My Heart is Made of Metal
Title: My Heart is Made of Metal
Pairing: Yunho/Yoochun (implied Yoochun/Junsu/Jaejoong)
Rating: NC-17
Disclaimer: If they were mine, I would make them get back together so I wouldn't have inspiration to write lawsuit fics. DAMN IT!
Summary: Yunho's been holding in his confession for Yoochun for too long. But when he finally gets the guts to meet with the love of his life, things don't turn out the way he thought.
A/N: WARNING ANGSTY LAWSUIT FIC!!!
I wanted to write a fic for Yunho's bday, instead I came out with this, so I'm going to write another one that's happier.
Yunho liked to think he was courageous. That he could face his fears and face tribulations with a strong face. He felt he'd done a great job since the lawsuit. Acting, Musical, coming back as TVXQ times 2 instead of 5. None of those were nearly as hard as sending a text to Yoochun, asking him to please meet.
Yoochun said he'd be at the park by his apartment. Yunho knew which one. They used to take their dogs out to play there. He saw a dark shape of a person on a park bench and made his way there. Yoochun was in jeans and a t-shirt and flip flops. His hair fell in his eyes.
"Yunnie baby!" Yoochun practically shouted in English.
"You're drunk," Yunho said with a sigh.
"I told you I was at a club, of course I'm drunk. You're stupid."
"I know."
"And you're a chump."
"And you're a depressed alcoholic. Shut the fuck up, I did not ask to meet with you to fight with you."
Yoochun lit a cigarette. The flame of his lighter burned bright against the paleness of his skin. The end smoldered in red-orange. Gray plumes trickled from Yoochun's nose. The light went out.
After a minute of silence, Yoochun demanded. "Well?"
But Yunho had lost his train of thought. Just being with Yoochun again was more than he'd ever hoped for. "I ... I thought I knew what to say. I miss you guys, a lot. So does Changmin. It feels weird to stand on stage without you."
"JYJ. I was supposed to be in the middle, but do you know why we put Jaejoong in the middle when we're onstage?"
Yunho shook his head.
"Because in rehearsals, he kept looking to his left, looking for the two people who stand next to him. Or stood next to him. He broke down and fucking cried the first time he went to look for Changmin and Changmin wasn't there. So don't just say that it's weird without us, because for us, it's heartbreaking without you."
"You're the ones who ..." Yunho forcefully stopped himself and took a deep breath. "Damn it. I did not come here to fight with you."
"Yeah, I get it. You don't have the balls to face Jaejoong, so I'm here."
"No. You don't get it. It's not Jaejoong I want to see."
Yoochun took another drag off his cigarette, waiting.
"Can I sit?" Yunho asked, gesturing to the spot next to Yoochun on the park bench.
Yoochun snorted, but slid over. Yunho sat next to him, hands between his legs, slightly bent over. The smell of soju wafted off Yoochun, but Yoochun was a heavy drinker. Yunho knew it'd take more to make him incoherent.
Yunho couldn't look at him. He never thought he'd be able to sit next to Yoochun like this again. Like this ... that made it sound like the chasm between them was normal. But Yunho usually sat in Yoochun's lap, or with his legs over Yoochun's lap, or leaning against him with Yoochun's arm around his shoulders.
The next plume of cigarette smoke hit him in the face.
Silently, he reached out his hand. Yoochun gave him the cigarette. Yunho took a deep drag and handed it back. He held the smoke in his lungs for a long moment, and then let it trickle from his mouth and nose.
"Is this some sort of fucked up confession?" Yoochun asked.
Yunho squirmed and felt his cheeks heat up. He was thankful for the darkness around him to hide it.
"Jaejoong and I had a bet going on when you'd finally admit it."
Yunho looked over at him.
Yoochun smirked. "What? Jaejoong isn't stupid. You messed around with him on stage because of the fans. But alone, you came to me more than him. Even if it was just to brush shoulders or cuddle together after a long day."
After another drag on the cigarette, Yoochun gave it back to Yunho. He stared at the burning ember for a moment and then pressed it to the back of his hand.
