(no subject)
So i had a really good birthday this year. i didnt cry or anything haha. But you know i only realized today that i got no cake.
Whats up with that? haha. And what else is up with Gabby telling me she knows something i don't, about some gift, i've
yet to get. Speaking of gifts Josh keeps telling me he's got something for me, but i highly doubt it. Why is telling me you do, if you don't
necessary? He really is ridiculous. IT doesnt matter, cause i got everythang i wanted! hehehe
But in the past...two weeks i would say.. things, internally have been looking up. Really.
I mean, not my grades so much...and damn i hate myself for letting them slip up sometimes,
but other things like my friendships, and the amount of volunteering i've been doing, and
the things we're planning in SGA, and Club Unique, have been keeping me motivated.
SO motivated.
But would you believe i got 25 dollars stolen from me today?
People just have so much character.
But yes, so seeing as Joshs steady role in my life is wearing away thinner, and thinner,
I've been able to look at things from a viewpoint that comes more from my mind than my heart.
He started this Melika thing off, as a game, as revenge to me, and he went from playing games to pitying her i suppose.
Who knows, honestly, I really am allllmost on point with completely not giving a damn. And i'm aware of this, because
there have been signs. lol, signs i've seen through my own actions hahaha.
Honestly though i'm a friend to him first, and i've always been willing to be that only,
i just dont understand why he wont let us...well me, go? He clearly doesnt care enough.
Why does he talk all that talk about "us", when i've tried to walk away from that. It really isnt fair.
To me or his supposed girlfriend. Who he still cares about although she had sex with some guy in a relationship? hahahaha!
hhmm, thinking about it, its almost quite noble of him to keep her around. cause thats some grimey shit.
but everyones a criminal if you ask me, because he does talk shit about her, like not just denying her shit,
like he's said some rude things about her. And i definitely don't appreciate shit like that, even though i don't like her,
i mean it is his fault he was the one who began to lead her on first.
hmmmm
SPEAKING of grimey. ..is that how you spell it? hah
ANYWAYS, it weighs down on my conscience, SO much that no one ever tells Tricia the truth.
How she is kept in the dark by her friends, and yet i know so many things about Cori, that i've got to hide.
I feel...so...guilty. Like i'm the one hiding something from her. Its so frustrating to make sure i can't slip up in conversations
about something i'm "keeping a secret" that she should know about already. It isnt fair to her, and i feel really bad.
And Kayleighs got this new more assertive attitude now. hmm, i think i can dig it too. Because shes been more upfront
with me abuot how she feels about things we go through; and more than anything, i appreciate honesty.
Whats up with that? haha. And what else is up with Gabby telling me she knows something i don't, about some gift, i've
yet to get. Speaking of gifts Josh keeps telling me he's got something for me, but i highly doubt it. Why is telling me you do, if you don't
necessary? He really is ridiculous. IT doesnt matter, cause i got everythang i wanted! hehehe
But in the past...two weeks i would say.. things, internally have been looking up. Really.
I mean, not my grades so much...and damn i hate myself for letting them slip up sometimes,
but other things like my friendships, and the amount of volunteering i've been doing, and
the things we're planning in SGA, and Club Unique, have been keeping me motivated.
SO motivated.
But would you believe i got 25 dollars stolen from me today?
People just have so much character.
But yes, so seeing as Joshs steady role in my life is wearing away thinner, and thinner,
I've been able to look at things from a viewpoint that comes more from my mind than my heart.
He started this Melika thing off, as a game, as revenge to me, and he went from playing games to pitying her i suppose.
Who knows, honestly, I really am allllmost on point with completely not giving a damn. And i'm aware of this, because
there have been signs. lol, signs i've seen through my own actions hahaha.
Honestly though i'm a friend to him first, and i've always been willing to be that only,
i just dont understand why he wont let us...well me, go? He clearly doesnt care enough.
Why does he talk all that talk about "us", when i've tried to walk away from that. It really isnt fair.
To me or his supposed girlfriend. Who he still cares about although she had sex with some guy in a relationship? hahahaha!
hhmm, thinking about it, its almost quite noble of him to keep her around. cause thats some grimey shit.
but everyones a criminal if you ask me, because he does talk shit about her, like not just denying her shit,
like he's said some rude things about her. And i definitely don't appreciate shit like that, even though i don't like her,
i mean it is his fault he was the one who began to lead her on first.
hmmmm
SPEAKING of grimey. ..is that how you spell it? hah
ANYWAYS, it weighs down on my conscience, SO much that no one ever tells Tricia the truth.
How she is kept in the dark by her friends, and yet i know so many things about Cori, that i've got to hide.
I feel...so...guilty. Like i'm the one hiding something from her. Its so frustrating to make sure i can't slip up in conversations
about something i'm "keeping a secret" that she should know about already. It isnt fair to her, and i feel really bad.
And Kayleighs got this new more assertive attitude now. hmm, i think i can dig it too. Because shes been more upfront
with me abuot how she feels about things we go through; and more than anything, i appreciate honesty.