Blame
Title: Blame
Pairing: Yunho/Changmin
Rating: R (mentions of rape, alludes to sex)
Disclaimer: Not mine to do more than take out my frustrations on in fic form.
Summary: It's no one's fault. Definitely not Yunho's. Changmin understands.
A/N: don't ask me where this came from. I've been pissed off the last couple days and well ... take it out on the boys. It's easier that way.
Russian Translation by daisukedd Click Here
It was rape, plain and simple, but Changmin couldn't blame him. The first time Yunho had taken him, they'd been in Japan, in their own dressing room, right next to the others' dressing room. Two and three. No longer five.
Yunho had forced him over a couch, forced his pants down, and Changmin really couldn't stop him without causing a scene. It hurt, but he knew Yunho needed it.
Changmin was more than happy when he had to go back to Jeju Island to finish filming.
And then they were both busy, not enough time, no time together. Only two. No longer five.
And Changmin did not want to be taken advantage of again. He exercised, kick boxing, running. Anything to bulk up, so just in case Yunho needed him again, it would be on Changmin's terms, not Yunho's.
He didn't blame his hyung. Yunho was falling apart.
They met in recording studios, dance studios, meeting rooms discussing the future of Dong Bang Shin Ki. Or at least they listened to the management discuss the future of Dong Bang Shin Ki.
They rarely talked without fighting, and Changmin knew it was because Yunho blamed himself, even though Changmin had no one to blame and Changmin didn't know how to deal with Yunho. Jaejoong dealt with Yunho.
One fight led them to the hallway with Changmin pinned to the wall, and Changmin couldn't remember what the fight was about. Probably the dishes, or Yunho's clothes all over the place, but they'd physically fought until Yunho had slammed him up against the wall.
Changmin let him, because Changmin knew he needed it.
And then Yunho's eyes went wide and he shoved himself away, into the other wall.
Changmin sighed, whispered an apology that he didn't have to give and then went to his room. They didn't share a room. There were too many empty rooms with only two and no longer five.
Their comeback was a mess. Not on stage, because they were always perfect on stage, but after, in the dressing room, with Yunho's emotions on high and his body pumping with energy. And everything else. They'd fought so much that they were only on speaking terms in front of the camera. But you don't need to talk to fuck, and Changmin found himself bent over the back of a couch again. It'd been over a year, and it hurt just as much as the last time, but this time it wasn't rape, and it was different because Changmin got off, too. Twice.
After their first Inkigayo win, Changmin stared at the darkness of his ceiling. He didn't sleep, and when he stumbled out of his room at four in the morning and found Yunho in the kitchen staring into a cup of coffee, he knew that Yunho hadn't slept either.
Changmin lit a cigarette and went to the enclosed balcony. He smoked five before sighing and going back to the kitchen. Yunho hadn't moved.
After their second Inkigayo win, Yunho fucked him on his back, and Changmin had to shut his eyes at the desperate and empty look in Yunho's face. Business as usual.
Changmin wondered for a long time if Yunho had ever fucked Jaejoong, or if YooJaeSu were fucking each other. He didn't really want to find out the answer to either of those questions.
After their third Inkigayo win, Changmin's heart was about ready to snap. He loved Yunho. How could he not when Yunho worried so much about him growing up when Yunho hadn't even been grown up? They shared too much to not love each other.
The dark ceiling mocked him, and Changmin sighed as he stood up. He only slept these days when his body made him. He missed crawling into Jaejoong's bed at night. He wondered if Yunho missed crawling into Jaejoong's bed at night, too.
He slipped out of bed, wood floor cold on his bare feet. He shuffled down to Yunho's room, and then looked down the hall towards the kitchen or living room. Yunho probably wasn't even in bed. He was probably sitting alone in the dark; he slept less than Changmin did. Still, Changmin pushed the door open, and listened for breathing in the dark. He held his breath until his eyes adjusted and he saw a lump of something in bed. It rose, steady and Changmin thought it odd that Yunho would sleep this night of all nights when his own heart couldn't take it anymore.
They were both so stubborn. Though Changmin liked to think that Yunho was more stubborn.
He moved through the room, to the side of Yunho's bed and lifted the covers. Yunho didn't move, didn't change position, did nothing as Changmin sat down. He put a hand on Yunho's strong shoulder, and Yunho tensed. So he wasn't asleep. Changmin smiled. That made him feel a little better. A little vindictive.
He laid down, curled on his side and cuddled up to Yunho's back, arm around Yunho's bare stomach.
"Some days I hate you so much," Changmin said, letting his lips trail over Yunho's skin.
He felt Yunho nod.
"But most days you're just the easiest thing to blame."
"I'm sorry, Minnie-ah."
"Me, too."
Yunho turned over, Changmin didn't really want him to, but Yunho was strong. His large hands brushed over Changmin's cheeks.
"Forgive me, dongsaeng?"
"For what?"
"I don't know."
"I forgive you for being stressed out, and I forgive you for that day in Japan. I do not forgive you for leaving your clothes all over the place or for leaving half empty bottles of water on my desk. And stop calling me your wife, you bastard."
He felt more than saw Yunho smile. And Changmin made a hasty decision. Their lips met in a hungry kiss that didn't end until dawn creeped into their windows.
