(Almost) Everyone’s Into It
Most people hear “S&M” and they think of psychopathic sadists, flesh being flayed from bone, emotional abuse, and other such negative things. People tend to think in extremes, but the media has definitely played its part in sensationalizing the dangerous fringes, too. A lot of us in this lifestyle and community are seeking to change that image, like my spectacular friend Clarisse Thorn. I myself sometimes reach out to those not involved in the BDSM lifestyle and try to explain it to them, with varying degrees of success.
One tact I have taken that generally gets people to at least pause and think is to say bluntly, “Almost everyone is into BDSM. You probably are, but you just don’t label it that way.” This usually results in disbelieving/guarded expressions. “Do you like being tied up in bed? Spanked? Do you like rough or aggressive sex? Dirty talk? Ever played out schoolteacher and student with your partner, or something like that? That’s BDSM. It’s not all whips and things.”
I recently told one friend that I was into BDSM, and she had the typical, “I could never do that, but whatever floats your boat,” response. I found this odd, since I had seen her man laid over a bench and flogged several times (this was years before she had ever met him). So I probed a bit more. I found that she had indeed tied him down before, and also that she liked being spanked. “Then You’re into BDSM.” She still seemed dubious.
The next time I saw them, I brought up the flogging incident. Her eyes got wide, and she got pretty excited. I could see pieces of the puzzle falling into place. “Wait, what? So… that time we looked at the whip, you wanted me to use it on you?” she asked him.
He chuckled and responded, “Well yeah, of course.” Her eyes brightened further. Maybe she assumed that because she was a woman, she was expected to be the submissive and/or masochist. Let’s just say that a new door was opened for that couple.
Like all things, there are different types and levels of BDSM. It can be ritualized and deep, or it can be light and playful. It can involve pain, or not. Sometimes it’s hard to get people to move past their preconceived notions and see that, but it is possible. I think that it is the responsibility of those in the lifestyle to educate the rest of the world, even if that’s one person at a time.
Originally published at BDSM Weblog. You can comment here or there.