jaejoong and says yes without thinking.
Jaejoong smiles. "Let's meet outside in a few minutes. I have to use the bathroom."
"Okay," Junsu says. They part ways and Junsu goes to his locker.
"Bro!" Junho shouts in English.
Junsu doesn't turn around or look at them as Junho and Yunho catch up to him. Eunhyuk jogs up to them as soon as they get outside and a few moments later, Changmin joins them.
"Ready to get your ass kicked?" Junho tosses a soccer ball in his hands.
"Yeah, no thanks," Junsu says, eyes on the doors.
"Are you still mad?" Junho demands and throws the ball at him. Junsu ducks and Eunhyuk just barely catches it with an oof.
"Fuck off," Junsu says.
"Dude, what are mad for?" Yunho asks.
"Junsu!"
Junsu looks around and sees Yoochun and Jaejoong down the sidewalk. He waves at them, smiles and turns to his friends. "I already have plans. I'll see you guys later."
"Wait, what?" Junho grabs his arm.
Junsu yanks it away. "I'm sorry, but I'd rather hang out with people who aren't bigoted, ignorant assholes."
"Fuck you," Yunho says.
Junsu walks away.
"Fine whatever. Come on guys, let's go."
Junsu doesn't realize Changmin followed him until their shoulders brush. "What do you want?" Junsu asks.
Changmin grins. "Yoochun."
Junsu stares at him, smiles and then shakes his head.
"Hey, Changmin," Yoochun says, eyes darkening as they rove over Changmin's body.
Junsu can't keep his gaze off Jaejoong. The beauty brings a cigarette to his lips and takes a drag. Junsu reaches out, wordlessly asking for a drag. Jaejoong smiles and hands it over. It's been weeks since Junsu had a cigarette; the immediate feel of smoke in his lungs and nicotine in his blood makes him smile wider. He puffs out a plume of smoke and hands the cigarette back.
"Thanks."
Jaejoong puts the cigarette to his lips.
"Indirect kiss," Yoochun sings, making Junsu blush.
Jaejoong smiles.
"You're fighting with Junho?" Yoochun says looking by him.
Junsu turns around and sees his brother and Yunho still glaring at him. Junsu shrugs.
"They called Jaejoong an asshole just because he's gay," Changmin says. "It pissed me off, too."
Jaejoong shrugs. "You get used to it."
"You shouldn't have to," Junsu defends.
"In a perfect world. I need coffee. Let's go."
Junsu shoves his hands in his pockets as they head off campus, brooding about his brother's attitude. There’s no way he’s ever going to tell Junho about this. He walks next to Jaejoong, not realizing that Yoochun and Changmin have dropped back until Jaejoong clears his throat. Junsu looks up in surprise and then clears his throat.
"You all right?" Jaejoong asks. Japanese again.
Junsu nods. "Yeah, just ... my brother is a dick. I'm sorry."
Jaejoong shrugs. "It happens."
"Yeah. That's ... that's what I'm afraid of." Junsu sighs. "We have more in common than just speaking Japanese."
Jaejoong sort of smiles and nods. "Figured."
"Life was simpler before I found out I was gay."
"So Junho doesn't know?"
"No. Only Changmin, and that's because he's too smart for his own good." Junsu turns and says that loud enough for Changmin to hear.
Changmin swears at him.
Jaejoong chuckles. "I like Changmin. But he's not my type."
"What is your type?"
Jaejoong grins at Junsu but says nothing else until they arrive at the Harmony Cafe. There are a lot of students inside, so they order coffee and then pull up a patch of grass outside. Junsu leans back, arms behind his head. The heat from the afternoon is fading, but it's still warm enough to take off his jacket. Again, he doesn't realize that YooMin have moved away from them until Jaejoong sits next to him. A little too close, but Junsu doesn't tell him to move.