"God, are you stupid?" Yoochun said, knocking it away. The ends sparked on the sidewalk.
Yunho could not see where his hand was burned. It stung. "It's easier to feel."
"That's what alcohol is for. So you don't feel."
"I don't feel." Yunho looked up at him. "I want to. I need to."
Yoochun snorted. And then he dropped to his knees, shuffling to Yunho. With a firm grip, he spread Yunho's legs and kneeled between them. Yunho stared down at him, eyes wide with shock. He couldn't move until Yoochun unbuttoned his jeans.
"Chun-nie!" Yunho said, catching his wrists.
Yoochun yanked his hands free. "You want to feel, then let me make you feel. This is a good method, it works for us." He lowered Yunho's zipper.
Yunho hissed when his ice-cold hand grabbed his cock, stroking him until he was erect.
"Junsu's throat is the best place to feel. He's a little slut for us, you know. He likes being between us, and begging for more. Some nights we leave him so gaped open from both of our cocks, come leaking from him. It's a beautiful sight. And sometimes his ass is so red because he needs to be whipped when he calls me Changmin. That's how he feels, how he copes."
Yunho tilted his head back. Tried to focus on Yoochun's words while his hand stroked his cock. His tongue was wet, his lips cold, mouth warm and then different sensations pulled a ragged moan from Yunho's throat.
"He doesn't like it. We know he doesn't like it, but we take him anyway because he loves us too much to say no."
Yoochun's throat tightened around Yunho and he panted, hips thrusting up. This. This wasn't right. It wasn't ... wasn't what he wanted, but ... If he kept his eyes shut, then he wouldn't think about the man he loved more than anything being with Jaejoong or Junsu. It was just them, only them.
"Is this what you wanted, hyung?"
Yoochun climbed into his lap and Yunho's eyes flew open. Yoochun was naked. His clothes a pile on the ground.
"Y-Yoo-" Yunho broke off with a moan as Yoochun grabbed his cock. His arms, unconsciously went around his waist and he whimpered, as pleasure shot through him. Yoochun hummed in amusement, and then Yunho gasped as everything tightened, and he slipped into Yoochun's body, hips jerking up.
Yoochun cut his noise off in the back of his throat. Yunho could see him barely, this close, lower lip between his teeth, eyes shut as he settled on Yunho's lap. It was too dry, probably hurt Yoochun so much, and then Yoochun moved. He gripped the back of the bench and used it as leverage to raise himself up. Yunho whined as his cock almost slipped out and then Yoochun sat, fast hard, pulling a startled cry from both of them.
"Is this what you wanted, hyung?" Yoochun asked again, and Yunho didn't need to open his eyes to know Yoochun was crying.
Yunho shook his head. "No, I ... I want ... " He broke off with a sob as his body spasmed, orgasm rushing through him. He came hard, filling Yoochun up.
Yoochun laughed, high and manical. Before Yunho could come down from the high, mind fuzzy, eyes shut, Yoochun climbed off him. Yunho had no idea if Yoochun had even been hard, let alone orgasmed. Lips wrapped around his cock, tongue licking him clean. He shivered and then Yoochun was gone.
His eyes flew open only to see Yoochun's pale skin walking away from him. Naked.
"Chunnie!" Yunho shouted.
"Fuck off, hyung."
"You're naked."
"Well spotted."
Yunho stood up and rushed over to him. "Put ... put your clothes on."
Yoochun smirked. "Why? Fuck. I forgot my cigarettes." He turned back around. He bent over, and even in the low light, Yunho could see come dripping down his thighs.
Yunho moved in behind him, hands on his cold skin. "It's cold out here, Yoochun," he whispered. "Please ... put some clothes on."
"If we weren't outside ..."
"Then we could curl up in bed together and I would warm you up, but--"
"Yeah, but ..."
Yoochun used his t-shirt to clean himself up. He left it on the sidewalk. He slipped on his jeans, and threw his jacket over his shoulders, zipping it up half way.
"Be a good hyung and buy me some coffee," Yoochun demanded.
Yunho swallowed as he nodded. "O-okay."