.
Pairing: Yunho/Changmin
Rating: R (mentions of rape, alludes to sex)
Disclaimer: Not mine to do more than take out my frustrations on in fic form.
Summary: It's no one's fault. Definitely not Yunho's. Changmin understands.
A/N: don't ask me where this came from. I've been pissed off the last couple days and well ... take it out on the boys. It's easier that way.
Russian Translation by daisukedd Click Here
It was rape, plain and simple, but Changmin couldn't blame him. The first time Yunho had taken him, they'd been in Japan, in their own dressing room, right next to the others' dressing room. Two and three. No longer five.
Yunho had forced him over a couch, forced his pants down, and Changmin really couldn't stop him without causing a scene. It hurt, but he knew Yunho needed it.
Changmin was more than happy when he had to go back to Jeju Island to finish filming.
And then they were both busy, not enough time, no time together. Only two. No longer five.
And Changmin did not want to be taken advantage of again. He exercised, kick boxing, running. Anything to bulk up, so just in case Yunho needed him again, it would be on Changmin's terms, not Yunho's.
He didn't blame his hyung. Yunho was falling apart.
They met in recording studios, dance studios, meeting rooms discussing the future of Dong Bang Shin Ki. Or at least they listened to the management discuss the future of Dong Bang Shin Ki.
They rarely talked without fighting, and Changmin knew it was because Yunho blamed himself, even though Changmin had no one to blame and Changmin didn't know how to deal with Yunho. Jaejoong dealt with Yunho.
One fight led them to the hallway with Changmin pinned to the wall, and Changmin couldn't remember what the fight was about. Probably the dishes, or Yunho's clothes all over the place, but they'd physically fought until Yunho had slammed him up against the wall.
Changmin let him, because Changmin knew he needed it.
And then Yunho's eyes went wide and he shoved himself away, into the other wall.
Changmin sighed, whispered an apology that he didn't have to give and then went to his room. They didn't share a room. There were too many empty rooms with only two and no longer five.
Their comeback was a mess. Not on stage, because they were always perfect on stage, but after, in the dressing room, with Yunho's emotions on high and his body pumping with energy. And everything else. They'd fought so much that they were only on speaking terms in front of the camera. But you don't need to talk to fuck, and Changmin found himself bent over the back of a couch again. It'd been over a year, and it hurt just as much as the last time, but this time it wasn't rape, and it was different because Changmin got off, too. Twice.
After their first Inkigayo win, Changmin stared at the darkness of his ceiling. He didn't sleep, and when he stumbled out of his room at four in the morning and found Yunho in the kitchen staring into a cup of coffee, he knew that Yunho hadn't slept either.
Changmin lit a cigarette and went to the enclosed balcony. He smoked five before sighing and going back to the kitchen. Yunho hadn't moved.
After their second Inkigayo win, Yunho fucked him on his back, and Changmin had to shut his eyes at the desperate and empty look in Yunho's face. Business as usual.
Changmin wondered for a long time if Yunho had ever fucked Jaejoong, or if YooJaeSu were fucking each other. He didn't really want to find out the answer to either of those questions.
After their third Inkigayo win, Changmin's heart was about ready to snap. He loved Yunho. How could he not when Yunho worried so much about him growing up when Yunho hadn't even been grown up? They shared too much to not love each other.
The dark ceiling mocked him, and Changmin sighed as he stood up. He only slept these days when his body made him. He missed crawling into Jaejoong's bed at night. He wondered if Yunho missed crawling into Jaejoong's bed at night, too.
He slipped out of bed, wood floor cold on his bare feet. He shuffled down to Yunho's room, and then looked down the hall towards the kitchen or living room. Yunho probably wasn't even in bed. He was probably sitting alone in the dark; he slept less than Changmin did. Still, Changmin pushed the door open, and listened for breathing in the dark. He held his breath until his eyes adjusted and he saw a lump of something in bed. It rose, steady and Changmin thought it odd that Yunho would sleep this night of all nights when his own heart couldn't take it anymore.
They were both so stubborn. Though Changmin liked to think that Yunho was more stubborn.
He moved through the room, to the side of Yunho's bed and lifted the covers. Yunho didn't move, didn't change position, did nothing as Changmin sat down. He put a hand on Yunho's strong shoulder, and Yunho tensed. So he wasn't asleep. Changmin smiled. That made him feel a little better. A little vindictive.
He laid down, curled on his side and cuddled up to Yunho's back, arm around Yunho's bare stomach.
"Some days I hate you so much," Changmin said, letting his lips trail over Yunho's skin.
He felt Yunho nod.
"But most days you're just the easiest thing to blame."
"I'm sorry, Minnie-ah."
"Me, too."
Yunho turned over, Changmin didn't really want him to, but Yunho was strong. His large hands brushed over Changmin's cheeks.
"Forgive me, dongsaeng?"
"For what?"
"I don't know."
"I forgive you for being stressed out, and I forgive you for that day in Japan. I do not forgive you for leaving your clothes all over the place or for leaving half empty bottles of water on my desk. And stop calling me your wife, you bastard."
He felt more than saw Yunho smile. And Changmin made a hasty decision. Their lips met in a hungry kiss that didn't end until dawn creeped into their windows.
.