RE: FILL fic: I Could Walk Out (PG-13) (2/2)cybermathwitchSeptember 6 2015, 19:45:00 UTC
A foot jostled mine under the table and I looked up.
"SHIELD's over. That's done. You wanna talk about debts and ledgers? You've saved the world, saved billions of people. You took down Hydra. God knows how many lives that saved. Millions. They owe you their lives two times over. You wanna talk about debt, Natasha? They. Owe. You.
"And yeah, all our dirty laundry's out there for everybody to see. Yours and mine both. Someday, they're gonna go searching and I'm gonna have to look my kids in the eye and explain what I did and why I did it. They'll look for you, too, whether you're here or not. Only difference is, you walk out that door? You won't be here to explain it to them."
Like on a rooftop in Minsk over a decade ago, I look in his eyes and I know that he believes it. Clint's never been able to lie to me. I've never let him. In return, I don't know that I've ever lied to him, and that's a sudden realization that makes my stomach twist like I'm in freefall.
The only true things in my life, that have ever been true in my life, are in this room and this house.
They are an arrow punching through my skin, and chicken frying on the stove, they are sundresses and sun porches and midnight feedings and skinned knees. Truth is being sewn up in a cheap hotel room in Bangkok without any anaesthesia and the cheap vodka to take the sting away, it's being pressed between the wall and my partner's body after taking a hit in a firefight, and being pressed between Clint and Laura in the shower under much more pleasant circumstances.
Lightning flashes outside the window, drawing my eyes back to the door. It's heat lightning. There probably won't be a storm until much later tonight, and I know I could get to the bus station well before it hits.
Laura will be back soon, she's always had impeccable timing. I have maybe another ten minutes before she walks back through the door, and in some ways that's as good as barring the gate. I don't look too closely at why that is, since I'm on a truth kick tonight and I might have a limit to how much I can handle at once.
I could walk out.
There door is less than five feet away from me, and it would be easy to just open it and leave.
RE: FILL fic: I Could Walk Out (PG-13) (2/2)cybermathwitchSeptember 6 2015, 21:22:42 UTC
Hooray! I actually didn't have a chance to look the song up at all, and have never heard it, so I'm super thrilled about that! I was just riffing off the line. :D And you're very welcome.
"SHIELD's over. That's done. You wanna talk about debts and ledgers? You've saved the world, saved billions of people. You took down Hydra. God knows how many lives that saved. Millions. They owe you their lives two times over. You wanna talk about debt, Natasha? They. Owe. You.
"And yeah, all our dirty laundry's out there for everybody to see. Yours and mine both. Someday, they're gonna go searching and I'm gonna have to look my kids in the eye and explain what I did and why I did it. They'll look for you, too, whether you're here or not. Only difference is, you walk out that door? You won't be here to explain it to them."
Like on a rooftop in Minsk over a decade ago, I look in his eyes and I know that he believes it. Clint's never been able to lie to me. I've never let him. In return, I don't know that I've ever lied to him, and that's a sudden realization that makes my stomach twist like I'm in freefall.
The only true things in my life, that have ever been true in my life, are in this room and this house.
They are an arrow punching through my skin, and chicken frying on the stove, they are sundresses and sun porches and midnight feedings and skinned knees. Truth is being sewn up in a cheap hotel room in Bangkok without any anaesthesia and the cheap vodka to take the sting away, it's being pressed between the wall and my partner's body after taking a hit in a firefight, and being pressed between Clint and Laura in the shower under much more pleasant circumstances.
Lightning flashes outside the window, drawing my eyes back to the door. It's heat lightning. There probably won't be a storm until much later tonight, and I know I could get to the bus station well before it hits.
Laura will be back soon, she's always had impeccable timing. I have maybe another ten minutes before she walks back through the door, and in some ways that's as good as barring the gate. I don't look too closely at why that is, since I'm on a truth kick tonight and I might have a limit to how much I can handle at once.
I could walk out.
There door is less than five feet away from me, and it would be easy to just open it and leave.
But I won't.
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