They shared another cigarette as they walked through the city. A few people on the street threw amazed looks at them, some had cameras. Yunho was going to be in so much trouble in the morning.
They stopped at a kiosk and Yunho bought Yoochun a dark, black coffee. The owner asked for his autograph.
Yunho signed a piece of paper he was given. "Do you want his too?" Yunho asked, gesturing to Yoochun.
The man shook his head. "He's not Dong Bang Shin Ki. You're Dong Bang Shin Ki."
Yunho was stunned. How-how could ... he took the paper he'd signed and ripped it up.
Yoochun laughed. "Don't be mad, Yunho. It happens all the time."
Yunho glared at the man one more time and then turned away.
Yoochun went by him and handed the man a few thousand won. "Thank you, ah-bo-jee. Your coffee is amazing."
Yoochun bowed. Yunho huffed, and then followed Yoochun away. He walked next to him, calm casual, almost like he hadn't been naked and riding Yunho's cock ten minutes ago.
"Yoochun, I ..."
"Don't, Yunho." Yoochun stopped and hailed a cab. He opened the door and said, "Maybe in a year or two."
He climbed in the cab, leaving Yunho stunned on the sidewalk.
Everything about the night sickened him. He ... that wasn't how it was supposed to turn out. DBSK divided wasn't supposed to be how it turned out either. He felt bile rise up in his throat and he turned, just making it to a trashcan next to a building before throwing up. He leaned on the wall, gasping, saliva dripping, mixing with uncontrolable tears.
His phone vibrated, and with shaking hands he took it out.
unknown- I love you, hyung. Don't ever think I don't.
Yunho thought of replying, blocked the number instead and pushed away from the wall. He started walking. A cool spring wind whipped through the streets. He shoved his hand in his pockets, startled when they hit metal.
It was a heart, about the size of his palm. It sat heavily in his hand. In the middle was simply "2U", the metal of the letters colored-red. He flipped it over. In marker was the message: "I will always believe" and then a girl's name, probably the fan that made it.
Tears falling, fingers clenching the metal heart, he walked back to the dorms.
.
Pairing: Yunho/Yoochun (implied Yoochun/Junsu/Jaejoong)
Rating: NC-17
Disclaimer: If they were mine, I would make them get back together so I wouldn't have inspiration to write lawsuit fics. DAMN IT!
Summary: Yunho's been holding in his confession for Yoochun for too long. But when he finally gets the guts to meet with the love of his life, things don't turn out the way he thought.
A/N: WARNING ANGSTY LAWSUIT FIC!!!
I wanted to write a fic for Yunho's bday, instead I came out with this, so I'm going to write another one that's happier.
Yunho liked to think he was courageous. That he could face his fears and face tribulations with a strong face. He felt he'd done a great job since the lawsuit. Acting, Musical, coming back as TVXQ times 2 instead of 5. None of those were nearly as hard as sending a text to Yoochun, asking him to please meet.
Yoochun said he'd be at the park by his apartment. Yunho knew which one. They used to take their dogs out to play there. He saw a dark shape of a person on a park bench and made his way there. Yoochun was in jeans and a t-shirt and flip flops. His hair fell in his eyes.
"Yunnie baby!" Yoochun practically shouted in English.
"You're drunk," Yunho said with a sigh.
"I told you I was at a club, of course I'm drunk. You're stupid."
"I know."
"And you're a chump."
"And you're a depressed alcoholic. Shut the fuck up, I did not ask to meet with you to fight with you."
Yoochun lit a cigarette. The flame of his lighter burned bright against the paleness of his skin. The end smoldered in red-orange. Gray plumes trickled from Yoochun's nose. The light went out.
After a minute of silence, Yoochun demanded. "Well?"
But Yunho had lost his train of thought. Just being with Yoochun again was more than he'd ever hoped for. "I ... I thought I knew what to say. I miss you guys, a lot. So does Changmin. It feels weird to stand on stage without you."
"JYJ. I was supposed to be in the middle, but do you know why we put Jaejoong in the middle when we're onstage?"
Yunho shook his head.