He hands Junsu a cigarette, and Junsu takes a single drag. He hands it back and stares at Jaejoong's lips. The missing piercing is in his lower lip. There is a blue jewel at the end of it. Junsu licks his lips, because he wants to play with it. He wonders if Jaejoong will let him, and decides to find out.
He reaches up and tugs on the piercing. Jaejoong lets out a burst of startled laughter and sucks the lip into his mouth.
"Sorry. It's sparkly."
Jaejoong covers his mouth with his hand, eyes bright with mirth. Junsu turns away, cheeks hot and smiles.
"You got anything I can play with?" Jaejoong whispers. "Anything to tug on?"
Junsu's eyes go wide and then he moans as his cock obviously twitches in his khakis. Jaejoong laughs and then lies next to him. It's a bit easier for Junsu to breathe since he can't see Jaejoong anymore, but his presence is obvious. Glaring. Next to him, and he gives up trying to keep his cock in control.
"So. Gay or Bi?" Jaejoong asks.
Junsu has to swallow as he replies, "Gay."
"Top or bottom?"
"Doesn't matter. I'm used to topping though."
"Ah, versatile. Nice."
"What about you?"
"Flaming gay and a cock whore."
Junsu laughs.
"So since you're the only other gay guy at school I know, should we do the inevitable and hook up?"
Junsu dares a glance over at him. Jaejoong is staring at the sky. He brings the burning cigarette up to his mouth. Seeing Jaejoong naked is something Junsu will not mind at all.
"Your place or mine?" Junsu asks.
Jaejoong laughs. "Better make it mine. I don't have any siblings at home, and my parents know I'm gay."
"Definitely yours then."
Changmin suddenly laughs and Junsu props up on his elbows to look at them. Yoochun is on his back with Changmin leaning over him. His fingers are playing with the buttons in Yoochun's shirt.
"So Yoochun's not gay?"
"He doesn't care about gender. He prefers girls though. And Changmin apparently."
Junsu smiles and lays back down. He uses the movement to slide closer to Jaejoong, and Jaejoong notices and grins at him.
"It's definitely not my place to tell you what you should or shouldn't do, but the hardest part of coming out is just saying it."
Junsu nods. "Yeah. But I don’t think I’ll ever tell Junho."
"Hey, you guys want to go to a movie?" Yoochun asks.
Junsu meets Jaejoong's eyes and Jaejoong says, "No. You guys go. We're going to hang out for a little while."
"Which means you're going to fuck," Changmin offers with a grin.
"And that shows that you don't know what kind of movies Yoochun prefers watching," Jaejoong says.
"What kinds?" Changmin asks, though his smirk says he can figure it out on his own.
"Low on plot, heavy on skin."
Changmin grins at Yoochun. "Sounds good. I happen to have a few of those at my house. Want to come over and watch them?"
Yoochun laughs. "Sure."
"Wear a rubber," Jaejoong says.
"I will," they both say and then look at each other.
"We're going to have to talk about this," Yoochun says.
Changmin scoffs. “There’s nothing to talk about. You’re bottoming.”
“Yeah. I don’t think so.”
Jaejoong and Junsu laugh. Yoochun flips them off and leads Changmin away as they discuss the pros and cons of using rock paper scissors to decide who bottoms.
"Should we follow their example?" Jaejoong asks.
Junsu smiles. "I thought I was topping."
Jaejoong laughs. "Damn right. Let's go."
They stand up and gather their backpacks and jackets. They walk in silence and share another cigarette. Junsu smiles to himself. He didn't think he'd be getting laid any time soon. Not in Korea. Tegoshi kept him up for hours the night before he left so he'd get enough sex to last him for a few weeks.
"What are you smiling for?" Jaejoong asks.
Junsu meets his eyes and then gestures toward his erection.
Jaejoong laughs, throws his arm around Junsu’s shoulders and says, “We better go take care of that.”
----------------
Tegoshi and Ryo for anyone that doesn't know who they are. Tegoshi is the slut on the right :)
Part 2:
Escaping .