"Because in rehearsals, he kept looking to his left, looking for the two people who stand next to him. Or stood next to him. He broke down and fucking cried the first time he went to look for Changmin and Changmin wasn't there. So don't just say that it's weird without us, because for us, it's heartbreaking without you."
"You're the ones who ..." Yunho forcefully stopped himself and took a deep breath. "Damn it. I did not come here to fight with you."
"Yeah, I get it. You don't have the balls to face Jaejoong, so I'm here."
"No. You don't get it. It's not Jaejoong I want to see."
Yoochun took another drag off his cigarette, waiting.
"Can I sit?" Yunho asked, gesturing to the spot next to Yoochun on the park bench.
Yoochun snorted, but slid over. Yunho sat next to him, hands between his legs, slightly bent over. The smell of soju wafted off Yoochun, but Yoochun was a heavy drinker. Yunho knew it'd take more to make him incoherent.
Yunho couldn't look at him. He never thought he'd be able to sit next to Yoochun like this again. Like this ... that made it sound like the chasm between them was normal. But Yunho usually sat in Yoochun's lap, or with his legs over Yoochun's lap, or leaning against him with Yoochun's arm around his shoulders.
The next plume of cigarette smoke hit him in the face.
Silently, he reached out his hand. Yoochun gave him the cigarette. Yunho took a deep drag and handed it back. He held the smoke in his lungs for a long moment, and then let it trickle from his mouth and nose.
"Is this some sort of fucked up confession?" Yoochun asked.
Yunho squirmed and felt his cheeks heat up. He was thankful for the darkness around him to hide it.
"Jaejoong and I had a bet going on when you'd finally admit it."
Yunho looked over at him.
Yoochun smirked. "What? Jaejoong isn't stupid. You messed around with him on stage because of the fans. But alone, you came to me more than him. Even if it was just to brush shoulders or cuddle together after a long day."
After another drag on the cigarette, Yoochun gave it back to Yunho. He stared at the burning ember for a moment and then pressed it to the back of his hand.
"God, are you stupid?" Yoochun said, knocking it away. The ends sparked on the sidewalk.
Yunho could not see where his hand was burned. It stung. "It's easier to feel."
"That's what alcohol is for. So you don't feel."
"I don't feel." Yunho looked up at him. "I want to. I need to."
Yoochun snorted. And then he dropped to his knees, shuffling to Yunho. With a firm grip, he spread Yunho's legs and kneeled between them. Yunho stared down at him, eyes wide with shock. He couldn't move until Yoochun unbuttoned his jeans.
"Chun-nie!" Yunho said, catching his wrists.
Yoochun yanked his hands free. "You want to feel, then let me make you feel. This is a good method, it works for us." He lowered Yunho's zipper.
Yunho hissed when his ice-cold hand grabbed his cock, stroking him until he was erect.
"Junsu's throat is the best place to feel. He's a little slut for us, you know. He likes being between us, and begging for more. Some nights we leave him so gaped open from both of our cocks, come leaking from him. It's a beautiful sight. And sometimes his ass is so red because he needs to be whipped when he calls me Changmin. That's how he feels, how he copes."
Yunho tilted his head back. Tried to focus on Yoochun's words while his hand stroked his cock. His tongue was wet, his lips cold, mouth warm and then different sensations pulled a ragged moan from Yunho's throat.
"He doesn't like it. We know he doesn't like it, but we take him anyway because he loves us too much to say no."
Yoochun's throat tightened around Yunho and he panted, hips thrusting up. This. This wasn't right. It wasn't ... wasn't what he wanted, but ... If he kept his eyes shut, then he wouldn't think about the man he loved more than anything being with Jaejoong or Junsu. It was just them, only them.
"Is this what you wanted, hyung?"
Yoochun climbed into his lap and Yunho's eyes flew open. Yoochun was naked. His clothes a pile on the ground.
"Y-Yoo-" Yunho broke off with a moan as Yoochun grabbed his cock. His arms, unconsciously went around his waist and he whimpered, as pleasure shot through him. Yoochun hummed in amusement, and then Yunho gasped as everything tightened, and he slipped into Yoochun's body, hips jerking up.
Yoochun cut his noise off in the back of his throat. Yunho could see him barely, this close, lower lip between his teeth, eyes shut as he settled on Yunho's lap. It was too dry, probably hurt Yoochun so much, and then Yoochun moved. He gripped the back of the bench and used it as leverage to raise himself up. Yunho whined as his cock almost slipped out and then Yoochun sat, fast hard, pulling a startled cry from both of them.
"Is this what you wanted, hyung?" Yoochun asked again, and Yunho didn't need to open his eyes to know Yoochun was crying.
Yunho shook his head. "No, I ... I want ... " He broke off with a sob as his body spasmed, orgasm rushing through him. He came hard, filling Yoochun up.
Yoochun laughed, high and manical. Before Yunho could come down from the high, mind fuzzy, eyes shut, Yoochun climbed off him. Yunho had no idea if Yoochun had even been hard, let alone orgasmed. Lips wrapped around his cock, tongue licking him clean. He shivered and then Yoochun was gone.
His eyes flew open only to see Yoochun's pale skin walking away from him. Naked.
"Chunnie!" Yunho shouted.
"Fuck off, hyung."
"You're naked."
"Well spotted."
Yunho stood up and rushed over to him. "Put ... put your clothes on."
Yoochun smirked. "Why? Fuck. I forgot my cigarettes." He turned back around. He bent over, and even in the low light, Yunho could see come dripping down his thighs.
Yunho moved in behind him, hands on his cold skin. "It's cold out here, Yoochun," he whispered. "Please ... put some clothes on."
"If we weren't outside ..."
"Then we could curl up in bed together and I would warm you up, but--"
"Yeah, but ..."
Yoochun used his t-shirt to clean himself up. He left it on the sidewalk. He slipped on his jeans, and threw his jacket over his shoulders, zipping it up half way.
"Be a good hyung and buy me some coffee," Yoochun demanded.
Yunho swallowed as he nodded. "O-okay."
They shared another cigarette as they walked through the city. A few people on the street threw amazed looks at them, some had cameras. Yunho was going to be in so much trouble in the morning.
They stopped at a kiosk and Yunho bought Yoochun a dark, black coffee. The owner asked for his autograph.
Yunho signed a piece of paper he was given. "Do you want his too?" Yunho asked, gesturing to Yoochun.
The man shook his head. "He's not Dong Bang Shin Ki. You're Dong Bang Shin Ki."
Yunho was stunned. How-how could ... he took the paper he'd signed and ripped it up.
Yoochun laughed. "Don't be mad, Yunho. It happens all the time."
Yunho glared at the man one more time and then turned away.
Yoochun went by him and handed the man a few thousand won. "Thank you, ah-bo-jee. Your coffee is amazing."
Yoochun bowed. Yunho huffed, and then followed Yoochun away. He walked next to him, calm casual, almost like he hadn't been naked and riding Yunho's cock ten minutes ago.
"Yoochun, I ..."
"Don't, Yunho." Yoochun stopped and hailed a cab. He opened the door and said, "Maybe in a year or two."
He climbed in the cab, leaving Yunho stunned on the sidewalk.
Everything about the night sickened him. He ... that wasn't how it was supposed to turn out. DBSK divided wasn't supposed to be how it turned out either. He felt bile rise up in his throat and he turned, just making it to a trashcan next to a building before throwing up. He leaned on the wall, gasping, saliva dripping, mixing with uncontrolable tears.
His phone vibrated, and with shaking hands he took it out.
unknown- I love you, hyung. Don't ever think I don't.
Yunho thought of replying, blocked the number instead and pushed away from the wall. He started walking. A cool spring wind whipped through the streets. He shoved his hand in his pockets, startled when they hit metal.
It was a heart, about the size of his palm. It sat heavily in his hand. In the middle was simply "2U", the metal of the letters colored-red. He flipped it over. In marker was the message: "I will always believe" and then a girl's name, probably the fan that made it.
Tears falling, fingers clenching the metal heart, he walked back to the dorms.
.